My girlfriends conversions with her gay friends abnormal?

[SherrySher]

There's nothing wrong with having your own set of values, cj...if you feel that strongly about it, then tell her. You are allowed to accept or not accept certain things in a partner.

[mustlovedogs]

There's nothing wrong with having your own set of values, cj...if you feel that strongly about it, then tell her. You are allowed to accept or not accept certain things in a partner.

 

This is true - but that doesn’t make her or her conversation choices abnormal. Just to be clear.

[SherrySher]

See the thing is though, I don't see "normal " or "abnormal"...those words are offensive as they are so restricting. What or who is "normal"....but I will say, if she is comfortable with it, that's okay for her, and her choice of friends are also okay. She's not doing wrong. But as cj is trying to be her partner, it just didn't vibe with him and I would be the same.

 

Incompatibility. No one is better or in the right, per se.

[Seraphim]

There's nothing wrong with having your own set of values, cj...if you feel that strongly about it, then tell her. You are allowed to accept or not accept certain things in a partner.

 

Absolutely, nothing wrong with our values at all.

[Hollyj]

See the thing is though, I don't see "normal " or "abnormal"...those words are offensive as they are so restricting. What or who is "normal"....but I will say, if she is comfortable with it, that's okay for her, and her choice of friends are also okay. She's not doing wrong. But as cj is trying to be her partner, it just didn't vibe with him and I would be the same.

 

Incompatibility. No one is better or in the right, per se.

 

I agree. They are not compatible.

[mustlovedogs]

See the thing is though, I don't see "normal " or "abnormal"...those words are offensive as they are so restricting. What or who is "normal"....but I will say, if she is comfortable with it, that's okay for her, and her choice of friends are also okay. She's not doing wrong. But as cj is trying to be her partner, it just didn't vibe with him and I would be the same.

 

Incompatibility. No one is better or in the right, per se.

 

I agree. That’s exactly what I’m saying. OP called it abnormal. I’m clarifying that us saying they aren’t compatible doesn’t mean she’s abnormal.

[cjchaos]

I agree. That’s exactly what I’m saying. OP called it abnormal. I’m clarifying that us saying they aren’t compatible doesn’t mean she’s abnormal.

I asked if it was an abnormal conversation, but it seems it is more a compatibility thing. I will tell her I am not cool with it, if it is important for her to have these sexy chats with her gay friends, then I guess it's time to move on.

[Seraphim]

I asked if it was an abnormal conversation, but it seems it is more a compatibility thing. I will tell her I am not cool with it, if it is important for her to have these sexy chats with her gay friends, then I guess it's time to move on.

 

It is mismatched compatibly. And you are not terrible. But I know society thinks we are horrible if we don’t do what the vast majority does. Personally, I feel sexuality is to be discussed with your partner and that is where it ends or a dr if need be.

[ThatwasThen]

I don't talk about sex with anybody else than my girlfriend. I can't imagine myself having erotic conversations with others.

 

You are now making it sound like they are flirting with one another and sexting? Is that what they're doing or are they just talking about sexual things in general?

[pippy longstocking]

If she got aroused whilst talking to a male, I don't really care about their sexuality I just don't feel okay about it.

 

so bottom line , you wouldn't have a problem if she was talking about sex with her female friends , so it is not that you are worried about her revealing her private life or anything like that ? It is because these are men and you think she gets aroused talkiing to gay men ....now that aint happening ....ever .What if her female friends where lesbians ?

[pippy longstocking]

I asked if it was an abnormal conversation, but it seems it is more a compatibility thing. I will tell her I am not cool with it, if it is important for her to have these sexy chats with her gay friends, then I guess it's time to move on.

 

Well that seems the best thing and at least you can be honest about how you feel and end it .

[Hollyj]

so bottom line , you wouldn't have a problem if she was talking about sex with her female friends , so it is not that you are worried about her revealing her private life or anything like that ? It is because these are men and you think she gets aroused talkiing to gay men ....now that aint happening ....ever .What if her female friends where lesbians ?

 

LOL! I guess she may be jumping into the lady pond then. She would not be able to control herself.

[pippy longstocking]

LOL! I guess she may be jumping into the lady pond then. She would not be able to control herself.

 

hahaha the lady pond , that's my tea splattered on the screen :D

[Hollyj]

hahaha the lady pond , that's my tea splattered on the screen :D

 

 

The thing that I think is so ironic about all of this, is that the gay men are the safest place for her to be.

[katrina1980]

Sorry to throw a wrench into this but straight men often become VERY aroused when talking wth a lesbian, not even sexually, if she's hot and sexy, he's gonna get aroused!

 

So why should this be any different for women when interacting with her gay friends?

 

I have a very attractive and sexy gay friend, and I used to tell him all the time -- if only you weren't gay! lol

 

I'm exclusively dating someone now but a few months back, my hot gay friend and I were out, I got a bit tipsy and was like pretty much hanging on him!

 

So yeah it's very possible for women to get aroused by gay men, I would not be ruling this out.

 

OP, if you're not comfortable with, don't like her discussing explicit sexual topics with her gay friends, that is your right.

 

What is not your right is to dictate what she can or cannot do, or should or shouldn't do.

 

You can tell her how you feel about it, and "she" then gets to decide what she wants to do.

 

If she chooses to carry on with them, then if it's that important to you, leave and find a woman more on par with your beliefs.

[Hollyj]

Sorry to throw a wrench into this but straight men often become VERY aroused when talking wth a lesbian, not even sexually, if she's hot and sexy, he's gonna get aroused!

 

So why should this be any different for women when interacting with her gay friends?

 

I have a very attractive and sexy gay friend, and I used to tell him al,the time how if only he weren't gay!

 

I'm exclusively dating someone now but a few months back, my hot gay friend and I were out, I got a bit tipsy and was like pretty much hanging on him!

 

So yeah it's very possible for women to get aroused by gay men, I would not be ruling this out.

 

OP, if you're not comfortable with, don't like her discussing explicit sexual topics with her gay friend, that is your right.

 

What isn't your right is to dictate what she can or cannot do, or should or shouldn't do.

 

You can tell her how you feel about it, and "she" then gets to decide what she wants to do.

 

 

 

If she chooses to carry on with them, then if it's that important to you, leave and find a woman more on par with your beliefs.

 

Were they talking sexually or just hanging out? She could have these feelings for the guy, without a sexual convo.

 

I think the easiest solution would be: DO NOT ALLOW HER TO SPEAK TO ANY MEN.

[Seraphim]

As he said, it is better he moved on. Just know OP there are women with your values out there.

[katrina1980]

Were they talking sexually or just hanging out? She could have these feelings for the guy, without a sexual convo.

 

I think the easiest solution would be: DO NOT ALLOW HER TO SPEAK TO ANY MEN.

 

I was taking about myself and this is a good point!

 

I've had a bit of a mad crush on him for years, not only is he extremely good looking with a "to die for" body, he has tons of emotional depth, and understands me even better than my girlfriends do!

 

So that is probably why "he" aroused me and he happens to be gay. VERY gay. Not in an effeminate way; I dunno he's just very cool.

[Hollyj]

I was taking about myself and this is a good point!

 

I've had a bit of a mad crush on him for years, not only is he extremely good looking with a "to die for" body, he has tons of emotional depth, and understands me even better than my girlfriends do!

 

So that is probably why "he" aroused me and he happens to be gay. VERY gay. Not in an effeminate way; I dunno he's just very cool.

 

When I was much younger, I too had a crush on a hot, gay dude. He did not speak to me in a sexual manner. After having many gay men in my life, including my brother, I know that nothing is ever going to happen. This is my experience.

 

I respect everyone's position. But, it seems that the OP is Ok with his gf speaking to women, just not gay men. This I don't get.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, the show Will and Grace has suddenly come to mind.

[katrina1980]

Well, the show Will and Grace has suddenly come to mind.

 

Love that show one of my all time favs!! The original series 1998 -2006.

 

And Will? Major crush on him too!

 

To Holly, my gay friend and I sometimes talk about sex.

 

In general or about with others, not with each other!

 

He really is like a good girlfriend except he's a guy and I had a crush on him.

 

I don't crush on my girlfriends.

[Hollyj]

Love that show one of my all time favs!! The original series 1998 -2006.

 

And Will? Major crush on him too!

 

To Holly, my gay friend and I sometimes talk about sex.

 

In general or about with others, not with each other!

 

He really is like a good girlfriend except he's a guy and I had a crush on him.

 

I don't crush on my girlfriends.

 

Oh yes. I totally understand.

 

My hairdresser can get get really trashy, but I think that he is the only one that gets like that. It's all in fun!

 

i don't crush on my girlfriends, either.

[j.man]

I don't know. Nothing intrinsically wrong with it, I guess. But, between friends and family, I've had a pretty disproportionate number of guys who happen to be gay in my life, and that whole archetype your lady seems to fit (at least from how you tell it) has always annoyed me, albeit nowhere near as close as it seems to annoy them. Though I do understand there are aspects of society that would understandably incline more women to seek out gay men to confide in and feel safer in doing so, I do still, to some degree, associate it to how weird / creepy it would be if I were to actively seek out lesbians to talk sex with.

 

But, hey, I acknowledge there's some bias there. At the end of the day, if she's happy with her friends and how she socializes, there's no reason for you to do anything else than respect it. If you can't, find another lady who shares your values.

[lilyv]

I have many gay friends and they are better than being heterosexual girlfriends because we're not competitive, they're not interested in a penis that's interested in my vagina....the pressure is way off since they're not interested in my vagina either.

[IAmFCA]

The group has an irreverent culture. Its name is cheeky, its conversations treat intimate behavior like gossip.

 

So?

 

I used to have a friend - a gay man - who talked very frankly about sex, who was fascinated with women's breasts but not in a sexual way, and who could drink a bottle of wine like water. He had zero interest in being sexual with me or anyone female. He finds our vaginal parts disgusting.

 

The only topics here are of taste and subject matter, and what your gf chooses for company. Whichever choices she makes, no big deal for you.