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I did something intimate with my friends brother who is my roommate...Confused


Siantulipgir

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Sorry to be posting about every little thing. So now 'Ben" thinks he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. He said it last night under his breath. Ughhh. He kept talking to me for along time in the kitchen acting like he wanted me to come to his room. And this morning he woke up me for work and it was just the 2 of us in the house so I was sleeping topless. He stared at me for along time. Sorry if that is to much info. . And when he got ready to leave he gave me a really long hug and a kiss. So he's lying he still is attracted to me right? I mean we have only slept together twice.

 

I know I keep going back for more of his drama. He didn't stay out last night and hopefully he won't the whole week. have I done to myself.

 

So you are hanging around topless when you are alone together??

You are trying to buy a relationship with this man by acting like you are a long established couple doing things you would do if that were so. Just because he doesn't stay away from home doesn't mean he isn't sleeping with others (afternoon delight, right?) it just means that he is not spending the night.

 

 

That's a very good question - what have you done to yourself? Why would you cling to the drama? Perhaps through counseling you can discover these things...

 

"ben" knows he can ignore you, tell you he is not attracted, not interested and that drives you wild -- it makes you pursue him heavily. Honestly, he might not be lying. He might NOT be attracted to you but just may like the sex because you are there, available and willing.

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So you are hanging around topless when you are alone together??

You are trying to buy a relationship with this man by acting like you are a long established couple doing things you would do if that were so. Just because he doesn't stay away from home doesn't mean he isn't sleeping with others (afternoon delight, right?) it just means that he is not spending the night.

 

 

That's a very good question - what have you done to yourself? Why would you cling to the drama? Perhaps through counseling you can discover these things...

 

"ben" knows he can ignore you, tell you he is not attracted, not interested and that drives you wild -- it makes you pursue him heavily. Honestly, he might not be lying. He might NOT be attracted to you but just may like the sex because you are there, available and willing.[/Q

 

 

No I was sleeping in my bed topless. I am dressed when we have not been having sex.

 

He is lying because we can just be talking and I see him getting a erection. He did yesterday when we were in the kitchen I could see his erection. I think we both thought just because he had a hard time Saturday night that it meant he wasn't turned on. Even after that happened he pulled me down on to his chest and we slept all night together in his bed his idea btw. It's his idea to give me long hugs and kisses not mine. He starts it and gives them to every morning before he leaves for work and when he gets home too. Yeah it does make me crazy when he says things to me like he doesn't like me that much etc. When he came home last night the first thing he did was just walk into my room. So why is he still acting like he is into me?? If he's not really turned on by me.

 

I know that I made a huge mistake sleeping with him right now. I hate to admit it but I think I gave into him so he wouldn't go be with another woman.

 

Maybe I do need to speak to a therapist.

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He is lying because we can just be talking and I see him getting a erection

 

If a man sees a naked woman, a woman he has had sex with, etc, or is touched in a certain way by a woman even if he doesn't find her hot, he can have an erection. But in his mind he may not be attracted to you in other ways. There could be a man that turns my head, but once he opens his mouth and spits tobacco or is a "fast talker" type (and i am not talking about speed of speech but a schmoozer, I am immediately turned off and NOT attracted to him. He either sincerely likes the sex but doesn't want more/doesn't feel any emotionally connection OR he KNOWs how you work ---- ignore you, reject you and you just get hotter for him.

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Even though he is at this point a fellow roommate and a fling, you are acting as if you are a married couple living together.

 

You are right Wise I'm really nothing to him right now. No commitments or anything. It's hard because I have all these feelings for him and he knows it. He acts more like we are married than I do. It isn't like I'm cooking for him and doing his laundry or anything.

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I know that I made a huge mistake sleeping with him right now. I hate to admit it but I think I gave into him so he wouldn't go be with another woman.

 

Maybe I do need to speak to a therapist.

 

I met a woman in a support group whose husband was running around doing drugs. She started using drugs in order to keep him home --- if she used, he'd stay home and use with her instead of being in sketchy parts of town. I am very much reminded of her with that bolded line. The woman should have just let him go --stay home, protect her kids from him and let him hit rock bottom so he would go to rehab or get arrested and be forced to. But she chose not to do what was best for her kids and her -- and in the same way you are having sex to "keep him home" when for your own well being you should want him to go find someone else because he is not healthy for you.

 

Honestly, i would be tempted to rip my friend a new one after i moved out "hey, you are supposed to be my friend. I know you want to be my sister in law but your brother was a total jerk to me and you were more concerned with yourself than my own well being"

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You are right Wise I'm really nothing to him right now. No commitments or anything. It's hard because I have all these feelings for him and he knows it. He acts more like we are married than I do. It isn't like I'm cooking for him and doing his laundry or anything.

 

How is chatting a little when you see eachother acting married. married couples are monogamous and don't hide their relationship from others. ...

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He is lying because we can just be talking and I see him getting a erection

 

If a man sees a naked woman, a woman he has had sex with, etc, or is touched in a certain way by a woman even if he doesn't find her hot, he can have an erection. But in his mind he may not be attracted to you in other ways. There could be a man that turns my head, but once he opens his mouth and spits tobacco or is a "fast talker" type (and i am not talking about speed of speech but a schmoozer, I am immediately turned off and NOT attracted to him. He either sincerely likes the sex but doesn't want more/doesn't feel any emotionally connection OR he KNOWs how you work ---- ignore you, reject you and you just get hotter for him.

 

But I was dressed last night when he got a erection. Only thing he doesn't like is my cigarette smoking that I know of. And so why is he still doing all the same things like hugs and kisses. He kissed my tattoo on my stomach after we woke up yesterday morning. Why would he do that? Why play games? Why not just avoid me? He's making a effort to still see me. He's definitely not avoiding me. It isn't like I put myself in the position that he has to see me. If he doesn't want more sex then why did he ask me into his room to spend the night and be with him?

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But I was dressed last night when he got a erection. Only thing he doesn't like is my cigarette smoking that I know of. And so why is he still doing all the same things like hugs and kisses. He kissed my tattoo on my stomach after we woke up yesterday morning. Why would he do that? Why play games? Why not just avoid me? He's making a effort to still see me. He's definitely not avoiding me. It isn't like I put myself in the position that he has to see me. If he doesn't want more sex then why did he ask me into his room to spend the night and be with him?

 

Did you read the part "or had sex with..."

 

Why would he do those things? He knows that you will have sex with him. he is taking advantage of being able to touch your body and you allow it, so he thinks "why not?" I wouldn't let a guy kiss or touch my stomach and then say 'oh, i wonder why he does that." To me, the stomach is an intimate area to touch. Someone can tap me on the shoulder or elbow, but touch my stomach - that is overly familiar and you might get your finger broken (i am not talking about a husband/serious boyfriend). He does it because you allow it. you are allowing a man who doesn't truly care about you access to your body.

 

He's making a effort to still see me.

 

Seriously? you live together. A man that lives an hour away and has a wonky work schedule and still thinks you are fantastic and wants to date you and shows up on time to pick you up for a date with flowers in his hand is "making an effort to see you". A guy that lives with you -- if he walks into the room you are in vs the room you are not in is not an effort!!!!

 

Put it this way --I don't buy much candy at all. Maybe once in a blue moon. But if someone places a lovely bowl of it out on the counter right front and center - guess what? i'm a gonna eat it. I am going to try every kind that's in there. You are there sleeping topless - and are okay with having no boundaries so he is going to take advantage of that

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Did you read the part "or had sex with..."

 

Why would he do those things? He knows that you will have sex with him. he is taking advantage of being able to touch your body and you allow it, so he thinks "why not?" I wouldn't let a guy kiss or touch my stomach and then say 'oh, i wonder why he does that." To me, the stomach is an intimate area to touch. Someone can tap me on the shoulder or elbow, but touch my stomach - that is overly familiar and you might get your finger broken (i am not talking about a husband/serious boyfriend). He does it because you allow it. you are allowing a man who doesn't truly care about you access to your body.

 

He's making a effort to still see me.

 

Seriously? you live together. A man that lives an hour away and has a wonky work schedule and still thinks you are fantastic and wants to date you and shows up on time to pick you up for a date with flowers in his hand is "making an effort to see you". A guy that lives with you -- if he walks into the room you are in vs the room you are not in is not an effort!!!!

 

Put it this way --I don't buy much candy at all. Maybe once in a blue moon. But if someone places a lovely bowl of it out on the counter right front and center - guess what? i'm a gonna eat it. I am going to try every kind that's in there. You are there sleeping topless - and are okay with having no boundaries so he is going to take advantage of that

 

Again why make a effort to come into my bedroom last night when he got home if he doesn't really care about me? I didn't ask him to I didn't put him in the position that he had to. Why still kiss me and pull me close to his body? If I'm not into someone or turned on by the person than I don't get sexually aroused. Are guys that different?

 

I really hope you are wrong and he does care.

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Again why make a effort to come into my bedroom last night when he got home if he doesn't really care about me? I didn't ask him to I didn't put him in the position that he had to. Why still kiss me and pull me close to his body? If I'm not into someone or turned on by the person than I don't get sexually aroused. Are guys that different?

 

I really hope you are wrong and he does care.

 

Okay -- he made an effort to come into your room BECAUSE HE WANTED TO GET HIS ROCKS OFF.

 

You think someone has sex when they care about you and love you. thats how it should be. But he has sex with you -- because its sex and you are offering!! Did you ever consider that? He is "interested" in you meaning that he is very happy with the sex you are offering and the ability to have a warm body to touch -- but this man does not love you.

He likes the feeling of your mouth or hands on his wiener. I mean -- how can he refuse??

 

If you developed a friendship with this man over time and got to know eachother over the course of 6 months to a year as roommates and you had a lot in common and then took a step towards having a "proper date " - no sex and you guys eventually fell for eachother - that's one thing - but you led with sex. But you gave him sex hoping that would artificially create a relationship.

 

When he wants a relationship, he is going to find someone who is a little harder to get.

 

Basically, you are his booty call. You will torture yourself if you keep hanging onto "does he care??"

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Are you truly happy and fulfilled in this situation?

 

boltnrun I feel very insecure and anxious. I wish I could just make all these feelings for him go away. He says the most crazy things under his breath. And now the erection problem last Saturday night. But he's still acting like he's into me. I feel like sh*t right now and just feeling also desperate to for any sign that my crush still wants me at all. I am beyond pathetic

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But we didn't have sex when he came into my room. And I did play hard to get because I refused the first 2 times to sleep with him. He has asked me out on a breakfast date for next Sunday. That's why all this not attracted to you sexually is making me crazy. Even sounds more weird. Or am I just reading more into that too??

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But we didn't have sex when he came into my room. And I did play hard to get because I refused the first 2 times to sleep with him. He has asked me out on a breakfast date for next Sunday. That's why all this not attracted to you sexually is making me crazy. Even sounds more weird. Or am I just reading more into that too??

 

He kissed the tattoo on your stomach. That is intimate contact. That is not handing you the newspaper or telling you that you had a phone call. You did not play hard to get. You said no to sex twice -- but you said yes to letting him touch you intimately any time and you did have sex those other times. Its not about if you had sex on a given day - its the whole thing

 

what i mean by harder to get -- he is going to choose a woman for a relationship if he wants one that is not constantly around

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You are valuable and beautiful (inside and out). You need to start from this moment forward treating yourself exactly that way. You have value. You are not a woman who exists on the whim of any other person. You are valuable whether dating someone or not -- and I think therein lies the problem. You don't see your worth, so you are willing to be treated any old way. If you had sex with him the first time because you were horny and wanted it - you could have OWNED that and let it be a one time thing -- but now you feel that you are nothing because you are only hanging on the hope that he "cares" about you. Does that about sum it up? maybe this is a carry over from being an abusive relationship before perhaps. I know i was beaten down and a shell of a woman after that. Stop acting like a shell of a woman. Start asserting yourself (simply saying 'not tonight' is not enough). Move out and don't see this guy again. Stop the friend from trying to match make. But if you can't move out right away - go stay with relatives for a few nights (an out of town visit - even better!) or go on a short fun trip with a girlfriend to breakaway for a few days and then come back strong. Tell him that you yourself are not interested. That you allowed yourself to be used.

 

When you have been through some counseling and are a stronger woman you will meet a man with good boundaries that is available, not sleeping with anyone and is looking for the love of his life. It may be awhile, but don't put up with being someone's toy

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boltnrun I feel very insecure and anxious. I wish I could just make all these feelings for him go away. He says the most crazy things under his breath. And now the erection problem last Saturday night. But he's still acting like he's into me. I feel like sh*t right now and just feeling also desperate to for any sign that my crush still wants me at all. I am beyond pathetic

 

Do you think continuing to give him relationship-free sex will make you feel better?

 

How did he end up in your room while you were topless? Did he just bust on in or did he knock and you invited him in?

 

Maybe no one has ever told you, but giving away the booty doesn't make a guy fall in love with you.

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Do you think continuing to give him relationship-free sex will make you feel better?

 

How did he end up in your room while you were topless? Did he just bust on in or did he knock and you invited him in?

 

Maybe no one has ever told you, but giving away the booty doesn't make a guy fall in love with you.

 

No he just came in my room I didn't invited him in to it.

 

He is making me crazy.

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Tonight he was acting like he was so into me. Kissing me and want to talk along time. But then he asked me out for tomorrow tonight but then said to me that he forgot he was going to see his 26yrold daughter tomorrow night and couldn't. So the next night would be better. I think he is lying. So he kissed me good night and then went to his room to sleep and I went to my room. Crying again right now. Why is he being so up and down. It's like he's afraid to really get into me. I know everyone who has replied keeps telling me he is such a jerk. But he knows how much I like him

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'He is making me crazy.'

 

No Sian, YOU are making you crazy.

 

Bloke wants occasional sex /intimate contact. That's all he is interested in. He doesn't have feelings for you. He doesn't love you and he doesn't want a relationship with you. He very likely has a couple of other fun flings going on. The longer you stay living there the worse this will become for you. You really really need to move out.

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'He is making me crazy.'

 

No Sian, YOU are making you crazy.

 

Bloke wants occasional sex /intimate contact. That's all he is interested in. He doesn't have feelings for you. He doesn't love you and he doesn't want a relationship with you. He very likely has a couple of other fun flings going on. The longer you stay living there the worse this will become for you. You really really need to move out.

 

Yes I am making myself crazy. You are right it is all me. I think about him all the time. I don't love him so I don't expect for him to feel that way back. Still feel like he sends me mixed messages.

 

But why does he even bother to make a effort to kiss and hug me every day. If he doesn't see me he goes into my room doesn't knock either. He was upset at midnight last night waking me up asking why I wasn't missing him waiting in the house like I should have been. He said he was afraid I would be mad if he asked me earlier when he first came home. I told him that I needed a cigarette that's why I wasn't waiting for him inside the house. He has a lot of fu**king nerve.

 

I am trying to believe what you guys are telling me but why bother everyday to act like he does care?

 

And yes I have a feeling that he has at least one more person and it might not be his ex wife I am finding out.

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You are both single consenting adults so nothing either of you are doing is wrong. However, your angst seems to come from you being much more emotionally involved than he is.

 

No except it is wrong when he knows how I feel about him and is playing games. Sending me mixed messages. And Yes Wise I am feeling attached to him. I know he doesn't care as much as I do about him. But again why pay attention to me more than he has to. Why not just hit me up when he just wants sex? Instead of acting like he likes me.

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