Neverwhere23 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 A little background info; Ever since I graduated college 5 years ago I've been living with my two best friends C and S. We moved together from place to place, we've been with one another through pretty much anything a group of friends can go through. Break ups, new careers, loss in the family, you name it. However, for the past few months, we've been growing apart from each other. Actually, it would be more accurate to say they've been growing away from me. I work nights so I don't have much of a social life. Sometimes I don't see my roommates for days, due to our opposing schedules. I've been feeling alone and secluded for a long time now. My roommates, on the other hand, spend all their time together. They work in the same neighborhood and they get eat lunch with each other every day. They have a tight relationship and I feel like I'm on the outside in my own home. Now to the problem, my roommates can be very messy and I don't communicate my feelings very well. I come home from work most days, the house is a complete wreck, and then there's no one around. I'm alone in a house cleaning up someone else's garbage. Things have been this way for a long time and I haven't been very cool about it. I get mean, I get sullen, and I take my anger out on roommates. I usually apologize and try to be more communicative but things always wind up turning bad later. One day I came home late, there was no one around and the apartment was gross again. I knew I wouldn't be able to get to bed until I cleaned up some of the mess. So I start cleaning and then I see dirt, honest to god from the outside dirt sitting on the floor in front of my sofa in huge clumps. I go to sweep it up and I see ants. There are dozens of ants crawling around my living room floor. I lose my cool. I clean the whole apartment and I toss all of my roommate's dirty clothes that were laying around the house into her room. Cut to a few days later and I hear my roommate C screaming at the top of her lungs around 7 in the morning. ( This is the roommate who left all the dirt and bugs in the living room) She's tossing loose articles of clothing out into the hallway screaming that none of it belongs to her ( most of it did, she was just pissed off and didn't notice ). I got up to confront her and tell her I tossed all of her crap from downstairs into her room. Her room is such a disgusting wreck I didn't think she would notice. She loses it at me, tells me I don't respect her space, that I'm a disrespectful roommate. I tell her "I'm not arguing with her like this, we're damn near 30! Just clean up after yourself." The next time I see her she says moving out asap. This all happened a few weeks ago my roommate C won't speak to me, and my other roommate S is trying to play the neutral party but I'm still on the outside. S barely speaks to me and when he does it's in a condescending and belittling manner. I think he resents me too. I let my anger and my loneliness get the best of me, and I shouldn't have acted out like that. I should have just approached them a long time ago about trying to be cleaner. Instead, I may have driven my closest friends away from me. I've never felt so alone and so guilty in my life. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
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