promiseland Posted July 15, 2017 Share Posted July 15, 2017 I was living with my ex who was a wonderful man to me and my daughter who's not his but we argued a lot. Sex was scheduled with him, he had no spontaneity, saw me only in the domestic capacity, told the in-laws about personal issues we faced. When arguments ensued he would remind me off all that he had done for me. He was never emotionally available and would often sneak around on the phone. I felt like I was drowning. I loved him more than he loved me. He admitted this afterwards. Then, I met someone. He at first was all that I was looking for and things got pretty heated quickly because he was not only stimulating me mentally which is a major turn on for me but he was fulfilling most of my sexual fantasies. But somehow in comparison I still missed the stability I had with my ex. Plus, my daughter who loved him dearly began to miss him too. I started to put the sex aside and started to look on reality and realized I was not easy to be with at times and missed the life I had before. With the new guy, I felt out of place and unstable. He was rough in bed and I started to miss my ex more. One day my ex called saying he dreamt about me and that I was crying in the dream saying that I needed help. This brought tears to my eyes over the phone even though I would never admit it when he asked why I was so silent on the phone. Eventually, I would visit him and he told me how much he missed us as a family. Before I could decide who to be with, I found out I was pregnant. I told my new boyfriend and he was so excited and happy. I too felt the same but had mixed emotions on the inside. I saw this as a sign to never get back with my ex, so I told him we couldn't be together. Weeks later, my new boyfriend started showing a different side to him - immature, boastful, not a stable provider, disrespectful etc. Then I started to realize how I would suffer with this child if I were to lose my job and how difficult it would be at his age of 23 &me being 29, to cope. I quickly saw the future flash before me - suffering and having a rough life and it scared me. Even though he was running his own business at such a young age and making his own money legitimately. My own independence showed me otherwise. The day after seeing my Gynaecologist and he confirmed I was pregnant, I scheduled an abortion. I went, did it and said nothing to him. Shortly after, I went back to my ex, after we both decided that we had made a mistake in separating in the first place. Now when he texts to ask about the baby since I no longer answers his calls, I feel guilty. I felt like I had to be honest, so I texted him, letting him know I had chosen to end the relationship but I wasn't honest enough to tell him about the abortion. Then he said he had told all his family I would be having his child but would understand my decisions to end the relationship. It broke my heart even further creating a reluctance to tell him the full truth. I love him, just not in love with him. And at 29, I now what stability and security in a relationship with a provider means plus I want to get married which a 23 year old isn't ready for. Now, should I pretend it was a miscarriage or should I ignore him, hoping he'll just move on one day? Link to comment
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