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Is a relationship pretty serious if a guy takes you out to eat with his family?

Igor1

By Igor1
in Dating Advice

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Igor1 Enthusiast

Igor1

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He doesn’t try to work on their problems actively. He told her what she needs to do to fix herself and make her a better partner and he says that they both need to move on and maybe even date other people, but does that mean they want to marry someone else that they’re dating, no. But he says it would be ideal and great for them to work things out and he would love that but she also needs to be okay with the idea they may never be together again. He tells her negative things about me which I don’t believe are true.

 

I am his girlfriend. I met his family. He says he loves me. Yet he will still take his girlfriends calls. He told her in the past that he would like a six month break and then to reconvene and see if she hasn’t improved. That he would drop anyone for her if she improved her bad habits. In the meantime he wants to experience others but it would be ideal for them to be together.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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He doesn’t try to work on their problems actively. He told her what she needs to do to fix herself and make her a better partner and he says that they both need to move on and maybe even date other people, but does that mean they want to marry someone else that they’re dating, no. But he says it would be ideal and great for them to work things out and he would love that but she also needs to be okay with the idea they may never be together again. He tells her negative things about me which I don’t believe are true.

 

I am his girlfriend. I met his family. He says he loves me. Yet he will still take his girlfriends calls. He told her in the past that he would like a six month break and then to reconvene and see if she hasn’t improved. That he would drop anyone for her if she improved her bad habits. In the meantime he wants to experience others but it would be ideal for them to be together.

 

Why is your post a littany of statements he says about getting back with his ex? He isn't here.

 

You are here. You are choosing him.

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yatsue Experienced

yatsue

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He doesn’t try to work on their problems actively. He told her what she needs to do to fix herself and make her a better partner and he says that they both need to move on and maybe even date other people, but does that mean they want to marry someone else that they’re dating, no. But he says it would be ideal and great for them to work things out and he would love that but she also needs to be okay with the idea they may never be together again. He tells her negative things about me which I don’t believe are true.

 

I am his girlfriend. I met his family. He says he loves me. Yet he will still take his GIRLFRIENDS calls. He told her in the past that he would like a six month break and then to reconvene and see if she hasn’t improved. That he would drop anyone for her if she improved her bad habits. In the meantime he wants to experience others but it would be ideal for them to be together.

 

This is a whole post from you stating all the things he's made clear to her he wants to get back together....this is at your own risk at this point. He said it would be ideal in his opinion to be with his other girlfriend (bolded in your words)??? Even if that was a typo, trying to amend their relationship is obvious. He is being very gross (cheating on you, leading both of you on while demeaning her and you at the same time with negative comments!).

 

If you refuse to break off this cheater (emotional cheating), then at least address this awful situation. Everything he is doing in regards to this other woman is wrong if you both formally committed to a mutual relationship with each other. Otherwise, I predict you'll be a wretch.

 

He is not serious about you, hun.

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DancingFool Grand Master

DancingFool

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Why are you wasting your time and life on this messed up low life who is manipulating you and his ex and getting off on it? Don't you think you are worth more? I mean seriously, as low as you've sunk, it would be easy to do better with just about any other guy. Raise your standards OP and stop playing this pathetic "pick me" game. Life is so much better and more fun when you get rid of toxic people and this guy is about as toxic as it gets.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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Nothing says stringing you along like this comment:

he says it would be ideal and great for them to work things out and he would love that. he would drop anyone for her if she improved her bad habits. In the meantime he wants to experience others but it would be ideal for them to be together.
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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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If she blocked him on social media do you think that would make him closer or more distant to me?

 

1) I don't know.

2) How is this question helpful to you?

3) Do you see that the premise of this question is that the exGF controls your situation? Do you see how messed up that is?

 

 

But is he choosing me?

 

1) No. He is avoiding a serious relationship with anyone by choosing neither of you. He is criticizing the ex as if he knows how she needs to change to be good enough. He is telling you about his desire for her and his love for you. With both of you he is avoiding responsibility for himself.

 

2) You are doing something similar, by focusing on her behavior and his, and not your own. You are in control of your choices, and you are choosing someone who is pretending to choose two people. You two may be perfectly suited, because you share a desire to avoid true intimacy. For that same reason, your relationship already reflects a self destructive pattern.

 

Conclusion:

Two threads, an inability to engage in an analytical way about your own behavior despite different posters' attempts to draw you out, a continued attachment to this man... these reflect your anxiety about this relationship and the degree to which you have attached yourself to it. This man will never become a source of security for you. No man can.

 

Enhance your commitment to your goals and to your same sex friendships. Reduce your focus on this relationshjp.

 

Google "anxious attachment in romantic relationships" to learn more.

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Liraele Community Regular

Liraele

Posted
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Here's the thing: You're asking us, strangers, if he's serious.

 

If he was serious about you, you'd know. There wouldn't be these doubts, there wouldn't be these worries, he wouldn't be allowing his interactions with an ex interfere with your relationship and make you question it.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd be out the door already - the boundaries he has (or doesn't have at all) with his ex are not good enough for me if I'm in a committed relationship with someone.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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Exclusive. We went to dinner with the family. They do not hang out and he seems annoyed by her calls. He will still talk to her for hours though. She has sent him texts like “you showed her to your family, you must really start to love her” and he says “if that means love then sure, whatever you’re torturing your mind”

 

“She also said that you don’t want us to work in the future anymore do you” and he said “literally that is the opposite of my main point”

 

How in the world would she know that he was having you eat with his family? Did you ever think of that?

He TELLS her. That is the only way that she knows these details.

Or she is very close to his parents and they hope they get back together so THEY tell her these things.

Those are the only two possibles.

 

She knows too much for her to be the ex that occasionally tries to get in touch.

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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This sounds like what your ex is doing. Are these fake threads about a fake guy so you can guess what your ex is thinking?

Ex is casually seeing a new girl. He says he doesn't see a future with her but that he wants to give her a shot. We had sex today and hung out all day and he said he felt kind of guilty after. He texted her the whole time we were hanging out because he was paranoid she would suspect something was up. Does it mean he wants something more from this girl?
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Birdie Enthusiast

Birdie

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I agree with Wiseman, this sounds like the OP is talking about her ex and his new girl.

 

The timelines aren’t adding up. Based on past threads...OP said she’s been seeing this guy since August but got serious around November, but was posting about having sex with her ex in december and being upset that he was with a new girl.

 

Pretty sure OP is the ex and trying to have us say her ex isn’t actually into this new girl. Explains how she knows the conversations between them so well

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