Frustrated by the quality of matches online

[moneymkt]

Of course not, Money. If someone is shy then s/he is shy. Although I think perhaps that can maybe be worked on. What do you think? Btw introvert and shy are not the same thing. You'd have to more tightly define "social people" for me. But anyway.

So, maybe surprise yourself and go to the reception. Are there no people at all (men or women) on the bride's side or the groom's side that you might know?

 

So, what do you think of the content of this article:

 

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No because the female friend I been knowing for 16 years never introduced me to her family. And of course I don't know the family of the groom so It would be no need for me to be at the reception at all

 

And my shyness has decreased over the years since I am going on a 4th date today. It was a time where I couldn't even get past a 1st date because of my communication.

[moneymkt]

I too am really not into the club or bar scene and I'm kind of a homebody who's hobbies are mostly solitary. I've never been one to just go approach women. Have you ever seen a nuclear rejection? I have. Some women are downright mean to men who approach them. Now, in fairness, I think that is an adaptive strategy to deal with men who are too aggressive and won't take no for an answer, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that, nor would I deserve to be. Plus there's the whole "is she single? Is she even looking?" thing.

 

So, for a guy like me, OLD has been a Godsend. It enables me to chat with all kinds of women who are presumably looking for the same thing.

 

My one real beef with it does take away some of the real life "X factor." OLD daters begin to almost think they can order up some sort of prototype and end up somewhat arbitrarily filtering out some who they may actually really like in real life. Also, it takes away some of the "slow burn" real life aspect. You pretty much have your pictures and profiles and then possibly the first meeting to make the right impression, otherwise you are forever tossed on the cyber scrapheap. I mean, I've no doubt been messaged by women who I took one look at and said "nah" who I maybe would have started to like if I would have given her a chance.

 

But, then, OLD does bring people together who otherwise never would have met. I met my last girlfriend online. It's unlikely we ever would have crossed paths in real life and while it didn't work out I had fun with her while it lasted and she was good for me at that point in my life.

 

Also, in a way, this is nothing new. Before OLD people have been placing ads in the personal sections since the time of the printing press. Before that it was pretty much arranged marriages.

 

 

 

And the challenge you are faced with as a man when approaching a woman in public is they may not be the right age. A woman who is 20 can look 28/29 if she is built a certain way. So I can be approaching someone in college and not even know it

[LaHermes]

" so It would be no need for me to be at the reception at all"

 

Well, if you received an invitation I assume it was that the families wished you to attend, or someone issued the invitation. No, you don't NEED to go to the event. That is up to you.

 

Yes, there are woman who look older or younger, and you sure can't blurt out at first approach: "What age are you?" But you can't know till you try, can you.

 

And on OLD people can say they are any age they like, and put up the photo-shopped photo too!!

[moneymkt]

" so It would be no need for me to be at the reception at all"

 

Well, if you received an invitation I assume it was that the families wished you to attend, or someone issued the invitation. No, you don't NEED to go to the event. That is up to you.

 

Yes, there are woman who look older or younger, and you sure can't blurt out at first approach: "What age are you?" But you can't know till you try, can you.

 

And on OLD people can say they are any age they like, and put up the photo-shopped photo too!!

 

 

 

Yes the reception was on the invitation but I told my friend I wasn;t going. And who did she think I would be talking to at the reception if she is the only I know at the wedding? I;m going to the ceremony and taking her gift and coming back home.

 

Her family will be chatting with his family of course but I don't know either family

[LaHermes]

Fair enough, Money. It is your choice. Not up to your friend who is getting married to think of who you might or not speak to at the reception. That would be up to you. So, what would happen if someone (not necessarily at this wedding) approached you wherever and struck up a conversation. Would you just not talk to them?

 

But, everyone we meet in life is a stranger until we actually meet and speak to them.

[mustlovedogs]

One of the most fun weddings I went to was where I only knew the couple. It meant I had no obligation to talk to acquaintances or awkward relatives - I just got to meet and hang out with people I click with.

[LaHermes]

Yep MLD. That would be me too.

 

But, I do get the picture that some would be totally paralysed with fright at the very idea. There are of course, as always, reasons for social anxiety.

[moneymkt]

Fair enough, Money. It is your choice. Not up to your friend who is getting married to think of who you might or not speak to at the reception. That would be up to you. So, what would happen if someone (not necessarily at this wedding) approached you wherever and struck up a conversation. Would you just not talk to them?

 

But, everyone we meet in life is a stranger until we actually meet and speak to them.

 

 

Of course I would talk, that's how I became friend with all the people I am cool with at my job because they approached me first. lol Lot of women at my job are intimidated by me because I am so tall so if I don't speak they won't either. They think I am being rude but they don;t know I am shy

[LaHermes]

Gosh, Money, I thought you remarked that women are only after tall guys! LOL.

[moneymkt]

Gosh, Money, I thought you remarked that women are only after tall guys! LOL.

 

I'm told when you are as tall as me you must always have a smile and be social lol

[LaHermes]

Like I said, I thought all the OLD women were looking for tall men only.

 

Now you are telling me that being tall, as you are, is a drawback rather than an advantage.

 

Aren't people a mystery.

[moneymkt]

Like I said, I thought all the OLD women were looking for tall men only.

 

Now you are telling me that being tall, as you are, is a drawback rather than an advantage.

 

Aren't people a mystery.

 

 

 

A lot of women do but I seen several short men in public with hot women. And I am sure I will today when I go on my date lol

[LaHermes]

Of course women date short men (this would mean, I presume, 5' 7", 5' 8 " etc.) And why ever not?

 

It is just this OLD mania, there is no other word for it, where women ONLY want a tall man or SAY they only want a tall man.

[moneymkt]

Of course women date short men (this would mean, I presume, 5' 7", 5' 8 " etc.) And why ever not?

 

It is just this OLD mania, there is no other word for it, where women ONLY want a tall man or SAY they only want a tall man.

 

 

It's what short men online say when they are rejected to make themselves feel better

[LaHermes]

LOL Money. Could be.........

[Clarisse]

I love Indian men, YYY. We have a huge contingent in my industry as contractors (health care) and I find them highly intelligent, great work ethic, charming,respectful and fun. If I was single, I would date an Indian man provided cultural issues didn't prevent it. Some of my male Indian friends are still bound to cultural traditions (arranged marriage, vegetarian, alcohol abstinence) but most are not where I live.

 

At present, I'm in a serious relationship with a guy who is white 5'6". So height isn't everything. He is attractive and interesting and I even met him IRL! Shocker of shockers! We went to high school together and reconnected many years later. He is to love of my life so far.

 

Your partner is out there. Dating is just hard.

[Ms Darcy]

well to be honest that sounds like fantasy land because that is too much to ask for and expect him not to have women on the side. I want a woman who is into sports, cute, and intelligent who doesn't have pets but I know I have to be flexible because I am not going to find all that in one woman.

 

It's too much not to expect to a man to have a woman on the side. Okaaaay.

[Ms Darcy]

Money.

 

Of course you do see men of all heights out with women.

I think 5' 11" is very tall!!

Height should not matter, and I am so perplexed by this heightism thing.

 

Race shouldn't matter either. But all kinds of things do.

[Ms Darcy]

I too am really not into the club or bar scene and I'm kind of a homebody who's hobbies are mostly solitary. I've never been one to just go approach women. Have you ever seen a nuclear rejection? I have. Some women are downright mean to men who approach them. Now, in fairness, I think that is an adaptive strategy to deal with men who are too aggressive and won't take no for an answer, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that, nor would I deserve to be. Plus there's the whole "is she single? Is she even looking?" thing.

 

So, for a guy like me, OLD has been a Godsend. It enables me to chat with all kinds of women who are presumably looking for the same thing.

 

My one real beef with it does take away some of the real life "X factor." OLD daters begin to almost think they can order up some sort of prototype and end up somewhat arbitrarily filtering out some who they may actually really like in real life. Also, it takes away some of the "slow burn" real life aspect. You pretty much have your pictures and profiles and then possibly the first meeting to make the right impression, otherwise you are forever tossed on the cyber scrapheap. I mean, I've no doubt been messaged by women who I took one look at and said "nah" who I maybe would have started to like if I would have given her a chance.

 

But, then, OLD does bring people together who otherwise never would have met. I met my last girlfriend online. It's unlikely we ever would have crossed paths in real life and while it didn't work out I had fun with her while it lasted and she was good for me at that point in my life.

 

Also, in a way, this is nothing new. Before OLD people have been placing ads in the personal sections since the time of the printing press. Before that it was pretty much arranged marriages.

 

Well, my friend, I feel like there is an interesting juxtaposition here. Maybe I am wrong.

 

On the one hand you are saying "OLD dates begin to almost think they can order up some sort of prototype and end up with somewhat arbitrarily filtering out some who they may actually really like in real life."

 

But look at the women here (I think Fudgie and MLDs) say they love OLD because they can use it to filter out what they don't want and not waste time.

 

So for you it's SOUNDS like it is widening your pool. For those women, it's narrowing their pool.

 

Again I might be wrong. But this is an interesting comparison. It shows that perhaps the disconnect is that different people use OLD for subtly different things and don't realize it.

[Krankor]

Well, my friend, I feel like there is an interesting juxtaposition here. Maybe I am wrong.

 

On the one hand you are saying "OLD dates begin to almost think they can order up some sort of prototype and end up with somewhat arbitrarily filtering out some who they may actually really like in real life."

 

But look at the women here (I think Fudgie and MLDs) say they love OLD because they can use it to filter out what they don't want and not waste time.

 

So for you it's SOUNDS like it is widening your pool. For those women, it's narrowing their pool.

 

Again I might be wrong. But this is an interesting comparison. It shows that perhaps the disconnect is that different people use OLD for subtly different things and don't realize it.

Well, I think we're probably just focused on different aspects of it. Unless you have a huge social network it's likely going to widen the dating pool for everyone. I mean, even though I'm not the most social creature I still get out and there is always the chance of meeting someone IRL, so unless I'm devoting time to OLD that would otherwise be devoted to getting out and socializing it's necessarily going to widen the dating pool for me.

 

I have to think it widens the pool for the posters you mentioned, too. They just like that among that larger pool they can filter out what they don't want--or think they don't want anyway, which is that "X factor" I mentioned. Maybe that's still a good thing in many cases, but I don't know if it always is. Of course, I set filters too. I don't filter on anything to do with appearance, race, education etc. I have my preferences in those areas but want to be open-minded. But I'm not going to start a serious relationship with a 21 year old, nor a 55 year old.

 

Ultimately, I think we all want--or wanted, to find a relationship. I just think more about the aspect of casting a wider net to find the right one whereas others may think more about how filtering certain things out makes them more likely to find the right one.

[Krankor]

Re: the height thing; again, I'm 5'10. If you're 5'9 or taller and think I'm too short for you, fair enough. If you're 5'4 however and are of the same opinion that's kind of silly. It's your prerogative but it's still silly.

[mustlovedogs]

^ agreed. I don't narrow mine down immensely, but I don't want to date a smoker, I don't want to date someone with strongly contrasting religious and political views, and I don't want to date someone who has kids. OLD let's me filter those out with no effort on my part, which is nice

[Fudgie]

I agree too. I placed absolutely NO filters on appearance or height. I was okay with someone smoking the rare cigar but I didn't want to date an everyday smoker. Like MLD, I also didn't want someone with different religious ideas (I'm atheist, only date atheist/agnostic and have for years) or someone with kids or someone who wanted kids.

 

Appearance is very secondary to me. My boyfriends is losing weight and I am very supportive because I am concerned for his health. My relationships have varied in terms of body weight (underweight to morbidly obese), some were short, some were tall, I just don't care. Attraction comes later for me when I like a person.

 

Which is why I would never be able to use Tinder. Because I HAVE to read a profile. A picture tells me very little, IME. I just can't go at face value.

 

I preferred to filter out and then look at the profiles and if the guy didn't gross me out with his picture (rare that he did), I'd read the profile. 98% of the time, I could eliminate him based on what I read.

[Ms Darcy]

Interesting. I considered reading someone's profile and including or excluding him/her a filter.

 

I heard a poster on here put it very well. Everyone is picky. They are just differently picky. It just depends on what matters to you.

 

Some people value intelligence over looks, looks over chemistry, etc.

[mustlovedogs]

I still think chemistry is important. But filtering allows for chemistry while preventing major, know deal breakers. I've been attracted to guys where they had a number of deal breakers for me - sure, I could've dated them, but I know it would've become a problem once the honeymoon phase was over.

 

I'm not eliminating chemistry by pursuing OLD. I'm expanding my pool of guys who meet my baseline criteria, going on dates, and looking for that chemistry.