Devastated by breakup

[rsrich]

I'm 56 and have been broken up with a woman I was seeing for about six weeks. We only went out for a few months but I was head-over-heels in love. She wasn't. I've still been in contact but have been trying to go no contact. I'm not sure what type of advice I'm looking for.... i just know I am completely devastated, depressed and can't seem to find a light at the end of the tunnel. It seems to be harder when you're older. Guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'll get over her and things will be OK, though I don't think that's the case.

[Jibralta]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's something that happens, no matter what your age. It happened to me when I was in my early 30s. You will get over her, and everything will be OK, believe me.

[bluecastle]

Sorry you’re hurting.

 

You’ll get over it. No doubt you’ve been here before in 56 years on the planet, so remember that for some perspective.

 

But it might be worth looking at why you’re feeling this way for someone you don’t know so well, and who you know doesn’t feel the same about you.

 

I certainly get the whole thing about early intrigue, but it’s always important to remember that it takes a long time to know a person vs falling for a story about them you’re telling. When you can accept that a lot of those feelings are connected to a story, they’re a bit easier to work through. They don’t stick as hard.

[boltnrun]

What do you say to her when you contact her? Are you offering to be "friends"?

[DanZee]

Keep in mind that it takes two to tango, and I certainly don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. So should you. Move on and don't take it so hard. Try to find someone interested in you.

[Andrina]

Knowing her 6 weeks only means that you were infatuated. Love takes far longer to grow. Can I ask you if you have a fulfilling life besides dating, with a hobby/interest, and hanging out with guy friends or family members? Just asking, because it might be the reason you're so devastated. Always keep a fulfilling solo life so that you have a support system and a hobby you can be passionate about so that you'll be upset over a breakup, but not enter a debilitating state of severe depression. Having an independent life also prevents a partner from feeling smothered, because there is too much pressure when you make one person the sole center of your universe.

 

In my experience, it usually took a minimum of 4 to 6 months, after no contact, to get over a breakup. You need to go no contact now, because keeping that connection will keep her in your life, and you need closure. If she's the one making the effort, tell her you need to stop for your own good. Try meet ups.com if you haven't--a less stressful way to meet women and a way to join in group activities to keep you occupied until you meet that special someone. Good luck.

[Hollyj]

Knowing her 6 weeks only means that you were infatuated. Love takes far longer to grow. Can I ask you if you have a fulfilling life besides dating, with a hobby/interest, and hanging out with guy friends or family members? Just asking, because it might be the reason you're so devastated. Always keep a fulfilling solo life so that you have a support system and a hobby you can be passionate about so that you'll be upset over a breakup, but not enter a debilitating state of severe depression. Having an independent life also prevents a partner from feeling smothered, because there is too much pressure when you make one person the sole center of your universe.

 

In my experience, it usually took a minimum of 4 to 6 months, after no contact, to get over a breakup. You need to go no contact now, because keeping that connection will keep her in your life, and you need closure. If she's the one making the effort, tell her you need to stop for your own good. Try meet ups.com if you haven't--a less stressful way to meet women and a way to join in group activities to keep you occupied until you meet that special someone. Good luck.

 

Spot on!

 

OP, you barely knew this woman. It takes time to fall in love with someone. I curious if your life is full with friends and activities?

 

You need to stop all contact with her. You may wish to also seek out therapy.

[DaisyMayPorter]

6 weeks isn’t a long time- maybe you are just lonely? Keep looking and keep dating and something will happen.