ExperiencedDad Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 This is a really conservative, quite probably outdated and unhelpful point of view. A lasting marriage is built on respectful communication and healthy boundaries. The reality in most marriages seems to be frequent periods lacking sexual contact as either spouse is physically, mentally or emotionally exhausted from whatever they had to do that day. Porn can have a place in a healthy, strong and lasting marriage if that's what the partners are comfortable with. Using porn regularly doesn't constitute an addiction either, unless it becomes so intrusive that he is unable to meet other obligations like getting to work/job interviews or taking care of the kids Am I the only guy on here that objects to porn? Everyone wants to hassle her (or me) and not one person can agree this is addiction? How long have you been married glitterfingers? Someone out there has to agree that it's warped that this man has only had sex with his wife twice in 4 months! Link to comment
ExperiencedDad Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Thanks jman... nicest thing anyone ever said to me on here! Link to comment
journeynow Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Jan til April had sex twice. Seems that this ^ is the issue, not porn, since you have a mutual agreement that you don't care if each other watches porn. Sex twice in 4 months, is that something you want to improve upon? Aim there. I understand you are both under stress with demands on your time and energy (kids, work, "stuff"), but this approach of "no privacy" around porn adds stress for both of you, and I'm not sure if it brings you closer or makes you adversaries. Do you have date nights? Do you plan and schedule time together, just the two of you to focus on loving and enjoying each other, on a regular basis? Link to comment
ExperiencedDad Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 He must be secretly resentful or have some other hangups to ignore you (sexually speaking) for so long. I agree with those that say this isn't all about porn. Porn makes it easy though... he clearly doesn't need you for sexual fulfillment, sadly. Link to comment
glitterfingers Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 Am I the only guy on here that objects to porn? Everyone wants to hassle her (or me) and not one person can agree this is addiction? How long have you been married glitterfingers? Someone out there has to agree that it's warped that this man has only had sex with his wife twice in 4 months! He must be secretly resentful or have some other hangups to ignore you (sexually speaking) for so long. I agree with those that say this isn't all about porn. Porn makes it easy though... he clearly doesn't need you for sexual fulfillment, sadly. It didn't sound like this guy was intentionally withholding sex, but rereading the OP I can see that she's worded it so that it sounds like he has ultimately chosen not to have sex with her anymore and just to do it himself. BUT you don't know what their history is, and if he has perhaps tried to initiate many times and they've both been too tired, or if the mood only catches him momentarily in the morning when everyone is asleep and he finally gets some alone time. Perhaps there is something the wife is doing (like nagging or nannying him) which makes him feel unsexy and unwanted. There are times that issues like this crop up in a marriage and it does not mean the marriage is doomed or that this guy has a porn addiction. You need to take a balanced view. Adults frequently tell white lies if they think that the truth is too complicated or not worth fighting over. He clearly didn't see it as a problem, and many people here do not think that a man should have to report to his wife every time he masturbates Link to comment
ExperiencedDad Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 It didn't sound like this guy was intentionally withholding sex, but rereading the OP I can see that she's worded it so that it sounds like he has ultimately chosen not to have sex with her anymore and just to do it himself. BUT you don't know what their history is, and if he has perhaps tried to initiate many times and they've both been too tired, or if the mood only catches him momentarily in the morning when everyone is asleep and he finally gets some alone time. Perhaps there is something the wife is doing (like nagging or nannying him) which makes him feel unsexy and unwanted. There are times that issues like this crop up in a marriage and it does not mean the marriage is doomed or that this guy has a porn addiction. You need to take a balanced view. Adults frequently tell white lies if they think that the truth is too complicated or not worth fighting over. He clearly didn't see it as a problem, and many people here do not think that a man should have to report to his wife every time he masturbates So your assessment is that this is normal and no porn addiction? Can anyone agree that this is porn addiction? Link to comment
jjkk Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 So your assessment is that this is normal and no porn addiction? Can anyone agree that this is porn addiction? I absolutely don't think this is "normal". First of all, I don't think it's normal to have to tell each other every time you view porn. I also think it's VERY abnormal to only have sex twice in 4 months!! No matter how tired and busy you are!! Huge red flag there's a massive problem, imo. I have no way of knowing if it's an addiction BUT from what she's said it appears he prefers porn over sex which indicates a problem. Link to comment
glitterfingers Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 So your assessment is that this is normal and no porn addiction? Can anyone agree that this is porn addiction? My assessment is that it's normal for married couples to have rough patches in their sex life. The key is how they handle the situation (and I think we know how the husband is handling it) I can understand why you say it's porn addiction and you think that porn is the problem. I simply disagree and believe that porn is his solution to the problem Link to comment
hyden Posted May 15, 2017 Share Posted May 15, 2017 So your assessment is that this is normal and no porn addiction? Can anyone agree that this is porn addiction? When no one agrees with your view point, I think it becomes time to reanalyze your view point. There could be many reasons why they have only had sex twice in 4 months. She specifically notes kids and daily life getting in the way. They can start by focusing on that. Demanding a masturbation punch card is ridiculous. If she is telling the truth that they are both ok with watching porn (I think she is ok with her watching porn, but doesn't want him to (hypocrisy)) and ok with each other masturbating (I think she is ok with her masturbating, but doesn't want him to (seeing a trend?)), then the only issue remaining is finding a way to ensure they can find time to enjoy sex together as well. But that doesn't appear to be her issue. Her issue is she wants to control him, enjoy personal privileges without allowing him to and hide behind the veil of 'well, he lied to me because he didn't tell me when he was masturbating'. Link to comment
ExperiencedDad Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 When no one agrees with your view point, I think it becomes time to reanalyze ... I've been with my wife 25 years and we have nine kids. We've been through a lot but never a "twice in 4 months" dry spell. Perhaps because we don't do porn or masturbation. We love each other and our time together. I'm only shocked how everyone here loves porn and attacks anyone who objects to it. I'm shocked that no one can see this as addiction. I'm shocked that men choose porn over their wives. Don't see how I can "reanalyze" this. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 I've been with my wife 25 years and we have nine kids. We've been through a lot but never a "twice in 4 months" dry spell. Perhaps because we don't do porn or masturbation. We love each other and our time together. I'm only shocked how everyone here loves porn and attacks anyone who objects to it. I'm shocked that no one can see this as addiction. I'm shocked that men choose porn over their wives. Don't see how I can "reanalyze" this. Why are these the only type of posts you seem to be interested in? Just curious Link to comment
hyden Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 I've been with my wife 25 years and we have nine kids. We've been through a lot but never a "twice in 4 months" dry spell. Perhaps because we don't do porn or masturbation. We love each other and our time together. I'm only shocked how everyone here loves porn and attacks anyone who objects to it. I'm shocked that no one can see this as addiction. I'm shocked that men choose porn over their wives. Don't see how I can "reanalyze" this. Maybe if you took some time to enjoy porn, you wouldn't have added 9 off spring to a world that is rapidly headed towards overpopulation...but hey... People aren't attacking you, they are defending themselves against your extremely narrow mind, when you come barreling into the thread with your 'penis police' Halloween costume. Link to comment
hyden Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Porn is good and healthy for men, women, marriage, and teens. The problem is just the judgmental people that try and tell you its not. I have nothing but the highest respect for people who spend their free time masturbating. This is from your first post on this site. Discuss. Link to comment
hyden Posted May 16, 2017 Share Posted May 16, 2017 Also, just took a browse. Of your 38 posts, all but 4 are related to your crusade (assuming the one above is sarcasm). Of the remaining 4, 2 related to you egging a woman to react aggressively towards her abusive husband, which could likely put her life in danger. *mic drop Link to comment
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