Final text before no contact (?)

[TetraHaver]

After 5 years in which we had amazingly happy times, and brutal do-each-other-dirty times, I want to send a good closure text before I NC. We have been in a slow tortuous breakup for 3 months, while trying to maintain friends with benefits and usually ending in a fight. We make each other act crazy. I jumped his fence a few times when he ignored me, and I call-bomb him.He has so many demands of me, to change how I act and I'm never good enough. He has a sharpied tally on the wall from when i stayed there for a few weeks, marking when I would forget to turn off a light. I can't even remember the last time he said something nice about me (not sex related) and he disregards or interrupts what I say when I try to defend myself from his constant "you dont learn, you're stupid, you're a slob, you will never go anywhere in life" lectures.. he changes the subject when i have a valid point in my defense or he calls it an excuse. When it's him explaining then it's a 'reason. Anyway I think he's clinically a narcissist and after everything I just want (need) a final message to him that MAYBE might get through to him, or at least make him miss me.

[MissCanuck]

Good grief, no. Don't text him again. You know it's not for closure; it's to get him to pay attention to you because you want that validation and to know you're worth something - right? It won't get through to him in the way you want.

 

This is so dysfunctional and abusive (emotionally, verbally) it's ridiculous. You need to take a gigantic step back and ask yourself why you want this mess of a man to miss you.

[DanZee]

No, don't send him any message. He's been abusing you for at least the last 3 months and you would just be massaging his ego. Besides, it would be another reason for him to contact you. You need to go total no contact. Block him, delete him, and forget about him.

[Capricorn3]

Good grief, no. Don't text him again. You know it's not for closure; it's to get him to pay attention to you because you want that validation and to know you're worth something - right? It won't get through to him in the way you want.

 

This is so dysfunctional and abusive (emotionally, verbally) it's ridiculous. You need to take a gigantic step back and ask yourself why you want this mess of a man to miss you.

 

Totally agree. I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would want to "send a final text, and hope he misses me", to someone so abusive. This entire relationship sounds so dysfunctional and toxic. Be glad you're done with him and head for the hills. BOTH of you could benefit from some form of therapy to help you two overcome various issues.

[Everlong13]

This ia a terrible idea. Block him, it will help you to move on.

[AmeliaMatt]

No just no. He sounds like a complete and utter mess.

[boltnrun]

Is this what love looks like to you?

 

If so, it's very sad. Obsession is not love, neither is possessiveness. Or name calling, call bombing, wall jumping or anything else in this toxic relationship.

[Blank State]

After 5 years in which we had amazingly happy times, and brutal do-each-other-dirty times, I want to send a good closure text before I NC. We have been in a slow tortuous breakup for 3 months, while trying to maintain friends with benefits and usually ending in a fight. We make each other act crazy. I jumped his fence a few times when he ignored me, and I call-bomb him.He has so many demands of me, to change how I act and I'm never good enough. He has a sharpied tally on the wall from when i stayed there for a few weeks, marking when I would forget to turn off a light. I can't even remember the last time he said something nice about me (not sex related) and he disregards or interrupts what I say when I try to defend myself from his constant "you dont learn, you're stupid, you're a slob, you will never go anywhere in life" lectures.. he changes the subject when i have a valid point in my defense or he calls it an excuse. When it's him explaining then it's a 'reason. Anyway I think he's clinically a narcissist and after everything I just want (need) a final message to him that MAYBE might get through to him, or at least make him miss me.

"Or at least make him miss me.". This is your reason for the final text. Not for closure. Why do you want someone who disrespects you to miss you and get back together with you? Here's what would happen. He'd be on his best behavior for a week, maybe 2. Then it's back to who he really is. Because people who think they're right don't change. You're not going to get through to him. So... Go NC and don't look back. And going NC isn't for games or to make someone miss you or want to get back together with you. NC is for you. To heal, forget, and move on.

[Honeycomb8]

Jesus you guys needs to stay away from each other. He sounds like an absolute mess, and so do you.

Get therapy.