Should I move on?

[android123]

I have this "fwb" who I've met up with twice for sex, nothing more, nothing less. Our second time together was a really good time, however, I haven't heard from him in a couple weeks. I know this is completely normal for an fwb situation being that we're not tied to each other and can date other people, but I'd like to know how long one should wait until it's time to move on.

 

This guy and I have a lot in common, almost too much, so we get along very well. I was very confident that I was going to see him a third time for a couple reasons. One, he insinuated my return by happily stating: "are you gonna steal my (cool gadget he had) the next time you come over?". Two, he kissed me goodbye on the lips. To give a little more info, this guy almost never has his hands off me when we're together, even when waiting for round 2 in bed he cuddles me , kisses me, and holds my hand. There were a couple other signs but these were the most prominent.

 

I think the reason why I haven't heard back from him is because I deleted my dating app a couple days later. I did NOT do this because of him. This was something I was going to do regardless of what transpired between him and I. I'm thinking he thought I unmatched him. He is the insecure type so in my eyes it makes sense. I really don't know. I will mention that we never communicated outside of sex, so maybe I shouldn't be so curious about why it's been 2 weeks. After all, I don't plan on committing to him because I don't like him in that way, don't want a relationship anytime soon, have met other peoole all the while, and just enjoy sexy time with him.

 

I'd like to know your thoughts. The first time was mutual, he then asked for two more sessions after that that I couldn't make, and then I set up the second one (most recent). Should I ask him to meet up for another session or wait it out/move on?

[nutbrownhare]

You saying that you don't want to commit to him in that way, don't want a relationship any time soon, all that... reminds me of the song "I'm not in Love".

 

Everything else in your post suggests that you felt far more of a connection with him than purely sex; not just that you have a lot in common, but also the way you're thinking over all his actions in minute detail, and pondering why he hasn't been in touch. You say that you shouldn't be so curious after two weeks, but there really are no "shoulds" here. That's the way you feel, and nothing wrong with that provided that the other person is on the same wavelength. You wouldn't be the first in a FWB situation to start catching feelings.

 

There are many reasons why he might not have been in touch. He may have met someone else and wanted to take it further, he may have been too busy with many other fwb situations, or he may have interpreted you deleting your app as wanting to be exclusive with him - which would be offputting for him if he really is only out after sex. He's the only one who can really answer this.

 

If you're truly after fwb, don't give him a second thought - get out there and move on. Even if he does put in another appearance, as you say - you're not tied to each other and can date other people. However, you need to be really honest with yourself and ask yourself if this is REALLY all you want. While you're the only person who can answer this question, to be perfectly honest it doesn't sound like it.

[Wiseman2]

There's no time frame. You move on when you find someone interested in the same dating/relationship situation that you want. He doesn't want to be your bf, and is backing off because you are trying to steer it that way.

I'd like to know how long one should wait until it's time to move on.

[SweetGirl28]

Fwb hang out with one another outside of just meeting up for sex. There's also some communication.

What you found was a f*** buddy. And since it was through a dating app, it's safe to say he is with others most likely, plus since you don't communicate anyway, he's waiting until when he feels like having sex with you again.

 

It is all you want, it's fine. But it obviously bothers you, so I'd move on from it and before doing this again, get to know someone a bit, and their intentions. Set rules for the fwb situation, so this maybe won't occur again.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with SweetGirl. This is f-buddy territory.

 

I don't think you should see him again, simply because you don't appear to be on the same page. You are wanting more while he is cool with casual sex. The kissing and cuddling is just part of a sexual encounter for some people, so I would try not to read into it. He's been silent for 2 weeks so it didn't mean more to him, I don't think.

 

In a sense, there's nothing to move on from. You saw him only twice and you are free to see others. I'd keep your options open for a dating partner, as it appears that's closer to what you would like.

[android123]

Thanks y'all. Haha yes f*ckbuddy was the word I was looking for. I agree with your decision to just let it be. This is what I intended on doing, but just wanted some reassurance. Regardless of what it seems like, I knew from the start that I didn't want a relationship with him, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy his company. He isn't the only guy I've been going out with so I really don't mind using/losing him. I am, however, new to this whole fwb/f*ckbuddy/hookup/dating scene so I love to get feedback on things I find questionable before going with my gut.

[Wiseman2]

If it isn't what you want or doesn't feel right to you, that's all that matters no matter what trends, labels "situationships", etc are out there. Stay true to yourself.

I am, however, new to this whole fwb/f*ckbuddy/hookup/dating scene so I love to get feedback on things I find questionable before going with my gut.

[figureitout23]

Lying to yourself does a lot of damage first off. Lying to us makes it hard to give advice, your post was a direct contradiction, you've only met him twice, it was purely sexual and now you're obsessing over it. That is not the actions of a girl not looking for a relationship, that's the actions of a girl who went along when the guy said he didn't want a relationship and is now hoping he will change his mind. Don't go down this route. Luckily it's only been twice so if you give yourself space and go NC you will forget about him pretty easily, please don't play the role of a girl who is down for whatever, it's not who you are. Hold out for a guy who is willing g to date you not just bleep you, not saying there's anything wrong with just wanting that but it's not who you are, it's pretty clear.

[katrina1980]

Is there any particular reason why you haven't reached out to him?

 

You're FWB or f buddy or whatever people are calling it, you act like he should be "pursuing" you like this is a dating situation or something. Waiting for "him" (the man) to make contact.

 

That said, agree with others that your feelings are stronger than FWB.

 

If they weren't you wouldn't think twice about reaching out and asking him to hook up again. That's what FWBs do, they both reach out, there's none of this "man pursues woman" like a dating situation.

 

You wouldn't fear being rejected cause as an FWB you wouldn't be emotionally invested.

 

I knew you were though (emotionally invested) as soon as you started describing how he cuddles and kisses you in between f'ing sessions.

 

Sounds like you misread his cuddles and kisses as meaning he likes you more than FWB, otherwise you wouldn't even have mentioned it.

 

And based on that, you had certain expectations (like HE "should" be calling you).

 

This may not make sense to some but based on the fact you have *not* reached out, he knows you want more.

 

He knows you are expecting *him* to reach out, like this was a dating situation instead of FWB, which he doesn't want so he's gonna stay away.

 

Yeah move on (from whatever you were expecting).

 

He doesn't want what you want, sorry.

[android123]

Is there any particular reason why you haven't reached out to him?

 

You're FWB or f buddy or whatever people are calling it, you act like he should be "pursuing" you like this is a dating situation or something. Waiting for "him" (the man) to make contact.

 

That said, agree with others that your feelings are stronger than FWB.

 

If they weren't you wouldn't think twice about reaching out and asking him to hook up again. That's what FWBs do, they both reach out, there's none of this "man pursues woman" like a dating situation.

 

You wouldn't fear being rejected cause as an FWB you wouldn't be emotionally invested.

 

I knew you were though (emotionally invested) as soon as you started describing how he cuddles and kisses you in between f'ing sessions.

 

Sounds like you misread his cuddles and kisses as meaning he likes you more than FWB, otherwise you wouldn't even have mentioned it.

 

And based on that, you had certain expectations (like HE "should" be calling you).

 

This may not make sense to some but based on the fact you have *not* reached out, he knows you want more.

 

He knows you are expecting *him* to reach out, like this was a dating situation instead of FWB, which he doesn't want so he's gonna stay away.

 

Yeah move on (from whatever you were expecting).

 

He doesn't want what you want, sorry.

 

I guess I will give you all the benefit of the doubt since you don't know anything outside of what I've typed. I'm completely fine and unaffected by all of this. My curiosity has just gotten the best of me since I'm really new to this type of stuff (my 4 year relationship ended last year). I mentioned his affection towards me to paint a bigger picture and a clearer story so that the answers could be more accurate. I really don't want anything more from him which is why we both agreed to do what we did. I haven't contacted him again yet because a good time to meet up hasn't come around for me yet. What I'm confused about is the timing I suppose. How big a gap is too big, when should you stop asking a random f*buddy for sex, etc.. I figured I'd get advice now so that I'm better prepared for the next reminiscent situation.

[MissCanuck]

In my experience, a FWB doesn't totally drop off the radar for extended periods. Maybe a few weeks, sure.

 

Longer than that, and you can assume they've lost interest or found another person to engage with. Or both.

[katrina1980]

In my experience, a FWB doesn't totally drop off the radar for extended periods. Maybe a few weeks, sure.

 

Longer than that, and you can assume they've lost interest or found another person to engage with. Or both.

 

This goes both ways though right?

 

OP hasn't reached out to him either.

 

I've never had a FWB or f buddy but know people who have and it never mattered how long it had been, when one of them wanted to have sex, he/she would reach out.

 

As far as I know they weren't even noticing how long it had been, especially true in a f buddy situation.

 

Hearing this second-hand though, never experienced it myself.

[figureitout23]

This goes both ways though right?

 

OP hasn't reached out to him either.

 

I've never had a FWB or f buddy but know people who have and it never mattered how long it had been, when one of them wanted to have sex, he/she would reach out.

 

As far as I know they weren't even noticing how long it had been, especially true in a f buddy situation.

 

Hearing this second-hand though, never experienced it myself.

 

I think you're right Kat. You can't hold a casual relationship to the standards of a regular relationship, and to be quite frank OPer if you didn't care you wouldn't care about these details or trying to 'get it right' NSA is just that NSA and if that's what you're truly pursuing none of what you're asking should matter in the least. I think that's what's leading all of us to be confused, again your words are quite contradictory.

[Wiseman2]

Ok, then text him when you want to meet up next.

I haven't contacted him again yet because a good time to meet up hasn't come around for me yet.

[android123]

Sorry if I'm being contradictory. After reading other people's responses it makes clearer sense now. The timing really shouldn't be much of concern because it's a different type of connection than I'm used to. If I like it, I'll stay. If it bothers me, I'll leave.

[maew]

I guess I will give you all the benefit of the doubt since you don't know anything outside of what I've typed. I'm completely fine and unaffected by all of this. My curiosity has just gotten the best of me since I'm really new to this type of stuff (my 4 year relationship ended last year). I mentioned his affection towards me to paint a bigger picture and a clearer story so that the answers could be more accurate. I really don't want anything more from him which is why we both agreed to do what we did. I haven't contacted him again yet because a good time to meet up hasn't come around for me yet. What I'm confused about is the timing I suppose. How big a gap is too big, when should you stop asking a random f*buddy for sex, etc.. I figured I'd get advice now so that I'm better prepared for the next reminiscent situation.

 

F**k buddies and affection aren’t mutually exclusive... It totally enhances the whole experience IMO [emoji4]

 

Timing is up to you... Since he is clearly DTF if you were to propose he come over for a booty call I am sure he would be all over it [emoji57] otherwise yea it’s normal to have gaps in communication in my experience.