Very odd situation: dating a woman with a male platonic soul mate

[dudeman1]

I've never come across a situation like this before. I've been on a few dates (and had sex with) a woman who has a man in her life who she describes as "the most important man" in her life, but they aren't a romantic couple. They tried having sex a couple years ago but mutually decided the relationship would be better if it stays platonic. She is attracted to him, but he is either not attracted to her, is gay, or is avoiding sex deliberately for some reason. It's extremely confusing. They just decided to move in together, but will have separate bedrooms. She wants to continue seeing me, so long as I "respect their relationship." She denies any hint of polyamory here, but she says she loves him. This woman is very honest and a great communicator, so I have no reason to believe I'm being lied to about anything.

 

I have no problem dating a woman with a male best friend, but this seems different. I told her I'd like to meet him and perhaps all three of us could be good friends, but she isn't comfortable with that. She says that she'd only bring a man around this guy "if things were super committed." They have a sort of unspoken rule that they don't talk about their dating lives with one another.

 

I don't know how to invest in someone under these circumstances. She describes their connection as being extremely profound and they spend enormous amounts of time together. But at the same time, she's fine having sex with me and wants to continue doing things together with me.

 

What is one supposed to make of this? I have my theories but want to hear the perspective of outsiders. Thanks.

[mustlovedogs]

I would stay far far away. You don’t want to be someone’s second choice.

[Seymore]

She's nuts. Cut the cord and let her keep pining for this guy. He's her fantasy and you're second fiddle.

[luminousone]

Basically she is getting her emotional needs met by the other guy. She is simply missing the sex part. If you were just looking for a friends with benefits situation then this might work out for you.

 

However, it sounds like you are looking for a relationship, where someone considers you her soulmate. It does not sound like she will be able to enter into a close relationship with you because she is already in one with the "roommate". There doesn't seem to be mental or heart space for you at all.

 

I would let go of any hope of this, and would run the other way.

[milly007]

To be honest, there are so many red flags in your post, OP, I don't know where to begin.

 

One thing's for sure, I'd steer clear.

 

You may be okay with the arrangements now, but as time goes on, and if you become more emotionally invested and of course, committed, it will only become more confusing and messy.

 

As Mustlovedogs said, you will be second choice.

 

It's just such a bizarre scenario, because it sounds like the makings of a romantic relationship between the two, however they're clearly not having sex or in a relationship. Sounds like something's going on there emotionally, though.

 

Tread very, very cautiously. If you continue dating this woman, my concern would be that you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

[Jeffbobo]

Basically she is getting her emotional needs met by the other guy. She is simply missing the sex part. If you were just looking for a friends with benefits situation then this might work out for you.

 

However, it sounds like you are looking for a relationship, where someone considers you her soulmate. It does not sound like she will be able to enter into a close relationship with you because she is already in one with the "roommate". There doesn't seem to be mental or heart space for you at all.

 

I would let go of any hope of this, and would run the other way.

 

This ^^^ is exactly my thought after reading this situation.

[itsallgrand]

So you'd be the side piece for sex.

 

What luminousine said.

 

You don't invest in a circumstance like that. It's a dead end road .

[BeenThereB4]

Don't have sex with someone with whom you are not in a relationship. The chick made it clear that it meant nothing to her. The way in which you participating in sex with her was very obviously meaningless. So, what's your deal? You had meaningless sex that was agreed upon to be meaningless before the event occurred. There is nothing romantic about it. She's playing you.

[Wiseman2]

She's cheating on her live-in boyfriend...Run.

she describes as "the most important man" in her life, They tried having sex a couple years ago but mutually decided the relationship would be better if it stays platonic. They just decided to move in together, but will have separate bedrooms. She wants to continue seeing me, so long as I "respect their relationship."

[dias]

So you'd be the side piece for sex.

 

Poor guy...what are you suffering! Cruel world!

[Snny]

I've been on a few dates (and had sex with) a woman who has a man in her life who she describes as "the most important man" in her life, but they aren't a romantic couple.

The most important man in her life should be her father.

 

NOPE. Drop her like a hot potato. And definitely don’t have sex with someone until you really gotten to know them better.

[SweetGirl28]

Sounds like she's playing you, honestly. You say she's attracted to him, so that's not just a friendship.

She's waiting and dating hoping he changes his mind.