Alone, longing and everything feels ever so pointless

[Long Gone]

Good to hear DB* ~ I think you're doin' good man. Keep it up*

 

I'm enjoying getting into the gym too when I get the motivation. I'd like to get in there every day, but some days are just too debilitating...but I accept that too...

 

C*

 

Thanks Carus

 

Little set back today as I had a run on social media....I should have thought before I posted.....

 

Anyhow I'm ok this evening.....oh and today i got some styling clay for my hair, starting to take pride in my appearance! Step forward!

[Long Gone]

Evening guys!

 

Thinks are settling down again, I've not been to the doctors yet and although I'm feeling better, I'm still going to see about counselling. My mind wonders to the past still.....I'm just trying to not let it linger.

 

At the moment my anxiety is 'if I'll ever be ready to date again'..... I need to let that rest for the time being. When I think I'm ready, I'll be sure to post on here for advice. I went in with such high expectations, thinking the first person I messaged would be the one....I feel incredibly foolish looking back, but I've had so little experience, even at the age of 32.

[CubbyBear]

Evening guys!

 

Thinks are settling down again, I've not been to the doctors yet and although I'm feeling better, I'm still going to see about counselling. My mind wonders to the past still.....I'm just trying to not let it linger.

 

At the moment my anxiety is 'if I'll ever be ready to date again'..... I need to let that rest for the time being. When I think I'm ready, I'll be sure to post on here for advice. I went in with such high expectations, thinking the first person I messaged would be the one....I feel incredibly foolish looking back, but I've had so little experience, even at the age of 32.

 

Remember to not beat yourself up. You're allowed to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I can tell you're making progress from just what you've been posting on this thread. Proud of you. In terms of dating, it's not a matter of IF just a matter of WHEN You're right not to think about it. You'll know when you're ready. In the meantime all you can do is focus on yourself.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Long Gone]

Remember to not beat yourself up. You're allowed to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. I can tell you're making progress from just what you've been posting on this thread. Proud of you. In terms of dating, it's not a matter of IF just a matter of WHEN You're right not to think about it. You'll know when you're ready. In the meantime all you can do is focus on yourself.

 

Keep up the good work!

 

Thanks CB.... it's such a weird (but positive time) for me. After caring for my terminally ill dad for so long, I'm now a free man (I hope that doesn't sound disrespectful, it was meant to be....I do miss him). I'm feeling better about myself as the weight is coming off.

 

Last night my trainer set me on a more intense work out routine for 3 days a week. This along with my low carb lifestyle is going to have such a positive impact on my life.

 

I just think the downside of having so much time on my own, means my mind will often wander back to the short time I had someone special in my life, and I do miss that. As you say though....it's not IF but WHEN. :)

[Long Gone]

Weeks going ok.... new neighbours have moved in, not got chance to introduce myself yet.

 

Chilling out this evening, watching a film and then my stupid brain flashes back to kissing her.... and I feel despair filling up inside. So instead of dwelling, I've come on here. It's fine, it's natural. You will meet someone else, you will kiss again...you will feel that warm embrace again....but when you're ready. That's what I keep telling myself anyway!

[LightWave93]

Another Brit! Hello!

 

Sorry to see you're hurting. You've had plenty of advice up to this point so there's not much else I could really add, but I'll keep an eye on this thread and offer my support when I can! :)

 

Keep your chin up, bud!

[Long Gone]

Another Brit! Hello!

 

Sorry to see you're hurting. You've had plenty of advice up to this point so there's not much else I could really add, but I'll keep an eye on this thread and offer my support when I can! :)

 

Keep your chin up, bud!

 

Thank you....it's genuinely appreciated!

I do feel bad posting...because I've had so much wonderful advice. It's just sometimes I feel I need support and this is the place I like to turn to.

 

When I think of her now, I don't think it's the real her anymore, it's a version my brain concocted over the past 6 months....it doesn't really feel like her anymore, just a mental construct.

 

I know I'm not ready to meet anyone as I've said before, but I wonder if I'll continue feeling like this until someone takes her place in my life, but on the other hand while she's in my thoughts I wouldn't dream of trying to meet someone and hurt them like I was. It's like a vicious circle.

[LightWave93]

Thank you....it's genuinely appreciated!

I do feel bad posting...because I've had so much wonderful advice. It's just sometimes I feel I need support and this is the place I like to turn to.

 

When I think of her now, I don't think it's the real her anymore, it's a version my brain concocted over the past 6 months....it doesn't really feel like her anymore, just a mental construct.

 

I know I'm not ready to meet anyone as I've said before, but I wonder if I'll continue feeling like this until someone takes her place in my life, but on the other hand while she's in my thoughts I wouldn't dream of trying to meet someone and hurt them like I was. It's like a vicious circle.

 

Sometimes it's best to just vent. I find typing on a keyboard to be strangely therapeutic.

 

I know how you feel about thinking of an ex and not being sure if it's real anymore. I've always had this tendency to really feel deep down any and all emotions that are evoked from memories or just general thoughts, as if I was experiencing those situations for real at that very moment. Early on, post-breakup, it tends to be idealization. Later on, bias towards how we currently feel about them.

 

You won't always feel like this, regardless if you meet someone new or not. The feelings fade away, naturally, overtime. It sometimes just takes us longer, but it's a necessary journal for important growth.

[Long Gone]

Sometimes it's best to just vent. I find typing on a keyboard to be strangely therapeutic.

 

I know how you feel about thinking of an ex and not being sure if it's real anymore. I've always had this tendency to really feel deep down any and all emotions that are evoked from memories or just general thoughts, as if I was experiencing those situations for real at that very moment. Early on, post-breakup, it tends to be idealization. Later on, bias towards how we currently feel about them.

 

You won't always feel like this, regardless if you meet someone new or not. The feelings fade away, naturally, overtime. It sometimes just takes us longer, but it's a necessary journal for important growth.

 

Thanks LightWave

 

I think I've made things harder for myself, although somethings aren't my fault.

 

This relationship was massive for me...yes it was short, we never slept together. But it was my first relationship in 12 years and I think this is why I'm still struggling. I did make things difficult for myself, because I made it a big deal in my head. I over analysed everything we did together....so the whole thing is in my head like a recording.

 

I thought things would feel easier than this at over 6 months.....but I think there is a part of me that isn't letting go, and I'm not sure how to. I still imagine her messaging me, and like I say....I think I'm still hanging on to hope, and I need to let go.

[figureitout23]

Releasing hope can be one of the hardest steps.

 

We tell others, we even tell ourselves, "they arent coming back, I know it."

 

But sometimes its hard to truly believe.

[Long Gone]

Releasing hope can be one of the hardest steps.

 

We tell others, we even tell ourselves, "they arent coming back, I know it."

 

But sometimes its hard to truly believe.

 

Yes, I think that fully sums up the situation. All I can do is keep going NC....so much time has past now there would never be any point in contacting each other. I think because she never sent back my DVD's it always gave a false sense of hope that I would hear from her, maybe if she'd sent them it would have helped, or maybe not, who knows.

 

I'm continuing to focus on myself, with my weight loss and weight lifting at the gym. The one thing I tell myself I must not do....if once I've lost this weight and gone from 308 pounds (currently 291.2) down to my target of around 182 and toned up.... no matter how tempting, I mustn't contact her with.....because all I'd be doing is 'look at me now' and ultimately risking undoing everything I've done. It's a thought at the back of mind....but I think I'm strong enough, and a better person not to do that.

[Long Gone]

Another rambling, feeling better today. I've been able to keep myself occupied....really good gym work out. Weigh in tomorrow, see where things are. My new jeans from 7 weeks ago are now too big for me.

[Carus]

Look at you go DB! I'm hoping to hit the gym tomorrow...I've always been toned and sculptured and I wanna keep it that way, but as you know, the gym does make us feel better mentally as well.....

The one thing I tell myself I must not do....if once I've lost this weight and gone from 308 pounds (currently 291.2) down to my target of around 182 and toned up.... no matter how tempting, I mustn't contact her with.....because all I'd be doing is 'look at me now' and ultimately risking undoing everything I've done.

That is good reflection Bro* ~ As we heal we come to a point where we start feeling good about things and we want to share that with the ex or parade it in front of them. That is based in ego when really we should just be pleased with ourselves for ourselves*

 

And I'm gonna be a bit blunt here ~ Sadly our exes don't really give a F anyway.....

 

They may be 'happy' for us but that doesn't equate to wanting to come back.

 

I think what I've observed over the years is a bit of an 'Ex Came Back' lottery....Some win. Most don't.

 

However, they've done us a favour my friend. They have opened the door now for someone who will love us for who we are and not abandon us since they weren't capable of it. How nice of them ;-)

 

Keep it up Buddy. Proud of You*

 

Carus*

[Long Gone]

Thanks Carus, I'm doing ok at the moment I think

 

 

And I'm gonna be a bit blunt here ~ Sadly our exes don't really give a F anyway.....

 

They may be 'happy' for us but that doesn't equate to wanting to come back.

 

 

This is very true, and ultimately I don't think she had a problem with my weight, as her ex husband was bigger than me. However a month or so into the relationship she had started quizzing me about how my weight loss was going and how I didn't seem as enthusiastic over losing weight as I was when we first me.... I think the reason for that was when I met her, I was trying to impress her.....and by that point in the relationship I thought she was happy with how I was. She did however say it was because of my health/diabetes.

 

Anyhow, I think the one thing I can thank her for, is me focusing on losing the weight and building muscle, because if we were still together, I don't think I'd be a the 21 pounds less that I am now....and falling!

 

Thanks for your inspiration Carus. Todays been fairly good....I've not thought about her much at all.

[Long Gone]

Hey guys!

 

A bit of emotional upset with my mother this week. Essentially, me feeling very much used by her.

 

However the good thing is, when these issues normally arise I then start dwelling on the ex, this hasn't really happened this time. Actually, I think I'm starting to let go of the past. I think I'm starting to see a light at the end of this now...but I do not wish to get too carried away just yet.

 

I have just got back from the gym after another good work out, I think I'm starting to see the lifestyle changes in how I look which is great and can only help improve my confidence.

 

Going to a new hairdresser tomorrow, I want a change and something that looks a bit more trendy than what I've had over the past 10 years.

[catfeeder]

A bit of emotional upset with my mother this week. Essentially, me feeling very much used by her.

 

What happened, and why do you believe she used you?

[Long Gone]

What happened, and why do you believe she used you?

 

I don't particularly want to go into it, it involves an affair she is having.

[Long Gone]

Hi guys

 

Had a bit of break from the site, not because I was upset....quite the opposite. I always worry I'm tempting fate with this type of post, but the ex is now feeling a long way away now. Do not get my wrong, if I tried to dwell on her, I probably could get upset....but I don't feel any need to think about her much.

 

Anyhow last night, I had a dream I was at a sci fi convention and she was there. She approached me and wanted to hang around with me, in the dream she showed me a photo of a guy she had been on a date with who she didn't really like, I had said 'I don't want to see the photo' but she still showed it me. The thing is, in the dream it didn't up set me, or when I woke up. What has really hit me actually, is that the ex in the dream was 'the real ex'.... not the fantasy image which has built up over the last 6 months. She felt incredibly real, and....I really wasn't in to her. In the dream I just wanted her to go away.

 

I feel this is incredibly positive, and I'm trying to keep reminding me of how I felt, and actually how I felt unsure about her while we were together. I'm actually enjoying being single, I've stopped thinking 'I need to meet someone'.

 

I haven't felt this positive about moving on in a long time.

[catfeeder]

What has really hit me actually, is that the ex in the dream was 'the real ex'.... not the fantasy image which has built up over the last 6 months. She felt incredibly real, and....I really wasn't in to her. In the dream I just wanted her to go away.

 

I feel this is incredibly positive, and I'm trying to keep reminding me of how I felt, and actually how I felt unsure about her while we were together. I'm actually enjoying being single, I've stopped thinking 'I need to meet someone'.

 

I haven't felt this positive about moving on in a long time.

 

Thanks for the update, and this is a terrific interpretation of the dream. I like to think of dreams as our highest intelligence whispering in our own ear. Glad you saw the message as positive encouragement to move forward.

 

Head high.

[Carus]

It's good to hear Buddy. I have no doubt you'll get there...wherever 'there' is lol

 

I still have nasty intense dreams and woke up at 5am this morning drenched in sweat...and it's been almost a year since we parted ways!

 

It's not every night though and sleep is my sanctuary....

 

Sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure that's a bit upsetting....

 

How are the new neighbours working out...?

 

Let's keep walkin' DB*

 

Carus*

[figureitout23]

Awesome Dalesboy. Im so happy to read this. Such a leap in the right direction. Bravo!

[SenseCanada]

Dalesboy, dreams are sometimes amazing and very interesting.

I was going through a period from my previous breakup where I started to be aware of all the energy surrounding us, dreaming and synchronized leads in my daily life.

Share your stories people will push you to continue with your healing. But never feel its over. It's never over, you are here right?

Everything happens for a reason, try to believe in that. You are forced to make changes and to invest time in yourself. Something out there has bigger plans for you.

There are people who meets their first true love for the first time and live with them for the rest of their lives. But that's their story and thats maybe the only thing they need to complete their tasks in their life. This story in your life may be a tool for you to evolve and become a stronger, better and more amazing person because that's maybe the abilities you need to have to achieve what your destiny has planned for you.

Continue with your healing, don't force yourself to socialize if it doesn't feel good. Work on yourself, and when you don't expect it you will be sitting having a conversation with a new friend in life over a dinner.

 

Yes I know it's an crazy rollercoaster but it will end,

Journal your days writing it down or recording on your phone. Talk with your self while you record it and talk about your thoughts. It's so interesting and inspiring to go back and listen to old recordings when I was crying telling myself I wouldn't find anybody in my life.

I found one, and got broken again.

But IM OK. I have faith because Universe wasn't finished with me, I have something greater in life waiting for me, so do you and this is our training to be the final level of ourselves.

 

Be strong

[Long Gone]

Thanks for the update, and this is a terrific interpretation of the dream. I like to think of dreams as our highest intelligence whispering in our own ear. Glad you saw the message as positive encouragement to move forward.

 

Head high.

 

Thanks catfeeder

I know I'm not 100% there yet, but it's interesting now that I'm on my own for the summer now not working, but I'm feeling pretty positive.....to be able to be sat around and doing nothing, and not to be dwelling on her seems to be a really good thing.

[Long Gone]

It's good to hear Buddy. I have no doubt you'll get there...wherever 'there' is lol

 

I still have nasty intense dreams and woke up at 5am this morning drenched in sweat...and it's been almost a year since we parted ways!

 

It's not every night though and sleep is my sanctuary....

 

Sorry to hear about your mother. I'm sure that's a bit upsetting....

 

How are the new neighbours working out...?

 

Let's keep walkin' DB*

 

Carus*

 

Hey Carus!

Sorry to hear you are still having nasty dreams. They really can mess with your head, I know when I've had bad dreams I find they tend to linger in your head all day! It's a real bummer......but I agree very much sleep is sanctuary.

 

New neighbours are fine, we have met and they seem nice. Seem to keep themselves to themselves which is cool. No issues so far :)

[Long Gone]

Awesome Dalesboy. Im so happy to read this. Such a leap in the right direction. Bravo!

 

Cheers figureitout23

I can't thank you enough for making me see sense.