hhans Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Hello everyone. I'm looking to get advice on a rather confusing situation. So, recently I met an amazing girl at a party. We spent hours talking in stead of partying, it was an unseen bonding experience neither of us ever had before. After the party, i stayed to sleep over at her dorm, just spooned and talked. She was going on a 2 week holiday afterwards and told me she'd be deleting her messenger app to get away from it all for some time, so i hit her up on instagram, and she texted me every day of her holiday. When she got back, she asked me to come to a party event with just her and 2 girlfriends. Normally, i am shy and unsure as one could be, but i told myself ' it' and went with her. There we first kissed after which i again stayed over to sleep at her place, just to cuddle, kiss and talk. Some days later, i took her out for drinks on valentine's day, brought her two roses and all. I heard from her friends she was so happy with that, because no guy ever did that with her. Stayed over to sleep again and this time we got rather touchy but she wasn't in the mood for sex. But we cuddled really intimate this time. I think things started to go downhill from here. A week later, we went on another date to get chinese food. After which i, again, stayed over at her place. We were watching 50 shades of grey and when i was about to execute my plan of action, my stomach turned and i had to vomit all night. Food poisoning. Talk about . Next time i just came over to chill at her place and believe it or not, same story, but this time she was ill. In the meantime we were still having contact daily, even sexting a bit. So a week after, we went on a date again to get food and go to the movies. Before we left, she told me: "I don't know about you, but i don't really feel anything for you. I like what we're doing and still want to go out and do fun things, still want to go out to parties and you can still always stay over." So nothing changes, i asked. "Nothing changes." I again stayed over afterwards, got touchy again but this time she had her period, she wasn't lying or something. But obviously, things did change. We suddenly barely had any contact anymore. Being the animal of habit i am, i just kept on texting and sending snaps like we used to, but i felt something was definitely off. One of my best friends happens to live in her dorm as well, so i asked him if he knew anything. He told me she told a friend there's no "fire". That friend told my friend that it's normal because we didn't had sex yet... Anyway, i went to a party with my friend, looking for anwsers, i went to knock on her door. What she told me there only confused me more. She said that she wasn't looking for a relationship, and will not be in one for at least months to come, but she never says never. She told me about the night we met, how she'd never had that connection with anyone ever before. She told me about how she sees me as a gift from god: handsome, smart, sweet, i have it all according to her. But she's free and doesn't want to get commited, and she never knows what she wants. Now, the thing is, i was perfectly okay with what we had. I wasn't looking for a relationship either but only went in on what i perceived as signals she wanted to get more serious. And i know knowing someone has feelings can work the other way around, actually pushing them away. So i believe she is convinced i am in love with her and therefore she's losing interest, while i would like to go back to what we had. Something comes out of it, good. If it doesn't, also good. But at least we'd have had fun. Her words: "everyone needs affection", and i couldn't agree more, i don't need anything serious either. I may have reinforced her belief because when i left, i went in for a kiss while saying, do not think much about this. Seemed like a good plan at the moment, but she responded with: "im sorry, i can't give you what you want". That was the last time we saw each other, about a week ago. In the meantime, ive gone to some parties. Fixed some girls, went on two tinder dates and even managed to get laid. But there's still no connection made like we had, while that did help take my mind off her. After that, with no contact in between at all, i texted her:"Hey, i hope i didn't make it too confusing last time, things are what they are and i accept that. Want to come to that party tonight?". She responded rather positive and started sending me snaps again afterwards. While i don't have genuine feelings for her, i do feel some sort of affection towards her, and like her as a friend as well. So i would really like to be able to just do things again like before, maybe be friends with some benefits like the cuddling. Everyone needs affection, that's a fact. Thus, my problem is on how to handle this situation. Ive been friendzoned, that's pretty much certain. But i feel it is because of her idea that im in love with her, and i don't know how to proceed. I really want to tell her what i think of this, and hear her side for clarity. But i feel the more serious i'd get in on this "issue", the more it would push her away. Maybe i should just stop giving her attention, somehow make know that im seeing other girls? Some people told me to not give a , go chill with my friend at her dorm and then act more distant but play cool. I'm sorry for this wall of text, but i truly have difficulties with situations like these. I ed up things like this in the pas a lot, simply by giving too many s i think. But this one is one that i really don't want to let go like that. So, sorry for the long read, but im really looking forward to what you guys have to say about this. Don't need the "you got friendzoned brah, move on". Thanks. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Just date a variety of girls and stop playing games if you want them to take you seriously. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Ive been friendzoned, that's pretty much certain. But i feel it is because of her idea that im in love with her, and i don't know how to proceed. The friendzoned bit's correct. If she thinks you're in love with her, and that's pushing her away, it's because she DOESN'T have feelings for you. Relationships don't remain fixed; they either develop or decline, and it sounds that after the initial romantic rush she decided that she wasn't that into you after all. I think it takes around 6 weeks - 3 months to know whether you've got a relationship or not, partly because of the initial excitement phase - which cannot last. So... you have a choice. You can continue to pursue her and string along other girls in the hope of making her jealous (which is highly unlikely to bring about your desired result) or you can accept that she just isn't that into you, and find someone who is. And, by the way, even if you think you're playing it cool - your real feelings will be showing themselves in all sorts of ways and she's very likely to pick that up. If it was pushing her away before, it will continue to do so. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 She's being clear, so don't hang out, hoping she will change her mind. When a girl friend zones you, good luck getting further. However, if you enjoy one another, hang out and do whatever as long as she's okay with it. Do not stop dating though. Meet and take girls out, and keep the mindset that this one is just a friend and it goes no further. I'm wondering if because she's not wanting more it makes you want to chase her . Maybe you like the challenge. Link to comment
hhans Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 I'm wondering if because she's not wanting more it makes you want to chase her . Maybe you like the challenge. Yes, definitely. I feel like a was getting a little too comfortable with what we had and sort of tuned down the efforts. Something like this makes me feel like i lost something, and has me thinking and planning in overdrive... Link to comment
jimthzz Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Stop spooning with girls with whom you have no shot in taking it further. Ultimate friendzone frustration. Link to comment
hhans Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 Stop spooning with girls with whom you have no shot in taking it further. Ultimate friendzone frustration. Exactly dude. Point is, i got c*ckblocked by the universe or something. 's surreal. Link to comment
Cope Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Exactly dude. Point is, i got c*ckblocked by the universe or something. 's surreal. It's not surreal, it's pretty clear, she rejected you. It happens! There are other girls in the world that would want you, go find them! Link to comment
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