bcrjdoa8690 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 First of all, I’m going to apologize in advance for all the grammatical and spelling mistakes I may make while writing this. In my defense, English is my second language. I’m posting this here because I’m desperate, I’m about to lose my mind, if I’m not already losing it. I tried for the past two days to see a therapist with no success. I’ve been married to an amazing man for a couple of months now. What seemed to be a dream come true has turned into my worst nightmare. A few days ago, my husband was trying to initiate sex with me, but it was late and I had to wake up very early to go to work so I declined. As I was falling asleep, I heard my husband moaning and the bed shaking a bit. He was masturbating right next to me. While I support his self love, I can’t expl why it made me so furious. I was turned on while being incredibly mad at the same time. I got up and went to the kitchen and faked not knowing what he was doing. I snapped at him the next day. He became a pervert to me, I couldn’t believe that the amazing man I’ve married was a pervert. A few days after that, I went to tuck my daughter in (11yrs old from my previous marriage), to my surprise I caught my daughter masturbating. I acted as if I didn’t see her, because although I bothered me a lot, a big part of me knows that this is normal. However, now I’m paranoid as what can happen to my daughter now that she has discovered her sexuality. I can’t stop imagining that my husband (“the pervert”) can eventually abuse my daughter. I hate coming home from work, I’m even thinking about divorcing my husband. Now, a bit of my childhood background. My brother molested me when I was 9 years old. For some reason I can’t remember all the details of how it happened. I’ve never be able to do so. At the age of 12 a man who lived next to us (55years old) “kidnapped me”. To be honest I went with him without being forced. But believe or not I didn’t think he wanted to have sex with me but he did. Fast forward, I’m a 30 years old woman, married to a man who’s not a pervert! Yet here I am, becoming insane trying to figure out if my past has anything to do with what I’m going through today. If so, why now? I’ve always being symptomatic without knowing, now that I’ve become more self aware, and I reflect back in my first marriage, I can see it. However, I’ve never felt the way I feel today. I need help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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