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I did something intimate with my friends brother who is my roommate...Confused


Siantulipgir

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Hi I need any advice desperately! I have been roommates with my friends brother and her for 4 months now. I had a feeling My friends brother liked me and I have had a huge crush on him for almost 3 months now. He is 48 and I am 48 too. So he is divorced for 8 yrs and his son has been staying with him at the house for the summer. So I don't confuse anyone I will call my friends brother my crush the name "Ben" . So last weekend his son was at his ex wife's house on Saturday night. So when Ben came home I was right there when he walked in the door. Ben smiled at me and said his son was away for the night. He asked I wanted to come in to his room to watch tv and hangout with him. Before this he had come on to me a few times . Putting his hand around my waist one time.and telling me he thought I looked pretty another time. He always noticed if I wasn't around and would make a comment where had I been because he didn't see me etc.. So that Saturday his son was away. When we were watching tv that night in his room we talked and got to know each other better. We did something that night sexually to each other. But didn't sleep together just some foreplay. Besides what we were doing made him orgasm really fast. Sorry I am nervous and upset writing this right now so bare with me please. So everything seemed OK the next few days lots of staring at each other and smiles etc. That sexual tension excited kind of thing.. So yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen and he saw me stare at him. And made a comment under his breath that I was just interested in his . I didn't say anything but I was mad because I think he's really intelligent and funny. I don't just think sex when I look at him. So today he completely avoided me. I have feelings for him already obviously Ughh. I'm crying right now. I don't know what I did wrong?!?!? Why is he acting this way? Feeling so dissed right now! He knew I was out in the living room but made no freaking effort to try and say hi or anything. Amy advice is appreciated! Thanks!

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That sounds terrible, I don't think you did anything for him to say such a thing and then avoid you. Don't cry about him, don't let him see that; chin up and be proud. You don't deserve that treatment; he's the one screwing up. Maybe he's embarrassed that he orgasmed too fast. Can you find another place to live? If not, go on like it ain't no thing. It's too bad because it sounded like there was potential and you got excited about it, and now that has gone. But don't take it as your fault and try to see him for who he is now and how he treats you. There are better guys.

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Thanks for saying I didn't do anything wrong. All I did was look at him like I wanted him and then he made that remark. And I think you are right about him being embarrassed. He did kiss me after he orgasmed to fast and told me he would make it up to me the next time and that he wanted to go further than just foreplay. He just seemed so into me. He made a remark one time that I could give him everything that he needed. I don't think I can stand being around him so yes I am trying to figure out if I can move soon money is tight but I am hurting so much. I will try to not let him know how upset I am. It just seemed weird because I looked him up and down for him to say that to me... Maybe he thought I was looking at him like a piece of meat or something?? Ughh

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Well most guys would be thrilled to be looked at like that! I think there's an issue there with him and sex maybe? Like he's worried he won't satisfy you before even trying?? Anyway just take it easy, it isn't you, so let him figure it out and give him his space. Maybe he'll end up apologizing at some point, but don't you be sad or blame yourself.

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After we did something last Saturday he did say also that we should move in together not as roommates but as a couple. So I had even more reason to think that he wanted more than sex. He asked me to start wearing my hair down more. I have long hair and wear it up alot. That probably sounds silly to mention. But things like that.

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After we did something last Saturday he did say also that we should move in together not as roommates but as a couple. So I had even more reason to think that he wanted more than sex. He asked me to start wearing my hair down more. I have long hair and wear it up alot. That probably sounds silly to mention. But things like that.

 

Has he ever even asked you on a date? Cart before horse?

 

Moving in as a couple is completely premature in these circumstances. You're not even dating.

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I'm sure that it seems beside the point but if you have "why"s you're struggling with, I would bet the answers aren't that far (i'd personally not ask any of him btw)-

 

How is his post-divorce situation, relationship and communication with the ex, and what are your respective circumstance that lead you to be roommates in the first place?

 

I'm guessing neither of you were really available to be partners in the proper sense, for whatever reason. And, like someone else said, put the cart before the horse by getting involved, which... happens, but there's no reason to handle it like he did.

 

I'd say bow out gracefully and move out and cease contact at the earliest.

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No matter what you end up doing, I'd try to stop saturating the common area with awkward staring. A lot of people would find that uncomfortable.

 

Yup.

 

Why did you just not say "hi" like you normally would and act like normal so things were not awkward? that's just odd? And asking you to watch tv in his room -- i was thinking you were teenagers or 22 at the oldest if I didn't read differently....

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Yeah he had no problem that I was looking at him like I wanted him for a few days after we had foreplay that night. I think he wanted the reassurance that I was really into him. It could be that he has a issue with sex. I mean maybe he is worried that he will pre ejaculate if we have sex and that he won't be able to please me. Which means that he cares and isn't out just out to get his? I mean he did orgasm within a few seconds after we started having foreplay. Thanks for telling me again that it's him with the issue and not me. I keep thinking that I turned him off by looking at him to long in the kitchen. Your right I need to stop obsessing over it. Wish I could turn off my feelings for him. Ughh

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He had no problem up until a couple of days ago with me looking at him like that. And he liked that I was giving him attention. He was smiling and returning the looks etc. Then all of the sudden he said under his breath so I could here that I just wanted his . Yeah I know that the inviting me into his room was a 20 something thing to do Ughh.

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Well right now he's avoiding me so there is no staring going on. Maybe I made him really uncomfortable this last time I was looking at him. So maybe that turned him off??? But like someone else on here commented it''s not my fault that he's screwing up by acting this way. Definitely will take your advice if him and I are ever together in the common area again. Thanks!

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He did ask me to go out to have dinner with him but I had to end up working the night that we were suppose to go. Yeah he was saying couple things like we were already a couple . Cart before horse definitely. Totally premature with saying we should move into together and do the couple thing.

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But Wise I didn't sleep with him. So it isn't like he got between my legs and got what he wanted. So many things told that me this could have been something real between . So how can it be that he's just looking at me as someone just for sex?? Sorry maybe I just don't get it. I have alot of feelings for him.

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Being attracted to people happens. It's fine. You are both unattached adults. However what's awkward is the living arrangement and right now three is a crowd when two are doing 'sexual things'. Also strange is his suggestion to immediately move in together.

 

Why is he staying with her? Does he work? Are his finances a mess? Have his own place? Live with roommates, a gf, his ex? Right now he's taking the golden opportunity to say string-along nonsense to get handy, convenient and instant sexual gratification.

 

It would be best to consider this an in the moment fling. Of course be discrete out of respect for your roommate/his sister. Why can't you go to his place to get romantic?

We did something that night sexually to each other. But didn't sleep together just some foreplay. Besides what we were doing made him orgasm really fast.
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Being attracted to people happens. It's fine. You are both unattached adults. However what's awkward is the living arrangement and right now three is a crowd when two are doing 'sexual things'. Also strange is his suggestion to immediately move in together.

 

Why is he staying with her? Does he work? Are his finances a mess? Have his own place? Live with roommates, a gf, his ex? Right now he's taking the golden opportunity to say string-along nonsense to get handy, convenient and instant sexual gratification.

 

It would be best to consider this an in the moment fling. Of course be discrete out of respect for your roommate/his sister. Why can't you go to his place to get romantic?

 

i believe that the above, and other questions pertaining to your respective living situations, his separation and it's aftermath and such are where you'll find his "reasons", and not by wrecking your head with this one particular intimate encounter, his ejaculation, or a lustful stare. i maintain that he isn't, and hasn't been fully "available" and knows it, and if you can look at the bigger picture, you'll see just what or whom he is too invested in to be a dating/relationship prospect, regardless of whether he did or did not genuinely like you more than just a one time thing. And, again, he chose to dump it on you.

 

you have my sympathies btw, just want to point out this didn't happen because of a "thing", be it an encounter, a stare or whatever. it was there all along, and hopefully knowing that will help you leave it behind.

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But Wise I didn't sleep with him. So it isn't like he got between my legs and got what he wanted. So many things told that me this could have been something real between . So how can it be that he's just looking at me as someone just for sex?? Sorry maybe I just don't get it. I have alot of feelings for him.

 

You had sex -- just not penetration.

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He had been living here at his sisters house for the last 6 mos. He moved into help her out and save money as she only charges him $250 in rent. I had a emergency and had to leave my house. So his sister my friend /co worker offered for me to move in to her house.

 

I don't know why him and his ex wife split up. But his sister told me his ex treated him badly and was just a in general. He told me that he had moved on from his divorce. That he dated alot when he first got divorced. But he stopped and only dated occasionally. He told me that since I moved into the house he hasn't been with anyone.

He told me he does talk to his ex wife because their youngest is still in high school. I mean obviously there will always be a connection between them. He was looking straight in the eye when he told me these things.

 

We have his sisters approval. She kept teasing us about that we would make a cute couple etc.. So I know it can't be because of his sister. We talked about keeping it discreet.

 

I know I should not define it by any moments between him and I. Maybe he has somebody else and was just really good at hiding it??? ughhh. Or he has been so hurt by his ex wife that he's afraid to get really involved again??

 

So obviously he just knew it was never going to go anywhere which I just can't bare to think is true.

 

Trying to take in everything that you are telling me. It's just hard I feel like I am dying inside right now..

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Yeah it was strange that he said to me we should move in together. I don't know what possessed him to say that to me.

 

He has a really good job doing construction work. Makes really good money. He has no money issues that I know of right now. Like I said in my original post he lives with his sister and me. So the only place to get romantic would be at the house where we live. Maybe he was playing me. But still thinking he was really interested in me. Maybe I am just wishful thinking.

 

I get what you are saying about how I should think of it as just a in the moment fling. Going to try and think of it like that.

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Did you just stare at him and say nothing the past few days??? that would be weird. If you are really interested in him i wouldn't see it as a momentary fling as a defense mechanism. I would just talk to him. Tell him you know he is avoiding you and that it wasn't just sex to you. That if he would like to date you, you will do your best to move out when you can so that you can date him so you aren't living with his sister.

 

That's just my take. But if you want to play it off as a fling and ignore him - you can do that too..

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No I didn't ignore him until after he made that comment about me just being interested in his d*+k . It hurt me alot that he would even think that way. I did sit out in the kitchen last night waiting and hoping he would hear me and come out. Just to even see him. He deliberately waited until I left the kitchen to wind up his windows and set the alarm on his truck so he wouldn't have to see me last night. Ughh

 

Also after we did something that night. There were lots of kissing and talking for the next few days afterwards.

 

Yes I would love to tell him that I know he's avoiding me and that it meant way more than just sex to me. I want to tell him that I can't stop thinking about him and that I have been in deep like of him for the last 2 months and I get butterflies in my stomach waiting to see him again at the end of the day. I would love to ask him if he wants to date me and yes that I will do my best to move out asap. Missing him like crazy ..

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This is kind of an all around odd situation

 

If you hadn't stated your ages I would've thought you were in your early twenties

 

The guy in question sounds sketchy too. He hooked up with you, tells you he wants to move in with you despite having known each other for only a very short time with no dating involved, then negs you, then avoids you...and he's 48??? *yuck*

 

I wouldn't pursue anything with this man. He doesn't sound right to me. Either he just wanted a fling or something is very off with him. Either way, this sounds like a no go

 

Next time, don't hook up with your roommates. As you can see it creates a mess you have to live with day in and day out.

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Yeah it's awkward. I don't know why you can't just talk to him and tell him those things... you know where he is. At best you find out he's just a bit shy - like you are - and that perhaps he's embarrassed about his rude comment. Maybe it's been a while since he has opened up to someone. At worst, you find out he was just playing around and got a big caught up in things. You can then move out or just keep some distance until you are able to move out/move on.

 

Additional: Your friend "supports" you. What does that mean? Did she just make joking comments, or does she actually know what's been going on? What advice would she give you?

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