Frustrated by the quality of matches online

[LaHermes]

Just to ask YYY. Do you get reaction/interest from Indian girls? Or do they back off too when they learn your origins? I am asking because reading a few things it seems that a vast number of Indian girls are seeking a white male. Is that so?

[yeahyeahyeah]

Yes I can tell a guy is negative by reading his profile. I don't have to go on a date to know that. I can just read. I can tell by his writing or what's important for him to include if he has a zest for life, or he's a desperate negative nelly.

 

You know right that on Tinder you can't write an in depth profile, it is mainly pictures and interests. Ironically it is where I am having the least luck, the sites where I can write an in depth profile I get more 'matches'.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Just to ask YYY. Do you get reaction/interest from Indian girls? Or do they back off too when they learn your origins? I am asking because reading a few things it seems that a vast number of Indian girls are seeking a white male. Is that so?

 

There are not that many online, yes I do get matched with them, but again I haven't found one I am attracted to. I like Arabic women more, but they are a rarity.

 

Maybe you an argue I am a hypocrit right, but the difference is I don't avoid interacting with someone based on preconceived ideas.

[LaHermes]

Understood YYY. And IMO OLD is both a swamp and a jungle. JMO.

 

An awful lot of people don't even "think", but run with whatever garbage they read or see on T.V. Yes, they do have preconceived idea, no doubt about that, or at least people from certain social milieus have pre-conceived ideas.

 

I don't know what country you are in, you don't have to say. But attitudes do vary from continent to continent.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Understood YYY. And IMO OLD is both a swamp and a jungle. JMO.

 

An awful lot of people don't even "think", but run with whatever garbage they read or see on T.V. Yes, they do have preconceived idea, no doubt about that, or at least people from certain social milieus have pre-conceived ideas.

 

I don't know what country you are in, you don't have to say. But attitudes do vary from continent to continent.

 

I'm British , living in London.

[Fudgie]

YYY,

 

What I just told you is a real phenomenon that happens in my area. That's not a lie or anything, it's the truth. Are all Indian guys like that? No, of course not. Did I feel like sifting through them to try and find that out? No, not really, hence why I dated white only. It was the easier choice.

 

I did have a LTR with a Filipino man years ago. He was fine but his family was conservative and didn't like that he was dating me, a white woman with no desire for children. Ultimately, he changed his mind on kids and I dumped him promptly. Culture is hard to break. So I don't try.

 

But my point is, and this is my outlook I've never had time to unassuming. I didn't have the desire to spend time chatting up different guys knowing that there was a good possibility that I was either going to come at odds with their family or something else.

 

No one owes you chance. No one owes me a chance. No one owes anyone a chance. I am not that conventionally attractive but I would never dream of having a pity party for all of the guys not interested in me for whatever reason.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Understood YYY. And IMO OLD is both a swamp and a jungle. JMO.

 

An awful lot of people don't even "think", but run with whatever garbage they read or see on T.V. Yes, they do have preconceived idea, no doubt about that, or at least people from certain social milieus have pre-conceived ideas.

 

I don't know what country you are in, you don't have to say. But attitudes do vary from continent to continent.

 

YYY,

 

What I just told you is a real phenomenon that happens in my area. That's not a lie or anything, it's the truth. Are all Indian guys like that? No, of course not. Did I feel like sifting through them to try and find that out? No, not really, hence why I dated white only. It was the easier choice.

 

How many have you ACTUALLY dated? Have you ever thought for a second that the ultra conservative Indians would not attempt to try and date you anyway, but the ones who contact you are more open minded.

 

See this is why it's annoying, how the f am I going to have a chance to show my personality if I am not given a chance, because pre conceived ideas like the above.

 

A white guy with all races will not experience that crap.

 

I did have a LTR with a Filipino man years ago. He was fine but his family was conservative and didn't like that he was dating me, a white woman with no desire for children. Ultimately, he changed his mind on kids and I dumped him promptly. Culture is hard to break. So I don't try.

 

But my point is, and this is my outlook I've never had time to unassuming. I didn't have the desire to spend time chatting up different guys knowing that there was a good possibility that I was either going to come at odds with their family or something else.

 

No one owes you chance. No one owes me a chance. No one owes anyone a chance. I am not that conventionally attractive but I would never dream of having a pity party for all of the guys not interested in me for whatever reason.

 

You are right about the last part yes, I am an extremely hard worker and I've dated white women but sometimes you just want life to be easier and get envious of bald, tattooed white guys getting the attention that you want with less effort.

[LaHermes]

"Indians are he largest minority group in the UK, with 1,412,958 people accounting for 2.5 per cent of the population. Britain is home to the second largest Indian population in the western world outside India, after only the US."

 

 

 

I do get your frustration YYY, and it isn't as if in the U.K. people are unfamiliar with the Indian people and culture.

[yeahyeahyeah]

"Indians are he largest minority group in the UK, with 1,412,958 people accounting for 2.5 per cent of the population. Britain is home to the second largest Indian population in the western world outside India, after only the US."

 

 

 

I do get your frustration YYY, and it isn't as if in the U.K. people are unfamiliar with the Indian people and culture.

 

And more to the point I am a 3rd generation Indian; I consider myself culturally British more than Indian since I grew up here and not back home.

 

Since I am from London too, I strongly identify myself with the city, I love diversity and very cosmopolitan. It just seems as though there are SO MANY narrow minded people out there, put dating aside, breaks my heart to be honest. I love it when I date women of different cultures, it enriches my own heritage, that is the POSITIVE way to look at it.

[LaHermes]

Sadly, you are right, YYY. There are many narrow-minded people out there, but fortunately many others who are open-minded. You know too that the media, or rather certain sectors of the media, are at fault for portraying stereotypes, and the younger population often all too slavishly follow these trends.

meantime here in my country of origin our Prime Minister has just retired and it looks like our next PM may well be Leo Varadkar (son of an Indian father and Irish motherl be next PM. Leo is currently a government minister.

[Fudgie]

I haven't dated Indian men. I told you, I dated a Filipino man and ever since then, nope, I only date Caucasian men who have similar culture to me. I felt that I learned a hard lesson with the Filipino man...dating outside your culture is tough. I am not cut out for it. I don't even want to try. So I haven't.

 

I personally dislike tattoos and non age related baldness but I don't see why you're so down on it. Many women are into that sort of "look". My boyfriend's brother is bald and into tattoos. I find him repulsive but clearly not everyone does because he managed to find a wife and knock her up a few times.

 

Anyway, I personally will not date someone outside my culture. So I found it easy just to rule out by race as well. Statistically speaking, I was more likely to find what I wanted anyway: white men are more likely than minority men to be atheist and not want children. Good for me in my book.

[Fudgie]

I love it when I date women of different cultures, it enriches my own heritage, that is the POSITIVE way to look at it.

 

Keep in mind that many people don't date to learn new things or enrich themselves. They do it to find someone compatible with themselves. Maybe they want someone who is a lot like them.

 

If I want to be enriched by a culture, I'll travel, pick up a book, watch a documentary, or make a new friend. For me, as well as many others, dating is not the place to do that. It's about finding someone who shares your values and goals.

[LaHermes]

There is no accounting for tastes, is there Fudgie. lol

 

And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Fudgie]

There is no accounting for tastes, is there Fudgie. lol

 

And beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

People find a lot of weird things attractive. I'm sure they think I'm weird too. If you look at my saying history, I have a pretty solid type with only a couple exceptions: pasty, bookish, chubby, nerds.

 

I've given up trying to understand other people's tastes. So I just focus on what I like. Others ought to do the same.

[LaHermes]

Aaah Fudgie. People are so complex and complicated. What they ought to do and what they do are so vastly different.

A lot don't even know what they want, never mind they don't even know who they are themselves and haven't found themselves.

 

For the record YYY didn't say he was "down" on those bald guys:

 

"get envious of bald, tattooed white guys getting the attention that you want with less effort."

[Fudgie]

That is true. How can you find something when you aren't sure what you are looking for?

 

I don't have the answer, lol. I am a bona fide sapiophile (although I wouldn't openly declare that). Giving myself permission to seek out what I want has been very nice for me. I just wish others could feel the same relief.

 

Fair bit about the bald guys. To me, it read like he was down on them, like "if guys who look like THAT get white girls, why can't I??"

[yeahyeahyeah]

I haven't dated Indian men. I told you, I dated a Filipino man and ever since then, nope, I only date Caucasian men who have similar culture to me. I felt that I learned a hard lesson with the Filipino man...dating outside your culture is tough. I am not cut out for it. I don't even want to try. So I haven't.

 

I personally dislike tattoos and non age related baldness but I don't see why you're so down on it. Many women are into that sort of "look". My boyfriend's brother is bald and into tattoos. I find him repulsive but clearly not everyone does because he managed to find a wife and knock her up a few times.

 

Anyway, I personally will not date someone outside my culture. So I found it easy just to rule out by race as well. Statistically speaking, I was more likely to find what I wanted anyway: white men are more likely than minority men to be atheist and not want children. Good for me in my book.

 

So you have one bad experience with a Filipino man, and are now drawing the conclusion that every single man that is not white is going to be incompatible with you because of cultural differences, what crap Maybe date guys who are secular and grown up in the west? Im sure there are Indian guys like this, actually one my Uncle's is 50 odd and hasnt got any kids.

 

If you are going to date outside of race, you should date guys that have grown up in the same culture as you. My older brother is married to a white woman, they have 3 kids and are still married for 20 years. By your logic it shouldn't work.

 

...The reason why their relationship worked is because they learned to compromise, that is the point you are missing. It seems like you want things to be a set way and are unwilling to do it if the guy changes his mind and wants kids or rediscovers his religion. Which can happen with a white guy.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Keep in mind that many people don't date to learn new things or enrich themselves. They do it to find someone compatible with themselves. Maybe they want someone who is a lot like them.

 

If I want to be enriched by a culture, I'll travel, pick up a book, watch a documentary, or make a new friend. For me, as well as many others, dating is not the place to do that. It's about finding someone who shares your values and goals.

 

It depends on how you look at things.

 

I personally like difference, so dating someone different is nice because I am an adventurous type. If I was insular, and only sticked to what I knew then your point would hold.

 

At the end of the day, I dont care as much as you about cultures being the same, because at the end of the day the key to a relationship working is compromising. You just need to find the middle ground.

[yeahyeahyeah]

That is true. How can you find something when you aren't sure what you are looking for?

 

I don't have the answer, lol. I am a bona fide sapiophile (although I wouldn't openly declare that). Giving myself permission to seek out what I want has been very nice for me. I just wish others could feel the same relief.

 

Fair bit about the bald guys. To me, it read like he was down on them, like "if guys who look like THAT get white girls, why can't I??"

 

It isn't about dating white women, it is just that dating is a pain in the ass with girls of all races. I am actually talking to a white girl right now online who I did not get matched with from Tinder (further proof that it is a crap app)

 

I want control, options and the process to be easier. Right now, sometimes I feel like I have to really overcompensate to be on the same level playing field as my white friends, who get matches easily and subsequently many options without putting much effort in. That is not fair.

[mustlovedogs]

There are not that many online, yes I do get matched with them, but again I haven't found one I am attracted to. I like Arabic women more, but they are a rarity.

 

Maybe you an argue I am a hypocrit right, but the difference is I don't avoid interacting with someone based on preconceived ideas.

 

Crazy - you have preferences too. Is this now Indian privilege?

 

ETA: let's do some math. What percentage of women do you swipe right on vs left? Are you picky or open? I personally swipe right on maybe 10%. Its low. I'm semi picky. So I expect to get maybe a 10% hit on that. Does that make sense

 

You may be too picky. Mathematically not everyone YOU like will like YOU. Expect a similar percentage that like you as the percentage you like.

[IAmFCA]

OP, we have threads on here from time to time about OLD, how it isn't fair. Wherein solutions are met with a reframing of the problem. The fact is, I am awesome. I know I am. Ive been single for a couple of years and I dont expect it to change anytime soon.

 

If you know what you want and are waiting to find it, you will be single for a long time.

 

If you loon around and wonder how others got together - maybe they flipped it around. Maybe they were open to finding partners who were different than what they expected. Who knows, really.

 

Dating is terribly fair, or not at all, depending on your perspective. It doesn't matter. It is a matter of finding a match, and that isn't about better or worse. It is about compatibility.

[abitbroken]

How many have you ACTUALLY dated? Have you ever thought for a second that the ultra conservative Indians would not attempt to try and date you anyway, but the ones who contact you are more open minded.

 

See this is why it's annoying, how the f am I going to have a chance to show my personality if I am not given a chance, because pre conceived ideas like the above.

 

A white guy with all races will not experience that crap.

 

Actually, that is an incorrect assumption. The Indian guys I worked with were very open about dating white, asian, black, hispanic women "for fun", but they would settle down with an Indian woman when it was time to marry. And this is something they sometimes hide from their parents - ie, dating women near where they go to school out of state, or are very open about it particularly if they have a male dominated family (ie, they don't have sisters, etc, just brothers) but mostly its the former. Or if they are open about it, the family doesn't treat the girlfriends as "serious."

 

Honestly, its not about labeling white/black women racist or stereotyping (because the stereotype is actually somewhat true), its about meeting women in person to give them a chance to meet you. There are plenty of guys who were not my friends view of who they thought they would be attracted to but they became attracted due to their humor, conduct, kindness and other things that you can't really outright describe. In otherwords, get off of WOW and get out there. Be available. If all they know is that you are an Indian guy that likes WOW and works in IT - they are going to jump to conclusions about you. Just like you may jump to conclusions about women that dress a particular way or have a particular hairstyle from one photo.

[Fudgie]

Uhm, yeah, I'm not about compromise when it comes to kids. I'm permanently sterilized. I don't want kids, end of story. That's not something you can compromise on. Both parents must want said kids. You can't have a kid when one person doesn't want it. That's a recipe for disaster.

 

Yes, at the end of the day, I want someone who is a lot like me. You don't. That's fine but you must understand that not everyone thinks like you and wants to date someone who is quite different. I don't give a crap if you or anyone else thinks that's insular or close minded. That's what I want in my life.

 

If you want to date outside your race, have at it. But stop being upset that not everyone wants to do the same thing as you. Not everyone wants to date outside their culture.

[coolgirl]

I can relate big time. I was never a people person and never met anyone offline. When I was younger in middle school but that's it. Sense 2000 till now 17 years out of all the people I've met were online. I met my ex husband online and that ended 3 1/2 years later. After my divorce I got into it again but this time it had gotten worst. From emotional, mental and physical abuse to being used and taken advantage of up until now. Because I suffer from depression and severe anxiety and being Bipolar makes it alot harder for me to get along with people. I know it sucks being alone but I rather live my life alone rather than go through heart break after heart break, or being used and abused.

 

And I rather live my life in peace rather than to go through all this. I know it's not fun. Hope this helps a bit.

[Ms Darcy]

...And that's why when people on here are telling me to approach women in real life it is no different to Online dating. Only it is even more discouraging to find the time and pluck up the courage to approach a girl only to get rejected. I have done that crap, all it did was leave me depressed after the 10th random approach/rejection.

 

Attraction is attraction, if she doesn't find you attractive in photos, she will not find you attractive in real life - you just find out sooner online.

 

Dating IRL is actually very different than online, in my opinion.

 

But IRL is a wide range of things. It sounds like you think dating IRL is cold approaching. I think the cold approach is one of the worst things you can do. That almost never goes well (with some exceptions). I'm talking about building social connections. Widening your social circle. Finding ways to meet more women.

 

Ultimately, if online doesn't work for you, you can either be alone or refine your IRL approach.