Should I let go after 5 years?

[karen95v]

Me and my ex boyfriend of 5 years just recently broke up 3 days ago. I’m 22, he’s 23, we don’t live together. Basically in early January we broke up because I wasn’t feeling like he was being romantic to me anymore, no affection, no sex, no romance etc. Looking back at it now I guess he just got too comfortable after 5 years. We ended up getting back together and he promised to be more romantic but shortly after I noticed he was messaging an old female friend, the same female that stayed in his facebook search history for 2 years. I confronted him and he said that she was just an old friend that lived down the street from him, but either way I ended up breaking up with him over it. We eventually back together, he ended up deleting her and she’s been out of the picture since. A few weeks passed and everything was fine, we were happy but I saw him following a random girl who happened to be from a webcam website-he claimed he didn’t know she was a webcam girl yet he liked her picture-they weren’t provocative but I got mad over it because he has a history of making accounts on live sex or dating websites every time we broke up so I felt like I couldn’t trust him so yet broke up with him again.

 

The next day I realized the account was a spam account, and actually an old SF 49ers page that got hacked. I apologized to him and we got back together. The thing is, he used to compare me to other girls, always search for other girls, compliment other girls in the past so Ive become insecure.

 

But these past few weeks he has lost interest. He couldn’t even say he misses me or loves me. He has told me that he became numb and doesn’t know why he feels like he lost interest and maybe all the fighting is what caused him to feel this way. He said he wants to be with me but at the same time he would rather be alone. I asked him if he needed time and he said yes but wasn’t sure how much. I begged to make it work and make changes but he still preferred to be alone so we agreed to part ways for good after 5 years. I can tell we both didn’t want to but that’s the decision he made. This is the first time hes ever broke up with me instead of me doing the breaking up.

 

But I have not moved on and still have hope. At this point I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to give him more time alone or reach out to him and ask to make it work. I’m afraid the time apart will make him lose more interest in me rather than him miss me. I don’t want to lose him, we both really wanted a future together but I’m lost as to what to do right now. Every time I broke up with him he has fought for me/didnt give up and now I'm not sure if i should do the same or give him the space he wants?

[Lost 73]

the old saying

If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours if not it never was.

 

Time to move on and get help with the jealousy issues

[Keyman]

Honestly, on again off again relationships never work out. They will continue on and off until eventually it stays off.

 

This relationship is not going to get any better. He has outgrown you and I think your persistent checking of his social media friends and having goes at him has pushed him to a point where he has lost interest. That he is even been setting up webcam girls and communicating with other girls would also suggest that.

 

It is time for this relationship to end and for you both to move on to happier and healthier relationships.

[DanZee]

Why are you forcing this guy to be with you? When a young guy isn't interested in having sex with you, he's given up. You said it yourself, he's tired of the consgtant arguments with you. And how do you even respond to a girl demanding you be more romantic with her? That just pushes you away even more.

 

If I read between the lines here, I would say you're probably demanding and controlling. You seem to be going through his phone or his accounts since you know what sites he's looking at and what he's doing at all times. It sounds like you're the girlfriend from hell. Your boyfriend has nothing left. Let this poor guy go.

[thealchemist]

If you have repeatably broken up with him then just write it off.

 

Relationships that are on and off are extremely rare to progress to anything further.

 

If you need a break again and again then what chance do you really have?

 

Hopefully his resolve is better than yours and this time the breakup lasts.

 

If I was in his position I would be unable to be with someone who keeps ending it.

 

It would be healthier for you both.

 

Next time you feel the need to end it with a guy don't get back into a relationship with them afterwards, just a waste of time.

 

It is all just too dramatic for a healthy relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It's run it's course and it would be best to cut your losses. This alone would be reason to run:

he has a history of making accounts on live sex or dating websites every time we broke up so I felt like I couldn’t trust him so yet broke up with him again.

[Lost 73]

FYI when you break up with someone and they are single. They can do as they please porn, Date, Dating Aps, they are free to do as they wish. You cant hold that against him if YOU did the dumping. Cant have your cake and eat it to.

[MissCanuck]

This relationship is already over, OP.

 

He outgrew it and your history together isn't healthy if it's riddled with multiple break-ups. You shouldn't even have to utter the phrase "every time we break up" like it's a regular thing. It shouldn't happen that much to begin with. It's absolutely incorrect to say he didn't want to break up; his actions and behavior fully support the fact that did.

 

It's time for you to move on. This isn't going anywhere anymore.

[melancholy123]

Why are you forcing this guy to be with you? When a young guy isn't interested in having sex with you, he's given up. You said it yourself, he's tired of the consgtant arguments with you. And how do you even respond to a girl demanding you be more romantic with her? That just pushes you away even more.

 

If I read between the lines here, I would say you're probably demanding and controlling. You seem to be going through his phone or his accounts since you know what sites he's looking at and what he's doing at all times. It sounds like you're the girlfriend from hell. Your boyfriend has nothing left. Let this poor guy go.

 

Exactly what I was thinking. Do you really want to spend anymore time living like this?

[reyrey22]

DO WE HAVE THE SAME LIFE???? lol

 

I literally am going through the same thing with one specific difference. I went through what you are currently going through.... I stayed and I loved him and I did everything I could do and MORE. We broke up. Why? Because he put me in a situation where I was forced to take action. It started with the distance and ended with cheating and lying. I am not saying this is your situation. I ignored my warning signs..... I wish I would have been able to leave with more dignity. It got ugly and nasty ... and its because I lacked the love I needed for myself to let go of the relationship. Will we find each other again? Someday's I hope so... and someday's I don't. The point is I needed this time to rebuild. Having someone treat you like youre unworthy of love takes an emotional toll on you. No one deserves that. You dont deserve that. Theres a certain arrongance that comes from a person capable of such acts.... as if you need to work for their love. I dont care how great he is.... hes not worth your self-esteem. Love should be given freely, especially in a relationship of five years. I truly feel for you, and I wish you the best. Every great journey in life starts with a small step forward.