Frustrated by the quality of matches online

[yeahyeahyeah]

Currently having an issue right now with online dating, I am finding the following:

 

- Attractive, but crap personality

- Unattractive, nicer personality but not attracted to them.

 

I have been on 5 dates in 7 months, figure could be higher if I said yes to every girl.

 

I am finding it difficult to find someone I am compatible with to the point that I am now resigning myself to being single for a loooong time. It has been 7 months now since my ex and I split up.

 

Can anyone relate?

[Annia]

When I used to online date with dating apps, it was one in a million the instances where I found myself attracted for the personality and physically at the same time. I also found many creeps. Also the run of the mill guys who expected me to have sex with them just because we matched and didn't want to lose time in idle chat lol

 

I still dated for a short time two guys I met on those apps. One of them was actually friend of a friend of mine lol. Things didn't work out. The other one was "using" me as a rebound but I ignored the signs. That's another common things on dating apps, is that there are many people who are there to forget their exes and just want rebounds.

 

I never tried online dating websites though just apps, but I always had that fantasy of meeting "the one" organically without these devices or trying, but that's not that easy lol

 

Now that I think about, besides my first nightmare of relationship in which we met online through irc (lol), all the real committed relationships I had were with men I met in person originally. My "online" flings never got me to a "proper" relationship. However I have a friend who's going to marry a guy she met on tinder and he was like the second guy she met there.

[yeahyeahyeah]

When I used to online date with dating apps, it was one in a million the instances where I found myself attracted for the personality and physically at the same time. I also found many creeps. Also the run of the mill guys who expected me to have sex with them just because we matched and didn't want to lose time in idle chat lol

 

I still dated for a short time two guys I met on those apps. One of them was actually friend of a friend of mine lol. Things didn't work out. The other one was "using" me as a rebound but I ignored the signs. That's another common things on dating apps, is that there are many people who are there to forget their exes and just want rebounds.

 

I never tried online dating websites though just apps, but I always had that fantasy of meeting "the one" organically without these devices or trying, but that's not that easy lol

 

Sigh, being single is such a pain in the ass.

[Annia]

Sigh, being single is such a pain in the ass.

 

Being single is nice when we're not suffering from a broken heart lol

[Jeetsun]

When I used to online date with dating apps, it was one in a million the instances where I found myself attracted for the personality and physically at the same time. I also found many creeps. Also the run of the mill guys who expected me to have sex with them just because we matched and didn't want to lose time in idle chat lol

 

I still dated for a short time two guys I met on those apps. One of them was actually friend of a friend of mine lol. Things didn't work out. The other one was "using" me as a rebound but I ignored the signs. That's another common things on dating apps, is that there are many people who are there to forget their exes and just want rebounds.

 

I never tried online dating websites though just apps, but I always had that fantasy of meeting "the one" organically without these devices or trying, but that's not that easy lol

 

Now that I think about, besides my first nightmare of relationship in which we met online through irc (lol), all the real committed relationships I had were with men I met in person originally. My "online" flings never got me to a "proper" relationship. However I have a friend who's going to marry a guy she met on tinder and he was like the second guy she met there.

 

Very true. That's pretty much what comprises most dating apps; people looking to rebound even though they specifically say in their profile they aren't (Full of ****).

 

I can relate to OP, when I tried dating apps; I found the same similar situations.

 

I'd have to say like Annia, all my substantial relationships happened in person, never online.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I'd have to say like Annia, all my substantial relationships happened in person, never online.

 

Opposite for my friends and I. Very hard to meet single avaliable women offline and to be fair many of these women would reject you online if they didn't like you offline (friendzone). Physical attraction in the end.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Being single is nice when we're not suffering from a broken heart lol

 

I have only been in 2 relationships, my last one was my first serious one. Late bloomer, so got into it at 29, and god I felt like I really missed out BIG TIME. Can't replicate companionship being single.

[Annia]

I have only been in 2 relationships, my last one was my first serious one. Late bloomer, so got into it at 29, and god I felt like I really missed out BIG TIME. Can't replicate companionship being single.

 

I'm learning to accept and enjoy being single. I've spent all my life either in a relationships or flings. I never truly learned how to be alone and enjoy it. The less desperate we are the better things go.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I'm learning to accept and enjoy being single. I've spent all my life either in a relationships or flings. I never truly learned how to be alone and enjoy it. The less desperate we are the better things go.

 

Spent the bulk of my life single - I take it that you are woman, women find it easier than guys generally to get into relationships.

[Sportster2005]

Currently having an issue right now with online dating, I am finding the following:

 

- Attractive, but crap personality

- Unattractive, nicer personality but not attracted to them.

 

I have been on 5 dates in 7 months, figure could be higher if I said yes to every girl.

 

I am finding it difficult to find someone I am compatible with to the point that I am now resigning myself to being single for a loooong time. It has been 7 months now since my ex and I split up.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

Sorry but what you're experiencing is nothing unique or unusual. If you're younger seven months can be a long time. But realise, it could take years. I broke up with my wife almost ten years ago. I've been on hundreds of dates. I have met some women with both good looks and good personality. The problem then becomes one of being a good mutual match.

 

Go about your life and don't put so much emphasis on dating. Be more concerned with living a happy healthy life.

[Sportster2005]

Spent the bulk of my life single - I take it that you are woman, women find it easier than guys generally to get into relationships.

 

Are you trolling?

 

If not, that's just a blatantly false and sexist comment.

[Andrina]

I had to go on 30 online dates before meeting my future husband. It was a lot of frustrating experiences getting there, but worked out in the end. You can supplement that with meetups.com. Try taking dance lessons. Plenty of women there, whether it be salsa, swing, tango, or ballroom. Join a co-ed sports team or a gym. Volunteer at community clean-ups. Good luck.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Are you trolling?

 

If not, that's just a blatantly false and sexist comment.

 

It is not sexist, it is just the way it is.

 

I read a study once where 2/3rds of men swipe right to women on Tinder, where 1/3rd of women swipe right to men, meaning that it takes longer for men to meet a girl.

 

It is generally easier for women to not be single in some shape or form.

[Annia]

Spent the bulk of my life single - I take it that you are woman, women find it easier than guys generally to get into relationships.

 

If this were true I'd already be in a relationship. Yes, I can get sex and short term flings if I get myself into online dating or if I'm more extroverted when I go out to bars (which I'm not), but it's been very hard for me to find someone to have a good and healthy relationship with. Of course part of it is my responsibility and my choices have a lot to do with it. But to say it's super easy for a woman to have a relationship... I never got where men got this idea that we snap our fingers and bammm we are in a relationship already on our way to the altar.

[Ms Darcy]

Beware of the entitlement train of thought.

 

I understand it's frustrating. But people dated for many years before online dating. It takes effort for sure, but it is worth it.

[SherrySher]

It's normal to not find someone you click with right away and it can sometimes take a lot of time and effort, unless you get lucky.

Whether it's in person or on a dating site finding someone who checks all the boxes of what you want, and then you actually being attracted to them and liking them when you meet, is a difficult task.

 

Like you, I have seen men who are nice but not the best looking, or they are good looking but their personality is incompatible with mine.

I have also met men who were nice and good looking but the spark just wasn't there. It's very tricky and can be frustrating. Take a rest if need be, but don't give up on love entirely.

[Wiseman2]

I would relax and think to yourself "It's just a message. It's just a coffee meet", etc.. Try to reset your approach from 'finding a relationship' to "dating, meeting women".

[annie24]

It is not sexist, it is just the way it is.

 

I read a study once where 2/3rds of men swipe right to women on Tinder, where 1/3rd of women swipe right to men, meaning that it takes longer for men to meet a girl.

 

It is generally easier for women to not be single in some shape or form.

 

if we're talking about heterosexual women getting into relationships, remember that the men are getting into the relationship as well!!! It's a 1:1 ratio.

 

Anyway, your experience is not unique. It is not easy to find a good match, straight or gay or bi or whatever. There is a lot of sorting and weeding and going on first dates.

[yeahyeahyeah]

if we're talking about heterosexual women getting into relationships, remember that the men are getting into the relationship as well!!! It's a 1:1 ratio.

 

Anyway, your experience is not unique. It is not easy to find a good match, straight or gay or bi or whatever. There is a lot of sorting and weeding and going on first dates.

 

Yeah, men get into relationships definently, but it's not because they find it easy, it's because they were lucky a girl with options that they like said yes!

[SherrySher]

Who are these "girls" because from what I know, it is a very tough go for finding someone decent for both males and females.

 

Also you should realise that quantity does not mean quality. Women possibly might have more options but none of them could be good. I still feel it's the same for everyone though.

 

You can meet hundreds and yet no one clicks with you. More options does not mean better.

 

It's like having a car park full of lemons when all you want is one decent working car.

[reinventmyself]

Spent the bulk of my life single - I take it that you are woman, women find it easier than guys generally to get into relationships.

 

I wish I had a dollar for everything someone says this

[Annia]

I wish I had a dollar for everything someone says this

 

Me too. I've heard countless men saying this and here I am, still single. And I don't find myself that unatractive or anything. Just because you might get lucky of having more options, it doesn't mean that all of them lead you to good quality relationships.

 

And now that I think about it, where I live there's not that "culture" of paying drinks to girls I think, but most men say that us women can go into bars and never pay for anything because we have hordes of men lining up to pay us drinks and hook up with us. I never felt that nor my very attractive and extroverted friends. We have commented several times that we don't know where those "generous" men are. Yes, I think that when it comes to dating apps, women get more matches, but when it comes to actually not being single as in being in a committed relationship... it's hard for everyone until they are lucky to find that person with whom they click and where both want a relationship with each other.

[reinventmyself]

I think it's true that women get more online activity, but it's from men that are states or countries away and 10 to 15 years older and younger.

 

I hate to state a double standard, but I can only assume that men don't receive as many grossly mismatched emails.

I'll trade place with you.

 

It doesn't make us more fortunate nor does it make it easier for women. Quantity not quality.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Me too. I've heard countless men saying this and here I am, still single. And I don't find myself that unatractive or anything. Just because you might get lucky of having more options, it doesn't mean that all of them lead you to good quality relationships.

 

And now that I think about it, where I live there's not that "culture" of paying drinks to girls I think, but most men say that us women can go into bars and never pay for anything because we have hordes of men lining up to pay us drinks and hook up with us. I never felt that nor my very attractive and extroverted friends. We have commented several times that we don't know where those "generous" men are. Yes, I think that when it comes to dating apps, women get more matches, but when it comes to actually not being single as in being in a committed relationship... it's hard for everyone until they are lucky to find that person with whom they click and where both want a relationship with each other.

 

I will tell you a story, I was recently on a date with a girl, we went on two intimate dates, kissing, groping the whole lot. In the end she rejected me on the bases that she felt that we're not on the same page with the way we communicated, but liked a lot of things about me. Till this day I'm scratching my head wondering how the hell can anyone figure that out after two dates.

 

If she is anything to go by, then it is no surprise why some women are single from having unrealistic expectations about men from being over analytical.

 

They are probably meeting decent guys but rejecting them over stupid reasons like that.

 

For the record this girl was going to pay for me on the date, I made it a point to take turns in paying.

[Wiseman2]

The dating game may be different for guys than women. But nonetheless a lot of the same frustration.

 

Guys generally are expected to approach, lead etc and need to deal with a lot of rejection. It seems women complain about unwanted contact and guys just wanting hookups, etc. so have to deal with that a lot and filter it out.