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Need Advice: Give Up? or Pursue?

BenTyler

By BenTyler
in Getting Back Together

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BenTyler Rookie

BenTyler

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two years ago i met the love of my life. i was so in love with her, i was kicked out of my parents house for wanting to be with her. she graciously took me in. however, i was still being contacted by old "contacts" from when i was single, dispite explaining i was with someone. while nothing physical ever occured, the fact that i was talking and sexting other people was enough to permanently damper our relationship. she found out, i apologized, she forgave me, and we worked past it.

 

then something happened. while working it out, i realized that she wasn't just my girlfriend; she was..something more. i realized the unconditional love that we had for each other, and on January 2017, i showed her how much i loved her and how much she meant to me. over the next year, we were making plans; moving to Atlanta(her dream city), getting her reputation up in the drag commmunity so she can appear on RPDR (another dream) and the thing we were most excited for; planning our beautiful winter wedding.

 

however, many problems arose. she hasent won a single drag show (which frustrated her), the job market in Richmond Va is sparse, but when we had saved enough to make a trip to Atlanta to put down for an apartment, upon returning we earned she lost her job while we were gone. also, the late nights we were both working put a strain on our relationship, leading to constant arguments.

 

 

then everything changed. on December 24th 2017, she said she was going out with her friends whom i had previously met, to the club. i didnt notice that the bra and panties she was putting on was the lingerie set i bought her on our anniversary. the next morning, she returned home, and immediately jumped in the shower. while i was making breakfast for us, she sat me down and told me the truth; she slept with another man last night. obviously i was devastated. when i asked why, she responded "i just wanted to feel loved, if only for a night". apparently, the guy she slept with also "didnt feel like" going out and buying a condom, so they did it unprotected twice, therby putting my health at risk. she also told me that if he contacted her again, she would sleep with him again. thankfully he never did, despite her attempts to contact him. for the good of our relationship, i suppressed my feelings and forgave her.

 

over the next three months, things between us soured. every time i tried to talk to her about how i felt, she would get angry and defensive. one day at work i met this girl. we got to talking, and we exchanged numbers. nothing happened between us, and i made it clear i was engaged. we only talked for a few hours, but it felt comforting to vent my feelings without having to choose my words carefully to prevent an argument. she later found out and told me to choose between the two of them. i chose my girlfriend.

 

on May 5th, we went on a date to a nearby park and talked. we both agreed to loving each other, wanting us to work, and wanting the weeding to happen. we sealed it with a pinky-promise and a kiss. the next day at work, in the middle of my shift, she calls me saying "its over, im done, im just not feeling it anymore". when i got off the next day i asked her for details and she said "i dont wanna talk about it, your stuff is packed, you need to go". throughout the week i tried contacting her, with no response. a week later, i get a call at 10 a night from an unknown number; it was her new boyfriend. when i asked how he got my number, he said he got it going through her phone while she was sleeping at his place. a couple weeks later, i learned from her friend they started talking the 5th of May and "officially" became a couple on the 10th; she broke up with me the 7th. they moved in together before my birthday in June, and two weeks ago i learned they moved to Atlanta, which was our dream,

 

i do still love her. i still want the future we planned. do i wait it out and follow her in a few months? since she is a trans woman, i know that once she becomes single, there will be at least five guys trying to get with her simply because they see her as a fetish. is there anything i can do? im focusing on me; i have a great job and my own place, but do i try to get her back?

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DanZee Grand Master

DanZee

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Buddy, move along. It's pretty obvious the relationship has run its course. She doesn't care for you, and if she does call you up, it's because she needs you for something. Like if she got thrown out or beat up or something.

 

Don't try to get her back. Find someone nice who isn't trying to get attention from other men and show herself off. Maybe try talking to that girl at work again. You don't have to deal with this kind of drama.

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MissCanuck Grand Master

MissCanuck

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Dude. This relationship died a long time ago. She doesn't love you, or even respect you.

 

Why do you want back such a selfish, careless and unloving woman? She has cheated on you more than once (obviously) and had been carrying out an affair with her new guy. She put your health at risk. (If you haven't already done so, you need full STI/HIV screening) This isn't someone who was serious about marrying you or even having a future with you. Even if she came back if her new guy dumps her, she won't stay with you. This will happen again, if you are foolish enough to let her back into your life. She doesn't have the right feelings for you to ever make a relationship work.

 

You need to start focusing on yourself and ask yourself why you clung for so long to a such a desperate mess.

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SGH Mentor

SGH

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Posted

She was looking for a way to end your relationship for a long time. Splash some cold water on your face and read what you wrote again. There's no question you should move on, whether you want to or not. Heck, it's not even an option to go back! Don't be that ex that won't stop trying and won't go away. She treated you like dirt, cheated on you without remorse, and is now living with someone else. Your future was a fantasy that was never going to happen

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HealingLight Collaborator

HealingLight

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I know you may not want to move on, but what would really help you long-term is to figure out why you are so drawn to this situation that is clearly toxic. She is not emotionally or physically available to you and treated you like dirt. Openly cheating with no plans to stop and then overlapping your relationship with someone else. She needs to go.

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BenTyler Rookie

BenTyler

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she called me a pig, compared me to herpes because "you keep trying to come back", made a point of loving her new man (though didnt mention she was happy), called me a parasite, hoped i would rot, called me an "irrelevant piece of ", dont contact her ever again and she moved on to "bigger and better in every way".

 

so, give it a year and try again?

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MissCanuck Grand Master

MissCanuck

Posted
Posted
she called me a pig, compared me to herpes because "you keep trying to come back", made a point of loving her new man (though didnt mention she was happy), called me a parasite, hoped i would rot, called me an "irrelevant piece of ", dont contact her ever again and she moved on to "bigger and better in every way".

 

so, give it a year and try again?

 

You cannot be serous

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Chris12189 Community Regular

Chris12189

Posted
Posted
she called me a pig, compared me to herpes because "you keep trying to come back", made a point of loving her new man (though didnt mention she was happy), called me a parasite, hoped i would rot, called me an "irrelevant piece of ", dont contact her ever again and she moved on to "bigger and better in every way".

 

so, give it a year and try again?

 

are you trolling?

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