Post here instead of contacting your Ghoster!

[Cope]

How can someone talk and sleep with someone else for 5 months and then not care if they are dead or alive?

 

Because he is a man with no manners or feelings, you are lucky you got out even this way.

 

Don't contact him, you can so this! You've already got your answer, if he wants to contact you, he will. Quite frankly, I do think he will but you will be far gone by then, it will be funny!

[katrina1980]

I'm so sorry you feel that way. That's how I woke up today too.

 

But, I did finally text him because basically, I felt like it. It was a bit humorous and a simple how r u. He answered in a couple of minutes with pictures too. So I guess that's good news. At least I'm not being ghosted officially. I am trying not to analyze it. See it as it is, something good and move on with my life. If he texts me again, which he did mention in his response, I will be happy. If not, it's OK. I have already learned A LOT from this, so it's a win win.

 

 

 

Continue thinking positive Cope, it all sounds good! And very very "normal" whatever the hell that means, lol. Remember, it's a dance!

 

Please continue updating, I can live vicariously through you for awhile, at least till I get my own **** together. Taking vacay soon which should help, hopefully.

 

I have been rejecting far too many men lately, for the absolute stupidest reasons, need to figure out what the heck is going on with me, and get myself together!!

 

Oh and are you gonna tell him you will be in his neck of the woods next week?

[Cope]

I'm really glad you see it positive too! I'm not keeping my hopes high, I'm just letting it be. Like I really don't think he will text today again, but it's OK. I have things to do. I am just glad that he isn't ghosting me. I'd by any chance he thought I wasn't interested and this was a test or something, I passed. But I said I won't analyze it.

 

So yeah, positive, push and pull, it does look good. Yes I will send him a text next week. I feel much better now that I sent him this random one rather than sending him "hey wanna meet up?"

 

Also I'm not checking my phone as much, Yay!

 

I'll try to just update as I promised myself I won't analyze, meaning I will do my best not to log on to ask questions on to what to do. I have a bad habit and it doesn't help me trust my judgment.

[Tygerlyly53]

I'm really glad you see it positive too! I'm not keeping my hopes high, I'm just letting it be. Like I really don't think he will text today again, but it's OK. I have things to do. I am just glad that he isn't ghosting me. I'd by any chance he thought I wasn't interested and this was a test or something, I passed. But I said I won't analyze it.

 

So yeah, positive, push and pull, it does look good. Yes I will send him a text next week. I feel much better now that I sent him this random one rather than sending him "hey wanna meet up?"

 

Also I'm not checking my phone as much, Yay!

 

I'll try to just update as I promised myself I won't analyze, meaning I will do my best not to log on to ask questions on to what to do. I have a bad habit and it doesn't help me trust my judgment.

 

I'm glad you weren't ghosted. He must really like you. You actually matter to him. Unlike my situation.

 

I am nothing.

[Cope]

I don't know if he really likes me or if I matter so much to him from one text. The thing I can say, however, is that he does indeed have manners at least. Trust me, you are extremely lucky you got out even at five months. It might not seem so good now, correction, it feels awful now, but it will become clearer very soon. Focus on his flaws, remember. You are not nothing. You deserve better than him, focus hard enough and you will see it. I would love to help!

[Cope]

So it's almost been a whole day and no follow up text. Just what I expected. I was wishing I was wrong. Now it's time to move on. Chalk him down as a great experience, who knows what will happen in the future, I don't consider this a bad ending,I just fell for him too soon and he didn't feel the same.

 

I feel like once I let go everything will be easy. We could even meet up and everything would be ok and casual. It's like I just need to let go of the extra feelings I thought I had for him. Good news is that I'm so close. I'm gonna go do my things now.

 

PS I will not, of course, text him when I will be in his area, he is pretty clear of what he wants from me.

[katrina1980]

I'm sorry Cope, all this because he hasn't texted you in ONE DAY?

 

I'm not understanding, can you explain, I thought you said this was casual?

 

That it's what you wanted.

 

And even if it wasn't casual, not texting for one day is hardly something you need to end a relationship over.

 

JMO but I think you are allowing your insecurities and fears to run the show. BTDT.

 

Unless I am missing something you haven't shared.

[Tygerlyly53]

So it's almost been a whole day and no follow up text. Just what I expected. I was wishing I was wrong. Now it's time to move on. Chalk him down as a great experience, who knows what will happen in the future, I don't consider this a bad ending,I just fell for him too soon and he didn't feel the same.

 

I feel like once I let go everything will be easy. We could even meet up and everything would be ok and casual. It's like I just need to let go of the extra feelings I thought I had for him. Good news is that I'm so close. I'm gonna go do my things now.

 

PS I will not, of course, text him when I will be in his area, he is pretty clear of what he wants from me.

 

He still may text you. You never know. I sometimes wish texting had not been invented. It seems to have really muddied things up with communication. Some men especially like it because it is non-commital and they can just stop if/when they want to.

 

I cried this morning. I know these guys that have chosen to ignore me weren't my "official" boyfriends but it still hurts to feel so insignificant. We weren't just random strangers. They were a part of my life and I theirs, albeit very briefly.

 

I guess I will just never understand how these men found it so difficult to send me a text saying "I'm done." They could have even blocked me right afterwards so I couldn't argue. That actually happened to me in a previous relationship. It hurt like Hell but at least I wasn't left hanging.

[Cope]

I'm sorry Cope, all this because he hasn't texted you in ONE DAY?

 

I'm not understanding, can you explain, I thought you said this was casual?

 

That it's what you wanted.

 

And even if it wasn't casual, not texting for one day is hardly something you need to end a relationship over.

 

JMO but I think you are allowing your insecurities and fears to run the show. BTDT.

 

Unless I am missing something you haven't shared.

 

This may have come out more dramatic than I intended too. I am sad that he hasn't texted me again and I am calling this in, even if only a day has passed, because he still didn't text me for 5 days previously. Still, the thing is I do want it to be casual, BUT I did develop feelings for him, too fast? Yes, but I did. So now I am glad that it's not over, I don't consider it over, I am just sad that he doesn't feel the same way and I can't wait till I stop feeling too much because that will bring us back to the same level and we might finally have what we agreed on and have fun. What is BTDT? xD

 

So to be clear, I indeed don't think it's over, but definitely he doesn't feel the same way I do. I already figured that out the first time he didn't text, I was just still hoping. The faster I understand this, the faster I will see him as a normal human being without all the added feelings I I attached to him (because it is extremely early to call this love or anything, obviously its infatuation).

 

I still don't feel comfortable in sending him a message unless he texts me even something stupid. But, I am not ruling it out. It depends on how I feel. Most likely I will if I know me at all xD The key is for me to not feel intimidated by him. If I do, I won't send him. I want to feel equal and when infatuation is the case, equality goes bye bye xD That's what I am trying to get rid of. I know you say, and you are totally right that it's ok to feel more, but these are not real feelings, these feelings make me feel weak, because I am not feeling them for him, but for a guy I made up in my mind. I don't know him that well for me to have feelings for him. I sure do want to get to know him better, you never know what might happen.

 

He still may text you. You never know. I sometimes wish texting had not been invented. It seems to have really muddied things up with communication. Some men especially like it because it is non-commital and they can just stop if/when they want to.

 

I cried this morning. I know these guys that have chosen to ignore me weren't my "official" boyfriends but it still hurts to feel so insignificant. We weren't just random strangers. They were a part of my life and I theirs, albeit very briefly.

 

I guess I will just never understand how these men found it so difficult to send me a text saying "I'm done." They could have even blocked me right afterwards so I couldn't argue. That actually happened to me in a previous relationship. It hurt like Hell but at least I wasn't left hanging.

 

I can't say I hate texting, I am chatting with people since 1999. What I do hate though is because I have so much experience I led myself to believe that I can guess what other people are feeling through texting. To some point everyone can, it's simple reason, but I tend to overdo it.

 

I cried today to. Because I felt so awful? No. I just don't take feelings lightly. If I feel sad I want to cry even if I don't really feel like it. Today I cried and i was like ?? I am not that sad! If I were though, again It would make me feel better. Always express your feelings, let them run their course, there's a reason they exist.

 

I think we should think about how much we can handle casual dating. You say that you will never understand why they find it so difficult to say they're done? Why do you find it so difficult to say "I feel more, I want more?". What I am taking from this is that I need to take charge of my feelings. Even now, If I see I still have feelings for him if we meet again, I want to be honest and tell him, I can't have sex with you again, because this and that etc. This is what I want to learn to do. Be honest to myself first and then to others. Lay down my limits, my needs. It's ironic because in other aspects of my life I am very honest. The relationship thing got the shortest straw.

 

Silence is another form of closure and you must take it this way. They have a saying in my country "My silence is your answer" , something like that. Take closure with that and continue working on yourself.

[Cope]

It's all about confidence.

I woke up today feeling superb.

Last night I texted another guy I was hooking up with a month ago which I did meet up with less than a week ago to get my mind of the main guy. I texted him so casually without even thinking and full of confidence. That hit me. I thought, "Why should my personality or stance (confidence) change depending on the person I am talking to?" I found no reason why. So I took the confidence I felt with that guy and transferred it to the main guy and everything is mostly solved.

 

I feel so confident that I will just text him a day before I leave that I will be around his area and if he wants to meet up, that'd be cool. if he says yes, cool. If not, cool. This time I mean it too. I don't care if he thinks I am desperate, because I am not. If he takes it that way, it's a pity for him, yet still not my problem. I like hanging out with him even if sex isn't involved. I am sick and tired of analysing everything in my romantic life and this incident helped me to mostly overcome it.

 

I stumbled upon some quotes from "Why men love b*es" and as much as I hated the title, I gave it a read.

"B*es“ (noun): A woman who won't bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion - be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance. She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards - only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.” "

 

"“Live by your own rules Move to your rhythm, instead of dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum. Decide how you want to be treated. Choose what you will or will not tolerate. Leave if you don’t get what you want.”"

 

“That's the big picture, your happiness. And health. You should never care what a man thinks of you -- until he demonstrates to you that he cares about making you happy. If he isn't trying to make you happy, then send him back from "whence" he came because winning him over will have no benefit. At the end of the day, happiness, joy...and yes...your emotional stability...those comprise the only measuring stick you really need to have.”

 

There were more quote from Sherry Argov's book; as i do not agree with all of them and in general don't like books that tell how women should act in order to get a man, I do appreciate a good confidence booster and she has many. Google "Why men love B*es quotes " and give it a shot.

[Tygerlyly53]

It's all about confidence.

I woke up today feeling superb.

Last night I texted another guy I was hooking up with a month ago which I did meet up with less than a week ago to get my mind of the main guy. I texted him so casually without even thinking and full of confidence. That hit me. I thought, "Why should my personality or stance (confidence) change depending on the person I am talking to?" I found no reason why. So I took the confidence I felt with that guy and transferred it to the main guy and everything is mostly solved.

 

I feel so confident that I will just text him a day before I leave that I will be around his area and if he wants to meet up, that'd be cool. if he says yes, cool. If not, cool. This time I mean it too. I don't care if he thinks I am desperate, because I am not. If he takes it that way, it's a pity for him, yet still not my problem. I like hanging out with him even if sex isn't involved. I am sick and tired of analysing everything in my romantic life and this incident helped me to mostly overcome it.

 

I stumbled upon some quotes from "Why men love b*es" and as much as I hated the title, I gave it a read.

"B*es“ (noun): A woman who won't bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion - be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance. She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards - only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.” "

 

"“Live by your own rules Move to your rhythm, instead of dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum. Decide how you want to be treated. Choose what you will or will not tolerate. Leave if you don’t get what you want.”"

 

“That's the big picture, your happiness. And health. You should never care what a man thinks of you -- until he demonstrates to you that he cares about making you happy. If he isn't trying to make you happy, then send him back from "whence" he came because winning him over will have no benefit. At the end of the day, happiness, joy...and yes...your emotional stability...those comprise the only measuring stick you really need to have.”

 

There were more quote from Sherry Argov's book; as i do not agree with all of them and in general don't like books that tell how women should act in order to get a man, I do appreciate a good confidence booster and she has many. Google "Why men love B*es quotes " and give it a shot.

 

Thank you for the quotes. I actually read that book years ago. Although I don't agree with most of it, what I do agree with is that, like you said, it all boils down to confidence. Something I need to work on for myself.

[Cope]

Thank you for the quotes. I actually read that book years ago. Although I don't agree with most of it, what I do agree with is that, like you said, it all boils down to confidence. Something I need to work on for myself.

 

I'm glad you agree, there are some quotes I saw that were "meh"! I will be posting more stuff about confidence as this is something I've been working on since early adulthood. I have made huge leaps. What I've seen is that it gets easier and easier to get back on your feet every time. Last time I was disappointed it took me let's say maybe a month or two, now it took me two weeks tops.

 

That said, I have to add something more. You know how they say that men (and women) have a radar for when someone has moved on? (edit to add: I logged on tinder last night and have some conversations going as well as my personal progress) Well, I'm starting to believe they are right. Not long after I posted this, maybe like 15 minutes in? He texted me and now we have a solid date. And the beauty of it all is that I'm not expecting anything more from it, I see it as completely casual! That means my efforts these past few days have paid off!!

I have to say thank you to all of you, this forum , one more time helped me so much in growing!!

 

I will keep you updated!

[Anne048]

omg! I have been there. How do they do this? I mean they see your text and then they just ignore, I can never do this to anyone, if I'm not interested or don't wanna talk I'd rather make it clear to the person concerned! It sucks, specially because you thought that the person was interested in you, and look what he's doing... ignoring you left right and center!!

[Tygerlyly53]

I feel so alone. I feel like I am the only person on this forum that has truly been ghosted. What is wrong with me?

 

I texted him today. I couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't beg or ask him to talk to me. All I said was I don't know what happened but I am disappointed he chose to disappear instead of talking to me about it. I know he won't respond but I am just so tired of feeling like I have to accept being ignored and not express how I feel.

[Cope]

I feel so alone. I feel like I am the only person on this forum that has truly been ghosted. What is wrong with me?

 

I texted him today. I couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't beg or ask him to talk to me. All I said was I don't know what happened but I am disappointed he chose to disappear instead of talking to me about it. I know he won't respond but I am just so tired of feeling like I have to accept being ignored and not express how I feel.

 

It's definitely not your fault, he's the immature one, please understand this. You've done everything right.

 

OK I'm thinking out loud here and please don't do anything yet, but why can't you express what you feel? I mean this one truly seems like a ghoster. He probably will be back in a month, it has happened to me too, because he sees it casually, but would you want him to return for a casual relationship? At this point I don't see any harm in peacefully expressing your disappointment. "I never expected you to just simply disappear, I feel like..." don't know what to add. How do you feel? That he owes you an explanation? I honestly don't know. The guy that really ghosted me a month ago, I figured I didn't really care so in the end it was convenient. He came back a month later.

 

I would love others thoughts too as I do think that people have every right to know. The only downside I can think of now is that he may not even answer that, so it should be well though and non-provoking. I think the 'rule" of not texting how you feel is because either they might come back(most of the times they do) or they don't deserve your time because they're too immature. Or both. Usually. But if you feel the need to confront them this bad, why not?

 

Thoughts?

[figureitout23]

The only downside I can think of now is that he may not even answer that, so it should be well though and non-provoking. I think the 'rule" of not texting how you feel is because either they might come back(most of the times they do) or they don't deserve your time because they're too immature. Or both. Usually. But if you feel the need to confront them this bad, why not?

 

Thoughts?

 

The downside is you're reopening the wound every time you interact with that person.

 

Every. Time.

 

Response or no response.

 

My ghoster came back and when he did I told him off, which caused him to go ghost again, lol. I'm glad I stood my ground and let him know his actions were ty, but it still reopened that wound.

 

He came back again, which at this point is just comical, cause so much time has passed with zero contact, I've moved on and am now dating someone new.

 

I feel if I had continued to text him and focus on it, instead of just going no contact and trying to let it go, Id still be stuck and I'd probably be lapping up his crumbs up like they were a full course meal.

 

Ghosting hurts. I've stated before on my own post, I feel it's worst than an actual break up because there is no closure. But, in my opinion, continuing to reach out, hurts you more than it helps.

[Cope]

Good point.

Maybe for some people texting to just let the ghoster know how they feel might help as long as they don't expect an answer and keep in mind what you just wrote.

 

I did the same with my ghoster, he came back and I blew him off very kindly, I just didn't want him to always have what he wanted. No hard feelings.

I don't know how long you interacted with your ghoster, but I know that Tygerlyly's was a lot longer than usual, she has every single right to be so mad. That's why I'm thinking bout maybe it's a good idea to let the steam out if she truly really feels like it. Again proceed with cautious Tyger.

[Tygerlyly53]

Good point.

Maybe for some people texting to just let the ghoster know how they feel might help as long as they don't expect an answer and keep in mind what you just wrote.

 

I did the same with my ghoster, he came back and I blew him off very kindly, I just didn't want him to always have what he wanted. No hard feelings.

I don't know how long you interacted with your ghoster, but I know that Tygerlyly's was a lot longer than usual, she has every single right to be so mad. That's why I'm thinking bout maybe it's a good idea to let the steam out if she truly really feels like it. Again proceed with cautious Tyger.

 

I appreciate everyone's advice and I agree with not to keep contacting him. I already texted him this morning before I wrote this post. I told him how I was disappointed he chose to ignore me and disappear instead of talking to me about whatever happened. I felt we were friends and had a connection.

 

Anyway, if he was going to come back at some point, I am sure he won't now after my text. I was not angry or mean at all, just very hurt and disappointed.

 

I waited two weeks to see if he would contact me just in case he needed some space but I feel it was time for me to let him know I recognize his silence and that is that.

 

I have to admit this has hit me very hard. I have never had someone do this to me after months of talking, get togethers and intimacy. Whether we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend or not, I feel of you spend the night with someone frequently, they deserve a "goodbye" of some kind. Even by text.

 

I will not be contacting him anymore but I do miss him and have not been able to enjoy life since this all happened.

 

Thank you again for your support.

[Cope]

I appreciate everyone's advice and I agree with not to keep contacting him. I already texted him this morning before I wrote this post. I told him how I was disappointed he chose to ignore me and disappear instead of talking to me about whatever happened. I felt we were friends and had a connection.

 

Anyway, if he was going to come back at some point, I am sure he won't now after my text. I was not angry or mean at all, just very hurt and disappointed.

 

I waited two weeks to see if he would contact me just in case he needed some space but I feel it was time for me to let him know I recognize his silence and that is that.

 

I have to admit this has hit me very hard. I have never had someone do this to me after months of talking, get togethers and intimacy. Whether we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend or not, I feel of you spend the night with someone frequently, they deserve a "goodbye" of some kind. Even by text.

 

I will not be contacting him anymore but I do miss him and have not been able to enjoy life since this all happened.

 

Thank you again for your support.

 

I'm very glad you did this! You really needed it! Bravo!! I'm sure it'll make you feel a little better, knowing that know he knows he acted like an idiot, even if he never changes. At least you said what you needed to get your closure!

 

Learn from this expert and move on, that's what our wonderful life is all about!

 

Awesome news Tyger!

[Tygerlyly53]

I'm very glad you did this! You really needed it! Bravo!! I'm sure it'll make you feel a little better, knowing that know he knows he acted like an idiot, even if he never changes. At least you said what you needed to get your closure!

 

Learn from this expert and move on, that's what our wonderful life is all about!

 

Awesome news Tyger!

 

Thank you, Cope. I don't feel great about it. I woke up today thinking I just ruined any chance of him returning. I don't know why I even want him to. Rejection hurts. So much. I just keep imagining him having fun with whoever he stopped talking to me for and it makes me cry. Why wasn't I good enough for him?

[Cope]

Thank you, Cope. I don't feel great about it. I woke up today thinking I just ruined any chance of him returning. I don't know why I even want him to. Rejection hurts. So much. I just keep imagining him having fun with whoever he stopped talking to me for and it makes me cry. Why wasn't I good enough for him?

 

You shouldn't feel bad a bout it. You expressed your feelings. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Him returning? Do you honestly want that? He would be returning and wanting the same dynamic as before, so you really want that? Do you really want to pretend that you are OK with keeping it casual for another 5 months only for him to disappear again? Or do you think that he will be OK with you asking for something more?

 

You just still have this guy too high in your head. Take him down, he's far from perfect. Don't ask if you were good enough for him. Was he good enough for you?

[Tygerlyly53]

No, I don't want a casual thing with him but I miss talking to him. I know he isn't perfect. I think it is just that it is hard for me to meet men that I am attracted to physically AND mentally. When I do meet someone, invest time getting to know them and they end up breaking my heart, it devastes me. I have been ghosted three times lately. This guy after 5 months, one after a couple and I just met someone last week, we met for a drink and now he has stopped talking to me. It HAS to be me! I just don't understand what is happening. It is really making me not like myself.

 

All advice says I should have just ignored him and not texted him about what I felt but am I not allowed to have feelings? Why should I just lay down and let someone walk all over me? If I do, then I am telling them and me that it is okay.

[Tygerlyly53]

Now I am second guessing myself. Maybe he wasn't ghosting me. Maybe he was just taking time out and now I ruined things by assuming and texting him my disappointment. I never really asked him what happened. He wasn't responding to my "hope you are good" texts and didn't initiate for two weeks so I felt he was ignoring me.

 

I am so darn confused still! 😔

[figureitout23]

All advice says I should have just ignored him and not texted him about what I felt but am I not allowed to have feelings? Why should I just lay down and let someone walk all over me? If I do, then I am telling them and me that it is okay.

 

Not texting him isn't for his benefit.

 

(well some may say its for his benefit. This forum seems to be slanted towards men and working around ahole behavior, but I digress)

 

Anyway, my advise to not text him was for your benefit, not because you don't have a right to say what you need to say, but because that's not what this is about...

 

I was ghosted after years and then by someone else after some months. Believe me when I say, I get it. But again, because I get it, I can say without a shadow of a doubt it's not about you not wanting to 'lay down', you want a response! And you think if you continue to poke, he will eventually respond.

 

If he comes back ( many do, both mine did) THEN you can tell him off. But for now, walk away, not for his benefit, but for your own.

 

See how upset you are and how you keep going back and forth and obsessing after sending that text? It will happen every time you reopen that wound. Stop doing it for your own sanity.

 

I promise you as time passes with zero contact it will get easier and easier to forget and then you'll meet someone who actually treats you with respect and you'll wonder what the hell made you not only accept but down right crave that terrible treatment.

 

You didn't love this man, it's the rejection that hurts, that's what you have to heal from.

[Tygerlyly53]

Not texting him isn't for his benefit.

 

(well some may say its for his benefit. This forum seems to be slanted towards men and working around ahole behavior, but I digress)

 

Anyway, my advise to not text him was for your benefit, not because you don't have a right to say what you need to say, but because that's not what this is about...

 

I was ghosted after years and then by someone else after some months. Believe me when I say, I get it. But again, because I get it, I can say without a shadow of a doubt it's not about you not wanting to 'lay down', you want a response! And you think if you continue to poke, he will eventually respond.

 

If he comes back ( many do, both mine did) THEN you can tell him off. But for now, walk away, not for his benefit, but for your own.

 

See how upset you are and how you keep going back and forth and obsessing after sending that text? It will happen every time you reopen that wound. Stop doing it for your own sanity.

 

I promise you as time passes with zero contact it will get easier and easier to forget and then you'll meet someone who actually treats you with respect and you'll wonder what the hell made you not only accept but down right crave that terrible treatment.

 

You didn't love this man, it's the rejection that hurts, that's what you have to heal from.

 

You're right. It is for my benefit not to keep contacting him and I won't anymore. I didn't really expect him to respond and he hasn't. In fact, I was hoping he wouldn't because I was afraid he would say something mean or hurtful.

 

Yes, the rejection is what is most painful. No one likes to feel like there's a better person being chosen over them. I know time will heal my wounds, especially if I don't keep reaching out. I have done the chasing in the past hoping for a response and it hurts. I am trying to learn and grow from that experience.

 

I guess I should not have said anything to him. I was doing so good by not reaching out and then I let myself down...again. I am sure he is laughing at what a fool I am. They only come back if you don't say anything.