Guy is telling my girlfriend his sexual desires

[Fluron]

Hi all, I'll keep it brief:

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and she's told me about a few guy friends that she has. A while ago she brought something up that puzzled me a little and I wasn't sure how to react to it; she was telling me some things that one of her guy friends had told her. He was talking about his sexual desires and things that he's into... the part that has me worried and confused is that she won't tell me who or why he's coming out with things like that. She assures me that they are just friends but to me it feels like something like that should be kept private (especially when the other has a partner). To me it seems like she's trying to hide who it is for whatever reason.

 

Am I being paranoid or have I got a valid reason for being worried here and should she be telling me more detail on the person?

[smackie9]

Some would look at it as the other trying to get some info for their maturation theater/fantasy. Sometimes it's just conversation because they feel comfortable with the other person. The only thing you can do is to tell her calmy that it is inappropriate to be discussing stuff like that while in a relationship, that there should be boundaries, and you are not comfortable with it. Ask her how would she feel if you were discussing such things with another girl....I think if you put it into perspective for her she will realize she needs to stop doing it.

[SherrySher]

Very inappropriate that she and this guy are talking to one another like this. Let her know that you're not okay with it, but it's up to her whether she's going to be a decent girlfriend or not.

[Fluron]

Even though she says she's not telling him anything? I'm just trying to make sure I'm not being over-dramatic. Just going off the basis that he's the only one telling details, it's still not okay right?

[Usa1ah]

A little confused. Is he telling her things he wants to do to her or what he is doing with other girls?

 

I don’t kiss and tell. The only person I discuss my sex life with is my wife. Your gf is breaking a boundary that could easily lead her friend to ask “you want to try it”.

[Fluron]

"she was telling me some things that one of her guy friends had told her"

 

She hasn't said anything to him apparently. But she's happy for him to speak about it to her. He isn't aiming it at anyone apparently but I just find it odd that another guy is telling my girlfriend his sexual interests and kinks. I just don't understand if it's acceptable for her to be talking to him while he's talking about something like that and feel like that sort of talk is best left between the couple (unless said recipient is not in a relationship). It just seems weird that she's unwilling to tell me who it is that's telling her this stuff. It almost feels like a secret is being kept

[Honeycomb8]

This is highly inappropriate. I don't believe he's only saying this to her for no reason and I def know she's saying it back and flirting. I don't tolerate this sort of bs from a s/o and would be dumping if I were you.

 

 

This behaviour will get worse.

[j.man]

I'd be much more concerned about why the hell she felt any need to tell you about this than I would her conversation material with this friend of hers. Needless to say, I'd let her find another guy who enjoys that sort of diarrhea.

[Wiseman2]

Even odder is that she is telling you this TMI after dating just a short time. Basically they are sexting, whether she's just listening or not because she's encouraging it, not shutting it down. Have you asked her "Why are you telling me this?". See what she says.

I just find it odd that another guy is telling my girlfriend his sexual interests and kinks.

[SherrySher]

It basically comes down to this, she knows she shouldn't be letting another man talk to her in this way. But she allows it. That is disrespectful to you and is giving the go ahead for this other guy to talk sexually to her.

She furthermore wants you to know how this man is speaking to her instead of fixing the problem herself and telling this guy to "back off".

 

She is getting some kind of enjoyment out of his attentions and making you jealous over it.

 

Stop playing into her games and tell her you're not okay with it and to stop allowing this "friend" of hers to talk to her like this, or end it altogether.

 

Personally, I can't see how she is a decent girlfriend behaving like this.

[Usa1ah]

So she is telling what this guy is saying to her but not the guys name.

 

Time for you to find someone new.

[chrissyh23]

Hi all, I'll keep it brief:

 

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and she's told me about a few guy friends that she has. A while ago she brought something up that puzzled me a little and I wasn't sure how to react to it; she was telling me some things that one of her guy friends had told her. He was talking about his sexual desires and things that he's into... the part that has me worried and confused is that she won't tell me who or why he's coming out with things like that. She assures me that they are just friends but to me it feels like something like that should be kept private (especially when the other has a partner). To me it seems like she's trying to hide who it is for whatever reason.

 

Am I being paranoid or have I got a valid reason for being worried here and should she be telling me more detail on the person?

Maybe she won't tell you who because she was trying to tell you her sexual desires but was embarrassed to just come out and say it. Its worth asking her.

[Cope]

Um..I have a couple of friends that we talk about sexual desires, with boundaries though. We don't get into many details and in no way is it in a sexual/flirting manner. So I assure you it can happen without it being any cause of concern and in no way I'd consider myself a "non-proper" girlfriend for chatting about things with my friends.

 

If it bothers you though, this is an incompatibility you should talk about. I'm sure she will agree to stop telling you about it as indeed it's none of you're business. That's the troubling part, why is she telling you about it? Does she want to see your reaction about the things he does because maybe she wants to try them with you? In that case, does the friend even exist or did she make him up just to find a way to talk to you about her desires? Is she the type that could try to make you jealous? Not mentioning his name is reasonable because it's her friend's personal business, then again she shouldn't be talking about it in the first place.

 

I just wanted to say that it does not necessarily mean she's cheating or wants to. Close friends talk about a lot of things, but again, you have to feel comfortable with it, so if you don't, you need to work that out.

[Minikimini]

Is she willing to stop having these conversations with her friends? Because she may not be willing to do that and will just not tell you she's having these conversations since knowing about them makes you uncomfortable. Then it's up to her to decide who is more important to her. What are you prepared to do if she decides that she's going to talk with her friends about whatever?

 

I mean, she's not his object of desire from what you've written--he's just talking about it because they're friends (were they friends before you started dating her?)

[reinventmyself]

My gut tells me that even though she insists some guy is sharing this with her, she is the willing recipient to the information and is party to in some way.

I personally wouldn't want to know some guy friends fetishes, so keep them to themselves because sharing them with me involves me to some intimate degree that doesn't feel appropriate.

The fact that she engages it and feels the need to tell you is suspect, at best.

 

Not sure what it all means, but it just isn't right. . and you know it.