Don't know how to reply

[Daisy78]

Hi a guy I like gave me his number so I texted him and we met for coffee and got on well so we met and went to the movies. He gave me a kiss. I haven't seen him all week and only get the occasional text off him. I said would he like to see me again and he said definitely but the weather's meant to be bad so he suggested we meet for a drive and a cuddle in the back of his car. I don't know what he means by this if he really wants to do me.. but I don't do that kind of thing I don't really know him.. I want to text I don't think so coz I'm not some cheap tart who will do a guy in a car on only 3rd date.. don't know what to say.. any suggestions?

[Jibralta]

Do you feel obligated to reply? I think you can just fade at this point.

[Knight2001]

doesnt sound like much of a date to me. just forget about him and move on.

[Keyman]

What would you normally say to a guy who pushes for sex too early on?

[willdation]

It's just a different version of "netflix and chill" Hope that clears up his intentions... From a girls perspective I could imagine that could across kinda creepy after one date...

[Cope]

I'm not some cheap tart who will do a guy in a car on only 3rd date..

 

Hey, it's perfectly fine for someone to have sex on the third date, second date , even first. Name-calling and being rude about it is not nice to say the least.

[Witch]

Well first suggestion is to learn how to not be rude when asking other people for advice to your problem.

Casual sex isn't that uncommon of a thing. While you're completely entitled to your opinion and living your life the way you want to, as Cope said, being rude about your views and calling others "cheap" in the process is unnecessary and distasteful.

 

Furthermore, cuddling isn't sex. Maybe he actually does want to cuddle, maybe not. If you're uncomfortable being put in that situation then suggest something else. If the weather is supposed to be bad look for something in-doors after the drive. Lunch, skating, bowling alley. Or just be upfront with him. Tell him you aren't comfortable with having casual sex as just a way of putting it out there, if that was his intentions he'll bugger off and you'll have your answer. If not well then you just saved possibly ghosting someone who you might actually end up liking.

[firelily]

Furthermore, cuddling isn't sex. Maybe he actually does want to cuddle, maybe not. If you're uncomfortable being put in that situation then suggest something else. If the weather is supposed to be bad look for something in-doors after the drive. Lunch, skating, bowling alley. Or just be upfront with him. Tell him you aren't comfortable with having casual sex as just a way of putting it out there, if that was his intentions he'll bugger off and you'll have your answer. If not well then you just saved possibly ghosting someone who you might actually end up liking.

 

Cuddling most probably stands for sex here. Or something along that line. If a guy suggests cuddling in the car that early on, it's a bad idea to drag things on and suggest bowling instead, hoping it will turn out to be a real relationship. If he wanted to go to the cinema, he would suggest going to the cinema. If a guy wrote to me something like that after just one date, I would take it for not being interested in me as a person but just in physical intimacy with anyone that comes along. This is a huge turn-off and not a sign of a possible future.

 

Same with inviting your date to your house for a second date before hitting the city. The best thing someone who is interested in more than just a hookup can do after a proposition like this is to stop texting, because they have different expectations out of dating. If someone was interested in bowling, they would invite their date to bowling.

 

Well first suggestion is to learn how to not be rude when asking other people for advice to your problem.

Casual sex isn't that uncommon of a thing. While you're completely entitled to your opinion and living your life the way you want to, as Cope said, being rude about your views and calling others "cheap" in the process is unnecessary and distasteful.

 

OP is not being rude to anyone and is not commenting on anyone else being cheap. It's insecure to read it personally. She just expressed her personal standards this way. She seems interested in more long term relationships based on real emotional intimacy, and doing something like that would feel degrading for her, and that's her right.

 

If anyone is being rude here, I'd say it's the guy that she's texting, who's objectifying her as someone to get laid with instead of someone really worth getting to know.

[Cope]

OP is not being rude to anyone and is not commenting on anyone else being cheap. It's insecure to read it personally. She just expressed her personal standards this way. She seems interested in more long term relationships based on real emotional intimacy, and doing something like that would feel degrading for her, and that's her right.

 

If anyone is being rude here, I'd say it's the guy that she's texting, who's objectifying her as someone to get laid with instead of someone really worth getting to know.

 

I didn't read it personally. It doesn't matter if she chooses a different path, that's her life, her choices, her preferences.

 

 

 

Polite: I do not like giving oral.

Rude: I ain't one of those sl**s that give oral.

 

 

Polite: I don't like the color blue.

Rude: I'm not a stupid ahole b**ch that wears blue.

 

Polite: I do not like sleeping with someone on the 3rd date.

Rude: I'm not some cheap tart who will do a guy in a car on only 3rd date.

 

 

All three are preferences.

[firelily]

I didn't read it personally. It doesn't matter if she chooses a different path, that's her life, her choices, her preferences.

 

Or:

 

Polite: Maria is a prostitute. Prostitution is somebody's free choice.

Rude: Maria is a cheap ***.

 

Polite: I was on a date and the guy offered to pay me for sex, and I found this incredibly offensive. What does he thinks of me, that I am some cheap ***?

 

My point is OP is not talking about any person, just herself, and has right to feel offended by the proposition. And act offended in response, using the term she used. It doesn't mean she wouldn't respect someone else's different choice and call that person names.

[pippy longstocking]

some cheap tart who will do a guy in a car on only 3rd date

 

*PUTS HAND UP

 

Beverley Westwoods , Yorkshire , 1983 , I got the front sear , me bezzy and her bloke had the back Happy days

[figureitout23]

Witch, I think your beefs with society not the OPer.

 

If sex in the back seat of a Hyundai on a third date is a no go for a woman that's her prerogative.

 

OPer I think communication is your best friend here. With the last guy I dated I netflixed and chilled on the third date, my idea actually, there was a movie I really wanted to see, but I made it clear from date one what my boundaries were so there was no confusion. He didn't try anything beyond putting his arm around me. Go with your gut, stick to your boundaries.

[Daisy78]

Or:

 

Polite: Maria is a prostitute. Prostitution is somebody's free choice.

Rude: Maria is a cheap ***.

 

Polite: I was on a date and the guy offered to pay me for sex, and I found this incredibly offensive. What does he thinks of me, that I am some cheap ***?

 

My point is OP is not talking about any person, just herself, and has right to feel offended by the proposition. And act offended in response, using the term she used. It doesn't mean she wouldn't respect someone else's different choice and call that person names.

 

Thanks you for understanding where I am coming from... I have many friends who engage in one night stands and I have nothing whatsoever against that. It's up to how that person feels.

I feel that it's this guy who is being cheap... trying to get laid in the back of his car.. if that's what he wants, there's nothing wrong with that... it's just not something that I would feel comfortable with. Many thanks

[reinventmyself]

What was the meaning behind saying the weather is bad for driving?

Is that why the request to cuddle in the car?

Did he plan on meeting you half way?

It may not be an invitation for sex, he's not willing to drive? Either way, it's not how you treat a lady.

[itsallgrand]

I would just fade if you want someone to actually date.

It's not personal towards you, he's looking for something different than what you want.

[Cope]

My point is OP is not talking about any person, just herself, and has right to feel offended by the proposition. And act offended in response, using the term she used. It doesn't mean she wouldn't respect someone else's different choice and call that person names.

 

 

Of course she has a right to feel offended by the proposition. It's still rude though.

 

Polite: I was on a date and the guy offered to pay me for sex, and I found this incredibly offensive. What does he thinks of me, that I am some cheap ***?

 

This is not polite, it's rude.

 

 

As rude is also me right now talking about the OP and not even acknowledging her existence and worse, her problem.

So here it goes: If you don't feel comfortable with him, either tell him that you don't want to continue this straight forward, take your time, write it down to see how it feels. This is if you are sure that all he wants is sex.

Or, if you feel that there is more to him than a sex drive and he's worth it, you can talk to him about what's bothering you, if he's into you he will be patient and respect you, if not, you got your answer! Never stay in situations that don't make you comfortable!

 

Thanks you for understanding where I am coming from... I have many friends who engage in one night stands and I have nothing whatsoever against that. It's up to how that person feels.

I feel that it's this guy who is being cheap... trying to get laid in the back of his car.. if that's what he wants, there's nothing wrong with that... it's just not something that I would feel comfortable with. Many thanks

 

Thanks for clarifying!

 

I have friends who say they are ok with other people having one night stands and that they don't judge, but when they talk about it as if they were the ones doing it, they go to the name calling. "I'm ok with my friends having one night stands, I support them and think they are super!! I don't do them because I am no freaking wh*re *smile*" No. That's a huge red flag for me. I like my friends sincere with themselves first and then with me. I don't know you and I am sorry for assuming things, it's just what my experience has taught me. Not being ok with one night stands is awesome and your choice. Pretending is the bad part, either way. Maybe you're not really ok with it? Anyways, apologies again and I really hope you get out of this situation happy, what ever path you take!

[Daisy78]

I would just fade if you want someone to actually date.

It's not personal towards you, he's looking for something different than what you want.

 

Thanks you. We are all different and i do think we want different things.

[Daisy78]

Thanks. I've not actually dated many guys... I was in a long term relationship for a few years. I was then single for some time then I dated a guy for six months and have only split with him 5 months ago as he was so controlling and put me down all the time, tried to prove me wrong all the time..

I'm going to take my time and won't rush into anything yet...