Dating Frustrations

[Green25]

I've been single for a long time and have difficulty getting into relationships with women. Recently I've been giving a lot of thought to why I find it so hard and what I can do about it. There are two areas I think I'm failing in. I'd be really grateful for advice on either:

 

1 - I have no trouble meeting girls and becoming friends. My problem seems to be that they see me as friend material rather than boyfriend material. I feel girls generally see me as honest, caring, reliable, sweet. This is often what they say they are looking for in a man but girls I meet generally put me in the friend zone with things not progressing any further than that. It seems like I'm a "niceguy" they can rely on as a friend while they date some "bad boy" who gives them loads of drama. Any suggestions on what I should do when meeting women to show myself as a potential boyfriend rather than just a potential friend?

 

2 I am bad reading subtle signs and noticing when a girl is indicating she is interested or (not interested). On occasions I have been told by mutual friends after the event a girl was really keen on me but I had no idea at the time. Other times I have been sure a girl was flirting with me only to discover she had no interest at all. Can anyone give me help on subtle hints and signs I should look out for as indicators of interest or disinterest?

 

Thanks

[Hollyj]

If these girls are looking for a "bad boy" then you need to address YOUR choice in women. An emotionally healthy woman is attracted to a "nice guy," not someone who will treat them poorly.

[Wiseman2]

Avoid friendzone behaviors like not asking them out on one-on-one dates. Too much talking/texting all day as if a male-girlfriend. Step up and take the lead in the beginning.

[SweetGirl28]

To answer your first question, be confident! It's sexy AF lol.

Don't be too available, don't lay your feelings out to quickly, don't be the person who a girl can

vent all their frustrations to at any given minute, and maybe you'll get out of the friend zone.

It's also based on attraction, physical attraction is most often what brings us together, unless we are

spending time actually talking to the person and hanging out. Is that what's getting you put there?

Are you coming off as being the instant friend to lean on?

 

As for your second question, all depends. Some are shy, some are more forward.

If I'm interested, the guy knows it by my body language and the look in my eyes.

I'll communicate, text, call,invite them to hang out(only after the guy initiates it though).

 

Some females are flirty by nature with no intent(guilty) so unfortunately it takes getting to know the

person to figure out if that's who they are, or they really like you. Generally if a girl is interested she will

smile and laugh with you, make it known she's single, touch you while talking to you.

I can't think of more at the moment because I'm distracted, sorry lol. But hope this helps a bit.

[DanZee]

I would ask how are you dating them? It seems to me that if you meet girls on an equal basis, such as treating them like friends when you go out on a date, that puts you in the friendzone. Women want to be romanced. They want Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet. They want a man to make them feel like a woman. They want the goofy stuff: flowers, chocolates, jewelry, gifts and cards. They really want someone to stare into their eyes and tell them they're pretty. Us guys, we hear in the media about feminism, that women want to be treated as equals, that we shouldn't touch women, and so on. But on dates, women want to feel romanced. You might not be romancing them enough.

 

As for number 2 on your list, you need a wingman to tell you when a girl is into you or not. A wingman is a friend who can find out if a girl is interested in you or not. He can also make introductions just like in the old days and even talk you up to get someone interested in you. So you need a wingman.

 

Give them a try and see if your love life improves.

[Galidan]

Every girl wants the bad guy in her earily stage of life, order a book from amazon on how to pick girls up, they did sure change me, I recommand it, but please if your gonna order and just read it and not actually do the missions or the things they ask you to do in there, then don't waste your money on that book, if your seriouse about change then go ahead and order and Pm me in private I'll give you a good book to read, or too. I found 2 books to be really good if you compain both of them together.

[Hollyj]

Every girl wants the bad guy in her earily stage of life, order a book from amazon on how to pick girls up, they did sure change me, I recommand it, but please if your gonna order and just read it and not actually do the missions or the things they ask you to do in there, then don't waste your money on that book, if your seriouse about change then go ahead and order and Pm me in private I'll give you a good book to read, or too. I found 2 books to be really good if you compain both of them together.

 

No. Not all girls want a bad boy.

[DancingFool]

My advice to these kinds of threads is always the same - stop trying to look for signs. The only sure fire sign that she is interested is you ask her for a date and she goes out with you. When your approach is confident and straightforward, it's a turn on. When you are busy trying to read signs, you aren't present and aren't interesting - you will come off weird and insecure. Live in the moment. If you are interested, ask her out. When you are on a date, be present in the moment, be interesting, lead the conversation, be fun and easy going, mind your manners, open doors for her, etc. If she is interested, you'll know because she'll go out with you again....when you ask for the next date. Rinse and repeat.

[IAmFCA]

Green25:

 

I suggest you flip your thinking around 180 degrees.

 

Your Point 1 = You have no trouble becoming friends, but some difficulty becoming a date, a lover and/or a bf. This is a huge asset. I will explain below.

Your Point 2 = You wonder which women are interested, and which aren't, and how can you tell? Well, you can't tell. And, it doesn't matter.

 

Get in the driver's seat with women same way you do with your hobbies, education, and work life. What kind of relationship interests you? Are you shopping for casual sex or a serious GF? What traits would be compatible with yours?

 

Let's assume you are interested in a gf, and that you can name three or four "must have" traits. When you meet women, assess whether they have those traits. If they do, show interest in them. Confirm that you can talk a bit. Then ask Would you like to continue this conversation over drinks / a slice of pizza / a view of the river / whatever suits best.

 

As to women who, in your eyes, want a "bad boy" -- if that's the case, they aren't relationship material at this time.

 

People express respect for themselves and for others in a variety of ways. Bad boys and bad girls, if there is such a thing, sometimes are actually sweethearts cloaked in a goal-oriented exterior. Be careful about judging others, because comparing yourself to others and/or judging them is a waste of your energy. You know who you are, use your strengths. It will attract someone to you who wants someone like you.

[IAmFCA]

btw

 

your female friends maybe are your friends precisely because they would choose someone different for their personal lives. its a self-sorting process: they aren't representative of any larger commonality. Its simply is true of women who are friends with you, because if you were the type of bf they wanted, they couldn't be friends.

 

the women around you who aren't familiar friends -- that seems like your universe of opportunity.

[PICCOLLO]

There’s plenty of information out there about alpha and beta behaviour in men and I dont buy into all of it but some of it makes a great deal of sense.

 

1. If you like someone, ask them out. Dont worry about signs. Its your preference that matters.

 

2. Dont befriend girls you like.

 

3. Avoid the friend zone by making dates, text only to set dates, less talk more action and dont make them feel like friendhip is an option.

 

You can be a nice guy and get dates/be in a relationship. Its about setting boundaries and going after what you want.

[SweetGirl28]

I would ask how are you dating them? It seems to me that if you meet girls on an equal basis, such as treating them like friends when you go out on a date, that puts you in the friendzone. Women want to be romanced. They want Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet. They want a man to make them feel like a woman. They want the goofy stuff: flowers, chocolates, jewelry, gifts and cards. They really want someone to stare into their eyes and tell them they're pretty. Us guys, we hear in the media about feminism, that women want to be treated as equals, that we shouldn't touch women, and so on. But on dates, women want to feel romanced. You might not be romancing them enough.

 

As for number 2 on your list, you need a wingman to tell you when a girl is into you or not. A wingman is a friend who can find out if a girl is interested in you or not. He can also make introductions just like in the old days and even talk you up to get someone interested in you. So you need a wingman.

 

Give them a try and see if your love life improves.

 

Not me! Skip the flowers, skip the chocolate, heck even skip the gifts!

Respect, affection, being picked up instead of driving to them, calls and texts for no reason

except to say they are thinking of me--- that's what matters to some of us :)

 

Hand picking flowers, though, that's adorable

[IAmFCA]

Not me! Skip the flowers, skip the chocolate, heck even skip the gifts!

Respect, affection, being picked up instead of driving to them, calls and texts for no reason

except to say they are thinking of me--- that's what matters to some of us :)

 

Hand picking flowers, though, that's adorable

 

i am same way for sure

[catfeeder]

What is your age? If you want to find a relationship, why not use dating apps to state this and set up a bunch of quick meets over coffee to screen potential dates and check one another out?

 

Rules are that neither can ask the other for a real date on the spot, but either can message afterward with an invite. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, no response is necessary. This takes squirmy rejection stuff off the table, it allows you to pass on bad matches (the majority) while moving on to the next, and it establishes your reason for meeting--which is not to makes more 'friends'.

[Green25]

Thanks Holly. I don't think I phrased that well.

 

I didn't mean they are deliberately looking for bad guys. What I meant was that girls I'm friends with often seem to see me as someone safe and dependable they know well and can trust and rely on as a friend but when looking for a boyfriend go for someone less familiar so dating them is more of a adventure/unknown/risk. Sometimes they turn out to be great guys, other times they turn out to be losers.

[Green25]

If these girls are looking for a "bad boy" then you need to address YOUR choice in women. An emotionally healthy woman is attracted to a "nice guy," not someone who will treat them poorly.

 

Thanks Holly. I don't think I phrased that well.

 

I didn't mean they are deliberately looking for bad guys. What I meant was that girls I'm friends with often seem to see me as someone safe and dependable they know well and can trust and rely on as a friend but when looking for a boyfriend go for someone less familiar so dating them is more of a adventure/unknown/risk. Sometimes they turn out to be great guys, other times they turn out to be losers.

[Green25]

Thanks everyone for the advice and comments. From what you've said I think the following might be my problem:

 

I'm not flirty and can be a bit shy with girls when I first meet them. Especially those I'm attracted to.

 

When I meet a woman I'm attracted to I feel nervous about being too forward or showing my feelings too much. I think this presents me to them as a potential friend rather than a potential boyfriend. Consequently we become friends. Once I get to know somebody and am more comfortable with them, I'm more open about my feelings towards them.

 

If I hope things develop further than friendship it is difficult to make this step as our relationship has been established on being friends rather than anything more. That is what I have given the impression I want to be from the outset so that is how she sees me. To expect more may be unrealistic and unfair on her if I gave her the impression from the start that I am/wasn't trying to hit on her.

 

I think my best way forward may be to accept that girls I am currently friends with will most likely remain just friends. We have become friends because that is what I have given the impression I wanted us to be.

 

When meeting girls in the future though I will try to give a first impression that I am a single guy who could be a potential partner and see if the dynamic develops differently. I'm not sure how best to express that I'm single and available when meeting strangers or how overt to be.

[Juha]

The women you are already friends with and still are attracted to you should probably spend a lot less time talking and doing things with.

 

Start spending more time with women who have not friend zoned you and can date, spending what little free time you have with women you are attracted to but have friend zoned you is not the best use of time.

[Sportster2005]

Stop being sweet, and start being sexy. It's easy to be sweet.

 

Not to be too glib, but if you act only friendly they're not going to feel desire beyond friendship. Learn to be more confident. If you're attracted to a woman, pursue her. Don't befriend her. If she's interested great, if not, whatever. You're the prize for one lucky lady. Not the other way around.

 

Best advise. There is no bigger turn off than a whiny "nice guys finish last" mentality.