Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 It is so confusing!! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 It is so confusing!! darling we know it is for you ...we see it clearly ....go have some fresh air and come back and read your threads from start to finish , and be honest to yourself ...let your gut feel the real truth in this situation . we are not saying all this to be cruel or ruin your life ...you have to ask yourself what it is we all see ...men , women on here , all different ages ..yet we see something very bad for you . Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I really don't know Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 When I am stressed it makes me closer to the ones I love. If his reaction when stressed is to leave you what happens when you are together and he gets stressed again? Is he just going to leave again? Life is stressful. You will combat a lot of it while dealing with life. If your partner runs when this happens what happens if you decide to have kids? Is he going to run when that is stressful? Now if every time he leaves you, he demands that you crawl back to him on belly if you want him back you are in essence condoning his behavior. Now he knows with greater certainty that if he decides he wants to leave you again when he is stressed you will come crawling back. Let us assume he is just immature and not a terrible human being. If your 5 year old child throws a tantrum and you give them what they want they now know that is how they can get it. If you get back with him, much less strip every ounce of your self respect away in the process by allowing him to debase you, you are telling him it is fine and go ahead and do it again in the future. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I don't know what to say, i am confused now more than before Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 OP, in kindness: you really need more experience in life. I say that because if you had dated good, mature and respectful men, you'd easily see that this ex of yours is none of those things. He is low-quality and his behaviour is that bad but I get the impression you haven't dated around that much so you have little to compare him to. Guys like him get tossed on my Undateable pile. Seriously. He is not a prize and I wouldn't even let him to take me to the IKEA food court for a 50-cent cone, much less date me. Go fish your standards out of wherever you flushed them and find a guy who is worth it. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 I don't need no other guy!!! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 I don't need no other guy!!! All we can do on here is offer the benefit of our experience , I personally can't and wont help you come up with a plan to please this man or encourage you to disrespect yourself by showing how sorry you are . So all I can say to you is I wish you good blessings and hope you find your way through all of this . Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 25, 2017 Author Share Posted October 25, 2017 Thank you..i'm actually now leaving everything for the time. No one knows what will happen Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 25, 2017 Share Posted October 25, 2017 Thank you..i'm actually now leaving everything for the time. No one knows what will happen I think that's a good idea , this must of all being very intense for you ( we are a passionate group ) and you need some head space from it all . Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 And what should i do if i keep seeing him? I mean in Uni Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 I don't need no other guy!!! Worrisome comment... Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 And what should i do if i keep seeing him? I mean in Uni I would just do nothing. Don't avoid him and don't interact either. Move on... Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 What do you mean? It means that you ignore him like the empty space that he is. I'm guessing that he is your high school sweetheart and your first everything and that's why you are so attached and lacking perspective in terms of what a sh$t he actually is. Not enough dating experience under your belt to compare him properly to decent men. I sincerely hope that you are able to cut the strings and get rid of him. Either way, if you carry on then my life experience tells me that you are going to learn a very painful lesson as he will mistreat you worse, hurt you more, cheat on you and eventually just discard you like a dirty worthless napkin. I hope you don't do that to yourself....but it seems like you need to stick your hand in that fire for yourself in order to learn. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 He is my highschool sweetheart..it's so hard to cut the strings Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 He is my highschool sweetheart..it's so hard to cut the strings It's hard for everyone to cut ties with their first love. But it can be done. You can hang around and hope he comes back, but that doesn't mean he won't move on. Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 I really don't know..he kept contact with me for a month after he discovered but now he needs his time to forget everything that happened...he also says that it is his fault that he left me in the first place Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 I really don't know..he kept contact with me for a month after he discovered but now he needs his time to forget everything that happened...he also says that it is his fault that he left me in the first place Yes, when someone wants out of the relationship but doesn't have any great reason to end things, they will make sh$t up in order to demonize you. It makes leaving you and disconnecting from you easier on them. By hanging around and clinging on, you are making this very hard on yourself because in effect you are forcing his hand to become increasingly nasty and abusive toward you....and sadly he is doing exactly that. I mean you are both making this break up unnecessarily miserable. The simple reality is that you've both outgrown the relationship and he especially is actively seeking to move on and explore other options. You should be doing the same. High school relationships end, your's is so past its expiration date it's painful and stinks worse than 6 month old milk. Let it go, OP. Let it go. You'll thank yourself later. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 News flash: this is a guy speaking. He is manipulating you and you are acting so, so, so, SO desperate. Stop. It's pathetic and unattractive. It's more attractive when a girl has a spine and self-respect. You're letting him walk all over you. He broke up with you, and so you didn't and don't have to answer to him. That you would even fathom apologizing for this is ridiculous. I'm mad that you're letting him do this to you. Link to comment
Cope Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 I dated a manipulator once. He could be the king of all manipulators, but I guess every one who's been manipulated claims the same. So he's there in the manipulator kingdom. Here's a little story about us, see if you can relate. He had an ex living in another city. They started calling again after years. I sensed that something was fishy, but as an idiot, I asked him for the truth (never ask a liar for the truth) and he said they are just friends. So we even spoke on the phone with the ex when she called for him (ex didn't know I was his then gf, long story). One day he decides to go on a trip for the weekend, surprise surprise to her city. He made me believe he really needed a break from life and I even felt sorry for him. Of course I was nervous, EVERYTHING was yelling at me that he's cheating, but I refused to believe. I only believed him. I called him once, he claimed he was outside, I heard a landline ring, didn't say anything at that time. When he returned, I was determined to talk to him about it (we got a badas* over here lol) and I chose to try to put him in the same position. I told him I called my ex for his birthday. Now I don't quite remember what happened first, but I also confronted him about the phone ringing. His reaction? He broke up with me because he claimed I was cheating on him with my ex. He was attacked and his defense was offense. Result? I felt EXACTLY like you are feeling right now. Instead of sending him to hell, I was determined to prove that I only had eyes for him. Your guy is blaming you for cheating so you won't focus on what he did. You didn't even cheat. Just like me. Please don't be as stupid and move on. It's hard, but totally doable! We'll help! Link to comment
willdation Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 I really don't get how people are soo quick to judge and say this guy is a HUGE manipulator. Look, they were together for 3-4 years then had a break....That does NOT sound like manipulations to me. It would be manipulations if the guy was breaking up REPEATEDLY or after every argument. Did that happen? NO. This break up was a one-time event after a long relationship. Before judging a person you need to look at PATTERNS of behavior. Ruka even said he was always great to her!! It is like you have someone who is extremely polite and then after 3 years says a swear word and now you want to label that person as constantly swearing now?! I had a girlfriend who just went on a break last month and a few days later the guy she was in a relationship was out at a restaurant making out with another girl. Do you know how hurt she was? She was crying....calling him...saying how is it possible he could just move on that quick and that he never truly had feelings for her...etc. etc. ----> So that means she is a manipulator? I don't think so.... Link to comment
Ruka Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 He is not that bad..he is even calling my bestfriend to ask about how i am doing and told her to be therr for me as he can't be there for me now.. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 He is not that bad..he is even calling my bestfriend to ask about how i am doing and told her to be therr for me as he can't be there for me now.. That isn't as good of a sign as you are letting on. Checking up on you through a friend can just as likely be a bad sign as a good. For the love of ... Love. Please move on. This is from a guy's perspective that MARRIED his high school sweetheart and have been together 13+ years. Link to comment
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