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Ok, so here's my situation. Its big, so prepare yourself...


Girlfriend is younger than me by about ten years. has a daughter, dad not around, virtually no support system, awful upbringing and terrible family. I have an ex-wife, 9 yr old son. We both have custody.


Met her when she just broke up with her ex (abusive). I was involved with someone long distance that I didnt tell her about. We started fooling around, she quickly developed feelings, and as I developed feelings I broke it off with the other person. She found out about it later, has been angry with me ever since but doesnt bring it up much anymore. It was stupid and wrong of me, and I've been faithful ever since. Learned a lot from that, believe me. She and I broke up and she moved out last fall after a threesome went bad (dont ask, just dont ever try it if your girl is insecure). Kept talking, she moved back in a few months ago, and things have gone south since then.


My question is: I have gotten the feeling that she has been manipulating me and has not been truthful with me for a long time now, but Im insecure myself and I am very bad at trusting 'my gut', so to speak. Some examples include...


- A long period when she was threatening to get my son taken away during arguments. Has stopped this.

- An equally long period when she was threatening to get me fired or blacklisted in my field (I did something bad a while ago that nobody but she knew about, nothing to hurt anyone at all but it would be bad if it got out). Has kinda stopped this until very recently...

- Recording me talking about these things without my knowledge.

- Sharing compromising information about me with guys that want her, then having to 'save' me from them.

- Most recent example is when she claimed she got raped (I feel awful even writing 'claimed'). Said that this guy knew stuff about me (because of her), and was talking about getting me in trouble for it. She says she went to his house one night while I was asleep to try to convince him to not do anything, and that he raped her and said that as long as she stayed quiet, he would stay quiet. She wont tell me what night this happened, and never filed a police report. I dont tell her my doubts and I just try to be supportive but something smells really fishy...

- 'Finding out' that she is pregnant when Im seemingly leading up to breaking up with her, or if she is pregnant suddenly 'deciding' to keep it (that happened once, she got an abortion).

- One CPS call with details she would know in the report, call made right after a big fight. When she gave me log-in info to her phone to pay her bill, I was able to see call records and saw a 19 minute phone call to CPS hotline right after we got off the phone during that fight. When confronted, said that she received a call from an investigator on her 'TextNow' app, and called back (19 min call) to try and find out for me who it was that reported it. She said that they told her it was a neighbor but wouldnt say more.

- Above CPS case was JUST closed as unfounded. I broke up with her over the phone last friday, and she made comments about affecting my job somehow. Same day, I get a knock on the door at 10:30PM from CPS. Exact same allegations, just against me. After they leave, she repeatedly tells me that she has my back.

- Frequently talks to guys that want her, despite my objections. Says I dont show her enough attention so I shouldnt complain.

- Constantly accusing me of cheating or asks loaded questions that show she thinks I am cheating.

- The kicker was just yesterday when she asked me if I had cameras in the house. I told her I don't. Then asked me, if I did have cameras, that they could not be accessed if she unplugged the modem. She said that she just felt like she had a right to know if she was being monitored. I don't have cameras, that would be weird and creepy, but it made me wonder things.


Soooooo... Am I going crazy here? I want to end it with her so I guess it doesnt matter, but knowing whether or not she has been playing me in some way this whole time will make it a lot easier. I dont hate her, although sometimes I think I should after reading all of that.


What do you think, anonymous internet strangers?

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Oh, Im not questioning if it's salvageable. I'm fairly certain now that it isnt. I'm just wondering if anyone else, after reading that, thinks that she has been manipulating me, playing me like a fiddle, 'hoovering' me or guilting me into staying. I want to leave because my gut has been telling me things like this for far too long, and between that and the way she speaks to me (especially when upset) its just too much. Its been a few years, not counting the breakup/move about 8 months ago.


I don't know, I guess a lot of it doesnt matter if its ending. And I'll never know the truth, why guys that she says she rejects keep hanging on, trying to contact her, sending flowers, getting on her phone and 'standing up for her' were really friends, or something more. Or if they ever existed at all and they were just conjured up to create jealous feelings in me, which has been a very strong emotion throughout this relationship...

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This relationship sounds extremely unhealthy/toxic. I pity your children. Break up, move out and take a good look in the mirror. She sounds unstable and you sound extremely immature. Your child deserves a stable father. You need to grow up.

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"...playing me like a fiddle, 'hoovering' me or guilting me into staying."



Has it not occurred to you OP that this woman is unhinged, not to say somewhat deranged. She needs professional help for her problem. No well-adjusted person behaves in that erratic, hysterical and crazy fashion.


Look up articles by Dr. John Grohol

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Dude. What?


She's blackmailing you, at the very least emotionally (and possibly legally, since she's said she'll destroy your professional reputation and/or make false reports about your child if you don't give her what she wants). She has lied to you multiple times about being pregnant to get you to stay when you try to leave. She's either sharing sensitive information about you with random men or lying about it, and I'm not sure which is actually worse in this situation given the whole "savior" thing she has going, not to mention the rape/false rape.


This woman has been manipulating you since Day 1. Get out, block her everywhere you can think of, and do anything you can to prepare for her going through with her threats. Maybe even see a lawyer and figure out what options you have.

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Oh, Im not questioning if it's salvageable. I'm fairly certain now that it isnt.


Are you just asking us how fast you should run? If so, very very fast!


She is very manipulative, and this is her chief means of getting her needs met. The fact she was pathologically jealous suggests she may have been cheating, but you'll never know.


What you need to do now is ask yourself why you stayed with someone like this for so long...

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