Being best friend with my Ex

[Shweta]

Hii. This is a bit strange situation for me. Me and my ex are best friends. After a relationship of 3 months, there was a lot mess between us. But we ended up being best friends. Now after few months he has a girlfriend and he shares most of the things about her with me. I don't know but why sometimes I feel sad. I don't want to get back with him again since i know our families will never accept us. This is the only reason we broke up. But sometimes, whenever he tells me about their Valentine's plan or Birthday plans or tells me how close they are, i feel upset. I don't know why. Please help me ! What should I do in this situation.

[SooSad33]

Go distant for a while? Until those feelings for him are no longer. ( YOu got emotionally invested?)

You do this for YOU. It is hurting you. Been there :(.

 

Distance is best at this time.. to work on accepting & healing.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. That's why it's ridiculous to be "best friends" with a lover that didn't work out. Stop talking to him and stay no contact, you are only hurting yourself with this while he gloats about his new love in your face.

 

The time you are wasting listening to how amazing his new love is could be spent on dating guys who want a relationship.. with you

Me and my ex are best friends. he has a girlfriend. whenever he tells me about their Valentine's plan or Birthday plans or tells me how close they are, i feel upset.

[Shweta]

Hii. Thank you for your advice. It has been months we are best friends and if i suddently stop contacting him it will be wiered. It will also hurt him and i don't want to hurt him. He really motivated me alot. Although the situation is hurting but I have become a better person becuase of him

[reinventmyself]

I happen to be really good friends with an ex. I can go to him for dating advise and vice versa. But it was only after a great deal of time passing.

If it makes you uncomfortable to hear about his personal life then it's a strong indication that you aren't ready to be his friend. . and that's ok

[SooSad33]

Okay.. but how is it affecting you emotionally? Mentally?

I would go crazy trying to 'be a friend' with an ex... with whom i had such feelings for. I can't do it.. unless or until those feelings fade.

 

Remember.. take care of YOU.

Don't think on HIS behalf.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately now he's hurting you. You can pull way back and be busy, have to get off the phone, etc. if starts talking about it. you need much better boundaries.

It has been months we are best friends and if i suddently stop contacting him it will be wiered. It will also hurt him and i don't want to hurt him

[maew]

What do you think will happen, that he will see how good a friend you are and throw away what he has for you? This only happens in movies I'm afraid.

 

I understand why people want to stay connected as friends to their ex... they think it will make it easier to get over them, or they have a "faint hope clause" in their mind that there, just maybe, will be a possibility that something could happen with this person again. In reality it prolongs the period of letting go, and letting go is what needs to happen.

[MissCanuck]

OP, this is not good for you.

 

You are not far enough over him to be his best friend. Much more time needs to pass, until you feel neutral about his love life. It will only get harder and weirder for you if you two insist on being best friends. Do you really want to have a front-row seat to his new relaitonship?

 

Don't do this to yourself. Take time and space away from him for you. If he's a decent guy, he'll understand why it's not healthy for you two to be this close.

[No1]

You two were never 'Best Friends'. My guess is that you went from relationship straight to the illusion of being 'best friends'. You didnt let the emotional ropes that you had attached to him fade away.

Now thats not to say Xs cant be friends or best friends, but a good amount of time and all the emotional ties between those two people have to be dissolved before that can happen. You two tried to pretend they were not there.

 

So, you see that you are and you cant be his friend. You still have feelings for him. As Canuck said, put some space between you two. I know it hurts, but its whats best for you.

[boltnrun]

Are you hoping he comes back to you?

[Roughpatchsw]

I happen to be really good friends with an ex. I can go to him for dating advise and vice versa. But it was only after a great deal of time passing.

If it makes you uncomfortable to hear about his personal life then it's a strong indication that you aren't ready to be his friend. . and that's ok

 

I second this. I am really good friends with three exes, but all of them were reconnecting after time had passed. One I kept in touch with throughout, but it was literally stuff like Happy B-day or holidays or "How are things" for a long time. By the point we started talking a lot again they were in relationships and I had been in several so it wasn't feeling pressure or sadness, just "Man we really got along well didn't we." And respect for boundaries. That is a big key too. It takes time to build up the willpower for that and two people who will respect those.

[SweetGirl28]

Ask him not to discuss her with you

[figureitout23]

Yes exactly. He broke up with me saying that he won't be able to manage career as well as relationship. We promised each other to be best friends. Even he promised that. Though i have feelings for him its okay for me to see him with a girlfriend or marrying someone else.

 

 

 

I knew I remembered your story. We're not always right but we come from expiereince. Everyone told you, you two shouldn't be best friends and when he got a girlfriend you would be hurt, it was obvious how upsetbyou got over every day interactions. I'm not going to sit here and say told you so, I'm going to say stop looking out for him, and look out for you because I promise you, you are not his top priority

[MissCanuck]

I knew I remembered your story. We're not always right but we come from expiereince. Everyone told you, you two shouldn't be best friends and when he got a girlfriend you would be hurt, it was obvious how upsetbyou got over every day interactions. I'm not going to sit here and say told you so, I'm going to say stop looking out for him, and look out for you because I promise you, you are not his top priority

 

OP, please read and then re-read the bolded.

 

He doesn't have any issue being "best friends" with you because he doesn't have feelings for you anymore. You, however, quite clearly still have feelings for him. Keep him in your life if you insist, but it will keep you stuck and prevent you from finding someone who actually wants to be with you.