Disturbing worst case scenario thoughts and nightmares

[Brittany16]

Its been exactly a week since the break up. One week no contact at all. Iv blocked him from everything except phone number.

 

(Also just wanted apologize for all the posts iv recently made. i just want everyone to know that i have read every single response in my previous threads with a fine tooth comb and greatly appreciate all the advice. I just haven't had the heart to respond to anyone directly yet)

 

Im struggling still. I had one day where I felt pretty good. Felt like I was accepting the reality. But today, im Struggling really bad. My mind is taking me to dark places. Im thinking very disturbing thoughts that he's with another girl for the entire weekend. i have zero way of finding out if this is true or not. Having nightmares about him with a specific girl he's friends with and he has been friends with for 9 years. But this thought has become so disturbing to me.. to the point that i had a nightmare last night that he was with this girl and in love. I woke up and puked.

 

God i need help.

 

I think im starting to annoy my friends and family with my ruminating thoughts. No one knows what to say anymore. I don't blame them.

Im trying to keep myself busy. Seeing friends, family , work, sports, journaling, gym, healthy eating... but the sadness is still here 90% of the time. These thoughts are so powerful right now and the nightmares keep coming. I can't stand this anymore. My mind feels like a disease. Everyone says it gets better in time and I know it's true... but im suffering so bad right now i desperately want a break from this misery.

 

I guess I'm just hoping someone has a suggestion, some Advice, or even a similar experience .

 

Thank you

[Wiseman2]

Therapy would help out a great deal to get you through this and unpack all of these feelings. It could give you some guidance how to cope and deal with everything.

[Hollyj]

Why didn't you block his number?

 

I agree. Get therapy.

[mollymcdonald]

I know what you are going through and it's really really hard. I know you feel like a broken record and that you are pestering everyone. It's not the case though. Break ups are so tough and it is on your mind all the time. The only thing that is going to heal you is time and lots of it. I think you should focus on one day at a time. Get up go to work do your thing come home go to bed and repeat. Keep doing that every day. One day you will feel better. There is no quick fix and there is no way to heal this. The thoughts of him being with another girl are agonizing but remember, it's never going to be as bad as you imagine it is in your head. Sending my love to you and hope you feel better soon. x

[boltnrun]

You haven't responded to any of the other threads, but I'll go ahead and ask again anyway...

 

Do you still think he's gay? If you think he's gay why do you imagine him with other girls?

[goddess]

As mollymcdonald stated "Break ups are so tough and it is on your mind all the time." So, I'll give you some info on what I've been through since mid-May. Married 29 years. Reasons that he wanted a divorce are not necessary to rehash now. Just know that my world fell apart. I cried much of my waking time. I barely slept. I couldn't function normally. I lost weight. I felt and looked like sh*t. I went back to my house to pick up some things 11 days after I moved out, and I found evidence that he already had a woman spend the night. How quickly I was replaced! He didn't even have the courtesy to clean up her sh*t before going to work. How do you think I felt? Nothing I could do about it though.

 

At first, I panicked and couldn't imagine how I would get through this agonising time. You cannot keep busy 24/7 so, yes, the breakup is constantly present in your mind. I posted here numerous times, and the posters assured me that, in time, I will get over it. Many, many people have been through this horrible pain and they seem to have gotten over it. I believed them and realised that I am certainly not alone. Keep that in mind, dear OP.

 

Unfortunately, there is no quick remedy. We have to go through a grieving process and that takes time. How you feel is normal - it's because you are a human being with feelings. We all get there; some sooner than others. It's been 6 months for me now with NC, etc. I will say that I am definitely feeling more at peace. Life sucks at times but things could be a lot worse. That's how i was able to process my loss. I thought of people who lost their lives in the California fires, hurricanes, the families of those who lost precious family members. How must those people feel, having lost everything??? Compared to them, I not doing too bad. I feel lucky that I am in good health thus far. I focus on all the good that I have in my life and, for that, I am deeply grateful. This is how I've been coping with the demise of my marriage. What good is it to let these negative feelings dominate your life? It serves no purpose other than destroying you, emotionally and physically. Just accept that a breakup hurts like hell and no one is immune. Good luck, stay strong and know that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know you can do it, girl! Trust us when we say that you will heal, with time.

[Brittany16]

im not sure why I didnt block his number. Guess i just figured that it didnt matter anyways. Not like he will try and contact me.

[mollymcdonald]

" At first, I panicked and couldn't imagine how I would get through this agonising time. You cannot keep busy 24/7 so, yes, the breakup is constantly present in your mind. I posted here numerous times, and the posters assured me that, in time, I will get over it. Many, many people have been through this horrible pain and they seem to have gotten over it. I believed them and realised that I am certainly not alone. Keep that in mind, dear OP."

 

Goddess is right.

 

This is so true.

 

Stay strong Brittany16, You can get through this.

[Capricorn3]

OP, it would really be appreciated (by all), if you would respond to all the questions asked in your threads instead of starting new threads with new questions and scenarios and never get any feedback from you. It really is very unfair to all the members who take the time to help and give advice only to get zero response from you. Thank you.

[boltnrun]

You haven't responded to any of the other threads, but I'll go ahead and ask again anyway...

 

Do you still think he's gay? If you think he's gay why do you imagine him with other girls?

 

Asking again (fourth time).

 

Do you still think he's gay?

[Brittany16]

Asking again (fourth time).

 

Do you still think he's gay?

 

Hello ! Thank you for your question. Im very sorry i didn't respond to other questions. I will respond from now on. Honestly im so lost and confused that every question is running through my head. Im not sure if hes gay. I'm leaning now more towards that he's not . my friends tell me they think he is but I'm thinking they just want to make me feel better.

[Brittany16]

As mollymcdonald stated "Break ups are so tough and it is on your mind all the time." So, I'll give you some info on what I've been through since mid-May. Married 29 years. Reasons that he wanted a divorce are not necessary to rehash now. Just know that my world fell apart. I cried much of my waking time. I barely slept. I couldn't function normally. I lost weight. I felt and looked like sh*t. I went back to my house to pick up some things 11 days after I moved out, and I found evidence that he already had a woman spend the night. How quickly I was replaced! He didn't even have the courtesy to clean up her sh*t before going to work. How do you think I felt? Nothing I could do about it though.

 

At first, I panicked and couldn't imagine how I would get through this agonising time. You cannot keep busy 24/7 so, yes, the breakup is constantly present in your mind. I posted here numerous times, and the posters assured me that, in time, I will get over it. Many, many people have been through this horrible pain and they seem to have gotten over it. I believed them and realised that I am certainly not alone. Keep that in mind, dear OP.

 

Unfortunately, there is no quick remedy. We have to go through a grieving process and that takes time. How you feel is normal - it's because you are a human being with feelings. We all get there; some sooner than others. It's been 6 months for me now with NC, etc. I will say that I am definitely feeling more at peace. Life sucks at times but things could be a lot worse. That's how i was able to process my loss. I thought of people who lost their lives in the California fires, hurricanes, the families of those who lost precious family members. How must those people feel, having lost everything??? Compared to them, I not doing too bad. I feel lucky that I am in good health thus far. I focus on all the good that I have in my life and, for that, I am deeply grateful. This is how I've been coping with the demise of my marriage. What good is it to let these negative feelings dominate your life? It serves no purpose other than destroying you, emotionally and physically. Just accept that a breakup hurts like hell and no one is immune. Good luck, stay strong and know that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know you can do it, girl! Trust us when we say that you will heal, with time.

 

Thank you for your response and your story. It really means a lot to me to hear what other people have gone through. And... I sure as heck hope this feeling starts to get better . sooner than later would be good.

[Wiseman2]

You got in a very unfortunate and nasty show down with him, told him off and dumped him. There is noting confusing about it. You "lost it" and "were so pissed off" that you gave it to him and naturally he never contacted you after that.

 

A guy is not "gay" or somehow defective whenever a dating situation doesn't work out. If this is your friends' idea of "being supportive", you need better friends. Take some time to reflect and perhaps some therapy to help sort things out and get a handle on your anger and raging.

Im not sure if hes gay. I'm leaning now more towards that he's not . my friends tell me they think he is but I'm thinking they just want to make me feel better.

[Brittany16]

You got in a very unfortunate and nasty show down with him, told him off and dumped him. There is noting confusing about it. You "lost it" and "were so pissed off" that you gave it to him and naturally he never contacted you after that.

 

A guy is not "gay" or somehow defective whenever a dating situation doesn't work out. If this is your friends' idea of "being supportive", you need better friends. Take some time to reflect and perhaps some therapy to help sort things out and get a handle on your anger and raging.

 

Hello ! Thank you so much for your response. I totally agree that I got really upset with him our last conversation , said some things I didnt mean but i was so hurt at that time for how he had treated myself and my friends. Im not a bitter person by any means and keep thinking to myself i should apologize to him as he did try and apologize for his behavior that drunken night. Im just so torn up and messed up i don't think i have the strength to talk to him at all right now .

I also agree about the gay thing. He certainly has said a few odd things in bed and in general has a very odd vibe but I'm really not thinking hes gay at this point. If anything I kind of feel like he has used me in some way. His friends are all chauvinistic so im assuming they are all making fun of me right now like they all do about every girl who comes around.

[Wiseman2]

Anyone you get into a consensual dating/sexual relationship with is not "using you". That is another myth like "he must be gay" whenever things don't turn out and there is bitterness and anger... More sour grapes so to speak.

 

You dated and he told you he doesn't have long term relationships, never married, no kids, no commitments, etc. and after a few very turbulent drunken months told you "I always get to a point in a relationship where i hit a crossroad and thats where we are now." So no one used anyone here. You expected something that was never there.

If anything I kind of feel like he has used me in some way.

[goddess]

Thank you for your response and your story. It really means a lot to me to hear what other people have gone through. And... I sure as heck hope this feeling starts to get better . sooner than later would be good.

 

Agree. Just hang in there. And, yes, SO many people have gone through this in varying degrees. You are not alone!

[Seymore]

I agree you should block him in every way you can.

 

My ex was abusive and still three years later I have the occasional dream/nightmare regarding her or her kids. Usually it involves me running into her kids (I always loved and got along with her kids), now in college and asking how things are going and giving advice. In those dreams they used to hate me but now we talk like normal.

 

Early on it was the same dreams as you had, but as I blocked and stayed NC with her, I found the dreams changed - where in the dreams if she was around I became more indifferent, or avoided her altogether.

 

And as time goes on and you enjoy your life alone, you'll find the dreams come less often.

 

Just know that eventually it'll all go away if you let it. And therapy doesn't hurt. Might hurt the wallet for a spell but just letting it all out and having some support is worth the cost in the long run.