Girlfriend left because I couldn't find stable work.

[ZHPpilot1]

Urgh, sorry, man. Weird, so she's now going for a Ph.D candidate in his late 30s with no job. You never know she may come back if she tires of that guy.

 

My ex set up her business in our first year going out. What annoys me is that she always said she could have never done it without my support and being there 24/7 to help her all the way. Then to get turfed when I did cheeses me off no end.

 

Yeah everyone tells me that but I cannot take her back, I know this guy is not her type in any way at all except she sees future potential earning in him. I was her guy, I always kept her laughing, comfortable and I was chivalrous all the time. I was there for her during the highs and lows and my family loved her. After her birthday is when she changed I assume someone put things in her head about me and then I noticed her slowly distancing from me. She always dated good looking successful guys before me but this new one is just the opposite of everything. I still can't wrap my mind around it.

 

 

Looks like we both have been the victim of very selfish women.

[ZHPpilot1]

I did the odd bit for her.

 

She was high maintenance, emotionally and materially. I wonder if her dumping was an attempt to jolt me into more effort.

 

I'll guess I might know after a few months of NC. I suspect she may just hook up with someone on her own payscale. It's killing me, though.

 

Well, I won't lie it has given me more of a "life jolt", I have been more active now and I'm expecting an offer this week(fingers crossed). I have done and a lot of self-improvements since she left but my heart still hurts for this person.

 

 

It could be, is she seeing somone? If not you still have a chance but you have to fix what caused the break.

[Mike5]

Man, it sounds like the same woman! Her mother was desperate for us to marry, as she feared her daughter would never meet anyone. I'd learned that my ex was the 'problem' in her past relationships also.

 

Dating a career-obsessed woman is very difficult. Mine was 35 when I first met her. She was very pretty and I was surprised she wasn't married with kids already. I found out that her work was everything to her. In a way, it suited me because I didn't want a family, so it was good that work was her main thing. But then when she set up her own firm within 8 months of us going out, she became obsessed with it. iPhone morning, noon and night. It became her only topic of conversation, all she would talk about with friends for the most part. I could see a lot of the time people would switch off from it and she would sometimes complain that others didn't show much interest in her work not understanding people had other things going on. Her temper, which had always been volatile, wasn't helped by the ups and downs of her work-life. Nor could she switch off at the end of the day, she had to be the boss in our life as well, whilst simultaneously chiding me for my lack of initiative. She wanted it every which way.

 

Still miss her like hell, though, and can't imagine a future without her.....

[ZHPpilot1]

Man, it sounds like the same woman! Her mother was desperate for us to marry, as she feared her daughter would never meet anyone. I'd learned that my ex-was the 'problem' in her past relationships also.

 

Dating a career-obsessed woman is very difficult. Mine was 35 when I first met her. She was very pretty and I was surprised she wasn't married with kids already. I found out that her work was everything to her. In a way, it suited me because I didn't want a family, so it was good that work was her main thing. But then when she set up her own firm within 8 months of us going out, she became obsessed with it. iPhone morning, noon and night. It became her only topic of conversation, all she would talk about with friends for the most part. I could see a lot of the time people would switch off from it. She would sometimes complain that others didn't show much interest in her work. Her temper, which had always been volatile, wasn't helped by the ups and downs of her work-life. Nor could she switch off at the end of the day, she had to be the boss in our life as well, whilst simultaneously chiding me for my lack of initiative. She wanted it every which way.

 

Still miss her like hell, though, and can't imagine a future without her.....

 

No kidding, mines usually left work at work but she was always kept checking emails during the weekend which didn't bother me unless it was cutting into "our time".

[Mike5]

Mine is heading off to what was supposed to be our new life together in NZ in 5 months. I'm trying to figure if I should make one last play. My financial scenario has improved a little since but I can't really see a way of letting her know that without it looking obvious and pathetic. Oh well....

[ZHPpilot1]

Mine is heading off to what was supposed to be our new life together in NZ in 5 months. I'm trying to figure if I should make one last play. My financial scenario has improved a little since but I can't really see a way of letting her know that without it looking obvious and pathetic. Oh well....

 

If you can do it without coming off as needy or desperate I would say go for it, but remember if she smells desperation it will push her away even more. You can always stick to NC and give her some time and space in which she will think it over. I always say if she still loves you she will reach out again. Other than that you gotta move on man, it's tough I know(30 days so far) but you gotta keep going. Working out and spending a lot of time with old friends has helped along with a lot of drinking. It's a grieving process you have to go through, five stages I believe. Don't be ashamed of it, go through all the emotions and heal before looking for the next one. Check this vid out it has helped me a bit.

 

 

[ZHPpilot1]

 

"you went as far as you could with him/her."

 

and sometimes that's just it.... you guys went as far as you could....

 

Thanks for that quote, I have been repeating it to myself through out the weekend when I feel guilty.

[Mike5]

ZHP, thanks for the vid, man.

 

Yeah, I'm holding to the NC as best I can.

[ZHPpilot1]

ZHP, thanks for the vid, man.

 

Yeah, I'm holding to the NC as best I can.

 

Do it, hang in there all is not lost.

[ZHPpilot1]

She's 39 so It appears she's having a hard time finding someone on the high level she so ungraciously places herself.

 

Thanks, a few friends have also told me this as well.

[annie24]

Very good question, yes this came up in the relationship she claimed that I wasn't putting in enough effort and to be honest I probably could have done more but I wasn't at home smoking pot and watching TV. I was squeezing in interviews left and right while working my passion job and going to school at night. I still remember changing my clothes in my car after an interview so my former employer wouldn't notice what I was up to. I know she wasn't going to put up with this for long so I was stepping it up but sometimes things take time. As I mentioned before I had my money and didn't mooch off her ever, it's not like bills were backing up.

 

It sounds like you were doing the right things with respect to you career. I'm sorry that your passion project didn't work out. At least you have your old career to fall back on. Hang in there. I hope she stops texting your mom with updates on her love life. Geez.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent, now she can send him job postings and try to fix and change him instead.

"she has a good feeling about this one", and guess what else? He's not working either.

[jimthzz]

>

 

I mean after a while you gotta change what's not working, right? I come along and yeah I don't have a high paying job but I check all the other boxes and you would think she would be fine settling down.

 

Nope, she wants all the boxes checked.

[annie24]

Nope, she wants all the boxes checked.

 

well... to be fair.... you shouldn't get married if you're unsure or totally not into the person. I know ZHPpilot said he thought most women wanted to get married by 35. But I'd say that there are a lot of women who don't want to, or aren't willing to settle with anyone and get divorced a few years later. I'm 37, almost 38. I would like to be married, but honestly, I'm pretty happy single too - things are going well. I don't see a pressing need to get married, especially if it's not the right match, for whatever reason. I'd rather be single than in a bad marriage.

[ZHPpilot1]

It sounds like you were doing the right things with respect to you career. I'm sorry that your passion project didn't work out. At least you have your old career to fall back on. Hang in there. I hope she stops texting your mom with updates on her love life. Geez.

 

Thank you. Yes I spoke to my mother and told her to cut off all communication. She promised she would however I think she was trying to get us back together, you know like some sort of back channel. She promised no more contact.

[ZHPpilot1]

Excellent, now she can send him job postings and try to fix and change him instead.

 

Haha, right? It's amazing I thought she would have left me for someone who had their stuff together, you know an "upgrade". It all makes sense now she wants someone with no balls who she can manipulate into her agenda.

[ZHPpilot1]

well... to be fair.... you shouldn't get married if you're unsure or totally not into the person. I know ZHPpilot said he thought most women wanted to get married by 35. But I'd say that there are a lot of women who don't want to, or aren't willing to settle with anyone and get divorced a few years later. I'm 37, almost 38. I would like to be married, but honestly, I'm pretty happy single too - things are going well. I don't see a pressing need to get married, especially if it's not the right match, for whatever reason. I'd rather be single than in a bad marriage.

Thanks, Annie, I agree. I felt she was pressuring me into marriage and I saw some things that made me uncomfortable. I'll be honest I was still planning on proposing before June until I noticed her distance from me and I got concerned.(talking to rebound guy) I understand people have issues and flaws and you have to be ready to accept them as they are or it won't work. I was okay with all her flaws with the exception of her attitude about money and communication. I just felt that's all she cared about and I was just too deep in to see it. She was horrible at communicating too even though I always told her "if our communication fails so do we". I'm enjoying my new found freedom and free time has allowed me to rediscover myself however, I won't lie I do miss her companionship, her laugh, cooking together or just cuddling watching a movie. I still want to find a partner but this experience has put doubts in my mind about marriage.

[ZHPpilot1]

Nope, she wants all the boxes checked.

 

Right? It's either all or nothing. I wish her Luck.

[ZHPpilot1]

I'm sorry that your passion project didn't work out.

 

Thanks.

 

Well you know I'm getting older and I just had to give it a shot and get if off my chest. The doubt was killing me and now I know I gave it my best and it's not for me.

[singingstick]

I don't think she's wrong for wanting a partner with a stable job. I don't think you're wrong in seeing her materialism as a red flag. It's not really anyone's fault... It just wasn't right.

[ZHPpilot1]

I don't think she's wrong for wanting a partner with a stable job. I don't think you're wrong in seeing her materialism as a red flag. It's not really anyone's fault... It just wasn't right.

 

Yeah, I see it like that sometimes, we got along so well together that I guess that's why it still baffles me. Our chemistry was second to none and our issues were fixable, I know any woman wants her guy to have stable employment(it's a given) but sometimes life throws a curveball at you and things take time to get back on your feet. I still hold some of the guilt since it was on me, at the end of the day I came up short plain and simple. I still have feelings for her but I've finally moved on to the final stage of acceptance. I can sleep peacefully now and she's not on my mind 24x7 anymore. I always say if it's met to be our paths will cross again in the future.