Urgent help needed, he thinks I lied, when I didn’t!

[katrina1980]

Re the man "always" initiating discussion so as to assure you don't get "snapped up" by another man, yes some men do feel that way (their insecurity and not a good reason to want exclusivity in my opinion).

 

They should want exclusivity as a natural progression to your blossoming relationship, and to increase intimacy.

 

On the other hand, some men feel the woman should initiate the discussion.

 

I've been wanting to bring it up but nervous and perhaps a bit stubborn, waiting for him to.

 

He's waiting for me to! Hence all his little "hints" -- planning a vacay and gauging my reaction.

 

It's stupid, a total push/pull!!

 

You want something? Ask for it. Don't be stubborn and don't play games.

 

Men are often just as nervous and uncertain as you are!

 

Taking my own advice here!!! lol

[Starlight925]

LHgirl, this is such great advice! Perfect way to initiate discussion, and may apply it to my own situation!

 

He brings up future stuff we should do together too, in fact now he's talking about renting a cottage on the beach in July or August when my vacation time kicks in (I get two weeks in Jan-June and another two weeks in July-Dec).

 

He always looks straight at me when bringing it up as if to gauge my reaction and I always just say "yeah that sounds fun!".

 

Early on I used to say "sure if we're still seeing each other....." Ugh.

 

But we have not formally defined or talked exclusivity other than we're not having sex with others right now.

 

But our connection is so intense and I have to say, I have the best time with him than with any man I've dated since my long term ex!!

 

Anyway, to the OP haven't read the rest of the thread after LHgirl's post so apologize if this has been said, but the way she proposed you bring this up is perfect!!

 

Katrina, I have a feeling that when you do bring it up to him in this way, he'll be like, oh of course, I'm not dating anyone else either! Many times, a guy doesn't use the exact words "exclusive", etc. If they aren't reading all these forums and internet advice, they may just not even be thinking to use the words.

 

I do have a very good feeling, Katrina, that in your case, your guy will respond very positively!

[katrina1980]

Katrina, I have a feeling that when you do bring it up to him in this way, he'll be like, oh of course, I'm not dating anyone else either! Many times, a guy doesn't use the exact words "exclusive", etc. If they aren't reading all these forums and internet advice, they may just not even be thinking to use the words.

 

I do have a very good feeling, Katrina, that in your case, your guy will respond very positively!

 

Thank you! I hope so I really like him!

 

It's hard. My nature is to always be the "cool girl" I need to stop this!!

 

I am fairly certain he can see right through this silly facade though (he kinda teases me about it); he is super perceptive.

 

I'm used to men being more aggressive with me (pushy); HE is different which may be one of the reasons I like him so much!

[Batya33]

Re the man "always" initiating discussion so as to assure you don't get "snapped up" by another man, yes some men do feel that way (their insecurity and not a good reason to want exclusivity in my opinion).

 

They should want exclusivity as a natural progression to your blossoming relationship, and to increase intimacy.

 

On the other hand, some men feel the woman should initiate the discussion.

 

I've been wanting to bring it up but nervous and perhaps a bit stubborn, waiting for him to.

 

He's waiting for me to! Hence all his little "hints" -- planning a vacay and gauging my reaction.

 

It's stupid, a total push/pull!!

 

You want something? Ask for it. Don't be stubborn and don't play games.

 

Men are often just as nervous and uncertain as you are!

 

Taking my own advice here!!! lol

 

In my case it was never ever about insecurity. It was because the man wanted to commit to me and wanted to make sure I knew that and it's just common sense that until you commit your person is free to explore other options. Not insecurity -reality.Perhaps some men do that out of insecurity - I've never heard of that other than men or women who pressure to commit with the sole reason being the "snapped up" reason - I do think that most people if they're smart and find someone they want to commit to should make that known as soon as the time is appropriate. Like in Harry Met Sally "when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want the rest of your life to start that day" - now a secure person will wait so as not to overwhelm the other person -I knew I wanted to marry my husband as soon as we officially got back together but I didn't say that or the L word that night -too much too soon - we needed our time to reconnect, to get to know each other again. Had I said it then it would have been a bit selfish, coming perhaps from insecurity and not thinking of his feelings, his needs.

 

I don't think men have to initiate -I think that if a man doesn't bring it up within a few months of regular dating he is most likely not interested in a long term commitment with that person. With exceptions of course. Certainly the woman can and should bring it up and in the OPs case they've been dating 5 months. I don't think he's waiting for her to bring it up or has any confusion about bringing it up. The most likely reason IMO he has not brought it up but is accusing her of being on Tinder is because he's not that interested in the long term with her. Perhaps I am wrong. I've been known to be, lol.

[Starlight925]

Thank you! I hope so I really like him!

 

It's hard. My nature is to always be the "cool girl" I need to stop this!!

 

I am fairly certain he can see right through this silly facade though (he kinda teases me about it); he is super perceptive.

 

I'm used to men being more aggressive with me (pushy); HE is different which may be one of the reasons I like him so much!

 

No, you do not need to stop being the "cool girl".

 

You can still be the cool girl, but bring this particular subject up in a cool way. Bringing up something specific about him that you really appreciate can help him to open up. Men love to be appreciated and accepted for who they are (don't we all?), but so often, women tend to want to change everything about their men.

 

Point out something specific about him that you appreciate: "I really appreciate that you came out with my friends last weekend. I know you would have rather played basketball, but you even ironed your shirt!". Something that he doesn't know you even noticed. And work into how much you're really enjoying your time together, and you just want him to know that you're not dating anyone else. Then, stop talking (this is the hard part, ask me how I know! lol). I have a very good feeling about this one for you, K.

[Starlight925]

in the OPs case they've been dating 5 months. I don't think he's waiting for her to bring it up or has any confusion about bringing it up. The most likely reason IMO he has not brought it up but is accusing her of being on Tinder is because he's not that interested in the long term with her. Perhaps I am wrong. I've been known to be, lol.

 

I don't think you're wrong, Batya.

 

I think we have two discussions going on here: the OP's case, dating for 5 months and being, IMO aggressively, accused of being on Tinder.

 

And we have Katrina's situation, where she's seeing a guy consistently, and he doesn't seem to have given her any reasons for wanting to question. Know how I know? Because Ms. Katrina has been pretty quiet here on these forums about her new guy. Someone once wrote, on another forum I'm on, that the way we know a poster is in a good relationship, they just don't talk about their SO that much on the forum. Because there's little to no drama, little to no worries, little to no anxiety. There's just not that much they need to question. So in Katrina's case, her only bit of "anxiety" (I put that in quotes, because that's my word, not hers) is that she'd just like to know that it's exclusive. I believe it is, and she believes it is. She just wants to know, from him. I think she'll get a positive response. :)

 

I look back at my own threads about my ex, and my anxieties/fears/worries are all so well laid out. Just the fact that I felt the need to write so much told me all I really needed to know.

[Batya33]

Re the man "always" initiating discussion so as to assure you don't get "snapped up" by another man, yes some men do feel that way (their insecurity and not a good reason to want exclusivity in my opinion).

 

They should want exclusivity as a natural progression to your blossoming relationship, and to increase intimacy.

 

On the other hand, some men feel the woman should initiate the discussion.

 

I've been wanting to bring it up but nervous and perhaps a bit stubborn, waiting for him to.

 

He's waiting for me to! Hence all his little "hints" -- planning a vacay and gauging my reaction.

 

It's stupid, a total push/pull!!

 

You want something? Ask for it. Don't be stubborn and don't play games.

 

Men are often just as nervous and uncertain as you are!

 

Taking my own advice here!!! lol

 

In your case, sure, bring it up. I would personally not just ask if he's dating someone else but make sure you both want to stop looking to date others and keeping options open. JMHO. I thought you were having fun being in the moment with him and now it sounds like you want to see if there is longer term potential. Good for you! My input was for the OP's particular situation. For me, personally, it wouldn't have worked if he knew I was interested in a longer term commitment in general but wasn't bringing it up to me - that kind of personality/hesitancy would not have worked for me personally, with exceptions. I made it clear from the beginning with almost every guy I dated what I was looking for or he knew from how we met/who introduced us, so that was a given. Typically within the first few dates we'd discussed our very general marriage and family goals-almost always the man would raise it -so against that backdrop it would have been odd for him to be hesitant to bring it up and cause for concern.

[Starlight925]

In your case, sure, bring it up. I would personally not just ask if he's dating someone else but make sure you both want to stop looking to date others and keeping options open.

 

Agreed! Especially with the bolded! I wouldn't ask him either. I'd just let him know that you're not dating anyone else, and then, the whole.....Speak up, then Shut up (lol) comes in. This is where you (maybe literally) sit on your hands and let him respond.

[Lilly26]

I’ve personally never been involved with a man who wanted to be serious with me and didn’t bring it up with me within the first 6 to 8 weeks of dating (and we weren’t having sex yet st that time and had nothing to do with sex. I was seriously involved with one guy where I had to bring it up and it was tied to sex also. He ended things after 5 months. Just wasn’t in love with me. Then there was another guy who seemed super into me but after 3 months was still logging on to the dating site. He said he wasn’t quite ready. We were not having sex yet. I gave it one more month, discovered a mental health disorder he had that he wasn’t treating and I ended it.

I wouldn’t ask this guy or tell him you’re not dating others (because the real point is whether you’re looking to date others). If he wanted to make sure you weren’t snapped up by some other guy you’d know it by now in my humble opinion.

 

Tomorrow is probably a day to hear from him regarding the items he has with me, I’ll probably hear somehow either he will pass by to collect or I’m hoping maybe he wud tell me to go there. I want to see him hug him ask him how he is doing and just be normal no drama. I don’t even wanna bring up these topics unless he does. And if he does I hope I get the opportunity to tell him face to face that he is the only man in my life and has been since we’ve met. I’m gonna be vulnerable put down my ego and tell him I enjoy every second with him and never had the need to continue swiping or being online. God be with me!

[Batya33]

I don't think you're wrong, Batya.

 

I think we have two discussions going on here: the OP's case, dating for 5 months and being, IMO aggressively, accused of being on Tinder.

 

And we have Katrina's situation, where she's seeing a guy consistently, and he doesn't seem to have given her any reasons for wanting to question. Know how I know? Because Ms. Katrina has been pretty quiet here on these forums about her new guy. Someone once wrote, on another forum I'm on, that the way we know a poster is in a good relationship, they just don't talk about their SO that much on the forum. Because there's little to no drama, little to no worries, little to no anxiety. There's just not that much they need to question. So in Katrina's case, her only bit of "anxiety" (I put that in quotes, because that's my word, not hers) is that she'd just like to know that it's exclusive. I believe it is, and she believes it is. She just wants to know, from him. I think she'll get a positive response. :)

 

I look back at my own threads about my ex, and my anxieties/fears/worries are all so well laid out. Just the fact that I felt the need to write so much told me all I really needed to know.

 

Yes, and I responded to that and see the distinction. She had posted about a guy sometime back -not sure if the same guy- and she seemed very happy to live in the moment with him and not talk about future stuff. Of course that can change as you get to know someone, sometimes in a heartbeat!

[Batya33]

Tomorrow is probably a day to hear from him regarding the items he has with me, I’ll probably hear somehow either he will pass by to collect or I’m hoping maybe he wud tell me to go there. I want to see him hug him ask him how he is doing and just be normal no drama. I don’t even wanna bring up these topics unless he does. And if he does I hope I get the opportunity to tell him face to face that he is the only man in my life and has been since we’ve met. I’m gonna be vulnerable put down my ego and tell him I enjoy every second with him and never had the need to continue swiping or being online. God be with me!

 

I would not bring it up at all unless he expresses interest in seeing you for a date, not just for practical reasons.

[Batya33]

Agreed! Especially with the bolded! I wouldn't ask him either. I'd just let him know that you're not dating anyone else, and then, the whole.....Speak up, then Shut up (lol) comes in. This is where you (maybe literally) sit on your hands and let him respond.

 

So I meant that it's fine to know he's not dating anyone else. The equally important issue is whether he's going to stop looking to date others. I think if he's interested in a potential commitment he will bring up not looking to date others. But without that piece, either person can meet someone else tomorrow and pursue them even though they are not "dating anyone else"

[katrina1980]

Lilly, yes about being vulnerable and not hiding that from a man you want to get close to.

 

Gosh, that's a hard thing to do sometimes!

 

At LHgirl and Batya, thx for your encouragement!

 

Will wait for the next right time (this morn while lying in bed eating breakfast would have been perfect) and will say exactly what you suggested LHgirl, thanks again!

[itsallgrand]

I agree that this far in, big fears should be gone, certainly shouldn't be scared to say what is what nor have need for appealing to god for help in knowing the person is solid with you.

 

In my experience, when the desire to be exclusive is mutual, the conversation happens relatively soon and with very little ado. It's mostly just a quick confirmation of what is quite clear already.

 

I do not think in this particular case, OP, that he has an interest in something committed. He may enjoy spending time with you for sure, but one doesn't always lead to the other.

[katrina1980]

So I meant that it's fine to know he's not dating anyone else. The equally important issue is whether he's going to stop looking to date others. I think if he's interested in a potential commitment he will bring up not looking to date others.

 

---

 

**But without that piece, either person can meet someone else tomorrow and pursue them even though they are not "dating anyone else"

 

Batya, honestly either person can meet someone else tomorrow and want to pursue even when you are exclusive!

 

It happens and there are never any guarantees.

 

I'm not wanting to know for reassurance necessarily (maybe a little lol), I'm starting to fall in love and having this talk would be a way to increase intimacy and become closer, without appearing needy, insecure and pushy.

[Batya33]

Batya, honestly either person can meet someone else tomorrow and want to pursue even when you are exclusive!

 

It happens and there are never any guarantees.

 

I'm not wanting to know for reassurance necessarily (maybe a little lol), I'm starting to fall in love and having this talk would be a way to increase intimacy and become closer, without appearing needy, insecure and pushy.

 

Of course no guarantees. But a commitment to me means you’re not seeing msyoencelase or looking to meet anyone else. If I met someone else today I would like to pursue I would only after getting a divorce - but if someone says “I’m not dating mapynevelsse right now” that could very well mean that she is open to and actively pursuing other options it’s idt that right now she is not dating anyone else. So if she decided to pursue another guy tomorrow she wouldn’t have to tell her current guy as all she told him was “I’m not dating mayoen right now”. Many years ago I sought out counseling because I was having doubts about my relationship. We were not exclusive. I had a profile on a dating site and told my counselor thdt I wanted to stop dating other people - I was easy - but liked to search the dating site for fun just to see what was going on. He said “ok. That means you have one foot out the door and you’re not willing to close off your options and focus just on your partner “. And he was right. Online dating was really new back then and to me felt like a candy store. So I stopped going on dating sites and instead sought out sites focused on discussing topics etc with others (no meet up back then more like this kind of forum). So that’s what I mean. No guarantees and if your mindset is “I am done looking and this is my person” that’s different than “I’m not seeing anyone else now. He is my Mr Right Now and if someone catches my eye tomorrow I’ll wink back and take it from there”. People come across attractive people often I’m sure and if you feel committed and are not looking to date others that factors into what your reaction will be and what choices you will make. (And this goes for men too of course - just picked “she”).

[Batya33]

Lost my post ! Of course no guarantees. Huge difference between the mindset “this is my person and I have no desire to keep my options open and look for others “ and “I’m not seeing anyone else right now so I’ll see only him but if someone catches my eye or my friend wants to introduce me to someone cool and I have no reason to end things with my partner or tell him”. And if you’re not pursuing other options there’s far less of a chance that you’ll follow up on someone who happens to catch your eye when you’re out and about because you’ve committed to your partner. I dated someone who agreed to be exclusive but wanted to be open to have “coffee” with a woman meaning , to him, just a first meet through a dating site. He wanted to be just with me for dating and also keep his options open for first meets. I said thanks but no thanks.

[Lilly26]

Lost my post ! Of course no guarantees. Huge difference between the mindset “this is my person and I have no desire to keep my options open and look for others “ and “I’m not seeing anyone else right now so I’ll see only him but if someone catches my eye or my friend wants to introduce me to someone cool and I have no reason to end things with my partner or tell him”. And if you’re not pursuing other options there’s far less of a chance that you’ll follow up on someone who happens to catch your eye when you’re out and about because you’ve committed to your partner. I dated someone who agreed to be exclusive but wanted to be open to have “coffee” with a woman meaning , to him, just a first meet through a dating site. He wanted to be just with me for dating and also keep his options open for first meets. I said thanks but no thanks.

 

I’m only seeing him I really like him but if he has cut me off there is nothing I can do I can become blue trying to say I’m obly seeing him but if cannot believe me then think of it, his loss. You people don’t know me but just to give u a picture of me. Im known to be very charming attractive witty smart and kind person within my friends and family. In all my relationships I have always given 100% of me. I’ve never cheated or betrayed any of my men but I also have a lot of pride. I get disappointed when I’m Falsely accused of lying. I really think the foand believe in my heart it’s one the following:1- the tinder is an excuse 2- he is extremely screwed with a work dilemma, 3- he thinks when I said about my friend I lied. 4- Im just panicking for no reason. Time will show I am eager to see will he contact me tomorrow for collecting those items I fixed and will we speak at all. Anxiety galore I haven’t been able to eat properly ever since this happened.

[purplepaisley]

When I first read this post, I really didn't know what to do or say. I mean, all you can do is say what happened. You logged in for a friend to peruse and see what the app is about and what's out there in the land of dating. Now, seven pages later, and reading some of the other responses, I'm rather annoyed by all this and his accusations and behavior. I can really empathize your stance, OP, as you are quite smitten with him and you have very strong feelings for him. BTDH, got the t-shirt...I've been there too...but I think maybe he's not "it." I mean, whether it was him or a friend online, you wouldn't pop up in the matches except for this few hours that one time. Even if he was intentionally typing in your screen name in a search, you would have only popped up during those few hours that one time. Your story is quite plausible.

 

I just think, your guy wouldn't know you're still online (which I know you weren't except for that one time) unless he was online. Maybe he started a new and different profile. Something you wouldn't recognize. He did this to continue seeing other women without your knowledge or to check up on you and your online activity, and out of several days/weeks, your profile was nonexistent and was only active for a couple hours. You explained why, and out of several weeks, it was a few hours with a plausible excuse and reason...and out of all that time when you weren't visible or searchable, his focus is on those few hours and he doesn't believe the reasons why.

 

The second issue is this friend of his. I find myself very uncomfortable with a friend who purposely sets out to sabotage...why would he do this? Is there a reason? If you disabled your account, you wouldn't show up in matches. I question how readily you would pop up in this friend's searches/matches. I'm guessing you only showed up those few hours or he purposely sought out your username and did so every time he logged in...and then that one time, when he typed in your username, it was active, and that was when he was quick to let your boyfriend know. Who is this friend, and do you really want this kind of guy in your life? I mean, c'mon, your account was disabled for weeks. Is this friend of your boyfriend going to be your nemesis forever, pointing out your every flaw, creating stories, and creating drama, sabotaging your relationship?

 

Your boyfriend has seemingly dropped off the planet at this point, choosing to believe you're a cheater, but I absolutely agree with an earlier post, I believe from "Wiseman" who stated something along the lines of "the guilty point fingers first," and we all know this to be true in many instances. Your boyfriend continues an online account and came across you in a few hours on a Saturday, or he has a friend checking up on you and feeding fodder, or he's saying it was his friend, when it's really him.

 

I think if it were me in this situation, I would continue along and hope to smooth over this issue, communicate, come to terms, because I think he feels the same for me...and hopefully not to my detriment...I should probably tell him to pound sand right now...so the only thing I can offer, OP, is be careful on your investment with your heart right now and your loyalty and trust. Watch for flags...his avoidance right now and anger...I think this is a flag to run...you should probably just let this one die after you return his things...just be done. The level of drama over activating your profile for a couple hours is quite over the top and this friend of his is going to be a consistent problem if he's willing to throw you under the bus over nothing.

[Lilly26]

When I first read this post, I really didn't know what to do or say. I mean, all you can do is say what happened. You logged in for a friend to peruse and see what the app is about and what's out there in the land of dating. Now, seven pages later, and reading some of the other responses, I'm rather annoyed by all this and his accusations and behavior. I can really empathize your stance, OP, as you are quite smitten with him and you have very strong feelings for him. BTDH, got the t-shirt...I've been there too...but I think maybe he's not "it." I mean, whether it was him or a friend online, you wouldn't pop up in the matches except for this few hours that one time. Even if he was intentionally typing in your screen name in a search, you would have only popped up during those few hours that one time. Your story is quite plausible.

 

I just think, your guy wouldn't know you're still online (which I know you weren't except for that one time) unless he was online. Maybe he started a new and different profile. Something you wouldn't recognize. He did this to continue seeing other women without your knowledge or to check up on you and your online activity, and out of several days/weeks, your profile was nonexistent and was only active for a couple hours. You explained why, and out of several weeks, it was a few hours with a plausible excuse and reason...and out of all that time when you weren't visible or searchable, his focus is on those few hours and he doesn't believe the reasons why.

 

The second issue is this friend of his. I find myself very uncomfortable with a friend who purposely sets out to sabotage...why would he do this? Is there a reason? If you disabled your account, you wouldn't show up in matches. I question how readily you would pop up in this friend's searches/matches. I'm guessing you only showed up those few hours or he purposely sought out your username and did so every time he logged in...and then that one time, when he typed in your username, it was active, and that was when he was quick to let your boyfriend know. Who is this friend, and do you really want this kind of guy in your life? I mean, c'mon, your account was disabled for weeks. Is this friend of your boyfriend going to be your nemesis forever, pointing out your every flaw, creating stories, and creating drama, sabotaging your relationship?

 

Your boyfriend has seemingly dropped off the planet at this point, choosing to believe you're a cheater, but I absolutely agree with an earlier post, I believe from "Wiseman" who stated something along the lines of "the guilty point fingers first," and we all know this to be true in many instances. Your boyfriend continues an online account and came across you in a few hours on a Saturday, or he has a friend checking up on you and feeding fodder, or he's saying it was his friend, when it's really him.

 

I think if it were me in this situation, I would continue along and hope to smooth over this issue, communicate, come to terms, because I think he feels the same for me...and hopefully not to my detriment...I should probably tell him to pound sand right now...so the only thing I can offer, OP, is be careful on your investment with your heart right now and your loyalty and trust. Watch for flags...his avoidance right now and anger...I think this is a flag to run...you should probably just let this one die after you return his things...just be done. The level of drama over activating your profile for a couple hours is quite over the top and this friend of his is going to be a consistent problem if he's willing to throw you under the bus over nothing.

 

Thank you for giving your input. Yes I am indeed very smitten but the way he has acted ever since towards a woman who has had her best intentions at heart and helped him out so much throughout this 5.5 months whether it is the helped he required in his kitchen redesigning his house helping him choose furniture throwing him a bday bash even his health is absolutely unacceptable. I’m a decent woman thou sorry I mention again but I do get quiet a lot of attention whether towards my asthetics or my witty smart intelligence. He continuesly tells me I’m beautiful inside out, l never asked him for anything but being genuine. Could it be this personal drama that he is going thru has caused him to go out of his normal mind? Maybe he is so stressed and can only think of removing the one thing which was joyous in his life out? Today is the day something is gonna come up bcuz he has some chores I ran for him and he needs to collect from me. How he will handle this cud give me some information. I have to be strong

[Lilly26]

So I meant that it's fine to know he's not dating anyone else. The equally important issue is whether he's going to stop looking to date others. I think if he's interested in a potential commitment he will bring up not looking to date others. But without that piece, either person can meet someone else tomorrow and pursue them even though they are not "dating anyone else"

I do not think he is dating anyone else. Bcuz we spend entire weekends together not a single msg or call. Everything between us our intellectual conversations, our passionate sex, our cooking sessions even our technical expertise are all too perfect for him to have the time or the need to date anyone else. The guy travels heavy duty for work every 4 days he is in air.

[Lilly26]

Some update, he is coming over to pick the fixed item this evening. How shud I be?

[Lilly26]

Ok he wrote me a long msg telling me he believes me but at this point he has serious issues with some work and personal matter and it stresses him to think about us. He said I know you are a genuine person I never doubted but all I can say is give me some time to sort out my problems and look at matters objectively. He said he will pass by but appreciate if I go outside to give it to him so he can rush back and do his stuff. I’m sad but I wrote the honest truth once again and I told me I can understand and am not such a kind of woman to be bothering him. So basically he broke it off with me. I wish I had some home that one day he wud come back to me.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it sounds like he had one foot out the door the entire time and was never interested in being exclusive or any sort of "future". It also sounds like he was setting the table for this exit with the tinder argument.

at this point he has serious issues with some work and personal matter and it stresses him to think about us. So basically he broke it off with me.

[Batya33]

He never came to you to "come back to you" -he dated you casually and you were fine with being one of the people he was dating or looking to date. He sees how into him you are and does not feel the same way. Please move on as he has moved on and really never "moved in".