He doesn’t read my message for 12+ hours

[Batya33]

I see what you are saying. I don’t see a ‘date’ as meaning ‘dating’. I would use the term date and meet interchangeably without thinking one was different than the other.

 

I’m feeling like I don’t even want to ‘meet’ him at this point. I don’t think he is in the same head space as I am.

 

Oh then don't - I erred on the side of not meeting rather than meeting given the time commitment, etc. I didn't use it interchangeably in the sense that I never felt like I was being "asked out on a date" by a stranger nor did I feel like I was asking out a man when I suggested we meet in person. Certainly it might feel like a date, might feel romantic, whatever.

 

If the issue is that he's not typing back to you fast enough then I'd suggest meeting in person -if on reflection you are interested -and see what he says.

[Wiseman2]

Why don't you suggest meeting?

he just replied and his reply was super positive, lots of exclamation marks but no question back.

[DancingFool]

What you are trying to do is equivalent of reading tea leaves...and I actually think reading tea leaves would be more effective.

 

Look, men are faced with all kinds of women out there with different preferences and they have no clue what it is that you personally want from them. So, when I was on OLD, I would suggest meeting myself more often that not. Why? Because I wasn't into wasting time on messaging. Here is the thing - did I scare any man off? Nope, not a single one. In fact they were thrilled that I can actually communicate to them clearly what it is that I want from them and then jump on with enthusiasm into arranging actual concrete details of the meet and greet. You don't need to do anything elaborate either. A simple "hey I would love to continue this in person. I'm free to meet for coffee on x or y." is more than enough.

 

As for OLD message response times I'm totally with jman on this one. I'd go through and respond to all message while drinking my coffee before heading off to work. So yes, I would only respond once in....gasp.....24 hrs.... and the world didn't stop spinning and I had more dates than I can count.

[SherrySher]

What it comes right down to, OP, is what you are personally comfortable with.

I myself would prefer a man to ask for a meeting or date especially if I had already made the effort to contact him first.

 

There is no right or wrong. Just do what feels right to you. This is your romance story after all and if it doesn't feel good to be asking for a date and you'd prefer it be the man asking, then move forward and find one that fits the bill. It can take many tries before the right one shows up.

[Batya33]

What it comes right down to, OP, is what you are personally comfortable with.

I myself would prefer a man to ask for a meeting or date especially if I had already made the effort to contact him first.

 

There is no right or wrong. Just do what feels right to you. This is your romance story after all and if it doesn't feel good to be asking for a date and you'd prefer it be the man asking, then move forward and find one that fits the bill. It can take many tries before the right one shows up.

 

Yes and I think it's helpful to consider that a first meet is not a date as far as wanting the man to initiate, to ask -certainly when I've connected through Facebook with potential platonic friends and we might meet in person I am mindful of not being the one always asking about meeting -I prefer it to be a back and forth and that's not a romance or a potential romance. I do think thinking of it in terms of romantic interest and a date before even meeting is really premature and sometimes leads to the woman waiting and typing back and forth because "the man should suggest meeting for the first time, just like a man asking me out for a date" - my suggestion shortcuts the messaging and gets to the real reason you are online -to meet someone in person who you might date in the future. Also weeds out people who prefer to date online and not in real life.

[reinventmyself]

Besides. . The way you go about showing interest makes sense to you. You can't measure another persons actions by your own.

Especially in light of never having even met them before.

 

You used the term `not wanting to torture yourself' I get I am picking this out and taking it out of context,

but at the same time your choice of words can be very telling.

 

If you are going to give up valuable head space decoding someone's interest, wait until after you've laid eyes on them.

 

At this point he's not much more than an algorithm.

Ask to meet or talk and then move on to the next. Be bold.

No overthinking or emotional investment needed.

[Batya33]

"At this point he's not much more than an algorithm."

 

Classic!!

[Cope]

So if I understood correctly, he checked out your profile, you saw it two weeks later, you messaged him because you had a lot in common and since then your messages are very scarce?

If that's the case, forget about him. He's not interested. You can confirm by asking him out, but only if you're sure you'll have at least a good time if he says yes. Still, I wouldn't keep my hopes high. I'd actually advise you not to ask him out and continue texting other guys.

[maew]

My first thought? He's not as interested as you would like him to be. People take their phones with them everywhere, it takes two seconds to look at a message and reply.

You could be at work or on a break or whatever, and if you are into this person, you'll reply. 12 hours? Nah...he's not into it.

Or there could be other possibilities that are just as real, he's talking to more than just you, or he's married.

 

If you need to be asking if he's interested, then yes, something is off.

 

I will challenge this by saying I have all of my notifications turned off for these apps so they don’t distract me from my work, and will typically reply only in the evenings to messages. Has zero to do with interest.

 

Things would be much different if we were actively dating of course because I would assume by then we would be talking over text. Even then, I still limit my responses to a few times a day so I can focus on my work.

[FirstDates]

I will challenge this by saying I have all of my notifications turned off for these apps so they don’t distract me from my work, and will typically reply only in the evenings to messages. Has zero to do with interest.

 

Things would be much different if we were actively dating of course because I would assume by then we would be talking over text. Even then, I still limit my responses to a few times a day so I can focus on my work.

 

Thanks maew. I appreciate your input:)