I did something intimate with my friends brother who is my roommate...Confused

[Siantulipgir]

Sorry I posted my update twice I apologize. Not sure how to delete one of them.

[boltnrun]

Of course he acts happy to see you! He's sure he's going to at least get another "handy", if not oral or actual sex. He can see how eager you are to allow him to get sex from you.

 

Are you honestly fine knowing he's going from you to his ex wife and back again? Is this the way you imagined your ideal love relationship would be?

 

If not...YOU have complete and total control over your actions. Your feelings? Maybe not. But your actions are CHOSEN by you and you alone.

[Siantulipgir]

Of course he acts happy to see you! He's sure he's going to at least get another "handy", if not oral or actual sex. He can see how eager you are to allow him to get sex from you.

 

Are you honestly fine knowing he's going from you to his ex wife and back again? Is this the way you imagined your ideal love relationship would be?

 

If not...YOU have complete and total control over your actions. Your feelings? Maybe not. But your actions are CHOSEN by you and you alone.

 

Not that it matters but it was more than a hand job. We had oral sex and he did something to me. So he got more than me jerking him off. For me that's a very intimate thing to do. Anyway bolt when he wanted to have sex the last time and I turned him down. I would not say he has any reason to think I'm eager. Right?

 

No I'm not ok with him going to his ex wife and back again. It pisses me off and hurts alot. If I'm honest I have to say that this is obviously not how I pictured my ideal love relationship. I want romance and that the guy is committed to me.

 

Going to try not to let my feelings affect my actions. Not easy.

[SherrySher]

Let your logic become more than your emotions. He is running back to his ex wife. You know that's not a good man and you know that he cannot care for you if he still wants her.

 

Do not allow him to touch you or fool you any longer. You deserve another man...a better man who is genuinely only interested in you and only being intimate with you.

[Wiseman2]

Wait....how is this a relationship or remotely related to love? Sadly you are again putting yourself in the victim role. Make-believing you have a romance novel relationship but all the while you are with an abusive jerk. Just like your marriage.

 

Just like divorcing, the only remedy for this is to extricate yourself from it rather than an encore performance of your marriage rationalizing and "turning off feelings". Trust your instincts that this situation, including you living in this nuthouse, is all wrong. It doesn't feel good because it isn't good.

We had oral sex and he did something to me. If I'm honest I have to say that this is obviously not how I pictured my ideal love relationship. I want romance and that the guy is committed to me..

[abitbroken]

srry your friend is also sketchy for being sketchy about how long he has been divorced. It should have been the truth or "ask my brother"

[Siantulipgir]

I was really surprised at her response back to me. Kind of hurt by it to be honest. Feeling like I can't trust her when it comes to her brother and she's suppose to be a good friend. I mean really? Do you think maybe she is afraid to tell me the truth for some reason?

[Siantulipgir]

Another small update from me. Yesterday when he got home from work he had this big smile on his face saying hi honey and wanted to give me a hug. His sister was just leaving for work so she was standing right there. Ughh I smiled like a dummy and said to him really you want a hug? So he comes up presses his body up against me. Face all red. He is tripping after how he has been acting towards me. . Acting like he is so into me all of the sudden. We were suppose to spend time alone last night his idea. And he did want to take me out to eat. But his son is not going back to his ex wife's until this Wednesday. He was suppose to go back yesterday. Anyway I was happy that it didn't workout and relieved. Because I knew he would pressure me for sex. This time he would have wanted to sleep with me. Waiting to see if he's gone all night again this week. Everyone who has replied to my posts will be happy to know I'm starting to see through him. I still have all these feelings for him. Wish I could just make them all go away..

[Wiseman2]

It's interesting that you keep saying "his idea" or "her idea" and continually remove yourself from your own actions including moving out asap, putting an end to your fling with him, etc. Why would you expect a brother and sister to suddenly make you a priority, betray each other, etc. when you are the interloper in this family and household? Is it that you can't afford or find decent housing for yourself?

[boltnrun]

So you're required to give him sex just because he "pressures" you? Or do you not trust yourself to make decisions that won't cause you further hurt?

 

I mentioned before that YOU and ONLY YOU control your actions. If you feel you can't resist his "pressure", stay in your room with the door closed! Unless you want to be just one of his sex partners along with his ex wife and who knows who else.

[Siantulipgir]

Well Ben stayed out all night again. Came home this morning changed his clothes for work, just as I was heading out the door to go to work ughh. Had his son with him, it's definitely the ex wifey who he's still sleeping with. How more in my face could it be! And he had the nerve to try and touch me!

[saluk]

"I would not say he has any reason to think I'm eager."

 

He has had your number since the beginning. He knows you are eager because you ARE. Your hesitation to go all the way when that was offered doesn't hide your obsession for him - he is not blind to any of it. He just likes to keep pushing the boundaries to see what he can get away with.

 

You really have to get out of this situation! Find another place to crash.

[Wiseman2]

It wouldn't be if you focused on moving out asap.

How more in my face could it be

[abitbroken]

It's interesting that you keep saying "his idea" or "her idea" and continually remove yourself from your own actions including moving out asap, putting an end to your fling with him, etc. Why would you expect a brother and sister to suddenly make you a priority, betray each other, etc. when you are the interloper in this family and household? Is it that you can't afford or find decent housing for yourself?

 

I agree. Stop being a spectator in your own life.

[boltnrun]

Well Ben stayed out all night again. Came home this morning changed his clothes for work, just as I was heading out the door to go to work ughh. Had his son with him, it's definitely the ex wifey who he's still sleeping with. How more in my face could it be! And he had the nerve to try and touch me!

 

Because you let him "touch" you before. Even when you knew he'd been with another woman the night before.

[Siantulipgir]

Another update from me. So "Ben" has been acting not like such a ass the last 3 days.. We say for a long time in the kitchen last night and talked about our lives. He has not stayed out all night this week and has talked to me the way a guy should when you like a woman. So he asked me to go on a date to Tijuana this Saturday.. Which is a 3 hour drive from where we live. I was shocked. We are staying the night down there ugh. But I told him we need 2 rooms and he seemed ok with it. He just seems different really.

[boltnrun]

So it no longer bothers you that he's sleeping with his ex wife?

[Siantulipgir]

boltnrun yes of course it still bothers me like hell. But if he goes to her again it's a deal breaker. I know it's crazy talk on my end. I just need to see what happens this weekend. After I did the update tonight. I went outside to lock my car up and he came up behind me when I turned around he put his arms around me hugging me and kissed me but in a gentle way. I know it sounds dumb. He didn't say anything sexual. Something happened over the last couple of days. Doesn't it sound like it?

[SherrySher]

Just be cautious, please. What could have happened was that his ex wife pushed him away and told him he can't go to her anymore, so now he's being nice to you.

[Wiseman2]

You live in the same house and have already been sexual. He's not going to suddenly start respecting you for making this comment.

I told him we need 2 rooms

[boltnrun]

It sounds like you hope just because he hasn't tried any sex in TWO days, it means he wants a relationship or at least to start dating you.

 

He's taking you away because he knows you have no self control when he seduces you. You eagerly jump into his arms and sexually satisfy him. He knows if he puts on a "romantic" act you will have actual intercourse with him.

 

And it will hit you like a punch in the gut the next time he stays overnight with his ex.

 

You will not even consider finding different living arrangements?

[Wiseman2]

Agree...and there will be a next time.

it will hit you like a punch in the gut the next time he stays overnight with his ex.

[abitbroken]

Another update from me. So "Ben" has been acting not like such a ass the last 3 days.. We say for a long time in the kitchen last night and talked about our lives. He has not stayed out all night this week and has talked to me the way a guy should when you like a woman. So he asked me to go on a date to Tijuana this Saturday.. Which is a 3 hour drive from where we live. I was shocked. We are staying the night down there ugh. But I told him we need 2 rooms and he seemed ok with it. He just seems different really.

 

Heck no. Do not go away with this creep.

The only way i would go south of the border is if i planned it myself -- no guy "taking " me there. i would be afraid of trafficking or being stranded.

Please wise up!!! You are not being smart!!

[Siantulipgir]

Heck no. Do not go away with this creep.

The only way i would go south of the border is if i planned it myself -- no guy "taking " me there. i would be afraid of trafficking or being stranded.

Please wise up!!! You are not being smart!!

 

The whole thing might not happen anyway if he's dumb enough to stays gone all night tonight. Because of he screws up before tomorrow that's a deal breaker like I said in my latest update. And I would not even consider going if it was a first date with a stranger. I don't think I have to worry about the trafficking or leaving me stranded part because he is my good girl friends brother. She would hurt him if he didn't bring me back ok. But that would be something to definitely take seriously if he was just a roommate. So thanks a lot!

[Siantulipgir]

Agree...and there will be a next time.

 

I really hope there is not a next time Wise. He just seems to be acting different. It is possible that he could change right and maybe realize that his ex wife is a dead end right?