We live on opposite sides of the world, she's pregnant: do I marry her?

[jimthzz]

If you continue to harbor positive feelings for her and if things progress towards a marriage, please pursue a prenuptial agreement spelled out by your legal representative.

 

And, most importantly, find out if the baby is yours. And the STD testing, get it done!

 

Yeah, we all get it that she may feel offended even by the questioning. But, if she is savvy, she understands how at age 40 maybe it is not yours. You live on different continents, short time knowing each other.

 

Be wise, do not just think with the wrong head.

 

A baby on the way is the wrong time to be impulsive.

 

I'm not saying to run for the hills. But I am saying to tap the brakes a bit. If this is a good match, a good future, doing rational preparations and protections will ensure it is is good.

 

Not doing so? Opens you up to a lot of grief and financial issues.

[tattoobunnie]

My dad proposed after 1 month, and my folks were married after 3 months. ...they had their first kid a year later. They are celebrating 50 years of marriage in December, with 3 kids (me, included of course), and 5 grandkids. So as long as you have common life goals, and can work out where you want to live, parenting, money, religion, you can be pretty golden with just that.

 

But ask yourself this...if she wasn't pregnant, would you still want to marry her?

[yatsue]

My dad proposed after 1 month, and my folks were married after 3 months. ...they had their first kid a year later. They are celebrating 50 years of marriage in December, with 3 kids (me, included of course), and 5 grandkids. So as long as you have common life goals, and can work out where you want to live, parenting, money, religion, you can be pretty golden with just that.

 

But ask yourself this...if she wasn't pregnant, would you still want to marry her?

 

It is possible for this situation to work out. Realistically speaking, it is very likely not to. This is entirely a LDR until the distance is closed, and they are having their first kid after only seeing each other in person for 10 days. Chances are slim, at best.

 

The takeaway here is: hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.

[Capricorn3]

I'm still trying to work this out: Together, in person, for about 10 days. Had sex on day 4 (possibly). And then a few days later she announces she's pregnant?

hmmmmmm........ something seems very off ...(imo).

[Wiseman2]

Also, do not start sending her money purportedly for "baby expenses".

[Matt0050]

Without the issue of pregnancy, international relationships / marriages are usually fast paced leading up to a proposal and marriage, it's the nature of the beast. Limited holiday time to meet each other in a year and tyranny of distance tends to lead to a limited courting period compared with dating locally.

 

I'm a member of an international dating forum and the op would be considered a "one week wonder" .... He communicates with a woman for a few weeks and then they decide to meet. During the first week together they will get engaged and start the visa process. It's definitely not what I would do personally. I'm at the other end of the scale.

 

Searching through thousands of threads over a 25 year span, these couples have the same chance of success as those who take their time in the courting process and as I stated before a far greater success rate than marrying a local woman.

 

There has been much discussion on why these marriages work and the general consensus is. More effort, patience and commitment is needed from the start and out right communication usually far exceeds normal dating locally.

 

As an example and this is some solid advice to the OP before he decides to pop the question.... Utilise all the tools of modern technology to really get to know her. In the first 6 months after meeting my current GF on line I honestly spent more time talking to her than I did with the woman I lived with for 20 years. Due to the time difference and her ability to chat while working, we communicated for a solid 8-12 hours a day, via what's app.

 

Video chats are a wonderful tool. During her lunch breaks and weekends we chat as she walks around her city showing me the sites and things that interest her. I've experienced Xmas, Easter and other important family events in real time, even the most mundane things like grocery shopping and the not so, like a trip to the lingerie shop ; )

 

I stated I'm at the other end of the scale when it comes to international marriages in regards that we have chatted for thousands of hours over two years, where most couples would be married after 6 months and living together by now. The total real time we have spent together is 8 weeks, again this is more than most spend before deciding to marry. I'm going back to Russia in March for 2 weeks and then we will holiday in Thailand for a week where I plan to propose. That will be a little over 2 and a half months which seems crazy, but I'm actually getting hammered online for dragging it out for so long. FSU women usually won't wait that long, they like a man of action.

 

If the op spends the next few months getting to know this woman and getting in some real time with her and her family he will not be doing anything different than thousands of couples are doing every year who carry on to have wonderful life long marriages. It may seem crazy, but given the stats between local and foreign marriages, it's us who married locally, wasted our youth and are now divorced who are the crazy ones lol.

 

If you decide to marry, and eventually live in the US there are things that will help with the visa process. Keep copies of all your online communication. Take many pictures of both of you together and with her family. Keep your airfare tickets showing you traveled to her country or in the future, travelling together. Even though you have a baby on the way you will be heavily scrutinized and need to show it's a legitimate relationship.

 

Good luck!!

[abitbroken]

There has been much discussion on why these marriages work and the general consensus is. More effort, patience and commitment is needed from the start and out right communication usually far exceeds normal dating locally.

 

because they choose it to and make the decision to love eachother. People who have arranged marriages that end up very devoted and happy do the same thing. But their families did the ground work first to find someone from a similar family background that increased the success rate. Also, if both parties are at the point in their life that they are looking for a spouse/hoping to meet their future spouse it works out more than if two people are at different life stages> that could be the reason that those marriages you stated are working.

[Batya33]

There has been much discussion on why these marriages work and the general consensus is. More effort, patience and commitment is needed from the start and out right communication usually far exceeds normal dating locally.

 

because they choose it to and make the decision to love eachother. People who have arranged marriages that end up very devoted and happy do the same thing. But their families did the ground work first to find someone from a similar family background that increased the success rate. Also, if both parties are at the point in their life that they are looking for a spouse/hoping to meet their future spouse it works out more than if two people are at different life stages> that could be the reason that those marriages you stated are working.

 

And in this case it's kind of backwards- he is considering marriage because she is pregnant, he thinks he is the father and for now he is into her. I think arranged marriages also work because it's a mindset from early on, it's traditional and cultural so that is a significant reason people are ready to make that choice The OP is not in that category and what he is proposing is really risky (if he is even the father)