Sister expects me to support her affair

[Starlight925]

She will come back to you when this all explodes, and it will. Mushroom cloud explosion, trust me.

 

The saying "The way you got them is the way you'll lose them" applies here.

 

Either she will tire of him and seek greener pastures, or he will. This, we can be sure of.

 

Everyone above has given awesome advice as to how to distance yourself from her while not completely removing her from your life.

[catfeeder]

We are still not talking .... it's awful but I really feel I have no choice

He has been at her place all weekend

 

The only way to minimize the misery for yourself is to put your eyes back on your own paper. Allow sis the luxury of making her own mistakes and learning from the consequences. If you position yourself as your sister's keeper, then you're complicit in allowing her behavior to harm you without any payoff.

 

That's your decision, not hers.

[Lishy]

My problem is that it seems I have always put her above myself .... I never realised

 

So I spend 50% of my time thinking from her point of view and thinking how much she will think I have abandoned her when she needs me

 

🙈

[abitbroken]

My problem is that it seems I have always put her above myself .... I never realised

 

So I spend 50% of my time thinking from her point of view and thinking how much she will think I have abandoned her when she needs me

 

🙈

 

You need to read up on boundaries and codependency. That thought is the product of really smelly boundaries. You decided that cheating and moral turpitude is not acceptable in your life and you drew a line in the sand. And now you are more worried about what you perceive she will think than your own mental health. You drew the boundary for your own mental health. You cannot be party to it anymore. It doesn't matter what her feelings are about it --- in fact, you have no idea what they actually are -- what matters is you have washed your hands of it. What exactly did you say to let her know you were not on board with it? you love your sister - but it was time for some tough love. She deeply hurt her family and is using her husband. she has lost the privelege to "need" you. ANd if you think "oh i have abandoned my sister" what are you going to do -- sit by her side and be complicit in her cheating?

[Lishy]

I arranged a night out for her birthday and invited her daughter and friends and later in the night we went i side the bar and he was sat at the bar .... she had arranged it!!

 

So they ignored each other as it was a game and my niece who has no clue about any of this was stood next to the guy who helped split her family in two

 

I had at go at my sister and she told me if I don't like it leave .... so I did ... I walked home alone at midnight

 

She apologised by text but I have ignored her as I am too upset to talk to her and may say stuff i will regret

[Seraphim]

If anything SHE abandoned everyone she said she loved .

[Seraphim]

I arranged a night out for her birthday and invited her daughter and friends and later in the night we went i side the bar and he was sat at the bar .... she had arranged it!!

 

So they ignored each other as it was a game and my niece who has no clue about any of this was stood next to the guy who helped split her family in two

 

I had at go at my sister and she told me if I don't like it leave .... so I did ... I walked home alone at midnight

 

She apologised by text but I have ignored her as I am too upset to talk to her and may say stuff i will regret

 

She pulled a huge dirt bag move. Let her be . Some people have to learn the hard way .

[Lishy]

Just wish it was easier to deal with

[Lishy]

We are still not talking 🙈

[Seraphim]

It is going to take time because she believes SHE is right. When their relationship breaks up is probably when she'll crawl back .

[Lishy]

Thank you for answering .... my anxiety is through the roof 🙈🙈

[journeynow]

Thank you for answering .... my anxiety is through the roof 

 

What are you doing in place of communicating with her? Focus on doing self-care and nurturing. When you back off, you also have to back off in your thoughts, give yourself something else to help you feel cared fore. Self-soothing in times of stress is an important skill to develop, and there are many tools to discover and explore to help you do that.

[Lishy]

It's been 3 weeks since we have talked ... she went on holiday and her adult daughter guessed something was up and asked me !!! I told her to call her mum and she did ... my sister told her she was there with a guy and to not say anything and now my niece feels as awful as i do!!!

I do not know where this will end up but I feel done with my sister until she sees sense

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