dave4443 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Been dating a great girl recently and things were going amazing. She would tell me how she was so glad she net someone like me all that stuff which has made the next part harder. A guy she used to date found out she was moving on and is constantly bombarding her with messages, she was getting confused, she wants to be with me but wants to sort her head out first before anything because she can't be happy while she's confused. I told her I understand and she should take some time for herself, she wants to be with me but needs time... She thanked me for understanding, I sent her a last message saying I'm here when she wants to talk and she didn't respond , which I didn't mind because I did tell her to take time. I know it sounds daft but last night after a day of not speaking she liked my Insta pic ( I feel like a kid for even bringing that up ) but I figured if she truly wanted me out her life for good she wouldn't have done? maybe I'm just being silly but I trust that she's being honest about needing time. I was wondering if anyone thinks messaging her again in a day or two just to say hi is a decent idea? Thing is the other guy will constantly be bombarding her stressing her out even more so I don't want to cause anymore stress... Typing it out I know it seems obvious to just give up but i would rather try than just leave it in the past since I like her a lot. Cheers guys Link to comment
Keyman Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Mate if some girl you are dating gets confused when some other guy comes hitting her up, it is generally a bad thing. If she really wants to be with you, she would just be with you. If she gets confused and has to go away to decide whether to go for you or this other guy, then she just aint into you enough. Sure, keep messaging her. No doubt this will just make her more confused. And if she decides to go for him, AND THEN comes back. 'I was wrong, I should have gone with you..' etc etc. Tell her where to go, you aint second best to anyone. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I'm sorry to say this, but those msgs she's getting from him would not bother her if she was over him. You may lose out on this one. Don't be surprised if you hear they get back together. This is a tough spot to be in, because you like her and she's feeling pulled in by him. The best approach is to distance yourself. Good luck, I hope it works out for you. Link to comment
dave4443 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 Mate if some girl you are dating gets confused when some other guy comes hitting her up, it is generally a bad thing. If she really wants to be with you, she would just be with you. If she gets confused and has to go away to decide whether to go for you or this other guy, then she just aint into you enough. Sure, keep messaging her. No doubt this will just make her more confused. From what I gather it's not like she wants to be back with him, it's just confusing her head because she's realised she isn't fully over him. Which I understand since I've been in that situation before when I met a great girl but wasn't ready, unfortunately my chance had gone when I was. Since she's going through other personal issues it was my idea to tell her to take some time for herself but yeah I get your point too, I haven't messaged her yet she just liked all my social media stuff 😂 but I figured if it's right person wrong time I wouldn't mind trying it again when the air is cleared. Fortunately I've grown up since my major breakup last year so I don't let things get me down like this and whatever happens happens Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 No, don't contact her. At this point, she needs to come to you IF she really wants to. Confused = not that into you. Sorry. I know you like her and want to make excuses and rationalize how it's perfectly fine for her to be confused and this is the exception to the rule. It isn't. Assume it's been fun, but it's over and move on. If she ever surfaces again, then see where you at and if you are still interested or not. Link to comment
dave4443 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 No, don't contact her. At this point, she needs to come to you IF she really wants to. Confused = not that into you. Sorry. I know you like her and want to make excuses and rationalize how it's perfectly fine for her to be confused and this is the exception to the rule. It isn't. Assume it's been fun, but it's over and move on. If she ever surfaces again, then see where you at and if you are still interested or not. I was more or less thinking that, it was just with her saying she knows she wants to be with me she just wants to start with a clear head when she can focus on us that confuses me. Saying she still wants to talk and wants to try again she's just so stressed right now I dunno made me think maybe there is hope, and then liking my Insta stuff made me think if she was truly done then she wouldn't do that too. But yeah I'll take your advice and just leave her be, the mixed messages just confused me a bit Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 but wants to sort her head out first before anything because she can't be happy while she's confused. That's your invitation to bolt. I'm not sure of too many things in life. But, this I am. It won't end well for you. Just bad timing.... it happens. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 There is another term for mixed messages - stringing you along. Fortunately, you can cut that off any time you want. Link to comment
snkv Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Do , or do not , there is no try. Forget about her. It is quite simple actually, I mean the base lesson here. If a girl shows interest, than pulls slightly away, you go COMPLETE NC, if she comes back, she comes back, if she doesn't , move on. Link to comment
thorough Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Anytime a guy was "confused" about his feelings when we were dating, that always ended up w/me being burned. If she really liked you, she wouldn't be confused, she would want you. Link to comment
LootieTootie Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Please don't get stuck in a love triangle if you can avoid it. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Anytime a guy was "confused" about his feelings when we were dating, that always ended up w/me being burned. If she really liked you, she wouldn't be confused, she would want you. Exactly, it's really very black and white and I believe men and women are the same when it comes to this so ask yourself does it ring true to you? Let's say you still had some lingering feelings but youre moving on and most deffinetely do not want your ex. would you really allow that to be a reason to not get to know a great girl with potential? Come on! In what world does that even make sense? She's feeding you lines dude, it's not confusion, she's still stuck on him and you're the safety net, hence the random likes. You took runner up, I'm sorry, it sucks, I'm not saying completely close the door, but I deffinetely wouldnt put all my eggs in her basket. Link to comment
Juha Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 This girl being "confused" as she says is her issue, not yours. Do not get caught up in her issues. She knows you like her and want to be with her. This excuse of her being confused is bogus because if she really liked you and wanted to be with you as much as she says she does, then she would be with you without this so called confusion. To be honest it's just an excuse so she can have her cake and eat it to. You told her where you stand, you said to take whatever time she needed. So now you do nothing, do not contact her at all. If she wants you she will let you know, honestly though you should not let her back in with you very easily, if at all. You should dismiss her or make her earn you back to prove she really does want you. Never let someone who acts like this have it easy if they come back. You need to protect yourself.. This woman has low integrity and is immature. Go find a mature woman with integrity, you will be much happier. I wish you luck Link to comment
thorough Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Exactly, it's really very black and white and I believe men and women are the same when it comes to this so ask yourself does it ring true to you? Let's say you still had some lingering feelings but youre moving on and most deffinetely do not want your ex. would you really allow that to be a reason to not get to know a great girl with potential? Come on! In what world does that even make sense? She's feeding you lines dude, it's not confusion, she's still stuck on him and you're the safety net, hence the random likes. You took runner up, I'm sorry, it sucks, I'm not saying completely close the door, but I deffinetely wouldnt put all my eggs in her basket. It def is black and white. I was always the one trying to justify and pile more pros then cons. When you find a person who really loves you, there will be no mixed signals or convincing yourself that they care about you. Don't accept being second fiddle, always be first, find someone who treat you the way you want to be treated. I can promise you she isn't worth it. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 Whilst her saying she is confused is not a good sign, it all depends on how long since she broke up with the other guy. If it was not all that long ago, taking time out before getting involved again isn't a bad idea. Also she mentions she has other things in her life to sort out, and I personally, at my old age, have things in my life I would like to sort out before AI get involved again if i ever do - some fairly practical issues in my life. I don't think it's a definite no go, but it's not ideal. Just stay cool. You seem like a nice guy, cute photo, and there will be plenty others if this doesn't work out. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 26, 2018 Share Posted January 26, 2018 From what I gather it's not like she wants to be back with him, it's just confusing her head because she's realised she isn't fully over him. Dude, you've already answered all of your own questions. It sucks because you're all excited to be getting a new girl......but you're not..... I'm glad this isn't getting you down. You know what else will not get you down: Dating other women. Hanging out with your buddies without her (and her ex who can't handle being dumped). After my big breakup, I was dating several women casually. One of them had an similar situation to this girl you're trying to get with. The guy texted her 15 times during our second date. She told me initially that she had been out of a relationship for 8 months. I told her that she should tell it to that guy, not me. I paid for drinks and walked. She did not like this. Then she began texted me with questions about what I had done....for the next three days. I told her that it sounded like her ex was unaware that they had broken up and that she could let me know when that whole situation was sorted out.....which went over like a lead balloon. Then she began text bombing me angrily until I blocked her. I have no remorse for what I did and I suspect that I had avoided a car crash of a relationship by not getting in the middle of whatever was going on. I suggest you do the same. Link to comment
adat95 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 You are in exactly the same situation that I am, hehe. Also made a thread about that. He broke it off with me last month after 1.5month dating because his ex bombarded him w/ messages and messed his head up. He told me the same thing, that he doesn't want to get back with him but had to do some thinking and get his life in order. After like 2 weeks he contacted me and needed to talk about some paperwork asking me if I'd be willing to do the papers with him and when we were saying goodbye that evening he just hugged me and said he'd contact me. 10 days after that he really did, basically asking me what's new and how my exams were going and since that day we send each other like 1 message a day (I see that he is online but doesn't read my message and usually replies the other day). I have no idea where this is going, but what I'd recommend you is just MOVE ON, don't read any hints and don't have high expectations - that is the worst thing you can do. If you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed in the end. You can't wait for her, that's for sure, but at the same time I understand that you probably are not in a mood to go out and look for someone else (I feel the same), but just ... be happy with yourself and do what you think is the best for you. You seem like you care about her but you can't care about her unless she cares about you, that would emotionally exhaust you. I guess that during the time you were dating you showed her what she meant to you, she knows it and if she ever realizes that she misses that, she'll contact you. If it comes, you might still be single or you might not, that would be her loss but she has to count with that option. I wish you the best of luck Link to comment
dave4443 Posted April 24, 2021 Author Share Posted April 24, 2021 Just in case anyone finds this through google things worked out with this one and we're still together so it does work! It's not always malicious motives underneath this Link to comment
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