Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Yeah, if he didn't care for you, it wouldn't bother him one bit...So just take whatever time is needed, but I also wouldn't wait around too long, ya know? Like a month max if there is no contact...just fill the time doing things you love to do etc...and also try not to feel that bad about it because we have all been there after a breakup and had a rebound at some point (including myself)... Not true at all. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 "He said he was going to come back for me but i couldn't believe him because he was having fun with other girls "as friends" but they were new friends i didn't know about. " He would not break up with her, if they were only friends. That make no sense. OP, I hope you find you self worth, as this is really unhealthy. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I don't know..i think if he doesn't have feelings for me then he wouldn't be bothered. He would have left me be with the other man and didn't say that he wants to forgive me so that he will be with me again. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I've done everything u mentioned.Now i am giving him his time. I know that if i were in his shoes i will be heartbroken also. I think as a guy you understand him as you said he should feel the most important for me. I think his ego was destroyed. But as a guy what do you think a girl should do to prove her ex that she only has eyes for him? You are just something to occupy his time because you are easy to manipulate and he seems to get a kick out of degrading you. There is nothing you will ever be able to do to get him to "accept" you because making you his emotional punching is what he is enjoying. There is nothing you can do to prove your faithfulness and he knows that, that is why he gave you an impossible task. Unless you wake up to his antics he will continue to treat you like garbage. I am a guy. I have also never gotten back with a person after breaking up or taking a break or whatever other bull people call it. You did nothing wrong. Him telling you did something wrong is him trying to hurt you. You don't intentionally hurt a person you love. At least if you are a mature adult. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He met these girls after we broke up. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He has never been hurt the same way before. I am the only one who broke him in his life..he's really hurt. And i am hurting without him trying to hurt me. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 People meet friends from the opposite sex and it does not mean you are sleeping with them. A majority of my friends are girls...Yes...I hang out with lots of girls and I do not want to ever hook up with them and it is ok.. I just don't know where everyone got the idea that Ruka's ex is such a horrible, terrible, manipulating, inhumane, cold-hearted, human being....She even said he was always nice to her! We clearly all want the best for Ruka and I certainly do not want her to be taken advantage of or manipulated....Therefore the best approach I believe is to take a short time, say a month, as a break from dating and just focusing on herself and being open to the possibility of fixing things so long as he is able to continue and treat the past like it is the past.. And if you think about it...considering the relationship was 3-4 years...ONE MONTH is not that long at all to wait, is it? Even after THREE I probably would not even want to date anyone else... At the same time, I would just say that if you were to get back together, there would need to be an agreement that the past is not brought up again.... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 His new friends aren't even his type. And of course a month isn't long time to wait after 4 years of not breaking up at all. It's the first time we break up. We got into so many arguments in our relationship, but we are so close we couldn't even take time alone dyring these 4 years. I will work on improving myself and wait for him to take his time. Even though he didn't come it wouldn't be goos for me to get into a new relationship before i completly heal. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 People meet friends from the opposite sex and it does not mean you are sleeping with them. A majority of my friends are girls...Yes...I hang out with lots of girls and I do not want to ever hook up with them and it is ok.. I just don't know where everyone got the idea that Ruka's ex is such a horrible, terrible, manipulating, inhumane, cold-hearted, human being....She even said he was always nice to her! We clearly all want the best for Ruka and I certainly do not want her to be taken advantage of or manipulated....Therefore the best approach I believe is to take a short time, say a month, as a break from dating and just focusing on herself and being open to the possibility of fixing things so long as he is able to continue and treat the past like it is the past.. And if you think about it...considering the relationship was 3-4 years...ONE MONTH is not that long at all to wait, is it? Even after THREE I probably would not even want to date anyone else... At the same time, I would just say that if you were to get back together, there would need to be an agreement that the past is not brought up again.... We are assuming things about his character because he telling her she did something wrong when she did not. He ended things not her. He is also giving her hoops to jump through. Not only that but what she "must prove" in unprovable. He might not be a bad person but his behavior would lead me to believe he must be a 14 year old boy who has no idea what a relationship is. We are worried about how unhealthy of expectations he has put on her and the damage it is causing. Maybe it is lack of experience but without a doubt he is being an emotionally manipulative person and that is a terrible thing to be when in a relationship. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 Can i ask you why is it unprovable? Maybe he is as i said before testing me to see if this time i will go out with another man also. To make sure he is not an option in my life and that i really want him and not anyother man!! Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He said thay he might comeback and he might not. He didn't give me a word.. Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He said thay he might comeback and he might not. He didn't give me a word.. I didn't read all the replies but.... It doesn't appear you cheated on him, correct? You were broke up which = you can do whatever you want without his permission.. he needs to get over it and move on with your lives together or you need to move on with your life without him... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He wants to get over it but he needs time. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Can i ask you why is it unprovable? Maybe he is as i said before testing me to see if this time i will go out with another man also. To make sure he is not an option in my life and that i really want him and not anyother man!! How can you prove you are faithful? You have never been unfaithful. Then you are faithful. He thinks you aren't faithful. The logic loop is why it is unprovable. Let us assume that you think I am a psychopathic killer. You ask me to prove that I am not. How is that possible? It isn't possible. Unless you somehow recorded every action I have taken for my entire life there is no way to prove or disprove it. Firstly, you haven't demonstrated that you are in fact unfaithful. So the burden of proof is on him. Yet he says it is on you. The concept of you being unfaithful and now need to prove you are faithful is totally in his head. How can you prove you are not something that you aren't? You don't make someone you love jump through hoops to prove they love you. As simple as that. Maybe just ask him what proof he needs. Because it is bull anyways. I would love to hear his line on proving faithfulness. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He said thay he might comeback and he might not. He didn't give me a word.. OH MY GOD .....( breathe pippy breathe ) ( make marley pippy make marley) when someone leaves you hanging like that , it means he had no respect to start with ..so you are supposed to do what exactly , while the Prime minister of love makes his final decision . You were that great together , he ended it and said that up there ^^ darling , I know it hurts , but when someone loves you and wants you , they DONT dump you , he isn't upset because his feelings are now crumbling because of love ...his pride and ego are hurt ... nothing else ...he is only acting this hurt because you actually didn't sit there like a Muppet waiting for him .. Do you think someone who loves you treats you like this ...Is there no part of you that sees he is punishing you with nastiness and loathing ...why do you think every one of us , ( bar one ) are trying to stop you going back into what we know will be abuse . Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 How old are you both out of interest ? Link to comment
Helpmesavethis Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He wants to get over it but he needs time. So then why are you supposed to prove he's the only one?? You did not cheat. You obviously told him about it or someone else did so you did not lie... Those two things right there should prove to him what kind of person you are. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I told him everything and answered every question he asked Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Can i ask you why is it unprovable? Maybe he is as i said before testing me to see if this time i will go out with another man also. To make sure he is not an option in my life and that i really want him and not anyother man!! But he did not want you. He pissed away your relationship. He did not value you or the relationship. Yet you are doing backflips to prove yourself. Where is your self respect? I thought you were teenagers. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He has never been hurt the same way before. I am the only one who broke him in his life..he's really hurt. And i am hurting without him trying to hurt me. This is unbelievable. I don't understand why you allow him to treat you this way. Where is your backbone? Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 This is unbelievable. I don't understand why you allow him to treat you this way. Where is your backbone? Hanging from his mirror like a trophy... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 He was stressed that's why he ended it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He was stressed that's why he ended it. We all get stressed. That's life. If he had loved you, he would not have dumped you, to meet other girls. Period. This guy is a jerk, and you are allowing him to manipulate/abuse you. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 He was stressed that's why he ended it. and needed a whole host of new female friends to make him better , poor lamb Link to comment
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