Does a site exist?

[Batya33]

We can't help who we are or aren't attracted to. I've never been attracted to men in their 40s or over. Maybe that will change in time, who knows. It's possible, but unlikely. But I would rather be single than date someone I'm not attracted to.

 

I'm usually attracted to men in their late 20s and 30s. That's it. It's not so niche really. I don't care about skin colour, income, religion...

 

There are women out there who will only date a man with a six pack or a man who drives a certain type of car... and there are some men out there who will only date a woman of a certain dress size or men who will only date blondes and not brunettes.

 

It's not really a 'preference'. To use the word 'preference' negatively implies that it's possible to settle for something you don't want. But who would do that? It's not my duty to date or marry.

 

You wrote "prefer" -your choice not mine. "I prefer younger men."

 

Yes you can control who you're attracted to in this way - you can choose to reevaluate your reasons why, you can choose to open yourself up in general, you can grow as a person and as a result find that you're more attracted to different types of people.

 

I never said you had to date or marry- to the contrary, unless you really want to be with someone I say why bother - and I mean that even if you didn't have the situation you have described -dating is really hard and for me at least it was worth it only because I wanted to get married and have a family.

 

I had my list too - and for me it didn't happen to limit me much because I chose to live in a major city where there were plenty of single men with the attributes and qualities I wanted. I made the choice to live there, in a high rent area, so that I'd be able to meet people despite my crazy, unpredictable and intense career.

 

I'll also add, if I were you I'd avoid dating if you're not attracted to men in their 40s or older - unless you want to date casually, etc what's going to happen when your partner ages -will you then end things so you can find a younger man?

 

Don't settle, and also don't get in your own way - including give a lot of thought to how badly you want to date or marry - seems to me from how you responded you may be looking for excuses to stay on your own - why the excuses - totally fine to be on your own.

[mustlovedogs]

Honest question. I would ask this of a man, too, by the way - if you don't like men in their 40's, do you ever foresee a relationship actually lasting? Because anyone you date will eventually become 40.

[Krankor]

OP, I have a couple of questions that may come off as kind of stupid, or that I'm trying to challenge you. But I'm asking them out of sheer curiosity because I find this interesting.

 

OK, one. Let's say you meet a guy who looks to you about 30. You find him attractive and enjoy talking to him. After a bit you find out that he is actually 42, which he looks younger than. So do you instantly lose interest? In other words, is it the older look you aren't attracted to or just kind of the concept of a man in his 40s?

 

Also, let's say you meet a 31 year old. Things go great and you get married. In 10 years would you worry that you are going to lose your attraction to him as he enters his 40s? I ask because what most people find attractive evolves as they get older. I know mine has. There was a time when an attractive 32 year old was a MILF to me. Now she'd border on a kitten. With you, your concept of what is attractive seems to have frozen into a certain age group. That's not wrong or bad; just interesting.

 

A couple of observations. People make a big deal out of the new French President's wife being 24 years older because that's honestly weird; it's not wrong, it's just frankly pretty strange. And I don't think society is all to blame for that one either. I don't think most men would choose that even with full societal approval. Anthropologists say that there really isn't a society or tribe the entire world over in which older women marriages are common. The man older is pretty universal among all of humanity. So again, it's not just something screwy or oppressive about our society. It may well be embedded in our neural coding as part of our evolution as a species.

 

Also, there may be some double standards but I don't think they are as strong as you think. I'm a male, 40, and I can guarantee if I made a post stating that I am only interested in women in their 20s that people would have some things to say about that.

 

Just a couple of points. Again, there is nothing wrong with you wanting what you want and trying to find it. Good luck.

[Ellatynemouth]

I think men look most beautiful and attractive when they are in their 20s and 30s. If I met a man who looked 30 but was in his 40s I wouldn't mind so much... But there's this...

 

I've found that younger men usually have more open hearts. They are less judgemental and more romantic and giving. This could be because they've not been disillusioned yet or had their hearts broken and become cynical.

 

I disagree with you about people thinking Emmanuel Macron's age difference is 'weird'. Have you seen her?

 

There are plenty of photos of him and his wife together and they almost look the same age. She looks great.

 

I could fall in platonic love with someone older... This is possible. But when it comes to sex they would need to be somewhat athletic and younger.

 

This is not something I demand or expect in life. It's just how it is. And knowing of other age gap relationships that already exist with that dynamic means it is indeed possible. There are some younger men who, for whatever reason, are more attracted to older women than themselves.

 

All of this is in the context of no children being wanted.

[mustlovedogs]

Honest question. I would ask this of a man, too, by the way - if you don't like men in their 40's, do you ever foresee a relationship actually lasting? Because anyone you date will eventually become 40.

 

^^ so what about this, in regards to your most recent post?

[Ellatynemouth]

It would depend how much they took care of themselves. Love can change everything. Romance can create a spark that makes you blind to the physical changes caused by time.

 

But those types of pure relationships are rare. In some ways it's also about looking after yourself. If I met a man in his late 20s who let himself go - developed a beer gut and looked terrible from eating junk food, that would put me off too.

 

This is the painful reality in life: love and sex, though we try to bring them together, are separate things.

 

Some couples who've been together for 40 or 50 years share a deep love for each other but the sex part dissipates.

[RainyCoast]

Ella, i did a quick google search and there are sites like this. have you googled age gap dating sites? there are age gap personals webpages too.

 

not gender biased, i looked at a few and they do have older women/younger men sections.

 

some have interesting articles on the subject too.

[Ellatynemouth]

Thank you! That's sweet of you.

 

I've joined a few of those sites in the past and my experiences were uniformly disappointing.

 

I was classified as either a 'sugar mom' (the younger men wanted a rich older woman) or a 'cougar' (whereby the younger man was only interested in sex and saw the older woman as nothing more than a sex tutor). Or otherwise I was bombarded by scammers.

 

I think I will have to do what another commentator suggested and just go out and meet people and see what happens naturally.

 

Thanks for your reply though and for looking for me

[Krankor]

Honestly, almost objectively, I think both men and women are at their most attractive in their late 20s/early 30s. They have JUST enough miles at that point for their faces to have developed a little character but they haven't lost that youthful glow.

 

When I was 39 (just last year) I dated a 48 year old. Obviously, I was attracted to her. However, she had a picture hanging in her house of when she was about 28 or 29. I was almost obsessed with that picture. I couldn't get over how strikingly pretty she had been at that age.

[Ellatynemouth]

This is life. It's brutal isn't it.

[LaHermes]

Yes, I would ask the same K.

 

"In other words, is it the older look you aren't attracted to or just kind of the concept of a man in his 40s?

"

 

We are all so different and that makes us interesting IMO.

 

I liked dating older men when I was single. Found them far more interesting than the boys my own age, and truth be told far more fun.

 

That said I married a man only 8 years older....so things change

[Fudgie]

There are age difference dating sites but I'm not sure how active they are. I used to date exclusively older men and I met them on Match for the most part. I've always been very attracted to older men, still am, but my boyfriend is my age (I'm 27).

 

If I ended up single again, I'd be open to dating older men again. However, many older men have children and I'm not open to that cause I don't want to be a mother.

 

While looks are important, I'd keep in mind that they don't last. Wrinkles, some extra fat, etc. We all look worse the older we get. Best you can do is try to keep healthy and keep your skin in good healthy. Get enough sleep too.

[Liraele]

I'm sure if you googled Cougar Dating Sites, something would come up.

[Ellatynemouth]

But I'm not a cougar. And a cougar is a wild predator.

[Fudgie]

Well, you're a woman looking to date a significantly younger man, correct? That makes you a cougar, in common slang. There is nothing bad about that! Just own it and accept it.

 

There is nothing wrong with age differences as long as both people are adults and fully aware of it. It's not a big deal.

[LaHermes]

Ella.

 

How about tigress? Sounds a bit better than cougar lol.

[Ellatynemouth]

No. It doesn't make me a cougar. It makes me a woman. It also makes you sexist.

[Fudgie]

No. It doesn't make me a cougar. It makes me a woman. It also makes you sexist.

 

It makes you a woman who is interested in dating younger men. There is a slang term for that and its called a "cougar". You are the one who is associating it with negative ideas, not me.

 

The question is.. Why are you doing that? Do you have some internal insecurities with your own preferences? Why?

[Ellatynemouth]

If you take the time to look online you'll see that other older women take offence at being labelled a cougar too (Jennifer Lopez). Older men are just older men. They don't have a name for them like cougar. Why do you feel the need to pigeonhole me?

[LaHermes]

Oh but the older men too are often called "cradle-snatchers". Or sugar daddies. Or trophy hunters.

 

Back to your OP, you say:

 

I know of a few couples where the woman is older and the man is younger and they are happy together but none of the couples met through an online dating site.

 

 

So maybe online is the wrong place to look.....

 

And, you remark:

 

"Most dating sites that have younger men looking for older cater for men looking for casual sex.

 

So the best bet would be in the real world, yes?

[Ellatynemouth]

That's offensive too.

[Ellatynemouth]

If I liked older men - none of you would be dispensing your wisdom or opinion.

 

I remain a woman, not a predatory big cat. And a younger man is not prey or a toy-boy. They are a men. They deserve respect.

 

Your criticism of the older woman ends up criticising the younger man by extension. It denies both parties their agency.

 

Your critique is toxic and unkind..

[LaHermes]

Ella. I see no toxicity or unkindness here. That is unfair. I'll say one thing about ENA: no one here will tell you what you want to hear.

 

Moving on: there are many threads on here where posters query regarding a relationship or future marriage with a much older man. And other posters comment or advise based on the information given in those posts or threads.

 

Anyhow, your original question was if anyone knew of a certain type of dating site. Yet I feel that on the other hand you think you'd be better off meeting someone in real life.

[Ellatynemouth]

I disagree. Are the women who like older given a predatory big cat name? Are their motives questioned? There is a double standard at play.

[LaHermes]

I give up, Ella. L.

 

And after all those big cats are so beautiful, sleek and powerful.