Dating sucks

[Looking up]

So after taking a month break from my last sort term I decided to try again. Met a girl and chatted for a few days before we decided to go out. Everything was right on with her.

 

Did the typical few drinks and we totally hit it off face to face. She did kinda mention though out the night she came off a 2 year relationship and been broken up for a month plus and she was the dumper.

 

There was a great spark between us and decided to go back to her place for a few drinks. Decided to spend the night and one thing led to another.

 

We had so much in common like we were meant for each other.

 

So today I got a text from her saying the typical I'm a nice guy line but she wasn't ready for dating. I said cool I understand and didn't want to push anything. A few hrs later I got another text saying that her and the ex were getting back together. Also I was asked not to say or cause trouble. That kind caught be off guard because I'm not that type of guy.

 

You know when you know when both click right off the start and this was one of those times and then I get this. This is the 3rd time in a row something like this has happened. Makes me want to just give up on the whole dating mess

[DanZee]

Well, you might just want to do a check up on yourself. Have friends or family critique you, the way you act, the way you talk, the way you dress and so forth. You want to know that you're not making some fatal mistake, that maybe maybe you're too nice, or you talk too much about other girls, etc. And then you might want to analyze the kind of girls you're attracted to. Have these girls been party girls, are they too friendly, or are on Tinder? Think about it. This girl might have gone out for the night because she fought with her boyfriend to have revenge sex on him. And you want to find a girl looking for a long-term relationship (if that's what you're hoping for).

[Looking up]

I have everything going for me. I don't bring up past relationships or girls I have dated .

 

She was broken up for over a month and she did it. During the night she mentioned she was happy she did it because there was no way it would work between them. I just don't go out with anyone or do I sleep with anyone.

 

It's just B.S. I can't seem to get things right. And really I don't know if I want to try again. I know that sounds foolish but the kicking in the balls I've been getting really sucks

[Tuna010]

I'd be happy to have your problem! I can't even make it past a first date!

[Blue Dreamer]

I say take a vacation from the ladies & focus on maximizing what are your goals long term. I had the ladies in college but said no to marriage & kids. My goal was cash. Am a multi-millionaire today due to passion. Everyone is different, and you need to know who you are.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately there are a lot of one-and-done and one night stands in dating. Don't strive to hookup as soon as meeting. You'll get a lot of damaged goods that way. She probably regrets a drunken hookup and wants to forget it.

There was a great spark between us and decided to go back to her place for a few drinks. Decided to spend the night and one thing led to another. So today I got a text from her saying the typical I'm a nice guy line but she wasn't ready for dating.A few hrs later I got another text saying that her and the ex were getting back together.

[Manifestingthe]

That is a bummer. If you keep manifesting the same exact scenarios (or similar scenarios) then you're hard wired to manifest that. I would be willing to bet money that you will manifest the same thing the next time until you do something differently.

 

Firstly evaluate if you really want a relationship. IF you're so quick to give it all up then maybe its not what you want now anyway.

If you realize it is definitely what you want and you would be willing to do anything (with in logical boundaries of course) to get it, I suggest you work on your mental limits and beliefs that are drawing this to you. Affirmations are always a great way to start. Once you clear out that baggage that you are the temporary/in transit guy, visualize your ideal girl, write down the things you want her to have and visualize being happy with her. You'll be surprised how wonderfully that works. Good luck.

[SweetGirl28]

Stay away from anyone fresh out of a relationship, or you'll have this keep happening.

[Starlight925]

Don't strive to hookup as soon as meeting. She probably regrets a drunken hookup and wants to forget it.

 

Stay away from anyone fresh out of a relationship, or you'll have this keep happening.

 

^^ Both of these pieces of advice will save you from a lot of your troubles.

[treesandbees]

That is too bad but at least you put yourself out there, went out and had a great date on your side and felt a connection...this one didn't work out but not any fault of your own. BTW, do you know her ex? Trying to understand why she would tell you not to tell anyone. I assume she means that she hooked up with you? Not to tell anyone that?

[Looking up]

I don't know her ex and I would never say anything anyways. She said if he found out it would kill him. She was the dumper. And this was said to me the following day.

 

And yes I did hook up with her. The thing is. I was used and now being told what I should say and not.

[Starlight925]

I don't know her ex and I would never say anything anyways. She said if he found out it would kill him. She was the dumper. And this was said to me the following day.

 

And yes I did hook up with her. The thing is. I was used and now being told what I should say and not.

 

You were not used.

 

You chose to sleep with her.

 

You can say anything you want. Just because she tells you what to say does not mean you have to abide by it.

 

You need to get out of this victim mentality.

 

You've received a lot of good advice here, yet you are standing firm in your belief that you were held down at gunpoint, made to have sex with her, and blindfolded and gagged.

 

You can feel sad all you want, but change your viewpoint from "I was used" to "I chose to go back to her place, have sex, and now I realize I did it too soon, with someone who was too soon out of a relationship".

[Looking up]

You were not used.

 

You chose to sleep with her.

 

You can say anything you want. Just because she tells you what to say does not mean you have to abide by it.

 

You need to get out of this victim mentality.

 

You've received a lot of good advice here, yet you are standing firm in your belief that you were held down at gunpoint, made to have sex with her, and blindfolded and gagged.

 

You can feel sad all you want, but change your viewpoint from "I was used" to "I chose to go back to her place, have sex, and now I realize I did it too soon, with someone who was too soon out of a relationship".

 

 

Thank you. I never looked at it that way. I did sleep with her because we both hit it of so good. That's not the norm for me. Anyways there is nothing I can do about it. Move forward is all I can do.

[katrina1980]

Agree with the others but for "her" part, sending that *second* text saying "she and her ex were getting back together *so don't cause trouble*," where does she get off saying that ****!

 

Her first text was enough and you responded "cool." That second txt was unnecessary and arrogant.

 

How did you respond to that?

 

You should've responded "don't flatter yourself princess, good luck!"

 

God, I am seriously ashamed and embarrassed by my own gender sometimes.

 

I don't believe for one second she suddenly "got back" with her ex (the day after she hooked up with you?). Quite a coincidence, not buying it.

 

I don't think they ever broke up and she cheated on him. She's cheated before and had men "cause trouble" hence her second message.

 

Consider bullet successfully dodged.

[Looking up]

The thing is she said she was 100% done with him and that's the only reason I went back to her place. I just got ghosted real bad and I wasn't looking for drama in any way.

 

The morning after she made sure I made it home safe because it was bad weather. She also said she wasn't sure if she was ready for dating. My reply was that's cool. Totally up to you and also said I would like to see you again if she wanted to.

 

She did text me later that day saying she was back with her ex and she was deleting me of Facebook because it wasn't far to him and if he found out it would kill him.

 

My reply was you should have thought about this before you took me home. And if he means so much you should be honest with him. She then tried to turn it around on me saying i though you were a good guy. I said I am I'm not the one who messed up

 

She then tried to call me and I didn't answer because I couldn't where i was and got pissy with me saying why don't you answer the phone. A few hrs later I was able to talk on the phone because I would rather than text with something like this. He reply was I'm good and no need to call. And just promise you will not say nothing. So I was a little mad at that and said just remember a ex is an ex for a reason.

 

So that's pretty much the last of the texting

[katrina1980]

>>Again just promise you will say nothing.

 

OP, something isn't jiving, and I'm sticking with what I said in the last three paragraphs of my first post, #14.

 

Not that it matters as you won't be seeing her again anyway, but this girl is no prize, she's a cheater and you dodged a bullet.

[Lambert]

what a terrible thing to say- don't say anything and its all about her bf.... just move on best yippy can. enjoy that you did get a little lovin in there and go forward.

 

next time... what you going to do different?

[Looking up]

I'm sick of just being told what to do. I have good intention. Always have and always will. That's just who I am. Maybe I should say something not directly but Just let it out and let it find it's way to her and him.

 

I took a bad hit the day before Valentine's day and this was the first time going out again.

 

And I still laugh to myself when she said " I can't through away 2 years" well you should have thought about that when you took me home. Because you did.

[katrina1980]

OP, you're not getting it.

 

This girl is a liar, she never broke up with him in the first place!

 

She's cheated before and had men "cause trouble" which is precisely why she sent that second message telling YOU to not cause trouble. It's so obvious!

 

And then saying AGAIN - "promise you will say nothing."

 

It's highly unlikely that the day after she hooked up with you, she suddenly decided to reconcile with her ex and that HE agreed. Reconciliations don't happen so easily and fast like that.

 

He was always her BF and she cheated, and probably has before --- block, delete -- NEXT.

[Looking up]

OP, you're not getting it.

 

 

 

This girl is a liar, she never broke up with him in the first place!

 

She's cheated before and had men "cause trouble" which is precisely why she sent that second message telling YOU to not cause trouble. It's so obvious!

 

And then saying AGAIN - "promise you will say nothing."

 

It's highly unlikely that the day after she hooked up with you, she suddenly decided to reconcile with her ex and that HE agreed. Reconciliations don't happen so easily and fast like that.

 

He was always her BF and she cheated, and probably has before --- block, delete -- NEXT.

 

I get it just a stubborn at times and over thinker and was just sent for a nose dive not long ago I guess it just compounded to this. I do get it and thank you everyone

[Coolstorybro]

I'd be happy to have your problem! I can't even make it past a first date!

I can't even get that far.

[hsrr987]

So after taking a month break from my last sort term I decided to try again. Met a girl and chatted for a few days before we decided to go out. Everything was right on with her.

 

Did the typical few drinks and we totally hit it off face to face. She did kinda mention though out the night she came off a 2 year relationship and been broken up for a month plus and she was the dumper.

 

There was a great spark between us and decided to go back to her place for a few drinks. Decided to spend the night and one thing led to another.

 

We had so much in common like we were meant for each other.

 

So today I got a text from her saying the typical I'm a nice guy line but she wasn't ready for dating. I said cool I understand and didn't want to push anything. A few hrs later I got another text saying that her and the ex were getting back together. Also I was asked not to say or cause trouble. That kind caught be off guard because I'm not that type of guy.

 

You know when you know when both click right off the start and this was one of those times and then I get this. This is the 3rd time in a row something like this has happened. Makes me want to just give up on the whole dating mess

 

I’d cause as much trouble as possible. I’ve been in your place a few times and I’ve caused trouble. I’ve given and received a few knuckle sandwiches but it’s worth it.

[Wiseman2]

Hmmm...maybe he's not an ex and they were just fighting or 'on break'. It's possible she hooked up for revenge sex or just because she was drunk.

She did text me later that day saying she was back with her ex and she was deleting me of Facebook because it wasn't far to him and if he found out it would kill him.