Does a site exist?

[Ellatynemouth]

And they remain big cats. They remain predators, and their prey their victims. I resent the label.

 

I resent being shamed and questioned for liking younger men and not older.

 

I resent being labeled a MILF... and all this other degrading stuff that older women have to put up with.

[LaHermes]

Who is shaming and questioning?

 

And what degrading stuff do older women have to put up with?

[thealchemist]

It is a person's prerogative to date for whatever attribute they find appealing. As far as labels go, whether a man or women, if you date outside some arbitrary age range you will be labeled in some sense. That isn't sexist although it could potentially be bigotry. To set matters straight, the French president gets labeled because he is married to his teacher from when he was 15. He courted his married teacher into an affair. I really think the age thing is nothing compared to that. If you choose a spouse on such a narrow sited attribute then you greatly decrease your chance at happiness. Age is such a terrible thing to judge by to. I know mature 18 year old guys and immature 70 year olds. It is such a fleeting attribute too. I happen to be attracted to women that at like 30+. I am nearly 30 mow so no big deal. But when I was 12 I was attracted to 30+ women too. My wife is my age though. She was very mature and embodied the traits I liked in older women. Judge people for how they are not their age.

[mustlovedogs]

You're far too sensitive. You want younger men - significantly younger men. There is a term for that. There is a term for a man wanting a younger woman. There's a term for the reverse (younger seeking older).

 

But semantics. If the word bothers you, fine. But if you won't use a site that identifies with the word you don't like, then you're limiting your already severely limited dating pool.

[Fudgie]

No one is shaming you. I think the big cats are powerful and that it's a good symbol. You're flipping out over toxicity that isn't happening here. I think you have more insecurity over your preference than you let on.

[IAmFCA]

Ignoring the replies, too distracting.

 

I think your best bet is to set your search range in OKC to your preferred ages, and carry on. The sites that cater to an age gap fetishize it.

 

If it is just your preference, then best to be in a mainstream environment.

[Batya33]

"I've found that younger men usually have more open hearts. They are less judgemental and more romantic and giving. This could be because they've not been disillusioned yet or had their hearts broken and become cynical. "

 

You claim that younger men - like all men -deserve respect. Not so sure that is consistent with all this negative generalizing you do about someone just based on age. And my guess is you have a relatively small sample on which you base these sweeping generalizations and judgments.

[IAmFCA]

"I've found that younger men usually have more open hearts. They are less judgemental and more romantic and giving. This could be because they've not been disillusioned yet or had their hearts broken and become cynical. "

 

You claim that younger men - like all men -deserve respect. Not so sure that is consistent with all this negative generalizing you do about someone just based on age. And my guess is you have a relatively small sample on which you base these sweeping generalizations and judgments.

 

It is fundamentally cynical to infer that cynicism comes with age. I have found quite the opposite.

 

People of all sorts have an open heart. 30s v 50s have different goals - career advancement vs legacy project, kids? V. What has been will be. One age is powering up while the other is adding to power or powering down.

 

"Open hearts" might really be a social behavior and not a difference in readiness. Many people aren't ready for love until after their first marriage ends, for example.

[Fudgie]

I'm in my 20s and a big cynic, have been for a long time. I meet more older folks who are less cynical than I am than I do people who are MORE cynical than I am. Age cannot be used as an indication of wisdom, intelligence, success, or cynicism. Yes, older folks may have more "baggage" than younger folks but baggage does not = cynical world view. You can have baggage, deal with it appropriately, and still have a positive outlook.

[IAmFCA]

I'm in my 20s and a big cynic, have been for a long time. I meet more older folks who are less cynical than I am than I do people who are MORE cynical than I am. Age cannot be used as an indication of wisdom, intelligence, success, or cynicism. Yes, older folks may have more "baggage" than younger folks but baggage does not = cynical world view. You can have baggage, deal with it appropriately, and still have a positive outlook.

 

My baggage as a young person was real. My baggage now is just, life. I can handle my business.

 

Age differences are real. Several of us posting here on this thread have sustained strong relationships with 15 year age gaps. One of my friends, a woman, has dated men who are over 20 years her junior. Like you she is not a cougar or any other label. She is a woman who can find commonality with men much youger than she. I know why: she is an exploratory phase of her life and has that sort of openness in common with younger folks.

 

She is no more ready for a proper relagionship than my pet hamster. She is very open, curious, and accepting. Her heart is open in some ways, but closed off at a deeper level until she gets firmer footing.

 

We all are just people. Each as random as the next.

[Ellatynemouth]

Very eloquent.

[IAmFCA]

Very eloquent.

 

Muchos gracias.

[Ellatynemouth]

Very Spanish

[Goten]

I disagree with the notion that "older men" don't get a lot of flack for dating younger women. I remember when my cousin at age 35 started dating a 22 year old, he got a lot of flack for it. Now they are married with a baby, and nobody cares anymore.

 

Heck, when I joined this site I started a thread about me potentially dating a 21 year old at 28 (7 year difference), and half the members here said not to because she would see me as an "older brother".

 

So "older guys" definitely do get a lot of flack for dating/chasing younger women.

[Ellatynemouth]

I hear what you're saying but all things being equal I think people are less likely to raise an eyebrow if the man is older than the woman. People are more used to that.

 

It seems too that if the man has money it's ok.

 

I think the Patriarchy feels uneasy about women doing the same thing. That's why they've labeled them predators (cougars).

 

I hope you ignored the critical voices around you and did what you wanted to. It's none of their business.

 

Critics of age gap relationships usually make presumptions - they presume the older one of the two has been manipulative and done the chasing when in fact it's sometimes the other way around and the younger party has been the one pursuing and chasing.

[Goten]

I hear what you're saying but all things being equal I think people are less likely to raise an eyebrow if the man is older than the woman. People are more used to that.

 

It seems too that if the man has money it's ok.

 

That's probably because for whatever reason throughout history men have always been older than their wives. And men, for whatever reason, seem to generally prefer younger women. Women in general, at least based on what I've seen, seem to prefer men their age or slightly older. It's odd when you think about it, since men generally die younger than women, but it seems to be the way things are.

 

I think the Patriarchy feels uneasy about women doing the same thing. That's why they've labeled them predators (cougars).

 

Come on, plenty of older men get labeled the same thing.

 

I hope you ignored the critical voices around you and did what you wanted to. It's none of their business.

 

I was, until I found out she had a boyfriend, lol. I waited too long, because of my initial doubt.

 

Critics of age gap relationships usually make presumptions - they presume the older one of the two has been manipulative and done the chasing when in fact it's sometimes the other way around and the younger party has been the one pursuing and chasing.

 

Oh, I agree. They always presume the older one is taking advantage of the younger partner, or that the younger partner has "daddy issues", etc. People are always going to judge, no matter what.

[Ellatynemouth]

I agree with everything except the cougar label issue.

 

If you look at age gap relationship dating sites you'll see older men and younger women... You'll also see older women and younger men site BUT then the cougar word appears.

 

You don't see dating sites for "dirty old men". The closest you get to that is "sugar daddy" but then you find "sugar mom" too.

 

I really resent the label 'cougar'. It's a distortion of who I am and it diminishes my humanity. I hate the term MILF too, but both these terms are thrown at me.

[Goten]

I agree with everything except the cougar label issue.

 

If you look at age gap relationship dating sites you'll see older men and younger women... You'll also see older women and younger men site BUT then the cougar word appears.

 

You don't see dating sites for "dirty old men". The closest you get to that is "sugar daddy" but then you find "sugar mom" too.

 

I really resent the label 'cougar'. It's a distortion of who I am and it diminishes my humanity. I hate the term MILF too, but both these terms are thrown at me.

 

Hey, we like what we like. I agree that labels suck, but sadly we live in a very judgmental society.

[thealchemist]

The increased frequency of the word "cougar" on dating sights versus "creepy old guy" probably has a lot to do with perceived insults. Although you take cougar as a negative, I know many who do not. I know some who think of it as a positive. Whereas I don't think very many older men like the term "creepy old guy".

 

I don't even take the term cougar as an insult. I think it is a reference to a woman's strength and independence, and knowing what they want. All things I look for in a female.

[Batya33]

The increased frequency of the word "cougar" on dating sights versus "creepy old guy" probably has a lot to do with perceived insults. Although you take cougar as a negative, I know many who do not. I know some who think of it as a positive. Whereas I don't think very many older men like the term "creepy old guy".

 

I don't even take the term cougar as an insult. I think it is a reference to a woman's strength and independence, and knowing what they want. All things I look for in a female.

Then why aren't strong independent men who know what they want called cougars? What I do find interesting is she doesn't want to be called a cougar but is comfortable generalizing about men based on age - and in a negative way with respect to men in their 40s.

[Ellatynemouth]

Do you think older men would take kindly to being labeled a cougar? It still implies the same thing: a predator.

 

I have never been disparaging about men.

 

I have used examples to show how unequal things are. Younger men get labeled cubs or toyboys. That's appalling! I don't participate in that either. Don't twist my words.

[IAmFCA]

Words matter.

 

The cougar label implies wanton use of men in predatory fashion.

 

When I dated a man much older I was grateful nobody used the sugar daddy label.

 

Two people who like each but aren't alike in every way... that's all age gap is.

[Ellatynemouth]

Thank you!

[Krankor]

The term "MILF" is something that younger guys generally use among themselves to describe an older woman they want to have sex with. It's obviously a bit crude but I've used the term myself.

 

I disagree though that men don't get labelled, especially because of some "patriarchy." Creepy old guy, dirty old man, sugar daddy--those all seem more insulting to me than cougar. But people do see older women with younger men as somewhat unusual because it is. Not because of society but because it just isn't behavior that most humans have chosen to engage in throughout history and all societies the world over. The man the same age or older is a cultural universal. It does make sense biologically since men can have kids far later in life than can women.

 

None of this is to say that there is something wrong with you or what you're doing. There isn't. I mean, IMO you're slightly close-minded but then again you know what you like and that is fine. I just don't agree that society is being especially unfair to you. But I can understand you wanting to be who you are without having a label slapped on you, whether it's percieved as positive or not.

[Batya33]

Do you think older men would take kindly to being labeled a cougar? It still implies the same thing: a predator.

 

I have never been disparaging about men.

 

I have used examples to show how unequal things are. Younger men get labeled cubs or toyboys. That's appalling! I don't participate in that either. Don't twist my words.

 

Seems pretty disparaging to me:

 

"I've found that younger men usually have more open hearts. They are less judgemental and more romantic and giving. This could be because they've not been disillusioned yet or had their hearts broken and become cynical. "

 

Or this generalization about men's looks

 

"I think men look most beautiful and attractive when they are in their 20s and 30s."

 

It's fine to have opinions but ironic that you'd complain about being labeled/categorized given these views.