RavenPrincess Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Why hasn't he proposed? Is something wrong? Okay. Here goes.. My boyfriend of 4 years bought a ring last year oct/nov which I wasn't meant to know about but he did a silly thing in the process of buying which meant I then found out about it. Anyway.. 9 months on he still hasn't proposed and it has become such a huge issue in our relationship. I don't understand why he bought the ring if he wasn't planning on proposing any time soon. He keeps telling me that he wants it to be special.. yet there have been plenty of opportunities for a special proposal. Meanwhile about 3 months ago he bought me a promise ring which confused me further as I feel as though he's trying to put off proposing. I feel like he's changed his mind. I desperately want to be engaged and all my friends are getting engaged/married and I so desperately want to be able to say to the world we are too because I know he has the ring and supposedly wants to be married too but he just won't pop the question. We argue about it a lot and I just don't really know what to do anymore. Please help!! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Sounds like he has commitment problems. Get the book "Men who Can't Love" by Steven Carter. It is available on Amazon. Sorry that you wasted so much time on him. Link to comment
Banished Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Have a frank and open discussion with him about it. Tell him you feel like it's time. Don't accuse him, don't yell at him, and don't push him into the corner. Essentially, that'll force him to think about it, but he won't get mad at you for nudging him in the right direction. If he says he's not ready in the ensuing conversation, it's entirely reasonable to let him know that you can't wait forever, as much as you love him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Why not propose to him since you've been together for this long? Maybe he got a discount on the ring at that time and knew he'd need it for the future. When do you two plan on getting married - would it be shortly after the engagement or a longer time? Link to comment
j.man Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Big reason he could be holding off on proposing is because his partner has become argumentative and "so desperate." Not the most solid foundation to get the ball rolling on. Link to comment
limichelle Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I can understand your frustration however fighting with him about it won't speed things up. I suggest you drop the subject and let him do his thing. Just be patient, he bought the ring, that's a good sign. Lisa Link to comment
Snny Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I desperately want to be engaged and all my friends are getting engaged/married and I so desperately want to be able to say to the world we are too because I know he has the ring Guess what? Marriage isn't a race. It shouldn't be a pressure over a ring. Your message comes across of you being in love over the idea of a wedding versus building a solid foundation of your relationship. Otherwise you wouldn't be "desperate" or worried about what your friends are doing. So what if your friends are getting married before you? Who cares! Their relationships are very different than yours. There never is a timeline of when to get married because it all depends on what you and your boyfriend have built together. It isn't the end of the world if you end up being the last person in your circle of getting married. Heck, most marriages end up in divorces anyway. Cool, he got a ring!! You should be happy that it's onhis mind. Like J.man said the last thing you want to come across argumentative frequently to give him doubts about marrying you. There is a very good reason why he is holding off on commitment, and that is an honest conversation to have. I hate to break it to you, but 4 years is not long. My husband proposed to me after 7 years of dating. There is absolutely no rush for getting married right now. Quit being jealous of your friends and their relationships when it has nothing to do with yours. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 It is not a good sign that he bought you a promise ring yet has not given you the engagement ring. Are you sure he actually has this ring in his possession? If so, how do you know? Did you ask him why he gave you the promise ring instead? Link to comment
RavenPrincess Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 It is not a good sign that he bought you a promise ring yet has not given you the engagement ring. Are you sure he actually has this ring in his possession? If so, how do you know? Did you ask him why he gave you the promise ring instead? That is what I am worried about, why buy an engagement ring then 5 months later buy a promise ring instead and give that to me. Yes he does have the ring in his possession, I have seen the box and he has specifically told Me the ring is in there. He has now hidden the box so I don't see the ring. Yes I have asked him but got an answer that avoided the question. Link to comment
RavenPrincess Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Big reason he could be holding off on proposing is because his partner has become argumentative and "so desperate." Not the most solid foundation to get the ball rolling on. Did I say that I was argumentative about it? It's become an issue in our relationship because it's the elephant in the room. I am not argumentative I am upset because as far as I can tell he has changed his mind. What other reason would he have to hold on to the ring but give me a promise ring in its place? Link to comment
RavenPrincess Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Have a frank and open discussion with him about it. Tell him you feel like it's time. Don't accuse him, don't yell at him, and don't push him into the corner. Essentially, that'll force him to think about it, but he won't get mad at you for nudging him in the right direction. If he says he's not ready in the ensuing conversation, it's entirely reasonable to let him know that you can't wait forever, as much as you love him. I have tired all of this, I don't yell or accuse.. our conversations/arguments surrounding the topic are very calm and collected. I am just very upset because I don't understand why he is holding on to the ring. And yet he gave me a promise ring which I feel as a consolation prize to be honest. I have tried opening conversations about it and now he's getting frustrated because that's all I can think about. I feel as though he's changed his mind cause it's been so long. Link to comment
RavenPrincess Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 Because he is the traditional type that wants to ask my dad etc he would Say no if I proposed to him Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 So then ask him to marry you and if he says no because he's "traditional" and that is the reason tell him that is fine, he now knows that you have offered marriage and he can go ahead and do it his way. How long would you stay with him if you knew he was never going to marry you? Are you ok with him declining your offer to marry him just because of "tradition?" Link to comment
Florecita Posted August 10, 2017 Share Posted August 10, 2017 Well I've been with my partner for 6 long years and still hasn't proposed and we have 2 kids together. I would wait if I were you. Maybe he wants to surprise you. Just have a talk with and tell him how you feel. Link to comment
Snny Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Well I've been with my partner for 6 long years and still hasn't proposed and we have 2 kids together. Did you talk about marriage before having a child? Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I've had friends long ago on the "get engaged" diet. Meaning you get in shape, and look HOTTTT, and don't act crazy when it comes to the getting engaged, in fact, you shove it down in front on him, and only let the cray cray out on your friends. Don't bring it up. He's got the ring, so he's on the hook, but if you're given off weird vibes, it's like prey, and they start to run and hide. I am so NOT making fun of you; it's this annoying dance some women have to do. Don't take it personally; countless women are in this scenario, and it works out. But if you act obsessed over getting married with guilt him drama, that ring is not getting on your finger. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Maybe he gave you the promise ring because it was a pretty ring he saw that he wanted to buy for you and it was just a ring, but it became a promise ring. Maybe he was testing the waters. Who knows. MAYBE if you had been delighted by the ring he knew that things were right to actually propose -- but since you were complaining... Buying a ring is NOT the sign of lack of commitment. Its a major step to buy a ring. He has been waiting for the right time. And if you have been arguing or having major issues --- he is being smart to see if you guys can communicate better because he doesn't want to get married, then divorced. I know someone who had the ring in his pocket for a year -- burning a hole in his pocket because he was trying to figure out when the right time was and doing it right. And this was a shyer/overthinking sort of person. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I have tired all of this, I don't yell or accuse.. our conversations/arguments surrounding the topic are very calm and collected. I am just very upset because I don't understand why he is holding on to the ring. And yet he gave me a promise ring which I feel as a consolation prize to be honest. I have tried opening conversations about it and now he's getting frustrated because that's all I can think about. I feel as though he's changed his mind cause it's been so long. Did you tell him that you know about the ring? I would cool off. if he found out that you found out, it could have put a kink in his plans. or your true nature was revealed. And are you sure it wasn't the promise ring that he bought? Is there anything major happening -- he is graduating ... he is looking for a job? How old are you guys? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 Forget about the ring. You weren't meant to know about it. You are acting all Gollum about it. Cool it. If he was ready to propose, he would have. He's not. If you can't trust him now, arguing and getting a ring won't help that. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 My brother spent a year looking for a ring, then plan a trip to Spain months later to propose on those famous steps. My best friend DROVE ME CRAZY for months on end when I knew all along he was going to propose, but it kept getting delayed with asking the dad, then the sister got engaged, so didn't want to steal her thunder. He eventually did, and she never took her crazy out on him, just lil' ol me. Does he know you know he has the ring? Look, he bought it. Put it out of your mind. Be loving. Be romantic. Be cool. It will all work out. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.