Darren2020 Posted July 27, 2017 Share Posted July 27, 2017 I’m not close with my dad. I’ll state some reasons why. Him and I don’t have much in common. He’s heavily into sports, I’m not, he’s into politics and I don’t really care about that, etc. We don’t see eye to eye on many things. For example, he’s not really in favor of me dating outside my race. One day he asked me, “What kind of women do you find attractive?” Just out of curiosity. I told him I don’t have a preference in regards to race, as long as she is attractive and has a good personality that’s all that matters to me. Then he asked me” But, would you prefer to date a black woman?” I told him I don’t have a preference. Then he tells me “But, you’re black yourself.” I told him “I wouldn’t mind dating a woman of my race, but I don’t prefer it. Personality and beauty matters much more to me.” He then said “wow” in a very condescending tone as if it was a bad thing. He has said and done hurtful things. I remember when I was four years old in kindergarten, he tried helping me with my math homework and I kept getting the wrong answer for this particular problem. He started to lose his patience and every time I put down the wrong answer, he smacked me across the head to the point where I started crying. I remember my mother even telling him that she didn’t like that he did that. Even though that was a long time ago, I still think about that from time to time. He has called me stupid and that I’m not good at anything. That really hurt me. He gets angry over little things and has yelled at me for things that I believe I didn’t deserve to get yelled at for. He got so mad at me once because I didn’t know about a big issue that occurred on the news. It was about a shooting that occurred in a church. I told him I don’t watch much television, so I usually don’t find out about things like this through television. I usually find out about it through social media and the internet. He got so mad when I said that to the point where he started threatening me and telling me he would kick my ***. I don’t like when he tries to teach me new things, because he makes me feel like I am a stupid, incompetent, piece of crap. When he tries to teach me how to drive, he yells at me, he tells me I am a bad driver, it’s taking me a long time to catch on, and tells me that I am going to give up teaching you how to drive, you’re just going to use public transportation for the rest of your life. It’s not like I am a terrible driver. I make a few mistakes only because I am still a beginner and not completely comfortable behind the wheel yet. I’ve only had 7 hours of practice. I feel like he expects me to be a pro driver by now. When he does that, it lowers my confidence, makes me more nervous because I am so worried about not messing up instead of driving, which in turn makes me more likely to screw up. It’s a little embarrassing that I’m 19 going on 20, and I still don’t have a driver’s license. I really want to learn how to drive, but I kind of want someone else besides my dad to teach me. When he tried to teach me how to use a blower to blow the grass. I didn’t know you had to hold it upside down for it to work. As I was trying to blow the grass after he got done mowing the lawn, the blower wasn’t working and I couldn’t figure out why. My dad then tells me “Come here, you’re in boot camp this summer, you’re making a fool of yourself.” He then told me you have to hold it upside down. He could’ve simply just told me to hold it upside down instead of telling me all that! It was my first time using a blower. He’s hard to please. It seems like no matter what I do, he’s never happy. Whenever I would get really good grades in school, he never really showed any enthusiasm or praised me for it unlike my mother and siblings have. He even said to me once, “Yeah you get good grades in school, but anyone can get good grades, what specific talents do you have?” That hurt me. I feel like any parent should be happy or proud that their child is excelling in their academics. Now that I’m in college, he tells me that I study too much and that I need to get a life as if studying is a bad thing. I am a Biology major with intentions to become a Physician Assistant. I take hard classes, so I have to spend a lot of time studying. He makes it as if studying is a bad thing. I really want to get into this field, and my father upsets me when he puts me down like that. He even told me once that I’m not going to be a PA, I’m just going to end up being a janitor. I feel like he’s not really being supportive and showing much interest in my endeavors. He tells me that I have his support, but I don’t really believe it because he doesn’t really express or show it. I hate when it’s just me and him one on one. It’s awkward because we don’t really speak much. I hate going on long car rides with him because it’s silent most of the time, and I don’t really know what to say because I don’t know what to talk to him about. Like I’ve said, we don’t have much in common and our personalities are very different. And another thing that bothers me is, whenever he yells at me or puts me down, moments later he will hug me and tell me that he loves me as if nothing happened. If that’s his way of apologizing or to make me happy, I don’t like it. I don’t like being around him for all these reasons. He’s very intimidating, not very approachable, and has a temper. I feel like I don’t deserve to be treated like this. When he tells me I’m not good at anything, that hurts me as well. There’s many things I’m good at and know how to do. I know how to cook, I know how to fish, do laundry, I am a good speller, I know how to clean, tie my shoes, snap my fingers, jump rope, I can read and write very well, etc. It’s not like I don’t know how to do anything. I am a very nice person and have always been a good kid. I never partied, did drugs, snuck out, got into any trouble, drama, always helped out around the house, was always respectful, etc. I am the first person from my family to go off to university. I feel like there’s so many things my dad should be proud of. He does tell me he loves me and that he’s proud of me, but he doesn’t show it. Sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to vent about this because I never talked about this with anyone and this is how I feel. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any advice would be much appreciated. Link to comment
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