boltnrun Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I really don't get how people are soo quick to judge and say this guy is a HUGE manipulator. Look, they were together for 3-4 years then had a break....That does NOT sound like manipulations to me. It would be manipulations if the guy was breaking up REPEATEDLY or after every argument. Did that happen? NO. This break up was a one-time event after a long relationship. Before judging a person you need to look at PATTERNS of behavior. Ruka even said he was always great to her!! It is like you have someone who is extremely polite and then after 3 years says a swear word and now you want to label that person as constantly swearing now?! I had a girlfriend who just went on a break last month and a few days later the guy she was in a relationship was out at a restaurant making out with another girl. Do you know how hurt she was? She was crying....calling him...saying how is it possible he could just move on that quick and that he never truly had feelings for her...etc. etc. ----> So that means she is a manipulator? I don't think so.... He could just as easily cried and said that since SHE asked for the "break", she never truly had feelings for him. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 Why is it a bad sign? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Why is it a bad sign? Because he could only be asking only to make sure you keep yourself available to him and only him while he "decides" if he wants you or not. To prevent you from dating anyone else. And he's succeeded because you don't want to date anyone else, do you? Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Why is it a bad sign? It can be seen as a very possessive and controlling move. I might have given this guy the benefit of the doubt as assume he cares about you and checking up is ONLY concern. But from the way he is obviously trying to control/manipulate by all of the the things you have said I wouldn't think he is checking up out of just concern. He just wants to control you and is making sure he knows what you are doing. The sleezy guy breaks up with you then makes you feel guilty like this after he caused your relationship to end. He is controlling you and you are letting him. He needs to check up on you so he feels like he is in control. I wouldn't take it as a good sign if I were in your position. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 you can't ever prove anything about yourself to someone else if they don't already want to see it. I'm sorry. you deserve better. Link to comment
caro33 Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Ruka, please pay attention to what you are being told. Decent people don't behave like this. Neither of you sound mature enough at this stage to be committing to anything but doing well at uni, growing yourself and growing your social circle. Willdation, this is bad behaviour because he's trying to control her choices and make her grovel when he is the one who broke up with her, apparently because he didn't want a relationship. And now she has to somehow prove a negative, which as others have pointed out, is largely impossible. Yes we can imagine he didn't like seeing her move on, but that's his issue to just suck up and deal with because he broke up with her. Link to comment
TheRawTruth Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 You made one mistake, and he took advantage of it. I'll tell you... When your ex accused you of "cheating the whole time" because of your rebound relationship, you started apologizing and defending yourself, BEGGING him to take you back. THAT was your mistake. Instead, you should have said "What? Are you crazy? Look here. YOU broke up with ME. So because I met someone else (as a single woman) and dated him somehow YOU think I was cheating BEFORE? You sound crazy dude. Believe whatever you want." If your ex realized that his attempt to make you feel guilty and validate yourself WASN'T WORKING, he'd stop, and YOU'D have the upper hand. But you didn't see that. Now, you also said (in a post somebody quoted) that your ex told you that if you PROVED yourself, he would return immediately. Right? But if that's true, why did he break up with you in the first place? Forget the rebound guy for a sec. Why did you and your ex break up to begin with? Did he assume you were cheating AT THAT TIME, or was it another reason? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 When your ex accused you of "cheating the whole time" because of your rebound relationship, you started apologizing and defending yourself, BEGGING him to take you back. THAT was your mistake. Instead, you should have said "What? Are you crazy? Look here. YOU broke up with ME. So because I met someone else (as a single woman) and dated him somehow YOU think I was cheating BEFORE? You sound crazy dude. Believe whatever you want." If your ex realized that his attempt to make you feel guilty and validate yourself WASN'T WORKING, he'd stop, and YOU'D have the upper hand. But you didn't see that. exactly this ^^^^^^^^ Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 I really don't get how people are soo quick to judge and say this guy is a HUGE manipulator. All of us see something ...you see something different .... the figures speak for themselves willdation The op will no doubt go with your chain of thought because she can't see what we see ... and will only hear what she wants to hear Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 28, 2017 Author Share Posted October 28, 2017 No another reason..he was stressed and didn't wanna be in a relationship anymore Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 Deleted... I am going to need to bow out as well ..( I keep saying this ) Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 No another reason..he was stressed and didn't wanna be in a relationship anymore Stress is a daily occurrence to most people in some form. I would put that on par with breaking up with you because he really had to take a piss. Yeah, so, everyone pees. That isn't an excuse. If you can't go to the bathroom AND maintain a relationship then you don't need to be in a relationship. If you can't have stress and be in a relationship then don't be in a relationship. I would never think to use that as an excuse. I hate to say this but given how little self respect you have I am sure he chose you because he could see that and tell how easy you are to be manipulated. If you don't become more wise to this weakness you are going to be manipulated your entire life. I also have a limited amount of time I can smash my head up against a brick wall before I to must give up. I have made the same point along with most people here. You can either continue to let yourself be the victim your entire life or you can grow a backbone and stop letting others control you and determine your self worth. I now too must bow out of this seemingly futile post. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 28, 2017 Share Posted October 28, 2017 It wasn't because of stress, it was because he wanted to date and sleep with others. Wake up! Stop being so gullible. There is life after your bf. People do not end relationships due to stress. If he loved and valued you, he would have shared his "stress" with you. This is what healthy couples do. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It wasn't because of stress, it was because he wanted to date and sleep with others. Wake up! Stop being so gullible. There is life after your bf. People do not end relationships due to stress. If he loved and valued you, he would have shared his "stress" with you. This is what healthy couples do. It might have been stress too. He might have been getting stressed out that he wouldn't be able to sleep with other woman... He obviously couldn't share that with the OP Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 No, OP, this wasn't caused by "stress." Like I said before, stick around waiting for him if you want, but you're going to be kicking yourself for keeping yourself on hold when he actually meets and starts dating someone else. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 29, 2017 Share Posted October 29, 2017 It might have been stress too. He might have been getting stressed out that he wouldn't be able to sleep with other woman... He obviously couldn't share that with the OP Excellent point!!!! Link to comment
Datgirl94 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Give him that space. Space will allow them to figure out things. I tried to get my ex back. It didn't work. Guys always want proof. I tried to prove it even when fights and these fights were seriously bad. Making me lose my mind making me black out due to him not allowing me to have space. If you rebounded you did not cheat but that hurts the other person on the other side of this whole story. Revenge isn't the answer to everything.My ex rebounded a girl to be honest and I don't think she knows that. And uh it hurts because he calls me once a week and tells me what's been going on. I never would rebound him or have a second option. So for him he needs that space to figure out what he wants or needs. Link to comment
No1 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Ruka, you are waiting for someone here to tell you what you want to do as long as it is what you want to do. Truth is, he is using you. You can say "But" "Or" "he said" all you want. Is he with you today? No. And its no because he chooses not to be with you. if you want to wait for this prince, then wait. At some point you will learn that everything he told you is a lie. As of today, you are a play toy. I used to thrive on people like you because I could keep stringning you along for years. I do what I want until you get frustrated then tell you what you want to hear to pull you back in and then the cycle starts all over again. You can stay in this cycle for years. And the only one that is going to be happy is the guy. Hey, choice is yours. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Give him that space. Space will allow them to figure out things. I tried to get my ex back. It didn't work. Guys always want proof. I tried to prove it even when fights and these fights were seriously bad. Making me lose my mind making me black out due to him not allowing me to have space. If you rebounded you did not cheat but that hurts the other person on the other side of this whole story. Revenge isn't the answer to everything.My ex rebounded a girl to be honest and I don't think she knows that. And uh it hurts because he calls me once a week and tells me what's been going on. I never would rebound him or have a second option. So for him he needs that space to figure out what he wants or needs. He got his "space" when he dumped her to date others. I can't understand why you are still talking to your ex, after he dumped you and is now with someone else? People, do not ever wait around for other to choose you, and decide when you are convenient for them. VALUE yourselves more. You should be offended by this behavior, not hoping that they may grace your life again. Link to comment
Ruka Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 We are back together now..he treats me well he forgave me but i'm pretty sure he didn't forget what happened but he is not mentioning it...what should i do to make him forget? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 We are back together now..he treats me well he forgave me but i'm pretty sure he didn't forget what happened but he is not mentioning it...what should i do to make him forget? I am sat here mouth open ... All of this , and your other thread and now you still want us to find a way to help your abusive monster of a boyfriend forget ...You didn't hear a word , from the start you where hell bent on been with him , no matter how much he controlled you ..the man is a pig . Link to comment
Ruka Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 Is he a pig for forgiving me and treating me well and not mentioning that he didn't forget and is trying to make me happy? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Is he a pig for forgiving me and treating me well and not mentioning that he didn't forget and is trying to make me happy? Oh believe me I am not engaging in a to and fro about the merits of you and your boyfriend .....I am out ............... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Eh, when you choose to return to a broken and dysfunctional relationship, you are choosing to tolerate dysfunctional behaviour. You can't make him forget anything. By going back to this, you are tacitly giving the green light to his bad behaviour. If you keep making the same poor choices, you are going to have to live with the same poor relationship. Link to comment
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