Inviting a guy over for coffee?

[j.man]

I think everyone is keeping things slightly old fashioned in the comments. If you want to invite a guy home for coffee and maybe movies go ahead and do it, it’s your date and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you TALK about what you expect from the night, and let him know the purpose of the night is to get to know him, what’s the problem? I love movie day dates, me and my boyfriend loved them from day one and there was never anything wrong with it. I say stop listening to all the old fashioned comments about how it’s an invitation for sex, it’s absolutely not, it’s a fun way to spend a day with your possible love interest. I think you’re just looking too much into this. Find a movie you two may like, a board game whatever and just take it slow, I’m sure he’d understand and you two would have a lot of fun 🙂

Speaking personally, my point isn't that you should keep your date outside the home so much on sheer principle. But there's a big difference between inviting someone to your living room and watching television on the couch, and then "let's hang out on my bed." Entertaining your date at home can be great, even just three dates in, but if a scenario all but requires someone to put out awkward and presumptuous barriers, such as inviting someone to hang out on your bed, it's probably not the best date idea to arrange early in. Particularly if you're a woman who prefers a man to take the lead physically, that's quite a mixed signal for him to be expected to traverse.

[katrina1980]

I lived in a small but lovely studio apt for awhile and the set-up was very much like yours OP with the bed turned vertical against the wall.

 

I had a beautiful bedspread with decorative pillows (sleeping pillows went into the closet till I was ready for sleep).

 

My boyfriend at the time and I hung out on it all the time, just like a couple would hang out on the couch.

 

We did almost from the beginning; I think the first time was on the second or third date.

 

We watched movies, television, even ate meals (using trays). And of course kissed and cuddled, same as if we were on the couch, which it essentially served as since I didn't have a standard couch.

With this particular bf we didn't have sex for a month! It was never a problem.

 

So I say, invite him over! Rent a movie, make some food.

 

If you want to have sex, have sex. If you don't, then don't.

 

Best to stop over-thinking it and just enjoy!

[Honeycomb8]

Go to a cafe or something, inviting him over suggests you wanna get physical.

[melancholy123]

It sounds like you are feeling out the crowd on what some guys like to call the "three date rule". Some guys will see "coming back to your place" as an invitation to get more intimate with possibility of sex.

If the conditions are right, and things get heated, sex can happen.

 

If you are really firm on not wanting to have sex, then find a venue other than your place, an activity-type date. At least the chance of it happening are nil.

 

Maybe in a few more dates, you can entertain at home.

 

YES! I think you are playing with fire if you invite him to your cute and cosy home with no couch but you have a bed. You say you dont want to have sex with him yet, so dont get into that situation. He is probably going to think he's gonna get laid since you are inviting him over. Opt for hanging out at a coffee shop or go to a movie, whatever is in the budget. You havent known him very long, so it sounds too soon to hit the sheets.

[Silverbirch]

I wouldn't do it. As well as some guys just assuming you want to pounce on him, some will see you as "a cheap date" who they don't need to put any effort into.

[Silverbirch]

Oh ick, and you don't have a couch?

[Betterwithout]

I've spent all morning googling whether or not this would send the wrong message - and there's SO many contradicting opinions.

 

Looks like the same contradicting opinions here. Sorry about this OP.

 

I think your situation is very situational. Depends on him, depends on you, depends on communication and how you discuss intentions and wishes, depends on physical attraction, libido, etc.

 

Bottom line, Enjoy your date on the path that you feel is right.