Post here instead of contacting your Ghoster!

[JustMizz]

Lol, that is the worst place. I am on POF and I have so many horror stories! Lots of creeps, flakes and weirdos! Of course, I met a man on Match, which is a paid site, and he totally ghosted me after 5 months. They are everywhere. 🙄

 

The worst part is, I was talking to a good guy when I went out with my ghost and got swept off my feet.

 

I text the good guy and he answered so we are chatting again. He knows what happened and knows I need time. He's also holding back, which I don't blame him.

[Tygerlyly53]

The worst part is, I was talking to a good guy when I went out with my ghost and got swept off my feet.

 

I text the good guy and he answered so we are chatting again. He knows what happened and knows I need time. He's also holding back, which I don't blame him.

 

Yeah, I have been chatting with a couple of decent guys but, of course, I'm not as interested or attracted to them as the one who ghosted me. Is it too much to ask to want a guy I am attracted to mentally and physically? It seems when I find someone like that (which takes a long time), it doesn't last. Then, I'm stuck weeding through weirdos. I don't get it.

[JustMizz]

Yeah, I have been chatting with a couple of decent guys but, of course, I'm not as interested or attracted to them as the one who ghosted me. Is it too much to ask to want a guy I am attracted to mentally and physically? It seems when I find someone like that (which takes a long time), it doesn't last. Then, I'm stuck weeding through weirdos. I don't get it.

 

Me neither and I feel the same. I only want ghoster. Plus good guy isn't really my type...but that might be a good thing.

[Tygerlyly53]

Me neither and I feel the same. I only want ghoster. Plus good guy isn't really my type...but that might be a good thing.

 

I hear ya on the not my type thing. I haven't had much luck with what I think is my "type" and sometimes wonder if I should adjust it. But I like what I like and really don't want to sacrifice my happiness. You know what I mean?

[JustMizz]

I hear ya on the not my type thing. I haven't had much luck with what I think is my "type" and sometimes wonder if I should adjust it. But I like what I like and really don't want to sacrifice my happiness. You know what I mean?

 

Yes, I do!

[Tygerlyly53]

The more creeps I encounter online, the more I miss the man who ghosted me. I really liked him and it seemed he liked me. I never got an explanation of what happened. He was talking to me one day and disappeared the next. I am typing through tears at the moment. I fear I will never be truly happy again. I contemplate suicide quite often. I know it is a final decision that I can't undo but I am just so tired of feeling heartbreak.

 

I feel so sad and unlovable.

[Cope]

Tygerlyly I hope you start thinking seriously about getting professional help. What you wrote above worries me tons.

I know it's hard, but you must train your mind to stop thinking about him. He was not perfect, he disappeared! Perfect people don't do that!

 

Every time he comes up in your mind try to replace the thought with something else, not another date, something that interests you and makes you feel positive. Or you can do something every time he pops into your head. Something simple, like a simple house chore, or open a book to read, or even just simple as taking a shower! Comb our hair, have a facial mask, paint your nails! You get the picture. This is not random, these actions have helped me get out of depression and I didn't make them up. You can search for self help sites, but I think it's time for you to seek professional face to face help. wish I did during my depression, it would have gone away much faster!

 

We are here for you!

 

Hugs!!

[JustMizz]

Was it really all just an act? Did you really feel nothing for me??

 

Sigh.

[Tygerlyly53]

Tygerlyly I hope you start thinking seriously about getting professional help. What you wrote above worries me tons.

I know it's hard, but you must train your mind to stop thinking about him. He was not perfect, he disappeared! Perfect people don't do that!

 

Every time he comes up in your mind try to replace the thought with something else, not another date, something that interests you and makes you feel positive. Or you can do something every time he pops into your head. Something simple, like a simple house chore, or open a book to read, or even just simple as taking a shower! Comb our hair, have a facial mask, paint your nails! You get the picture. This is not random, these actions have helped me get out of depression and I didn't make them up. You can search for self help sites, but I think it's time for you to seek professional face to face help. wish I did during my depression, it would have gone away much faster!

 

We are here for you!

 

Hugs!!

 

Thank you, Cope. I am looking into finding a therapist. I am very depressed and the dating scene lately is only making me feel worse.

 

I know my ghost wasn't perfect but what if he disappeared because I was imperfect? This is what torments me.

[Honeycomb8]

I think you do need some therapy. This guy should have never been the focal point of your life. You have managed I'm assuming 2+ decades of your life just fine before him, and right now the fact you're so hung up on this guy suggests you need to work on yourself. He shouldn't be filling a void. As soon as someone senses that in you (esp when you show with actions, it is how things are) some guys would run, feel closed in or take advantage of it.

Know you don't need to be perfect. That doesn't exist.

[Honeycomb8]

I'm glad you weren't ghosted. He must really like you. You actually matter to him. Unlike my situation.

 

I am nothing.

 

How do you expect someone to respect you, adore you, genuinely want to grow with you if you keep telling yourself this and have such a negative, down on yourself mindset?

 

You must work passed this before you can hope to find a good guy. Otherwise even if you find a nice guy, their interest would falter once they see that you don't love yourself.

 

As cliche as it is, it's so true: you can only truly love someone (in the general sense) when you have learnt to love yourself. It was awful that he vanished, I don't deny that. It's just that through these actions it showed he wasn't that great, so why dwell on this loser? He has NO say over your self worth, and his actions should not suggest anything about your inadequacies.

[figureitout23]

Thank you, Cope. I am looking into finding a therapist. I am very depressed and the dating scene lately is only making me feel worse.

 

I know my ghost wasn't perfect but what if he disappeared because I was imperfect? This is what torments me.

 

This statement right here shows this isn't about him but about you.

 

May I ask what it means to you to be 'imperfect' and why it 'torments' you? Surely you know no one is perfect so why does it bother you so much to feel like a person who you say isnt perfect would also view you the same way?

 

I don't think its safe for you to be dating right now, you take rejection WAY too personally and its not good for your mental health. I agree with others, I think you should seriously think about seeing someone. Even if its just reaching out, there are suicide prevention hotlines. Please keep that in mind.

[JustMizz]

I hate how things ended up between us. It was too much, too fast and my anxiety got the best of me. We both said we didn't want to rush, but we had already rushed.

 

Also, I'm sorry I wasn't patient when you asked me for some time. Again, my anxiety got the best of me and I thought the worst.

 

I wish we could just start over and take our time. Actually get to know each other and see where it leads.

[Tygerlyly53]

My anxiety and insecurities get the best of me at times as well. If I could have a "do over," I would try to be more appreciative of our time together and not overthink things.

 

I really am a good person and have a lot to give someone. He wasn't willing to see that or give seeing where we could go a chance. I don't know why he wanted to disappear but all I can do is move on.

[Tygerlyly53]

I miss my ghost. Every day, the universe shows me something that reminds me of him. Why?! I am trying to stay busy and positive but I just can't stop thinking of this man! 😕

[JustMizz]

I'm feeling like myself again, but you are still on my mind. I know I pushed you when you asked me not to. I was insecure and needy. Those were left over feelings from my divorce, and I am working hard to overcome them.

 

I hope you're doing well.

[JustMizz]

I miss my ghost. Every day, the universe shows me something that reminds me of him. Why?! I am trying to stay busy and positive but I just can't stop thinking of this man! 😕

 

The book "F*ck Him!" Was recommended to me and it helped me feel a lot better. I got it on kindle. Maybe try it out?

[Tygerlyly53]

The book "F*ck Him!" Was recommended to me and it helped me feel a lot better. I got it on kindle. Maybe try it out?

 

Thanks, I will check out that book.

 

I am so tired of feeling like the ugliest, most boring woman on Earth. I mean, I must be, right? Why else would a man just up and stop talking to me without any blatant reason? No argument, explanation, etc. I don't know what I did. What could I possibly have done to him to make him abandon me like he did? Nothing stands out to me and I have racked my brain everyday since this happened.

 

I hang out with friends and family, do a lot of volunteer work, exercise, have hobbies yet his disappearance still haunts me and makes me feel terrible. Sometimes, the pain stops me in my tracks and I begin to cry. I try to put on a brave face to the rest of the world but I carry this with me inside always.

 

Yes, I know therapy would help. I was seeing a therapist but, sadly, it got too expensive.

[Honeycomb8]

Thanks, I will check out that book.

 

I am so tired of feeling like the ugliest, most boring woman on Earth. I mean, I must be, right? Why else would a man just up and stop talking to me without any blatant reason? No argument, explanation, etc. I don't know what I did. What could I possibly have done to him to make him abandon me like he did? Nothing stands out to me and I have racked my brain everyday since this happened.

 

I hang out with friends and family, do a lot of volunteer work, exercise, have hobbies yet his disappearance still haunts me and makes me feel terrible. Sometimes, the pain stops me in my tracks and I begin to cry. I try to put on a brave face to the rest of the world but I carry this with me inside always.

 

Yes, I know therapy would help. I was seeing a therapist but, sadly, it got too expensive.

 

It was on him. He was the coward for disappearing. It's nothing to do with your looks or about who you were. Maybe you might have come on too strong, who knows...It really doesn't matter. It's all in the past now.

 

He didn't abandon you. He's not your dad, your mother or your best friend. He's some guy you dated a few months, it's going to be alright.

This thought process you keep having in your head is really detrimental to yourself and very unhealthy. He didn't abandon you. You're not some object he discarded, you're a living breathing human being, who had to deal with a coward of a man.

 

Move forwards with your head held high. Don't grasp onto these negative thoughts and wear it like a cloak. It's not worth it.

[Tygerlyly53]

Thank you for the kind words, Honeycomb. I needed to hear that. He WAS a coward for doing what he did.

[JustMizz]

It has been just over 2 weeks since I've gotten a message from you.

 

I wish you would talk to me. Give me another chance to show you I'm not crazy.

[Tygerlyly53]

People tell me I should view your leaving me as a learning experience. The only thing I have learned is how easily forgettable you have made me feel.

[JustMizz]

When we were together I never took you for a heartless coward. You gave the impression that you're a caring guy. But your refusal to talk to me is the coward's way out. This wouldn't have been so bad if you wouldn't have reassured me. I asked you where I stood because you showed me those unread messages you had on Facebook. That kind of freaked me out. I kept thinking I never wanted to become one of those messages. Surely, this isn't something you do regularly. But now it seems to be what you do. Sweep women off their feet, reassure them, then ditch them. If you're not looking for a relationship, don't tell a woman "we will get there". Don't make her feel special and then disappear. I don't care how crazy you think I am at this point. I know I'm not. All I know is I trusted some guy and he lied to me then tossed me out like I was trash. I'm more than that. I'm better than that. It's a shame, really, because I think we would have been great together. There was no rush, I would have let you taken all the time you needed. But, you was never serious about me. It was all just a game to you. Ghosting someone after making them care about you is the worst thing you could put someone through. Next time, try honesty. It still stings but it doesn't leave the other person feeling worthless and used.

[katrina1980]

I'm not sure if this thread is healthy.

 

I guess posting here is better than sending it to your ex, but ideally what would really help you move on is getting to a place wherein there is no need to post, vent or lament at all.

 

All this continuous lamenting/posting does is keeping you STUCK. Which is actually preventing you from moving on.

 

This forum is great, lots of support here to get you over those initial hurdles.

 

But there comes a point wherein you just have to ACCEPT that people can be thoughtless, and okay cowardly, has nothing to do with you personally, and that whatever you shared together is just over.

 

There is no point and serves no good purpose to keep dwelling on it, I mean JM I understand you were hurt, but seriously, and I mean no disrespect, but you had two real dates.

 

Your intense emotional response to his rejection, which has now escalated to insults and anger, is not healthy and instead of dwelling so much on what a "coward" HE is, look within and determine why it is YOU are unable to let go of an experience you had with someone you had two dates with.

 

For Tygerly, I agree with catfeeder. Shut down this pity party, it's gone on too long.

 

No man has the power to make you feel unworthy and unloveable. That is all on you. Focus on that and healing yourself.

 

I apologize if this sounded harsh, but come on now ladies.

 

Gather your strength and courage, learn from this and take steps to MOVE FORWARD.

 

It's not even about these guys anymore, whatever is going on within you, your feelings/emotions, are all on you.

 

Wishing everyone a beautiful weekend, do something fun!

 

Get outside, enjoy the summer!

 

Head high and spirits UP!

 

Peace and love.

[JustMizz]

Only 2 real dates, but we spent 2 other days together.

 

As I've said, I really have no idea why I've attached myself to him so much, but I'm moving closer to acceptance. Anger is just part of the process.

 

I'm going out tonight, so I am getting out there. 😉