Frustrated by the quality of matches online

[moneymkt]

I never used websites, just apps. Might give it a try when I move, if they have like a free version lol

 

seems like APPS is the best option. Dating sites are scams

[IAmFCA]

I never used websites, just apps. Might give it a try when I move, if they have like a free version lol

 

They have a version that is free (for anyone) and the ability to pay for enhanced features..

[Fudgie]

seems like APPS is the best option. Dating sites are scams

 

Most apps have a site equivalent. Match, okcupid, etc. They all have their own apps.

[Dominique]

Well normally it's looks then personality.

 

I agree. That's how most people are. I'm just not like that. I'm always attracted to personality first. Online dating doesn't work for me.

 

I hope you find someone.

[Fudgie]

I agree. That's how most people are. I'm just not like that. I'm always attracted to personality first. Online dating doesn't work for me.

 

I hope you find someone.

 

I'm largely the same way. Online dating has been great for me. Use the filter search to rule out guys that have deal breakers and then read the profiles of men who don't look. Hideous to you. If their profile appeals, send a message.

[mustlovedogs]

That male/female ratio is discouraging...

[IAmFCA]

That male/female ratio is discouraging...

 

All of it is discouraging.

 

Or, it isn't. If we went to a bar filled with every single person within our search criteria, it would be awful. Overwhelming, and full of people in whom we have zero interest. On line dating is like that - everyone shoved into one room. If we think of it as a numbers game, as many say, it is dehumanizing. We are individuals, not products. If we think of it as a collection of people, it is more time consuming (so much time culling the herd!) and more rewarding.

 

No matter how we do it, dating is work. Unless we are in a group house, a dorm, or some other environment where single people in transient circumstances bounce off one another all day long. And then - dating is easy and relationships are work.

 

There is no magic potion.

[xcookie7x]

i wish i could be of more help.. id say you have a better chance meeting people by going thru friends friend lists on facebook and adding girls ur attracted to.... on a dating site i met ONE person i had a thing going on with for a few months .. everyone else was an @hole , boring, or creepy. dating these days seems to be horrible. (least for me it is).. id say im decently attractive and definitely more kind and generous than i should be. and nobody seems to want anything more than hook ups. wont even consider something more. maybe thats just me though.

[IAmFCA]

i wish i could be of more help.. id say you have a better chance meeting people by going thru friends friend lists on facebook and adding girls ur attracted to.... on a dating site i met ONE person i had a thing going on with for a few months .. everyone else was an @hole , boring, or creepy. dating these days seems to be horrible. (least for me it is).. id say im decently attractive and definitely more kind and generous than i should be. and nobody seems to want anything more than hook ups. wont even consider something more. maybe thats just me though.

 

I think its creepy when guys creep me on fb. I do not recommend.

[yeahyeahyeah]

But those are companion search first world problems. There are men who can't even get a message at all on a dating site

 

Sounds like me on Tinder, I literally am getting ZERO matches, and I have experimented with different profile pictures. On other apps I am getting messages, but I am not attracted to the girls.

 

- really wish I tired harder to keep my ex GF, dating is rubbish.

[mustlovedogs]

Tinder is purely split second attractive or not. To me, that gives you a fairly small chance of success.

 

The male/female ratio is discouraging to me because that means there are about 20% more women than needed. So I have to be more desirable than them to be even considered...

[IAmFCA]

Tinder is purely split second attractive or not. To me, that gives you a fairly small chance of success.

 

The male/female ratio is discouraging to me because that means there are about 20% more women than needed. So I have to be more desirable than them to be even considered...

 

I have found the adult dating environment very competitive. IRL and OLD, both. I feel like I have to be everything: brilliant, wealthy, slender, athletic, cheerful, organized, busy, available for dating, and involved with my kids, who are young enough to need me and old enough to leave me available for dating. Oh, yes, also: hard to get, overtly sexual, classy, discrete, and able to say what I want. But not easy.

 

I am reminded that my darling ex identified the standard to which women were held in his workplace (a large US accounting firm) -- to be attractive but not too much, professional but not stiff, friendly but not friends, aloof but still engaging. It was the most ridiculous collection of opposites, with a hair's width of permissible behavior in between.

 

For dating, I don't feel that. More that I need to have all traits. All of them. All ready to be deployed at any moment. When I deploy them is the sensitive part. Is this when I am supposed to be aloof? Sexy? Interactive? Demure? It is highly competitive.

 

So, I don't compete. I am not the same as anyone else. I am just - me. I can't win any other way (or this way, maybe, but its all I've got.)

[yeahyeahyeah]

I have found the adult dating environment very competitive. IRL and OLD, both. I feel like I have to be everything: brilliant, wealthy, slender, athletic, cheerful, organized, busy, available for dating, and involved with my kids, who are young enough to need me and old enough to leave me available for dating. Oh, yes, also: hard to get, overtly sexual, classy, discrete, and able to say what I want. But not easy.

 

I am reminded that my darling ex identified the standard to which women were held in his workplace (a large US accounting firm) -- to be attractive but not too much, professional but not stiff, friendly but not friends, aloof but still engaging. It was the most ridiculous collection of opposites, with a hair's width of permissible behavior in between.

 

For dating, I don't feel that. More that I need to have all traits. All of them. All ready to be deployed at any moment. When I deploy them is the sensitive part. Is this when I am supposed to be aloof? Sexy? Interactive? Demure? It is highly competitive.

 

So, I don't compete. I am not the same as anyone else. I am just - me. I can't win any other way (or this way, maybe, but its all I've got.)

 

...And that's why when people on here are telling me to approach women in real life it is no different to Online dating. Only it is even more discouraging to find the time and pluck up the courage to approach a girl only to get rejected. I have done that crap, all it did was leave me depressed after the 10th random approach/rejection.

 

Attraction is attraction, if she doesn't find you attractive in photos, she will not find you attractive in real life - you just find out sooner online.

 

+1 to dating in general being extremely competitive, as a guy, I am supposed to:

 

- Own my own home (I live in London, where price houses are 500,000k+). I live at home, saving. Ironically, I am much more educated than my parents on paper, but family home is worth a million, since they bought it at the right time. Like many Milennials have to make a choice between renting or saving, screw renting and never getting onto the property ladder. But women have rejected me outright over this, depressing.

- Have a respectable job, which I do fortunantly.

- Earn x amount of money

- Be educated, which I am. Degree educated, Computer Science, good mark plus many professional industry certifications.

- Live an interesting lifestyle. Not playing World of Warcraft, but enjoy travelling, going to museums blah blah blah...for the record travelling to Italy tomorrow.

- Be physically attractive and not nerdy/geeky. I have a friend, a girl, who is doing OLD that keeps posting status updates on Facebook complaining about most of the guys looking like 'nerds'. She ended up then getting annoyed that a guy who she was chatting to, who in her words 'had a good body', asked her for sex complaining that decent guys do not exist. I sat there, shaking my head in disgust.

 

It is bloody . Next GF I get, I will try much harder to maintain the relationship.

 

To be fair though, have been getting matches just not with girls I fancy. They are fat most of the time, or ugly. Basically feel as though I am scraping the bottom of the barrell

 

The most frustrating thing about being on the dating market is just not having that level of control, where I can pick and choose the girl without any issues. I get EXTREMELY JEALOUS with the friends who have the pick of the girls.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Tinder is purely split second attractive or not. To me, that gives you a fairly small chance of success.

 

The male/female ratio is discouraging to me because that means there are about 20% more women than needed. So I have to be more desirable than them to be even considered...

 

That is where it is a mystery. I have a friend, white guy, he is bald, tattooes and not particularly attractive. The guy was getting matches like clockwork, and eventually met his current GF from Tinder who he is now in a long term relationship and is having a baby with.

 

I reckon race is playing a factor to be honest - I am Indian. It seems as though a lot of women (of all races) would rather date an ugly white guy than an average Indian guy. White privilege is real.

[mustlovedogs]

That is where it is a mystery. I have a friend, white guy, he is bald, tattooes and not particularly attractive. The guy was getting matches like clockwork, and eventually met his current GF from Tinder who he is now in a long term relationship and is having a baby with.

 

I reckon race is playing a factor to be honest - I am Indian. It seems as though a lot of women (of all races) would rather date an ugly white guy than an average Indian guy. White privilege is real.

 

Goodness. Stop the pity party.

 

I know women who like tattoos. Just because YOU don't find it attractive doesn't mean it is unattractive.

 

I am not particularly attracted to Indian men. Mostly it's a function of not having grown up around Indian men - and therefore not knowing many. That does NOT mean I am privileged. It means I have certain tastes.

 

Additionally, I am plus sized. Do I assume men are jerks for not being in to me? No. I know that's not considered commonly beautiful. I don't say that's "male privilege"... just preference.

 

Stop the pity party. You come off as condescending and self loathing, a terrible combination. Work on that, get away from Tinder, and you'll have better luck.

[LaHermes]

YYY.

 

"It seems as though a lot of women (of all races) would rather date an ugly white guy than an average Indian guy. White privilege is real."

 

And that YYY is racism in reverse.

 

I agree with what mustlovedogs says.

 

Many "white" women and/or other women meet and marry Indian men. It is not at all uncommon, and well you know it.

[Capricorn3]

Stop the pity party. You come off as condescending and self loathing, a terrible combination..

Absolutely agree. OP, I would hazard a guess and say THAT ^ is the reason you don't have much success. Change the negative attitude. No-one finds that appealing. No-one.

[Fudgie]

YYY,

 

I've never dated Indian men, I'm white and only date white men now. Why not Indian men? Because the Indian community is very strong here and the parents tend to want their kids to date other Indians or at the very least, only marry other Indians. It's difficult to know if the relationship is real or if you're being used as a casual thing before the guy "settles down" and marries an Indian girl.

 

I have no desire to sift through that mess so passed up all Indian guys.

[reinventmyself]

I think your success, or lack thereof is very closely tied to your attitude about it.

If I find myself being cynical, I take that as a sign to take a break and regroup.

 

The better my attitude and sense of humor is in regards to dating. . (not to mention letting go of expectations) the better the experience.

[yeahyeahyeah]

YYY,

 

I've never dated Indian men, I'm white and only date white men now. Why not Indian men? Because the Indian community is very strong here and the parents tend to want their kids to date other Indians or at the very least, only marry other Indians. It's difficult to know if the relationship is real or if you're being used as a casual thing before the guy "settles down" and marries an Indian girl.

 

I have no desire to sift through that mess so passed up all Indian guys.

 

Talk about stereotyping!

[yeahyeahyeah]

YYY,

 

I've never dated Indian men, I'm white and only date white men now. Why not Indian men? Because the Indian community is very strong here and the parents tend to want their kids to date other Indians or at the very least, only marry other Indians. It's difficult to know if the relationship is real or if you're being used as a casual thing before the guy "settles down" and marries an Indian girl.

 

I have no desire to sift through that mess so passed up all Indian guys.

 

I think your success, or lack thereof is very closely tied to your attitude about it.

If I find myself being cynical, I take that as a sign to take a break and regroup.

 

The better my attitude and sense of humor is in regards to dating. . (not to mention letting go of expectations) the better the experience.

 

admittedly my attitude can be better, just going through a bad time following a break up with my ex. Who for the record people was white! How can I be racist?

 

Tinder is frankly annoying me, which isn't helping.

[yeahyeahyeah]

YYY,

 

I've never dated Indian men, I'm white and only date white men now. Why not Indian men? Because the Indian community is very strong here and the parents tend to want their kids to date other Indians or at the very least, only marry other Indians. It's difficult to know if the relationship is real or if you're being used as a casual thing before the guy "settles down" and marries an Indian girl.

 

I have no desire to sift through that mess so passed up all Indian guys.

 

This post confirms that Indian guys are at a disadvantage.

 

You obviously are prejudice towards Indian guys for that reason, so my assumption is 100% correct - for all I know you may have swiped left on me tinder falsely believing this.

 

Absolutely agree. OP, I would hazard a guess and say THAT ^ is the reason you don't have much success. Change the negative attitude. No-one finds that appealing. No-one.

 

Like if they can tell without talking to you, ridiculous comment.

 

So you know, I am not going to express these views on a first date. We just need to get real here.

[LaHermes]

Well YYY you DID say this> L.

 

"would rather date an ugly white guy than an average Indian guy. White privilege is real."

 

Btw, we are on your side here.......

[yeahyeahyeah]

YYY,

 

I've never dated Indian men, I'm white and only date white men now. Why not Indian men? Because the Indian community is very strong here and the parents tend to want their kids to date other Indians or at the very least, only marry other Indians. It's difficult to know if the relationship is real or if you're being used as a casual thing before the guy "settles down" and marries an Indian girl.

 

I have no desire to sift through that mess so passed up all Indian guys.

 

Absolutely agree. OP, I would hazard a guess and say THAT ^ is the reason you don't have much success. Change the negative attitude. No-one finds that appealing. No-one.

 

Well YYY you DID say this> L.

 

"would rather date an ugly white guy than an average Indian guy. White privilege is real."

 

Btw, we are on your side here.......

 

Glad to hear it - though when I read posts telling me I'm self pitying it, making it sound like this is all in my head it makes me question it.

 

If that was truly the case I wouldn't be putting myself out there, doing something about my current situation.

 

I'm just venting on this forum, frankly sick and tired of struggling in this area of my life because people have pre conceived ideas putting me in a box. Where some of the stereotypical posts is reinforcing my viewpoint, why can't people bloody be unassuming for a change! My White ex GFs were that's why we had a relationship, they took a chance and saw a wonderful guy beyond it.

 

Also I specifically said all races not just 'white' in my post.

 

My white friends don't have to face this, when people think about white guys it's generally wealthy and educated. That goes for every race.

[abitbroken]

This post confirms that Indian guys are at a disadvantage.

 

You obviously are prejudice towards Indian guys for that reason, so my assumption is 100% correct - for all I know you may have swiped left on me tinder falsely believing this.

 

 

 

Like if they can tell without talking to you, ridiculous comment.

 

So you know, I am not going to express these views on a first date. We just need to get real here.

 

 

Yes I can tell a guy is negative by reading his profile. I don't have to go on a date to know that. I can just read. I can tell by his writing or what's important for him to include if he has a zest for life, or he's a desperate negative nelly.