Need to tell a girl I like her, but can't act on it right now...

[Danno]

I’m 30, in a 5 year relationship with my girlfriend (also 30) which is not going well. Deep down I know we are probably one more conflict away from the end.

 

About two months ago, at work we recruited a new girl (she's 24) who I don’t work with directly but we initially sat quite close and got to know each other. We clicked straight away and got on really well.

 

A month on, she kept steering our conversations towards relationships, I think trying to gauge if I was single or not. I kept avoiding this topic until once she told me how her parents keep asking her if there's a new man in her life, therefore implying she's single. She then asked me straight about my relationship status, and I told her that I'm in a long term relationship.

 

Now, we've never expressed any romantic feelings for each other, but based on the signals I'm reading, I think she's either interested or maybe just curious. Her behaviour didn't change after knowing that I'm in a relationship as in she keeps making an effort to catch up with me after work every now and again. She also never mentions my girlfriend.

 

I really like this girl. As sad and ungrateful that it sounds, we connect and enjoy each other's humour to an extent that I haven't experienced in the past 5 years.

 

My question is, what can I do to avoid being friend zoned by the new girl? Knowing this tends to be the prospect for guys who don't act when a girl expresses an interest.

 

Infidelity is a no go for me. I also don’t think it’s wise to jump from a long term relationship straight into a new one.

 

What options do I have to declare an interest for the future? Should I just be upfront about it and then reduce the amount of time we spend with each other to prevent it turning into friendship?

 

Thanks for bearing with me.

 

D

[DanZee]

So you want to keep this girl as a backup plan? And you want to know whether you should be less friendly with her so you'll have a better chance at a relationship in the future?

 

I think you're putting the cart before the horse. When you break up, you can look her up. But I think she's getting a bit too friendly with someone who's already in a long-term relationship. Keep her at arm's length in a professional relationship.

[Mari]

If you're comparing what you have to what you think you can get it's going to cause problems as she may not be what you thought she was and you may then want your LTR back. So do this isntead: If your LTR is not working out break up knowing that you will not go back and that you may find no one better. Then if that girl is still around and is interested ask. She may not be interested, she may have already found someone, she may be interested and it may not work out.

[Danno]

No, not a back up plan. I don't see a connection between my current relationship and anything that could potentially develop with her in the future. My current relationship is coming to an end regardless.

[Danno]

So you want to keep this girl as a backup plan? And you want to know whether you should be less friendly with her so you'll have a better chance at a relationship in the future?

 

I think you're putting the cart before the horse. When you break up, you can look her up. But I think she's getting a bit too friendly with someone who's already in a long-term relationship. Keep her at arm's length in a professional relationship.

 

No, not a back up plan. I don't see a connection between my current relationship and anything that could potentially develop with her in the future. My current relationship is coming to an end regardless.

[Jillstrand23]

You could possibly have a conversation with the new girl !!!

[Danno]

You could possibly have a conversation with the new girl !!!

 

How do you suggest I approach it?

[yatsue]

How do you suggest I approach it?

 

"I just broke up with my gf" and do it beforehand, if you don't want to be friendzoned, in order to maybe set something up for the future. What decent person would want to flirt with someone taken?

 

I'll tell you this, if you try/say anything and she knows you're in a relationship...she will think you're sleazy. Then, welcome to the 'less than friendzone', called the creeper zone.

[JaggerJim]

I doubt your in the friend-zone. She's keen as mustard.

 

Make a decision. Dump your current girlfriend and pursue this girl, dump your girlfriend and be single, or stay with your girlfriend and be miserable.

[boltnrun]

Why delay breaking up with your girlfriend? Were you waiting until a better prospect came along, or is there some other reason?

[Hollyj]

End it with the gf. You're not doing her any favors.

[Danno]

Why delay breaking up with your girlfriend? Were you waiting until a better prospect came along, or is there some other reason?

 

Because she is financially relying on me and has nowhere to go until she finds a job.

[boltnrun]

Because she is financially relying on me and has nowhere to go until she finds a job.

 

So I would presume she doesn't want to break up.

 

What will you do if 6 months go by and she still doesn't have a job and you're still supporting her?

[Danno]

So I would presume she doesn't want to break up.

 

What will you do if 6 months go by and she still doesn't have a job and you're still supporting her?

 

I don't really know. It's a hopeless situation.

[abitbroken]

Because she is financially relying on me and has nowhere to go until she finds a job.

 

Then you stay in your relationship and gradually part ways. In the meantime, don't cheat. have you tried to work on your relationship?

[Danno]

Then you stay in your relationship and gradually part ways. In the meantime, don't cheat. have you tried to work on your relationship?

 

Cheating doesn't really cross my mind and I genuinly don't think it's worth the baggage.

 

We have tried working on the relationship but the older we get the more our personalities clash which often leads to horrible arguments.

[Danno]

"I just broke up with my gf" and do it beforehand, if you don't want to be friendzoned, in order to maybe set something up for the future. What decent person would want to flirt with someone taken?

 

I'll tell you this, if you try/say anything and she knows you're in a relationship...she will think you're sleazy. Then, welcome to the 'less than friendzone', called the creeper zone.

 

Interesting perspective, thanks :)

[Jillstrand23]

How do you suggest I approach it?

 

Ask her about her dreams aspirations goals likes/dislikes/ start a relationship with her

[Hollyj]

Because she is financially relying on me and has nowhere to go until she finds a job.

 

No better time than the present. She can move in with a friend or parents.

[boltnrun]

Ask her about her dreams aspirations goals likes/dislikes/ start a relationship with her

 

So you think he should cheat on his current girlfriend?

[SherrySher]

Before you do anything, be a decent man and break up with your current gf. No need to go messing with women's heads. Then once broken up, you can pursue this girl.

 

It kind of seems though that you are only seeing a few sides to this girl and because you're in a bad relationship, nearly anything that is okay would seem great.

 

But even so, end your relationship before you add another person into the equation.

[catfeeder]

Deep down I know we are probably one more conflict away from the end.

 

This makes no sense. Breakups don't require a conflict. You can tell GF it's not working for you and offer whatever help you can offer to move her out, financially or otherwise.

 

Attempting to move into a romance zone prematurely with coworker risks coming off as a disloyal sleeze if she's got a brain in her head. Finish your old business before trying to set up new.