Middle aged women out there - I need your help

[Sportster2005]

Sportster, it does not have to be childish..you seriously thought we are meaning to ask if someone likes you? Is this preschool?

 

That's exactly what I thought. It seems to permeate the threads. There's a surprising amount of advice for men to just ask. I couldn't tell from your thread exactly what you meant. Just trying to encourage men to ask the right questions, s'all.

[speed racer]

I messed up on my timeline....

It has only been 2 months 3 weeks - not 4 months.

 

The first month we only met twice at a social gathering. We talked a lot and danced.

A little after the 2nd month is when I asked her to go to the comedy club - she originally said she was busy,

but then texted me early the next morning with a suggestion on something we could do instead -

We ended up having dinner and then going out that night together...

 

From that point forward she has invited me on quite a few bike rides. On these days we usually go out for a afternoon lunch during the ride.

I have asked her to some sporting events we could do together and she came and had a blast - went bike riding after that also...

 

We don't have open schedules, so we see each other on weekends only, sometimes every other weekend.

 

Even though it hasn't been as long as I originally posted, I do need to see how she feels about a relationship in general.

 

Speed

[Jibralta]

Even though it hasn't been as long as I originally posted, I do need to see how she feels about a relationship in general.

 

It sounds like she's interested in finding a relationship. The question is, is she interested in a relationship with you? If you don't tell her that you're only interested in dating her, I think you will be stuck in the friend-zone indefinitely.

[LaHermes]

Speed. On a lighter note, but with a grain of truth:

 

"Women are Instinctive

Do you know that a woman typically decides her relationship with another man in the first half minute from meeting him? That’s why “first impression” is emphasized so much by so many dating experts.

 

A woman almost always knows “instinctively” whether you can be a lover within minutes.

 

If you’ve made a good impression upon her, good for you! The humor techniques you’re about to learn will almost certainly work big time following that; if you’ve not made a good impression, move on to the clear goal of obtaining a favorable impression with humor in the next few minutes or as quickly as possible.

 

Women are instinctive. Use it to your advantage.

 

From:

 

makewomenlaugh.com

 

I so love a man who can make me laugh.

[abitbroken]

This is the most telling thing, in my opinion. Forget the "rich guy" part. It says that she's looking right past you for relationship options. If you want to date her, you have to make your intentions known or it won't have a chance of happening.

 

she could have also been feeling him out.

 

Its high time to find out if she is ultimately dating to find a relationship or is she looking just to date - be interested in knowing that.

[Jibralta]

she could have also been feeling him out.

 

Its high time to find out if she is ultimately dating to find a relationship or is she looking just to date - be interested in knowing that.

 

Yes, true. Although her approach was a bit rude--to ask where the rich men were, as if other men, the man standing before her, didn't have anything to offer. But of course, that could be her sense of humor.

 

If he doesn't tell her how he feels about her, I don't think she'll give him a chance. I wouldn't, if I were in her shoes.

[abitbroken]

Yes, true. Although her approach was a bit rude--to ask where the rich men were, as if other men, the man standing before her, didn't have anything to offer. But of course, that could be her sense of humor.

 

If he doesn't tell her how he feels about her, I don't think she'll give him a chance. I wouldn't, if I were in her shoes.

 

I don't think he should make any "confessions" ie, "i really like you" - just find out what she's looking for and if that's not his cup of tea, start dating others as well. be in charge of the situation.

[Jibralta]

It's his choice, either way. But he's already spend so much time with her in a friend capacity that I don't see it changing for him unless he makes it change.

[Fun Boater 1]

It's his choice, either way. But he's already spend so much time with her in a friend capacity that I don't see it changing for him unless he makes it change.

 

Not necessarily. They have only known each other for a little under 3 months. In my opinion, and from experience, I think that there is a good solid 6 month to a year, maybe more, "window" for a romantic relationship to develop between a man and a woman who start out as "friends". All friendship is based on some level of mutual attraction. Obviously, this woman is attracted to Speed on some level or she wouldn't be expending time and attention on him doing things with him. I've known couples who were friends first for years, then something happened that catapulted them into the "romantic relationship" category, and most of these couples have stood the test of time. All it takes is some catalyst, or in many cases, simply asking the question. So I wouldn't rule it out at all.

 

We are all right in our advice to Speed - MAKE THE MOVE! "turn up the heat", ASSERT YOURSELF...whatever you want to call it. He needs to do that and take the lead on seeing what kind of potential this woman has for him. From what I've read, I think she HAS potential. Speed just needs to focus on pursuing her from the romantic perspective and stay clear of leading with his "friend" side.

Speed - you'll get a good sense of her reaction and whatever "vibe" might be there when you start changing your actions and begin being more aggressive with her. Good luck!

[speed racer]

Thank you everyone - I appreciate all the comments and suggestions, I really do!

 

I think that one major thing that I was under the impression that she was a "Texter" in communication.

I probably read that wrong - I should have asked her if I could call her instead of texting - and what the best time to call her would be...

Her son still lives at home, and she has mentioned more than once that he would have a hard time seeing her with anyone because he can only

see her with his Father - I can understand that. That's one other reason I texted, I didn't want to put her in the situation in which he was next to her when I called.

 

I think this is how I'll handle it... I'm going to lay low... If she reaches out in any way, I will directly ask her if it is ok for me to call her instead of texting all the time.

Then I will call her and formally ask her to go out on a date with just me - no social group involved, just me...

That should clear the air a bit about how she feels for me - I should be able to get a sense on where I stand. If it happens great!

If I still get strange mixed messages on or after the date, then I've lost nothing and know she was never interested in the first place...

 

LaHermes wrote: Do you know that a woman typically decides her relationship with another man in the first half minute from meeting him? That’s why “first impression” is emphasized so much by so many dating experts.

 

I've been out of the dating scene for 32 years.

 

Is that true? How do the rest of the ladies feel about that, is this true for you? Do you know

in a half a minute what kind of relationship you'd have with a man when you meet him?

Just curious - it is the first time I've ever heard that, but then I'm a guy -

I was always under the impression that women like to get to know someone?

 

You all are great - Thanks

Speed

[LaHermes]

Indeed. And everyone is different, so different. Some more daring than others too.

 

I'd be a great proponent of turning up the heat.

 

Speed mentioned a couple of times that he and this woman have danced together, and I am assuming that he means in each others arms and not break-dancing.

You can gauge a lot when dancing close to someone.

[LaHermes]

There you are Speed. Good day to you.

 

So it would seem, re the impression, even if that impression is totally subconscious at the time. That was a quote by the way, from something.

 

So, and I'll keep it brief. When I met the man I was to marry (though didn't know that at the time!) I wasn't particularly bowled over. We were introduced and went out on a few occasions with the couple who introduced us. All very pleasant and friendly.

 

Anyhow, after one such outing the other couple dropped me off at my place (I was in back of car with this man) and I gaily said "see you around" or words to that effect and very lightly touched him for a second on the knee before I got out of the car.

He leaped as if he had been touched with a cattle prod. And to this day he actually sometimes harks back to that moment.

 

So, maybe, totally subconsciously I turned up the heat, in a manner of speaking.

 

He certainly began to turn up the heat after that!

 

But I must have known at some very submerged level that this was "him". I didn't "know" in the usual sense of that word, and I do not believe in the romantic fairytale of love at first sight.

 

Yes, I got to know him, we didn't marry for almost two years after that, so took our time.

[sara-pezzini]

No for me it isn't true what LaHermes said about a woman knowing in seconds if the guy is romantic potential....

With my ex it grew slowly and with my current love interest it even took years to develop, he didn't catch my eye at first at all!! So no i don't believe that's true. For some it will be and for some it won't.

But even if you read everything there is to find online, it still wouldn't be able to tell you if this particular woman is interested. You will have to talk to her about that!

[LaHermes]

No, Sara, one doesn't "know" in seconds, but there is something subconscious going on. And I am the least romantic person you could know heh heh. As I said my husband did not catch my eye at all at first. Seemed a very nice guy, I liked him, very pleasant, and good company. And as I said, we did not marry for two years......

[Fun Boater 1]

Thank you everyone - I appreciate all the comments and suggestions, I really do!

 

I think this is how I'll handle it... I'm going to lay low... If she reaches out in any way, I will directly ask her if it is ok for me to call her instead of texting all the time.

Then I will call her and formally ask her to go out on a date with just me - no social group involved, just me...

That should clear the air a bit about how she feels for me - I should be able to get a sense on where I stand. If it happens great!

If I still get strange mixed messages on or after the date, then I've lost nothing and know she was never interested in the first place...

 

 

Don't lay "too low". Remember, you are the man here. It is up to you to act aggressively, clearly, and decisively towards her. Don't wait for her to "reach out" to you. Reach out to her instead. Just call her up at a time when you know (based on her habits, work schedule, behavior..etc..) she is most available to answer the phone. ASK HER OUT ON THE DATE! Do it soon. Keep the conversation short and limited it to setting up plans for the date. Do not chat on the phone with her! You'll have plenty of time to chat with her IN PERSON on the date! Secure the date with her, and go from there! We are all rooting for you in this thing, Speed. Am I right on this guys?

[sara-pezzini]

Yeah but for me that's too easy to say that subconsciously there is something going on, because how would you know?

The man I'm currently dating not only didn't catch my eye but i didn't fancy him, wasn't attracted to him, thought he was a nerd and didn't like him at all. This was 9 years ago... things change but i don't believe there was anything there subconsciously or not.... circumstances lead to this...i got sick and he was there.... but had i not had this tumor this wouldn't have happened.... it triggered something in him and after 2 years i found myself having feelings for him.....

[LaHermes]

Yes, Boater. You are right.

 

Women like a decisive type of man, Speed.

[LaHermes]

LOL Sara. If it's subconscious then you don't "know", as in you say to yourself: This is the man for me.

 

As I said, I don't believe in love at first sight, Cupid's arrow, romance and all that nonsense. I wasn't attracted to him either at first sight, and probably would never have met him had I not been introduced to him.

 

As I also said, everyone is different. Why did I go on to marry him and him only, and not any of the men I had known before. Mind you, it has to be said I wasn't all that interested in getting married as I had a very full life, good friends, social life, work, travel. But, there you are. He got to me. And of course, I was single, and had no children.

[sara-pezzini]

There's also timing.... you can meet the right person at the right time but that still doesn't have anything to do with a woman's instinct...

But i can't really get it across in English what i mean and I'm pretty sure you don't speak Dutch lol so let's just agree to disagree lol

And I'm happy for you that you're happy! Btw you were on here before right? What made you leave and come back? If you want to talk about it that is....i had missed your posts for a while!

[LaHermes]

Your English is fine. Just repeating that everyone is different. And I didn't say it has anything to do with a woman's instinct, lol. Perhaps evolution or something has to do with these subconscious "knowings". Probably.

Many years have passed since that first meeting. Many years.

 

Not to hijack Speed's thread, but nothing made me leave here. I mentioned mid-last year that I wouldn't be around again till Spring (now). Life is busy, a lot going on, and not enough hours in the day for months on end.

In the meantime I also mislaid the password, and the operative email to re-ignite the account, so no choice but to re/register. So here I am.

[sara-pezzini]

Speed. On a lighter note, but with a grain of truth:

 

"Women are Instinctive

Do you know that a woman typically decides her relationship with another man in the first half minute from meeting him? That’s why “first impression” is emphasized so much by so many dating experts.

 

A woman almost always knows “instinctively” whether you can be a lover within minutes.

 

If you’ve made a good impression upon her, good for you! The humor techniques you’re about to learn will almost certainly work big time following that; if you’ve not made a good impression, move on to the clear goal of obtaining a favorable impression with humor in the next few minutes or as quickly as possible.

 

Women are instinctive. Use it to your advantage.

 

From:

 

makewomenlaugh.com

 

I so love a man who can make me laugh.

 

 

Well i was talking about this.... it's not you that said it but it was a quote and i don't agree with it.... i don't know in seconds if a man can be my lover or not, that can grow with feelings i may get... but okay moving on...

Good to see you back here and i was already wondering about the name lol i have missed that post last year so i didn't know....

Yeah life gets busy and sometimes this here gets boring

It's not like it used to be.

Btw thanks for complimenting my English but sometimes it's hard to get across exactly what i want to say... oh well...

 

Okay I'm done hijacking the thread....

 

OP i like the idea that you have to wait and see if she contacts you and then ask you call her and ask for a date. First see if she reaches out, then that is a good sign!

[Jibralta]

Not necessarily. They have only known each other for a little under 3 months. In my opinion, and from experience, I think that there is a good solid 6 month to a year, maybe more, "window" for a romantic relationship to develop between a man and a woman who start out as "friends". All friendship is based on some level of mutual attraction. Obviously, this woman is attracted to Speed on some level or she wouldn't be expending time and attention on him doing things with him. I've known couples who were friends first for years, then something happened that catapulted them into the "romantic relationship" category, and most of these couples have stood the test of time. All it takes is some catalyst, or in many cases, simply asking the question. So I wouldn't rule it out at all.

 

I didn't rule it out. I never said that it couldn't turn from a friendship into a romance. I said he needs to take the initiative in order for that to happen.

 

LaHermes wrote: Do you know that a woman typically decides her relationship with another man in the first half minute from meeting him? That’s why “first impression” is emphasized so much by so many dating experts.

 

I've been out of the dating scene for 32 years.

 

Is that true? How do the rest of the ladies feel about that, is this true for you? Do you know

in a half a minute what kind of relationship you'd have with a man when you meet him?

Just curious - it is the first time I've ever heard that, but then I'm a guy -

I was always under the impression that women like to get to know someone?

 

Personally, the best relationships I've had have grown from friendships. However, some friendships never turned into romance because the guy was too passive. It's not that the other guys were aggressive or anything; they just came out and said that they liked me. Actually, one of my first boyfriends started our relationship out with, "Can I kiss you, or will you punch me in the face?" I like that nerve. I have to say that I hated when guys tried to sidle into a relationship without making any sort of declaration. I let them dangle in that friendship-limbo indefinitely. I liked spending time with them, but I resented the assumption that it should equal a relationship somehow.

[Wiseman2]

She doesn't sound ready to date. It doesn't matter if you text or call. It matters that you specifically ask her out on a date. Unfortunately it sounds like the ex is very much in the picture (beyond child reasons) and she wants a male friend, not a boyfriend.

Her son still lives at home, and she has mentioned more than once that he would have a hard time seeing her with anyone because he can only see her with his Father

[abitbroken]

She doesn't sound ready to date. It doesn't matter if you text or call. It matters that you specifically ask her out on a date. Unfortunately it sounds like the ex is very much in the picture (beyond child reasons) and she wants a male friend, not a boyfriend.

 

I thought her husband died and she is a widow.

[Wiseman2]

My mistake. You're right. Then she is just guarding how any dating may impact the son.

I thought her husband died and she is a widow.