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So the woman in question came back into my life 1yr ago on July 4th after 23yrs of no contact. We were high school sweethearts that broke up 1yr after returning from Iraq, because "I changed".....well yeah just a little....lol

She had reached out to me a few times over the last few years but I either was with someone or just didn't entertain the thought of talking to her until last year. I figured what the heck, let's catch up with each other and see how screwy our lives have been. I truly entered into this with no wants/expectations of being together, just to catch up with each other.

WELLLLLLL, within 1.5months of "catching up" we picked up right where we left off and the word "amazing" doesn't even come close to describing what we had!!!!!! She told me that she never stopped loving me and I reciprocated the very same thoughts to her and it was magical.

In my past relationships I had learned the hard way that communication is key to a great relationship and in learning that I was not going to mess this up no matter what. In February of this year after the "honeymoon phase" I realized that she has a problem communicating, but that wasn't about to deter me in any way.

But what I noticed is that she took my trying to communicate with her and trying to solve even the most miniscule of problems as me trying to place blame on her or that I just wanted to be right, nothing could be further from the truth, I even explained to her that we have to speak to each other when boundaries have been crossed so that we can work together to find harmony.

Whenever I tried to communicate she would think it was an argument or turned it into an argument and nothing was ever solved. When I messed up she would just be vague about what I did that bothered her and wouldn't elaborate even after I explained that I need clarity because I want to understand fully my faults or whatever i did that bothered her so that I could address it 100%.......and not be guessing.

 

This led to a few arguments that were not all resolved. Nothing major by any means, just typical dumb stuff that most people would have no problem getting through but no matter what I tried she took my trying to communicate as me putting her down????????

 

So on May21st this year we were at a water park that I have never been to and multiple times throughout the day I asked where our stuff was in relation to where we were so as to try and map this park out in my head so I didn't get lost. Must have asked 10 times that day. At the end of the day I went to restroom to change into dry clothes for ride home, when i returned to where everyone had been they were gone. Needless to say I got lost trying to find the exit, took me about 30min or so. When I got to them they were giving me crap about "where had I been"........i said I got lost and thought my girlfriend would have waited 4 minutes for me to change but I was wrong, and that I didn't think that was cool and that I would have waited for her.

That was the beginning of the possible end of us. She text me happy b-day the next day but never called......in the following 1.5weeks contact was minimal at best, she said she was not in the mood to talk to me and can't believe I acted like that at the park.......i never even raised my voice??????

I went to her house to talk to her face to face and clear this stuff up on June 9th and told her we were going to talk in a loving caring manner and that if she wanted to argue or yell I would gather my things from her house and disappear from her life. We had a great talk for about 3hrs, best communication ever between us to date.....i was sooooo happy and felt we made great progress and I thanked her for talking to me, that a lot of things had been given great clarity. I even expressed to her that I need her to be happy and that if I wasn't capable of doing that then

I would leave so she could be happy.

She started crying and said NO!!!!

When I left that night I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her that I love her, and she said the same.

I called her on June 12 and she was off to say the least, I asked her what she needed from me......to back off for awhile, did she need a break to calm down and think, did she just want me out of her face for awhile, did she need me to come to get my stuff from her house so she could just end it........her only response was "I don't know". I told her I don't want to lose her but I want her to be happy. We ended up on the phone for 2hrs.....she even fell asleep on the phone...lol

This coming Friday July 7th will make 1 month since I've seen her and almost a month since she has had any communication with me of any type, i have text her 3 times and called her once. No returned call or texts from her at all.........this is not like her at all, she's not a mean person!!!!??????

We haven't broken up, and all my stuff us still at her house. I have never been this stressed in my life about anything. Being in the first gulf war was a cake walk compared to this, I kid you not!!!!!!

I don't know what to do.....almost nobody gets a second chance with their first love, I've been in love with this woman since I was 17yrs old.

Please help me understand what to do with this situation?????

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So the woman in question came back into my life 1yr ago on July 4th after 23yrs of no contact. We were high school sweethearts that broke up 1yr after returning from Iraq, because "I changed".....well yeah just a little....lol

She had reached out to me a few times over the last few years but I either was with someone or just didn't entertain the thought of talking to her until last year. I figured what the heck, let's catch up with each other and see how screwy our lives have been. I truly entered into this with no wants/expectations of being together, just to catch up with each other.

WELLLLLLL, within 1.5months of "catching up" we picked up right where we left off and the word "amazing" doesn't even come close to describing what we had!!!!!! She told me that she never stopped loving me and I reciprocated the very same thoughts to her and it was magical.

In my past relationships I had learned the hard way that communication is key to a great relationship and in learning that I was not going to mess this up no matter what. In February of this year after the "honeymoon phase" I realized that she has a problem communicating, but that wasn't about to deter me in any way.

But what I noticed is that she took my trying to communicate with her and trying to solve even the most miniscule of problems as me trying to place blame on her or that I just wanted to be right, nothing could be further from the truth, I even explained to her that we have to speak to each other when boundaries have been crossed so that we can work together to find harmony.

Whenever I tried to communicate she would think it was an argument or turned it into an argument and nothing was ever solved. When I messed up she would just be vague about what I did that bothered her and wouldn't elaborate even after I explained that I need clarity because I want to understand fully my faults or whatever i did that bothered her so that I could address it 100%.......and not be guessing.

 

This led to a few arguments that were not all resolved. Nothing major by any means, just typical dumb stuff that most people would have no problem getting through but no matter what I tried she took my trying to communicate as me putting her down????????

 

So on May21st this year we were at a water park that I have never been to and multiple times throughout the day I asked where our stuff was in relation to where we were so as to try and map this park out in my head so I didn't get lost. Must have asked 10 times that day. At the end of the day I went to restroom to change into dry clothes for ride home, when i returned to where everyone had been they were gone. Needless to say I got lost trying to find the exit, took me about 30min or so. When I got to them they were giving me crap about "where had I been"........i said I got lost and thought my girlfriend would have waited 4 minutes for me to change but I was wrong, and that I didn't think that was cool and that I would have waited for her.

That was the beginning of the possible end of us. She text me happy b-day the next day but never called......in the following 1.5weeks contact was minimal at best, she said she was not in the mood to talk to me and can't believe I acted like that at the park.......i never even raised my voice??????

I went to her house to talk to her face to face and clear this stuff up on June 9th and told her we were going to talk in a loving caring manner and that if she wanted to argue or yell I would gather my things from her house and disappear from her life. We had a great talk for about 3hrs, best communication ever between us to date.....i was sooooo happy and felt we made great progress and I thanked her for talking to me, that a lot of things had been given great clarity. I even expressed to her that I need her to be happy and that if I wasn't capable of doing that then

I would leave so she could be happy.

She started crying and said NO!!!!

When I left that night I gave her a big hug and kiss and told her that I love her, and she said the same.

I called her on June 12 and she was off to say the least, I asked her what she needed from me......to back off for awhile, did she need a break to calm down and think, did she just want me out of her face for awhile, did she need me to come to get my stuff from her house so she could just end it........her only response was "I don't know". I told her I don't want to lose her but I want her to be happy. We ended up on the phone for 2hrs.....she even fell asleep on the phone...lol

This coming Friday July 7th will make 1 month since I've seen her and almost a month since she has had any communication with me of any type, i have text her 3 times and called her once. No returned call or texts from her at all.........this is not like her at all, she's not a mean person!!!!??????

We haven't broken up, and all my stuff us still at her house. I have never been this stressed in my life about anything. Being in the first gulf war was a cake walk compared to this, I kid you not!!!!!!

I don't know what to do.....almost nobody gets a second chance with their first love, I've been in love with this woman since I was 17yrs old.

Please help me understand what to do with this situation?????

 

To be fair cranemonkey, this sounds like more of a slow fade vs. ghosting. With ghosting the person just drops any and all contact without warning. It sounds like your relationship was a bit tumultuous and finally ended. Looking at the words spoken the last time you spoke that's the impression I got.

 

It sounds like you want advise of how to get her back or to answer you. Maybe focus on healing yourself. There's no guarantee she will come back, but if she does it'll be beneficial to you and the relationship for you to be whole. Bonus! You may not want her back or you may recognize things have indeed ended and it's time to move forward to bigger and better things.

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I don't disagree 100%, but we haveny broken up and all my stuff is still at her house. I plan on going over there tonight to talk and see what's going on and if I can't get any concrete answers I'm going to gather my things and disappear. I can't handle this "guessing game" any longer, it's destroying me from the inside out!!!!!

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I don't disagree 100%, but we haveny broken up and all my stuff is still at her house. I plan on going over there tonight to talk and see what's going on and if I can't get any concrete answers I'm going to gather my things and disappear. I can't handle this "guessing game" any longer, it's destroying me from the inside out!!!!!

 

Ok...please update.

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Well I went over there on Friday evening, and had a 3hr talk with her. Told her that I love her and want to fight for us more than anything. Told her a multitude of times that I would gather my things and leave so she could be happy. She kept saying she didn't know?

And stalled every time I made mention of gathering my things for nearly 2.5hrs.when she had to go to bed I grabbed my things and said let me know when u figure things out. She followed me outside and said that I destroyed her as a person and that she was strong willed and needed to get that back. I told her that she is still strong willed and that was one of my favorite qualities about her!!!!!

I gave her a giant long hug and told her I needed one more just in case this was my last opportunity to.......she stood in her doorway crying while I walked to my truck. Sunday night we had a small text exchange that I think has confused me even more.

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Well I went over there on Friday evening, and had a 3hr talk with her. Told her that I love her and want to fight for us more than anything. Told her a multitude of times that I would gather my things and leave so she could be happy. She kept saying she didn't know?

And stalled every time I made mention of gathering my things for nearly 2.5hrs.when she had to go to bed I grabbed my things and said let me know when u figure things out. She followed me outside and said that I destroyed her as a person and that she was strong willed and needed to get that back. I told her that she is still strong willed and that was one of my favorite qualities about her!!!!!

I gave her a giant long hug and told her I needed one more just in case this was my last opportunity to.......she stood in her doorway crying while I walked to my truck. Sunday night we had a small text exchange that I think has confused me even more.

 

I definitely stand by my previous statement: this isn't ghosting, but rather an end to a tumultuous relationship. It sounds like (for the sake of the both of you) its time to move on.

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I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the feedback, however I cannot and WILL NOT give up on this woman!!!!!!

 

If she decides that it is no more, then I will bow out graciously. Not until then.....sorry

 

I hope that one day I can come back here and tell you that you were wrong, God willing!!!!!!

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It's been over a month now since the last time I heard from my ghost. It still hurts so much. I am trying so hard to move on and do other things but I miss him so much. I met two men online that I liked and neither of them asked me on a second date or even talk to me now.

 

I feel so down on myself. I don't want to live with this pain anymore and feeling like no one likes me. I don't know what to do. I was seeing a therapist for a few minutes earlier this year but it is expensive and I had to stop going.

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I'm close to sending this...

 

Hey. I know I said I would no longer contact you, but I figured since I've already pushed you away by how I acted, one more text wouldn't hurt. When you blew me off and started ignoring me, you triggered insecurities I thought I had dealt with long ago. I did not want things to go this way. However, I don't believe you are a bad person. I believe you may be a little lost and dealing with a lot, but not bad. I doubt you'll read this, and I know you won't respond, but this is more for me because I did not want to end things with that last message I sent you. I am a rational person. I'm not crazy. I was faced with the reality that something I thought I had, was not within my grasp any longer. I know we barely know each other, but I felt something real with you. I believe you did, too. And I believed you when you said the universe was speaking to us.

 

I would like to thank you, though. Thank you for making me feel the way you did. That night on the beach was truly one of the best nights I've ever had. I felt free. I felt special. I felt...beautiful. And it was all because of how you treated me. I hope you'll think of me from time to time. Think of our short time together, the fun and closeness we had. I hope you remember me whenever you're at the beach, or lose your car...Lol. I hope you'll think of me when the windshield wipers rub against the dry glass. I hope you'll think of me when you hear a Beatles song. And most of all, I'll hope you think of me any time you're out on an adventure. I do hope the best for your father. And I hope you take care of yourself. Goodbye, *******.

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I sent it and deleted his number. I actually feel a little better.

 

I really wish I would have gotten to this before you sent it.

 

You're letting your anxiety get the best of you.

 

As many posters have told you, time is your best tool right now, I think your message was very sweet and heartfelt but because you sent it so soon after essentially telling him off and deleting him from facebook you may come of as...well...unhinged.

 

The same with deleting him from facebook, deleting his number was a knee-jerk reaction in an attempt to sooth your anxiety. Odds are you're going to feel anxious again if he doesn't reply to you, making yourself feel worse in the end.

 

If he doesn't reply, PLEASE let some time pass

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Indeed he still might, but don't count on it. Live your life as if you two are broken up and go NC. IF he replies, I'd respond only to a message that clearly states "let's try again".

 

I won't reply unless it's a message apologizing for how he did me.

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Even better!! You got this!! ^_^

 

Thank you. I still have a moment every now and then, and I've had second thoughts about sending that last message (did it make me look super crazy?). However, I feel it helped me with some closure. I don't recommend anyone doing it, though....especially if they want their person back. I've already given up on mine.

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Thank you. I still have a moment every now and then, and I've had second thoughts about sending that last message (did it make me look super crazy?). However, I feel it helped me with some closure. I don't recommend anyone doing it, though....especially if they want their person back. I've already given up on mine.

 

I know exactly how you feel. How do they expect us to react when we feel used and then ignored?! I don't think you sounded crazy at all. You have every right to say what you did.

 

Did you meet him online?

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I know exactly how you feel. How do they expect us to react when we feel used and then ignored?! I don't think you sounded crazy at all. You have every right to say what you did.

 

Did you meet him online?

 

Yes, on POF. I have since deleted my profile and the app. I hate that app. Lol

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Yes, on POF. I have since deleted my profile and the app. I hate that app. Lol

 

Lol, that is the worst place. I am on POF and I have so many horror stories! Lots of creeps, flakes and weirdos! Of course, I met a man on Match, which is a paid site, and he totally ghosted me after 5 months. They are everywhere. 🙄

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