Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, luminousone said:

How amazing that you have those old pictures!

I know. It's amazing what you can find on Ancestry. But you do have to do a lot of cross-checking because 1) a lot of people had the same names, and 2) people migrated from place to place. One of the best ways to check if you have the correct person is by verifying the names and ages of the other members of their household through census records.

For example, in 1850 there might be five people named "John Smith" in the state of North Carolina, but probably only one of them had siblings named Amelia, Bradford, Daniel, Jessica, Mary, Joseph, Ethan, and Robert, aged 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11. That same family might be in Illinois in 1860, but you can tell it is the same household because they have the same names and each one is 10 years older. The kids that were 8, 10, and 11 in 1850 might be married and out of the house in 1860, and there might be some new additions under 10 years old, but there is enough core information that you can feel comfortable concluding that this is the same family.

The cross-checking process is both addictive and overwhelming lol. I research in bursts, and take long breaks for months at a time, because the mental energy required is exhausting. Writing that summary the other day turned out to be surprisingly helpful in keeping me focused. More so than any spreadsheet thus far. 

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, dias said:

You are a Southern gal all the way back 🙂 

What are you doing up North ? lol

Yes.

Interestingly, Ancestry puts me in a genetic subgroup called "Southern States Settlers,' in addition to whatever European categories it files me under. 

23andMe gives me a somewhat different mix:

So, you have to take these projections with a grain of salt. The important thing is the records.

I ended up in New Jersey because I was adopted at birth. Interestingly, one of my 4th great grandfathers was born in New Jersey back in 1744. So, I've come full circle in a way. 

[Jibralta]

I met my biological sister yesterday. The plans changed a couple of times and we ended up driving a lot more than we expected to, but I'm really glad we got it done. She is a really nice person, and her boyfriend is great, too. Their kids are all happy, and everything feels easy and well-balanced with them. It was a great experience. 

[dias]

12 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

I met my biological sister yesterday. The plans changed a couple of times and we ended up driving a lot more than we expected to, but I'm really glad we got it done. She is a really nice person, and her boyfriend is great, too. Their kids are all happy, and everything feels easy and well-balanced with them. It was a great experience. 

Great 🙂 Do you look alike?

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, dias said:

Great 🙂 Do you look alike?

Not really. She's a pretty girl. We're about the same height. Similar build. She may be a little stronger. But then again, she's 15 years younger than me. Our noses and cheekbones seem similar, but our eyes, hairlines, chins, and face shapes are different, and we have different hair. 

[luminousone]

On 8/15/2021 at 7:12 AM, Jibralta said:

I met my biological sister yesterday. The plans changed a couple of times and we ended up driving a lot more than we expected to, but I'm really glad we got it done. She is a really nice person, and her boyfriend is great, too. Their kids are all happy, and everything feels easy and well-balanced with them. It was a great experience. 

So happy for you!

[Jibralta]

Catch and Kill and Allen v Farrow showed up on HBOMax and I watched both last weekend. I'm sure that it was intentional that they were both on there at the same time.

I watched Catch and Kill first. It was impossible not to muse about the poetic justice of the story behind the story; how Ronan Farrow would probably not have pursued the story at all, had he not first shouted at his sister to "just shut up" about being molested by her father, Woody Allen. 

Allen v Farrow presented the argument that most great artists and leaders of our time turned out to be rapists and abusers of women and children, and that perhaps rape and abuse was a small price to pay for the privilege of great art.* It provided an extensive list of examples, including people like Picasso and Charles ***ens. [I can't believe I can't write D*ckens on here lol].

I thought about that. I could easily still add to the documentary's list of rapey artists and leaders. Was humanity not privileged to have these people among us, contributing, making our lives meaningful, improving our standard of living? If they weren't here, who would provide greatness in art, science, or government? 

Then this morning, it occurred to me that art and science are nothing without humanity. Animals have no use for art and science. Plants have no use for art and science. There would be no one to appreciate the 'great ones' if there was no humanity. Greatness couldn't exist, period. So, the argument about rape and abuse being a small price to pay for 'greatness' is completely stupid.

_________________________________

*Note that this wasn't the position of the documentary; it just presented the side.

[Jibralta]

I think I mentioned before that I've mapped out my immediate biological family to near completion.

I've identified my biological father, his children, his grandchildren, his siblings, his siblings' children, and his siblings' grandchildren. It's similar with my biological mother. I've identified her, her siblings, her siblings' children, and her siblings' grandchildren.

I did know my bio-mom's name going in, though. My mom (adoptive mom) flung it at me when I was a teenager, after an argument, and with some caveat of uncertainty. So, I always felt uncertain and I doubted that she gave me the correct name. But, it turns out that she did. 

It doesn't look like my bio-mom had any other children.

For some reason, bio-mom has four--yes four--facebook profiles. All are private, and only one has a photo and it is of her dog. One profile has 23 friends, a second has 72, the third has 21 friends, and the fourth has 57..... I think this calls for an analysis lol.

Her description says she "Works at I am disabled and I do not currently work," which motivates me to keep my distance a little bit. 

A couple months ago, my half-sister made contact with some cousins on our bio-dad's side, and their mother, his sister. My half-sister told me that our aunt may know my mom, and that she was willing to talk to me about her, and about family tree stuff. I contacted the aunt and she replied, but I haven't followed up.

Any idea why someone would have four different facebook profiles?

[hidden_kitten]

When I’ve encountered that before, the main reasons seem to be they’re not that tech savvy and get locked out of one account, and just quickly make a new profile instead of resetting passwords/contacting support or what have you. 
 

Another is that there’s been a keyboard war with someone, so they make a new profile and re-add friends and family still loyal to them, I guess.

 

[Jibralta]

I thought of those things, too. Could my progenitor really be a technologically challenged keyboard warrior?!? 

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

the main reasons seem to be they’re not that tech savvy and get locked out of one account, and just quickly make a new profile instead of resetting passwords/contacting support or what have you. 

Ooh. I just remembered: I don't think it's a technological problem because she has friended some of her own profiles! I wonder what the heck that's all about.

[hidden_kitten]

Huh, nope I’m all out of ideas 🤣

[Jibralta]

Back when I was in the hell of my last job, my boyfriend said to me, "Why don't you just quit? We'll be ok."

He said it a couple of times. I thought about it a lot. It was so tempting. Soooo tempting. One day, I even mentioned it to my mom. She said, "That's not you. You don't quit."

I found that annoying. But she was right. As much as I dreamed of quitting, I didn't have it in me. I'm a terribly stubborn person. My boyfriend teases me that "Fck you I won't do what you tell me" is my personal motto.

Anyway, I'm very glad I didn't quit, even though that job was horrible torture, and even though balancing a job search and job interviews on top of that horrible job felt like death.

Because I didn't quit, I was able to interview from a position of power. If I had quit, I probably would have stumbled over simple interview questions like, "Are you currently employed?" More importantly, I would have felt uneasy about being unemployed, and (not being a sociopath) that anxiety would have shone through. 

__________________________

*That's a catchy lyric from Rage Against the Machine. He sings it to me. I sing it to myself, to be honest.

[luminousone]

On 9/14/2021 at 9:57 AM, Jibralta said:

I think I mentioned before that I've mapped out my immediate biological family to near completion.

I've identified my biological father, his children, his grandchildren, his siblings, his siblings' children, and his siblings' grandchildren. It's similar with my biological mother. I've identified her, her siblings, her siblings' children, and her siblings' grandchildren.

I did know my bio-mom's name going in, though. My mom (adoptive mom) flung it at me when I was a teenager, after an argument, and with some caveat of uncertainty. So, I always felt uncertain and I doubted that she gave me the correct name. But, it turns out that she did. 

It doesn't look like my bio-mom had any other children.

For some reason, bio-mom has four--yes four--facebook profiles. All are private, and only one has a photo and it is of her dog. One profile has 23 friends, a second has 72, the third has 21 friends, and the fourth has 57..... I think this calls for an analysis lol.

Her description says she "Works at I am disabled and I do not currently work," which motivates me to keep my distance a little bit. 

A couple months ago, my half-sister made contact with some cousins on our bio-dad's side, and their mother, his sister. My half-sister told me that our aunt may know my mom, and that she was willing to talk to me about her, and about family tree stuff. I contacted the aunt and she replied, but I haven't followed up.

Any idea why someone would have four different facebook profiles?

I have Facebook friends from church (elderly) who seem to be more susceptible to clones - I have received about 5 friendship requests from one in particular, but I just delete because I know it is not her. But - some people fall for it and accept the friend request. So maybe that is the case? 
 

I also have older church friends that forgot their passwords so they just made a new account.

 

[hidden_kitten]

On 9/17/2021 at 1:08 AM, Jibralta said:

Anyway, I'm very glad I didn't quit, even though that job was horrible torture, and even though balancing a job search and job interviews on top of that horrible job felt like death.

I’m being too lazy to go back and look at the timeline - but how long was it before you got the next job? Battling with this myself. Got enough savings that i could walk away, but I know that would ruin my reference (and pride I suppose) that I left with nothing else lined up

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, hidden_kitten said:

I’m being too lazy to go back and look at the timeline - but how long was it before you got the next job? Battling with this myself. Got enough savings that i could walk away, but I know that would ruin my reference (and pride I suppose) that I left with nothing else lined up

I've been there.  It's so hard.  I wish you the best!

[Jibralta]

23 hours ago, luminousone said:

But - some people fall for it and accept the friend request. So maybe that is the case? 
 

I also have older church friends that forgot their passwords so they just made a new account.

I don't think so with my bio-mom. She has actually friended her duplicate profiles. 

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

how long was it before you got the next job? Battling with this myself. Got enough savings that i could walk away, but I know that would ruin my reference (and pride I suppose) that I left with nothing else lined up

I started looking in early February and got the next job offer two months later, in April. I started the first week of May.

Here is the timeline that I put together from that thread:

On 4/2/2021 at 11:10 AM, Jibralta said:

TIMELINE:

February 2 - 4: Months of steadily growing concern and discontent culminate in a bit of a blow out between the owner of the company (Simon) and me (truncated version of the gory details below, if interested)

February 5: Owner at Job#1 (Bill) reached out to me right as my current job arced sharply towards disaster. Made me realize that I really wanted to get out of this place. I waited a couple weeks for him to hire me, but to no avail.

February 6 - 21: I remained in a holding pattern of stress, waiting for Job#1 to come through.

February 22: Simon cut my salary by $9K. No doubt this was punishment for (inadvertently!!) pointing out his ‘shortcomings’ as a business owner and wounding his ego. Atrocious.

February 23: I let Job#1 know that I was going to put my resume out for other positions, hoping that this would spur him into hiring me. Bill got on the phone with me, but was still not able to immediately hire me. 

February 25: I started applying to jobs through LinkedIn. 

March 4: First interview with Job #2 

March 6: Hired a resume writing company to review my current resume and overhaul my LinkedIn profile.

March 10: Attended two meetings at Bill's request with Job#1 and his Revit consultant (on my day off).

March 11: Second interview with Job#2. Found out they wanted me to travel to Brooklyn… I told them I wasn’t interested in that commute, but that I was still interested in working for them. Haven’t heard back since.

March 18: Interview with in-house recruiter at Job#3

March 19: Revamped resume is complete. Updated LinkedIn profile to new standard.

March 22: Communication with Recruiting Agency A & Recruiting Agency B

March 23: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency B regarding Job#7

March 25: Communication with Recruiting Agency C

March 26: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency A—no specific job

March 29: First interview with Job#3

March 30: First Interview with Job#4, phone interview with Recruiting Agency A.

March 31: Initial interview with Recruiting Agency C about Job#6, Interview request for Job#5 (via Recruiting Agency A)

April 1: Received design assignment from Job#4. 2nd interview to be scheduled upon completion. Interview request for Job#6 (via Recruiting Agency C—not yet scheduled). 

April 2: Interview prep for Job#5 with Recruiting Agency A

April 6: Second Interview with Job#3

April 7: First Interview with Job#5

 

[boltnrun]

My cousin's husband created a second profile so he could cheat on her.  Problem is, the dummy used the exact same profile pic.  Dingbat.

Yes, she's inclined to go ahead and divorce him.

[Seraphim]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I don't think so with my bio-mom. She has actually friended her duplicate profiles. 

That sounds like someone who has a lot of drama happening, unfortunately. 

[luminousone]

3 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I don't think so with my bio-mom. She has actually friended her duplicate profiles. 

Weird. Perhaps mental health issues then, or dementia.

[Jibralta]

8 hours ago, Seraphim said:

That sounds like someone who has a lot of drama happening, unfortunately.

I agree. I'm so surprised. 

6 hours ago, luminousone said:

Perhaps mental health issues then, or dementia.

Yes, possibly mental health issues. She's only about 60 though, so maybe not dementia. 

Could be addiction. 

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My cousin's husband created a second profile so he could cheat on her.  Problem is, the dummy used the exact same profile pic.  Dingbat.

I always pictured her single for some reason. But now one of her profiles says "widowed."

I forgot to mention that only one of these profiles has a profile picture, and it is of her dog. Or a dog.

[Jibralta]

On 7/24/2021 at 8:34 PM, Jibralta said:

I finally finished The Mammoth Hunters and have started The Plains of Passage. This may be the longest book yet. And we're off to a pretty slow start. But I've gotten through this book before, and I know I can get through it again.

Jean M. Auel is not the most sophisticated writer. But in her defense, I think the main point of these books is to deliver information to the masses. Distilling her extensive research into digestible story lines was no small feat. So, it's not a big deal to me if her prose is a little uneven. The books are still super interesting, and I like the story.

When I finish this book, I'll be on to a book that I've never read, The Shelters of Stone. And then there's one more book after that. I'm excited! 

I'm still reading the fcking Plains of Passage. The going is very, very slow. I've gotten through this book before, so I know it's possible. But damn. I'm on page 230 and there hasn't been another human being besides Ayla and Jondalar. It's been all about what kind of plants they see, what kinds of animals they see. Rocks, trees. It's like Jean M. Auel was hell bent on publishing her research, story be damned. I don't remember this book being this way when I read it 20-30 years ago. But I was just a kid back then, so who knows where my brain was. 

[Jibralta]

I'm so annoyed. I signed up for personal training and I feel like these people are all over me about my herniated discs. This country is so freaking litigious. In the last two years since my car accident, my health has been controlled by insurance companies and lawyers. They tell me what I can and can't do. For example, I can get chiropractic care, physical therapy, and accupuncture, but I can't get all three on the same day.... well, that doesn't help.

Anyway, I mentioned to the personal trainer that I have herniated discs in my neck and back. She was interested in knowing which discs, so I sent her the MRI reports. Now she wants to "check my posture" like she's a fcking doctor. And I have to have my doctor sign a waiver in two days, instead of thirty days. I have half a mind to tell these fitness people off, but obviously that won't help anything. They'll just claim to be concerned about my well being, and not terrorized and controlled by the fear of 'potential lawsuits.'

I shouldn't have told them anything.

[boltnrun]

I would guess they've been sued. Unfortunately there are people who try to get free money any way they can, even dishonestly. Just like people who "doctor shop" trying to get painkillers to get high, making it extremely difficult for those with legitimate medical conditions to get needed meds. Or people who "flop" behind or in front of cars so they can claim they were hit, which makes car insurance rates go up.

Honest people paying the price for other people's dishonesty.