Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 My ex was heartbroken after i got into a rebound relationship when he broke up with me. Now he thinks i am a cheater. I want to get back with him because i really love him. But he can't forgive me now and he needs time alone. Meanwhile he said i should prove that i don't want anyone else in order to trust and forgive me. What should i do to make him believe me? Helpp!! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I wont change my thoughts from my reply yesterday ...He is punishing you and you are falling for it ..you are enabling him to be this poor boy victim , when in actual fact what you need to me saying is this * You either get over yourself or you leave me alone * .....your relationship will be awful if you carry on like this ..trying to prove yourself to him , do not hand over your power for something you had every right to do ...and all the girls he supposedly hung out with as just friends ??? I am telling you, you more you feed this BS the more controlling and self righteous he will be and you will pay for the rest of your relationship with him ... so I say again ..tell him to get a grip or leave you alone . Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I apologized so many times. Now he wants to take his time alone. He said i should prove that i only want to be with him and not another guy...will he ever comeback or is he just giving me false hope? He said if i proved myself he will immidiatly return. oh my god girl ....stop STOP .... how dare he , you must see this for what it is .... Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Agree with above. You don't fall for this manipulative game he is trying to play. If you want so much as a snowball's chance of actually having a healthy relationship with him, then you find your spine and self respect and tell him off about this bs he is trying to pull. Like read him the riot act - either he cuts the bs and gets on board or he is going to be left out in the cold for good as you move on with your life. Oh....and I'd totally call him out of these "friends" or his. How naive does he think you are? Look OP, you can't have a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, thinks he can manipulate and bs you and take advantage of the fact that you care so much you are willing to be treated like dirt just to be with him. Honestly, you should have just stayed with the other guy and told your ex to go stuff himself...... It's a pity you don't see this. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I can't tell you how much this has touched a nerve with me Ruka ..this is how the abuse is done ..this is classic ...god I wish I had had the balls to tell men like this way back when to do what we are telling you to do ... The best chance of a healthy relationship is NEVER EVER let the other person persecute you for something they have no grounds for . Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Hi there...I would disagree with the above due to the complexity of this issue. You certainly do not want to blame him as it is only natural he would feel hurt after a long relationship and a short break and you have a rebound. ANY girl here if it happend to her would feel SOO upset. It is because we all want to feel the most special and valued. It would be like you broke up with your bf after a silly argument and he proposes to another girl 3 weeks later! So blaming him won't solve a single thing unless you are trying to move on...then by all means.... Do you just want us to listen or provide a solution? If you want a solution to fix this mess, I will give my best advice as a guy..... You will need to play down what happened. Make it seem like that guy you hooked up with was worth nothing and you don't even remember much anyways and we all mess up...that you wish it never happened... Next...I would honestly just tell him you are sorry for whatever happened between the both of you and if needed perhaps you both just take a break from everything until you can both learn to get over what happened... Then stop talking with him and do not make and effort to reach out to him.... You will need to leave it up to him to want to make things work.... but you will have to keep on downplaying what happened and make the guy you want to be with feel like the most important and sexiest guy (as his ego would have been destroyed).... Give him some space and with time he will eventually/hopefully get over it.... Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He either can get over it or he can't. Playing games in an attempt to make you feel bad is bull. He is just trying to manipulate you. I would never jump through hoops like this for someone. It doesn't even sound like you did anything wrong at all. It is even more crazy because he has asked you to do something that isnt really possible. I would just ignore his immature bratty games and move on. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Willdation did you read her other thread ...he dumped her telling her he would some day be back for her .....in the meantime he started hanging out with a load of new female friends !! His problem is , he thought she was going to sit at home like a lemon while he shagged his way through his new found freedom !! Now she is expected to grovel for his forgiveness Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I've done everything u mentioned.Now i am giving him his time. I know that if i were in his shoes i will be heartbroken also. I think as a guy you understand him as you said he should feel the most important for me. I think his ego was destroyed. But as a guy what do you think a girl should do to prove her ex that she only has eyes for him? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I've done everything u mentioned.Now i am giving him his time. I know that if i were in his shoes i will be heartbroken also. I think as a guy you understand him as you said he should feel the most important for me. I think his ego was destroyed. But as a guy what do you think a girl should do to prove her ex that she only has eyes for him? And the only person you respond to is the one person who agrees you should be kissing his ass Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Yes I did...BUT I know that most people have arguments and say stupid things and have temporary break ups...I sure have and I bet majority of people here as well....Everyone goes through tough times...Considering the relationship was like 3-4 years, to have a breakup caused just by hurt feelings and an over-reaction and then a rebound right after would just make anyone feel bad and hurt their feelings... I am not going to pretend that I have only had such amazing relationships where we have never had an argument followed by a break up and then realizing that was stupid and getting back together...and I can honestly tell you the truth and say that if during that break - if I did hook up with another girl, my gf would be SOOOOOOO upset and I cannot blame her if you believe that sex is something that is to be valued and is very intimate During a short break that lasted about a week I went to the cinema with two of my friends that are girls....When my gf found out she cried.....Even though I was on a break, I still understand why she was upset.... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He wouldn't understand that..i understand everything you are trying to say .But i think if me or you were in his place we will get hurt also.. i know he may seem controlling, but he is not that bad as i have been really happy with him all these years and he was loyal. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 Actually i responded to your comment!! Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 So I say you still have a chance and I hope it all works out....Just downplay what happened, give some space and time, and it will be over.....You could even say if you both love eachother it is still possible to work through this....and you think it is worth it....but then again you would want to make sure he wont keep brining it up down the road.... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I wasn't thinking straight and just wanted to getover the bad sitiuation i was in. But i know that what i did was wrong. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He is a nice guy and has a good heart. He even said that if i saw that you are suffering without me i will comeback even if i didn't forget. Do you think that he is trying to examine me to see if he leaves me this time i am going to another man or i will be waiting for him? Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 As a guy...I would say that it just takes time....Just say that you are proving it by not wanting to be with anyone else and being honest....just be like you dont want to keep talking about what happened because it is not going to help...it was meaningless...and you could just say you wish you could go back in time and that since he was talking with some other girls (which could have just been friends) that you thought it was all finished.....so just say you are willing to take as much time as it takes. how loyal you have ALWAYS been to him when you were together....you never wrote with any other guys etc...so that is 100% proof and all the proof he should need.. I actually had a gf that got hit on by some NHL hockey player and she was writing with him while I was helping to do reconstruction on her parent's house...She was officially my gf .....but I still forgave her...so that just shows that anything is possible with a bit of time... He probably will just be seeing as a test IMO.... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He broke up with you, so that he could be with other girls. I cannot understand why you would be apologizing. STOP! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! I think that it is scary that you are allowing this jerk to manipulate you. Yes! He is very manipulative. You can continue to ask the same question, but we are going to come back with the same response. You can listen, or not. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I would also like to point out that we do not know if he was cheating with other girls. I as well have lots of friends that are just girls. I went to the cinema with a few during our little "break" and my gf was crying and SOOO upset thinking I have moved on that quick and was hooking up with other girls, which was not true at all.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 As a guy...I would say that it just takes time....Just say that you are proving it by not wanting to be with anyone else and being honest....just be like you dont want to keep talking about what happened because it is not going to help...it was meaningless...and you could just say you wish you could go back in time and that since he was talking with some other girls (which could have just been friends) that you thought it was all finished.....so just say you are willing to take as much time as it takes. how loyal you have ALWAYS been to him when you were together....you never wrote with any other guys etc...so that is 100% proof and all the proof he should need.. I actually had a gf that got hit on by some NHL hockey player and she was writing with him while I was helping to do reconstruction on her parent's house...She was officially my gf .....but I still forgave her...so that just shows that anything is possible with a bit of time... He probably will just be seeing as a test IMO.... Good grief! Is she supposed to remain celibate forever, in hopes that he may come back to her. He broke up with HER to be with other girls. Do you think that's okay? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I would also like to point out that we do not know if he was cheating with other girls. I as well have lots of friends that are just girls. I went to the cinema with a few during our little "break" and my gf was crying and SOOO upset thinking I have moved on that quick and was hooking up with other girls, which was not true at all.. He broke up with her. I don't understand what you are missing! Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I will give him the time he needs hoping he would comeback. It's worth it because we grew up together. Shared every good and bad memory. I don't want to lose him. He has always been there for me. So what the other people are trying to say is that he has no right to be sad and he is trying to punish me. I think he has the right because if i have been in his place i would do the same thing. Thank you so much Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He broke up with me because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone now. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Yeah, if he didn't care for you, it wouldn't bother him one bit...So just take whatever time is needed, but I also wouldn't wait around too long, ya know? Like a month max if there is no contact...just fill the time doing things you love to do etc...and also try not to feel that bad about it because we have all been there after a breakup and had a rebound at some point (including myself)... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He broke up with me because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone now. Clearly he had lost his feelings for you, or he would not have risked losing you. His actions have nothing to do with caring. He did not want to be with you, but he also did not want anyone else to be with you. This is called control, not love. You are bending over backwards to get someone back, who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That make zero sense. Link to comment
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