lazysmash92 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Hi all, On Tuesday the guy I was dating for two months broke up with me. He said I'm 'pretty, funny and intelligent' but said he didn't think it would work out longer term because he found himself 'irritable' around me at times, which he claims was 'more of a reflection of him than me'. Apart from him being ever so slightly more distant with his messages a few days before, this surprised me because I was so careful to read the signs that he was into me - he was the one who pursued me and was almost always first to message, and he even asked me to be exclusive with him after a month. I am very perceptive to people's feelings and he never seemed irritable at all. The impression I get is that he stopped being interested in me long before he ended it but pretended to be for a while afterwards. I've been in much longer term relationships before (one was 4 years long) and never been dumped before. This time is so different to the others: I can't stop thinking about him, I keep having imaginary conversations with him in my head, and feel really really hurt because I feel like he lead me on. I've deleted his number and all phone calls/conversations so I can never contact him again. What I want to know is: why would he lead me on like this, and how can I get over it? Thanks Link to comment
Nano Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Some men hate confrontation and hate feeling annoyed so they deny it until it hits them all at once that it’s not working out. Maybe he did lead you on but at least he did the honest thing and told you only two months into it. Two months are nothing in the big scheme of things. You’re only being tormented now because you didn’t see it coming so you feel betrayed, and you’ve never been dumped and it’s always harder to recover from that. When did his last relationship end? I’m asking because it seems like this decision doesn’t have anything to do with YOU, but it has to do with him. For example if he is missing an ex, he could feel irritable around you cause everything in him is screaming “unfamiliar!”. You’ll be ok, and you’re doing the right thing going NC. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I've been in much longer term relationships before (one was 4 years long) and never been dumped before.So I assume that you've always been the one to dump then? That's why it's harder this time... your ego is bruised. Link to comment
Nano Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 So I assume that you've always been the one to dump then? That's why it's harder this time... your ego is bruised. I assumed that, or that both ended it on friendly terms without anyone dumping the other? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 I assumed that, or that both ended it on friendly terms without anyone dumping the other?Someone always has to start that conversation even when a relationship ends on friendly terms. I suspect she was the one starting the conversation or outright doing the dumping even when the other didn't want to end the relationship. Will be interesting to see what Op says went down. Link to comment
lazysmash92 Posted March 3, 2018 Author Share Posted March 3, 2018 The other relationships I was in ended on mutual terms, or I ended it due to emotional and physical abuse from a partner (the 4 year one). Link to comment
milly007 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 It may not be that he was leading you on. He may have been unsure about what he wanted to do, until it became clear to him that it wouldn't work out. You will get over this in time. Just maintain no contact. Like some of the other posters have mentioned, your ego is bruised, and I think we can all agree that feeling rejected sucks. But as time goes on, you will forget about him and get past the hurt. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 It may not be that he was leading you on. He may have been unsure about what he wanted to do, until it became clear to him that it wouldn't work out. This.^ I just broke up with a man I'd been dating for four months, and that's why. I was unsure but wanted to wait until I was sure he wasn't the right fit for me. There were signs that I was heading in that direction, that he chose to ignore. Like you, he feels I misled him too.. Link to comment
milly007 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 This.^ I just broke up with a man I'd been dating for four months, and that's why. I was unsure but wanted to wait until I was sure he wasn't the right fit for me. There were signs that I was heading in that direction, that he chose to ignore. Like you, he feels I misled him too.. Don't want to impose on or hijack OP's thread, but sorry to hear this, katrina. I was rooting for you two. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Don't want to impose on or hijack OP's thread, but sorry to hear this, katrina. I was rooting for you two. Aww thank you milly, I was rooting for us too, but he just wasn't "it" for me. I'm so sorry about your breakup too, hope you feel better soon. hugs Link to comment
milly007 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Aww thank you milly, I was rooting for us too, but he just wasn't "it" for me. I'm so sorry about your breakup too, hope you feel better soon. hugs Thanks, but I haven't broken-up with anyone; at least not that I'm aware of. Lol Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted March 3, 2018 Share Posted March 3, 2018 Thanks, but I haven't broken-up with anyone; at least not that I'm aware of. Lol Oops, sorry, I got mixed up; thought you were the OP!! I think I might be losing my mind! lol Link to comment
thorough Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Hi all, On Tuesday the guy I was dating for two months broke up with me. He said I'm 'pretty, funny and intelligent' but said he didn't think it would work out longer term because he found himself 'irritable' around me at times, which he claims was 'more of a reflection of him than me'. Apart from him being ever so slightly more distant with his messages a few days before, this surprised me because I was so careful to read the signs that he was into me - he was the one who pursued me and was almost always first to message, and he even asked me to be exclusive with him after a month. I am very perceptive to people's feelings and he never seemed irritable at all. The impression I get is that he stopped being interested in me long before he ended it but pretended to be for a while afterwards. I've been in much longer term relationships before (one was 4 years long) and never been dumped before. This time is so different to the others: I can't stop thinking about him, I keep having imaginary conversations with him in my head, and feel really really hurt because I feel like he lead me on. I've deleted his number and all phone calls/conversations so I can never contact him again. What I want to know is: why would he lead me on like this, and how can I get over it? Thanks He lost interest and instead of telling you outright, he is letting you down easy, or easy from his perspective. Let him go, all he is gonna do is play mind games w/you. Link to comment
No1 Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 Understand that not everyone you decide to date is going to be a match for you. I know you think its silly for me to say that, but that would lead me into my other point. Which is that to me it sounds like you are feeling that the short relationship never went the full cycle of a relationship. I think you said you had a 4 yr relationship and you got comfortable, you two were easy with one another but for some reason you two broke up and you had your finality. You completed your circle, you had your end game. This one was different. He told you it wasn't going to work out and then he is gone. Now, to me its like you want to prove that you are not irritating or that you are worth dating, its like you were cheated out of proving yourself and it left things open ended. That's what I see, I could be way off, but you are having imaginary conversations with this guy...sounds to me you have something to say or something yet to prove. Link to comment
Nano Posted March 4, 2018 Share Posted March 4, 2018 And if the above poster is right, then if anything this should help you bounce faster! He didn’t get to fully know you... he doesn’t know how great or not great you are so this should make it easier to move on! He didn’t reject you because of who you are! He doesn’t know who you are! I think it’s harder when we completely open up and become vulnerable and a year or more later get rejected for it... cause they saw our inside out and they didn’t want it. Link to comment
lazysmash92 Posted March 4, 2018 Author Share Posted March 4, 2018 And if the above poster is right, then if anything this should help you bounce faster! He didn’t get to fully know you... he doesn’t know how great or not great you are so this should make it easier to move on! He didn’t reject you because of who you are! He doesn’t know who you are! I think it’s harder when we completely open up and become vulnerable and a year or more later get rejected for it... cause they saw our inside out and they didn’t want it. Thanks, this helped. I'm still feeling really sad, and having thought about it, it's not only about my ego (which of course it partly is) - it's also that I really really like him as a person still. I guess I need to remember the bad things - that he always talked about himself way more than I did (and obviously never really wanted to get to know me properly), was supposedly 'highly strung' and dumped me by text half an hour after sending me a normal funny message about his day etc (which is why this threw me a little). I know that the NC approach is best and I need to stop wanting more. This is going to be hard. Link to comment
Everlong13 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 It's been less than a week, you will get there. Link to comment
lazysmash92 Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 It's been less than a week, you will get there. Of course. But I feel like it's so much harder purely BECAUSE it was so short. I still can't stop thinking about him. For anyone else who was really upset over a short-term relationship, how long did it take you to bounce back? And how long was it before you could even think about dating anyone else? Right now I feel like there's no end. Link to comment
Looking up Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Of course. But I feel like it's so much harder purely BECAUSE it was so short. I still can't stop thinking about him. For anyone else who was really upset over a short-term relationship, how long did it take you to bounce back? And how long was it before you could even think about dating anyone else? Right now I feel like there's no end. I just when through the same thing a few weeks ago. I understand what you are going through. It's like a great spark started and just done. I did a few days of asking why and really never worked. I keep telling myself I'm better than this and I'm the catch the other person lost out on. Seems to be working. I've gone out on a few dates to just get out and have a bit of fun. More like just going out as friends and never brought up anything that just went on. I know it sucks but he was the one that left you and same with me. You can do what ever you want on your terms to make you feel better. Go at your own pace Link to comment
lazysmash92 Posted March 5, 2018 Author Share Posted March 5, 2018 Thanks - at what point did you feel you were ready to date again? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Sorry this happened, he sounds like a player. You should be ready to date right now after dodging this bullet. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 5, 2018 Share Posted March 5, 2018 Of course. But I feel like it's so much harder purely BECAUSE it was so short. I still can't stop thinking about him. For anyone else who was really upset over a short-term relationship, how long did it take you to bounce back? And how long was it before you could even think about dating anyone else? Right now I feel like there's no end. Tell your ego to leave you alone, do all you can to change the subject of him when he pops into your head and stop feeling so rejected. This is the first time YOU didn't get a say in ending a relationship and you're not handling the rejection well. It was a short two month relationship, you'll be fine in a couple of weeks if you don't allow yourself to continue on in your pity party. Blunt? Yes but really... let it go. Link to comment
Everlong13 Posted March 6, 2018 Share Posted March 6, 2018 I get where you are coming from, when it ends early on it felt like it had so much potential that never came to be. But also it's the first time you've been the dumpee (I envy you ) so that's hard to take. Like I said, it's been a week so give yourself a break. Link to comment
lazysmash92 Posted April 5, 2018 Author Share Posted April 5, 2018 Hey, Thanks all for the advice. It's been over a month now, and I'm still feeling pretty bad. I'm not the wallowing type and certainly not one to pity myself - I'm very sociable, have been seeing friends a lot and even went on another date last week with a guy who asked me out at a party, which did help my confidence a lot after it was wrecked. But I'm still thinking A LOT about the guy who dumped me - whether it's bad thoughts like 'screw him, I'm allowed to be angry' to reliving the nice memories I had in the short time I was with him. We've still not spoken since he dumped me and I have no intention of doing so ever again. I'm extremely keen to move on and really just don't want to think about him anymore, does anyone have advice for coping with these obsessive thoughts? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 5, 2018 Share Posted April 5, 2018 I've shared this several times here. . but here it is again ;) I read once that when relationships of short duration end they are often times acutely painful. It's confusing because the relationship was so short, but when hit with the strong emotions you are left wondering if it was something more special than it was. Imagine in the beginning is when we are at our best, we are the most hopeful and riding the high of infatuation. It's an awfully long way to fall when it ends abruptly if you think about it. Who's to say if you hadn't lasted longer, the honeymoon might have passed and the differences were more apparent. But instead the rug got pulled out from when you least expected to. No matter what, it hurts. You wonder why you didn't see the signs. You didn't see them because you didn't know each other well enough to see that other side of them yet. Recognize it for what it is and don't give any more value that it deserves. That's about all you can do. That and be kind to yourself. Link to comment
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